Thursday, October 20, 2005

Something To Make You Laugh

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.


Maggie Ann said...

Shelley, those jokes are refreshing...thanks for all the smiles & chuckles. I enjoy your comments at knitting kat....thanks for that too! Hope you had a good day. I'm off to start a collage that needs to get in the mail. How are your classes going? The outdoor 'sketching' class sounded very interesting to me.

Danielle said...

Thanks for the laugh! Love the new look of your blog!

Katie said...

Hahahaha, the one about the little boy and his side hurting was oh so funny.

Jennifer said...

Shelley, those are great! I like the one about Johnny have a wife the best. Thanks for the laughs!

Joe said...

"But please don't shove me either!"

What a great line!

You site really looks great!

Bonnie Scoggins said...

I love your background picture.It's a natural look. I am sorry you were stressed by my site not there. I delete both sites.It was consuming all my time,and I have too much things to do,here at home and I wanted to do some sewing.But if you like you could email me.I would love to hear from you.
I will still visit your site from time to time.
Please pray for us Florida people here. "Wilma" the hurrican is coming our way.God Bless You.