Saturday, September 20, 2008

Back In The Saddle

Thank you for your condolences on the death of my father. It's been a month now since he passed away, and time has flown by. It doesn't seem like it's been a month. I still miss my dad, and no doubt will for the rest of my life. I'm doing pretty good, but there are times when the grief seems to hit me all of a sudden.

The other night I had a dream about my dad. He walked in the front door and was taking off his jacket (like he'd always do) and was going to either head down to his computer, or up to the living room. Anyway, in the dream I remember feeling such happiness and said something to the effect of, "Oh, Dad, you're alive! You're not dead afterall!" When I woke up, I had this happy feeling but then the realization hit that I had just dreamt all of that.

Aside from that, I've started back to university and am getting into things now. This year is definitely going to be busy! I'm in the Bachelor of Education program (finally) and can be finished by next August if I do part of my practice teaching in Australia (with a new program they started up this past year)! I am really interested in doing that, and I'm hoping and praying that I'll be able to go. I'd have to pay to go, however. It's not part of tuition and the school doesn't pay for you to go either. It would definitely be an awesome experience, for sure!

Well, I'd better be heading off for now. I just wanted to pop on long enough to give a quick update on how things are going. My spiritual life hasn't been good for awhile now - since I spent the last year in Korea and couldn't go to church. I'm attending services (and Sunday school) now that I'm back home, but I have having a hard time reading my Bible and praying...though I do get some praying in when I go to bed (it's not the best though). I find it difficult lately, for reasons I don't know. It feels like (at least when I'm at church) that when we are praying or the pastor is preaching, I just feel so sad and can't focus or concentrate. It seems to be since Dad died that I've felt like this. It's just like no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do it. I suppose it's still part of the grieving process and will get better as time goes on...though I really don't know if that's what it is or not.

It's not that I don't want to pray or focus on God or even read my Bible, it's just like I can't seem to do it. I guess I'm in a "valley" and having difficulty. I know I'll come out, though, and I won't be along - I'm not alone now, I know. I just feel like I'm struggling to get back on track and on the right path again.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a Christ-filled day and enjoy your time at church tomorrow! God bless!!