Slowly Getting Settled

I'm slowly getting settled in here.  It still doesn't seem like I'm living in a new location - only feels like I'm just visiting or something.  I hope that once I get a full-time job and make friends and go places with friends, then maybe it will feel like home.

Church is difficult in some ways. I go with my fiance (and his son who plays in the worship band) and sit with him.  A lot of the time we sit with friends of his, a couple who are about ten years older than us.  They are great.  My fiance has also introduced me to some others in the church (mostly this was in the summer when I was here and I don't remember who they were or what they looked like), but no one, aside from the couple that we sit with, has ever come up to me to find out who I am or invite me to coffee or to join a small group, etc.

The church (not just the one I'm attending, but many) talks about bringing in new people, creating disciples, and that's great.  But what about the newcomers who are already disciples? Don't we count?  Aren't we worth getting to know and befriending?  I think it's important that when new people come to the church, the body should be making them feel welcomed and connected.  I don't find that happening much - at least with me.  The two previous churches prior to the one I am now attending was also the same way. And it wasn't just me who experienced it.  My best friend and her daughter had the same thing happen to them at those other two churches.

I do know there are some newcomers at my current church who have been made to feel welcome, who have been invited for coffee and to join a small group. So why has no one done this to/for me?  Is it because the majority of the people attending this church are in their 20s and I'm in my mid 40s?  Do they think I'm too old to be friends with?  I do know there are some others in the congregation who are closer to my age, but none of them have approached me either.

I'm a shy introvert.  It's hard for me to make friends.  I find it very difficult to approach people and make small talk, get phone numbers, call them, invite them for coffee, etc.  It makes me feel almost sick to have to do this, so when other approach me, it makes things a lot easier for me.

Do I have to step out of my comfort zone and approach others since no one is willing to approach me? Maybe, but I honestly don't think that newcomers to a church should have to be the ones approaching church members.  I think it's up to the members to seek out the newbies and make them feel welcome (sure I've had a few people smile and/or say hi, but that's it).  At the very least,  I think the pastors should be doing this - helping newcomers to make connections with people in similar situations.

Anyway, enough of that.  I know I'll get over this and eventually make friends and feel comfortable in this new city.  So far, though, I enjoy the city itself.  Much bigger than the last place I lived, and I definitely like that!

My question to you - how do you make friends? Are you willing to be the one in your church to approach newcomers and befriend them or lead them to people they can connect with?

It's Summer!

Well, these last few weeks have been busy with getting things wound down in school, doing up report cards, and finally, cleaning and organizing the classroom, etc. I even took some time to work on overviews and previews for the fall, and get a few lesson plans done up so that I'll have that much less to do when I get back in the fall.

In six days, I head back home for about six or seven weeks. I'm really looking forward to it and to seeing my family and friends. I'm actually leaving here on Tuesday (in three days), but I have to go to Kelowna for a mini-conference with R, one of the other teachers. We were supposed to go to a conference that was about 3-4 days long, but it got cancelled. My friend (the other teacher) knows the man who was going to be doing the conference, and she convinced him to give us a "mini" version for half a day. So, we leave on Tuesday, drive pretty much for the whole day (about 16 hours or something) to get there Tuesday night. We were supposed to take two days to drive down, but now she only wants to take a day to do the driving. It'll be a tiring day, for sure!

R is from Kelowna so she said she would show me around and we will do a little shopping as well. I've never been to Kelowna, so that's why we're doing the whole tourist thing. The next day is our conference, and we also might meet up with M, one of the other teachers who is not coming back to the school in the fall. She may possibly have a job in Kelowna for the fall, so we said we would try to meet up with her and go out for supper. Then, the next day, I fly out for home!

I will be travelling the whole day, and I have about a 4 hour wait in Toronto before I board the lat plane to get me home...at 11:30pm.

Even though I'm so excited about getting home for the summer, I'm also anticipating coming back and starting back to church - the new one I've been attending. I plan on getting involved in a small group, and hopefully that will help get me back on track with my walk. I've been enjoying the new church, have felt more welcome than I did at the other one I was attending for most of the year.

I've been doing good with reading my devotional and the Bible every day. I'm now up to having read 36 books of the Bible - my goal to  read the entire Bible in 2012, since starting in April. I'm currently reading Psalms, and just started that so I'm not too far into it. With Psalms, however, you can read several chapters in one sitting since a lot of them are short. I'm sure when I get to Psalm 119, however, it will take longer to read, lol.

I don't know if I'll get to update the blog over the summer. I may take my laptop with me, but I'll be staying at my mom's and she doesn't have internet. So, unless I take my laptop to a friend's house, or use their computers, I may not get any updates done (another reason why I wanted to get some lesson plans done up before the fall). 

So, for now, I will end and wish you all a fantastic summer. If I don't get to update, I will see you in the fall!

Blessings!

You Don't Need To Be Perfect

I remember when we (my dad, brothers, and I...my mom and grandmother didn't go) started attending church after moving to the city were I now live.  I was 10 1/2 (and yes, the 1/2 was very important at the time), and in grade 6. I was still quite shy, so I didn't talk to many people at the time.

One of the little old ladies - or at least she seemed that way to me at 10 1/2 - came over to me, bent down so she was at my level, smiled sweetly at me and asked "Have you accepted Jesus into your heart?"

Gulp! I'd better tell her 'yes' or I won't be allowed to come back here. I like it here, and I don't want them to kick me out of church because I haven't asked Jesus into my heart! I thought. My answer came quickly, and I told her, yes.

I lied. In church. Guilt immediately overwhelmed me and I quickly prayed a silent prayer: "Jesus please come into my heart!" I only said it so that I wouldn't feel guilty, and that it might somehow erase this whole situation as being a lie. And, I don't think I really meant it. Major fail on my part!

When I began attending my current church (I stopped going to the other one at 12 years old, and didn't go back to church until I was almost 31), I was afraid to go. I was afraid to sit down in the pew, to talk to others, to tell them about myself. I was afraid that if they knew what I was like, what I had done, etc., they would kick me out and not let me attend (even though I really wanted to be there). I would look around the sanctuary at the people sitting in the pews and think they were near perfect, that there was no way they sinned, no way they are as bad of a person as I was. And I once again thought that I would get asked to leave because I wasn't perfect like they were.

Really though, where do we get those thoughts from? I'm certain it's the enemy trying to keep us away from God! The thought that you have to be perfect to attend church is a lie from the devil.

Now that I'm older (and hopefully a little wiser) I know that I wouldn't have gotten kicked out of church. They wouldn't have stopped me from attending.  In all honesty, it's where I belong. The church is full of sinners, full of people who have said and done horrible things - some even more horrible than anything I have done in my life. Church is were I belong, and it's where you belong...no matter what you've said or done in your life.

If you are reading this and have shied away from going to church because you think you aren't good enough, or you've done some pretty horrible things in your past, please don't stay away. Everyone has been through some sort of circumstance that makes them less than "perfect". In fact, no one is perfect - even people who go to church!

Remember, Jesus is the only one who is perfect, and it is through Him that we find forgiveness of our sins and eternal life.

Remember, you don't have to be perfect to go to church. You don't even have to have accepted Jesus into your heart in order to attend, so please don't let those thoughts pervent you from attending. Give it a try; go to church - you will be (or should be) accepted with open and loving arms.

It Might Be Something Right Under Your Nose

Today we began a new series at church, which is to help lead us to seeking God for the direction He wants us to take as a church this summer (it kind of falls on the heels of the series we just finished).

The sermon was on the passage of Mary and Martha, where Jesus and his disciples were invited to Martha's house. Martha was busy at work preparing for the guests, while Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to Him. Martha was ticked off (no doubt) and pointed out Mary's actions, or lack of, to Jesus. She wanted Him to tell her sister, Mary, to help her with the preparations. Jesus told Martha that Mary was actually doing the better thing.

Part of the new series is to have some people in the congregation become Marthas in which they (a deacon and pastor will also be there with the host) invite 12 or 13 people into their homes for "fireside chats"...which, I think will include Scripture, discussions, prayer and listening to Jesus guiding us in our lives, and the direction for the church to take. Pastor J didn't go too much into that just yet, as that is coming up in a few weeks and he will explain in better detail then.  Pastor J also encouraged us to be Marys at this time,  in that we sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to what He has to say.

Anyway, Pastor J encouraged people to linger after the service and pray and take a few minutes (how ever long they wanted) to just listen to Jesus, to listen for His voice.

I was waiting for a friend of mine (and not actually praying), who was talking to someone else, and Pastor J came over and sat down beside me - after talking and praying with several others. He asked me how I was doing, and offered to pray for me. He asked what  I wanted to pray about.

I told him how I'd been praying about a couple of things (which I won't mention here), and he is aware of at least one of the things. I said that it seemed like I've been asking for so long, but I wasn't receiving - you know the verse, "ask and you shall receive". Pastor J said something that I had never thought of before. He said that maybe I wasn't "receiving" because God had something for me (or something for me to do) that is right under my nose, but because I've been focused on what I think it is God wants me to do, that I'm just not noticing what it is God actually wants me to do. His suggestion actually opened my mind, my thoughts - maybe he's right.

So, that is one of the things we prayed about, and it's something I'm going to continue to pray about. I would also appreciate if you could pray for this for me too - that I listen for God's voice, for what He wants me to do, what might be right under my nose that I'm failing to see. :o)


What can I pray about for you today?

Is This Not The Fast Which I Choose?

Yesterday's sermon was great, and it definitely spoke to me. The pastor even said that he can't ever read this without feeling convicted.


Pastor T (our pastor of family ministries) spoke on Isaiah 58. The chapter talks about how God's people would cry out loud to the Lord, they were being obedient in what they were doing:

Yet they seek Me day by day and delight to know my ways,
As a nation that has done righteousness
And has not forsaken the ordinance of their God
They ask Me for just decisions,
They delight in the nearness of God.
        (Isaiah 58:2)

The people fasted and humbled themselves, but they felt God was not listening to them, or seeing what they were doing.


So often, I think, we also feel that way. I know in my own life, especially these last few years, I have definitely felt like God has turned a blind eye, and ignores the things I do (or try to do) for Him.


There was one problem, however, with what the Israelites were doing. We read in verse 3 that, "...on the day of your fast you find your desire."

Basically, they were being selfish in fasting and in being humble (which, really, is a false humbleness or humility). They weren't helping others, and they put the focus all on themselves. They fasted and had food that they weren't eating, but they did not share it with those who did need it. They were doing these things (fasting, being humble, etc.) but yet were acting in an evil manner to others - "..you fast for contention and strife and to strike with a wicked fist" (verse 4). That is totally not the way to behave!


God goes on, in verses 6 and 7 to tell his people:

Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?


Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

The people needed to be putting their focus on others, and not themselves. They needed to stop being wicked and evil, and to start sharing their food with those who had none (or very little), share their homes and their beds with those who were homeless, and give their clothing to those in need.


During my walk, for the last while, I have felt like God has been ignoring me (even though I know He hasn't). You see, I put the focus on why God has not done something for me, or answered prayers; but, in actuality, it is because of what I haven't been doing.

While Pastor T was speaking, it occurred to me that I have been acting the same way the Israelites were. For so long, it has been all about me - what I need, what I want. I definitely think it's time for a change in my actions! I need to start focusing on the needs of others.


I love what God promises (in verses 8 to 11) if we put our focus on others and not ourselves, and do as He says in the verses above:

Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.


Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am '
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,


And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.


And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Isn't God awesome?!

Are there any Bible verses that are speaking to you today? I'd love to hear what they are in the comment section!

Xmas?

I was going to do a post on the whole Xmas thing, but I just read Jim's post, and he pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter too. Why not head over there and check it out.

Would love you to come back and leave your thoughts on the matter (writing Xmas instead of Christmas) as well.

More Beginnings

Yesterday was the kickoff to the new year of Sunday school at church. We've been on hiatus since the end of June when the programs typically end for summer vacation.

This year, I'm the co-ordinator for the elementary section of Sunday school (nursery to grade 5). I don't feel called to this position; I don't feel like it's my thing. But I agreed to the position anyway - mostly because I felt guilty. I will, however, be telling them soon that I won't continue this position in the New Year, and they'll have to find someone else. It's just not my gifting.

So, we had Rally Day yesterday, and that went well. The man who is the main co-ordinator for Sunday School was in charge of that, so I didn't have to worry about anything with regard to that. We also had a ministry fair yesterday, and I was in charge of setting up our booth.

The ministry fair is a time when all the different ministries in the church - everything from audio/visual, to greeters, to the kid's mid-week program, to the prayer chain, and lots more - set up little booths in the church gym and the congregation (and any visitors) go through to see what the different ministries are, and whether or not there is something there that they are interested in and would love to help with. We have the fair once a year.

There were a few people who stopped at the Sunday school booth, but no one signed up. They came and looked at the pictures on display, took a pamphlet that outlined the fall classes offered (from the nursery all the way up to seniors), took our candy...and left. Not one person signed up to help in some capacity. Oh well.  The problem is, it seems to be the same people involved in all the ministries - lots of crossover. For example, there are several of our Sunday school teachers who are involved in the children's church program and/or the mid-week program. It makes it difficult when we all are trying to recruit people to help out. I know, for myself, I don't like asking others to help out if I know they are involved in other ministries...and those who aren't involved don't seem to want to help at all. It's tough. I suppose it's something that could be added to prayer requests for our church...

Tonight is the first night of Bible study, a.k.a. small group, and I'm looking forward to it. We stopped having it at some point in July because most people were going to be away or busy for the summer. So, we decided to wait until the fall to restart. We left off discussing the book of Revelation, and had got to about chapter 4 or 5...we had been discussing the letters to the churches. Not sure if we will continue with Revelation, or if we'll start something new. I guess I'll see tonight!

I've been realizing (though I think I've known all along, and just "overlooking" it), that my attitude about things - particularly church and God related. I'm praying that God will help me change my attitude, help me see things the way He does, and not the way the world does. Something definitely has to change, because I can't keep going on like this - I'm becoming jaded, angry, bitter, and I feel like I've lost my passion for doing His work, for what I felt called to do. It feels like the flame has died back to a little ember.  And I want it back.

Linking A Great Post By Pete Wilson

I recently, as in a few moments ago, read Pete Wilson's latest blog entry.  It's definitely good food for thought, and I thought I would share the link with everyone.  Stop by his blog for a read.

A Light

For some time now I haven't had the best walk with the Lord.  I don't exactly remember when I started to drift, when I stepped off the path to try to find my own way along.  I can tell you that it didn't feel too great - I felt that separation, that isolation.

I think it all started when I went to South Korea and couldn't attend an English speaking church (there were none in my area), and the church I did go to for a few weeks was nice, but it was a Korean service and the English translation was rather poor.  I think that is when I stopped reading my Bible and my prayer life grew less and less.

When I came back home to Canada a year later, I started attending church again.  It didn't feel the same.  I felt disconnected, out of place, disjointed.  I've talked about some of those struggles at that time in previous blog posts over the last year, so I won't go into the details in this post.

I have felt for some time that I need to get regrounded again, rooted back in the Word.  I know my prayer life needs improvement as well, because, let's face it...other than quick little prayers here and there, or falling asleep when I pray at night (maybe need to pray when I'm not lying down), there really isn't much of a fruitful prayer life for me.

I admit that my spiritual life felt dead - or at least comatose.  I still believed in God, still believed that Jesus is the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins, rose from the dead three days later and is now in Heaven preparing a place for His followers.  I know that my sins are forgiven; I know that I have eternal life.  It felt as though the spiritual waters had run dry.

Fast forward to a week ago this past Sunday.  My pastor called those who were in my situation (or similar situations, or those who wanted to renew their walk with the Lord) to come forward for prayer.  I was the only one who went forward.  I felt the Lord nudging me to go, so I went.  Pastor Jonathan prayed for and with me, and had one of the ladies sitting in the front row come and pray for me too.  After the service Pastor Jonathan and I talked for a little bit and he encouraged me greatly.

One of the things he told me to start doing was read my Bible.  He said to just read and not read it to study.  Sometimes that's what we need to do in order to get back into it.  So, for now, I am reading.  If something stands out for me I will underline it and think about it, but I am reading. 

He also said that my best friend and I should get together and pray and just talk things over.  We are both in similar situations and God is working in us.  So, we sat down after I talked with Pastor Jonathan, and we prayed for each other and decided that we were going to begin being accountable to each other.  Every day we must read the Bible (it doesn't matter how much) and pray for the other person.  Then we must email the other one and tell her what we read (we don't have to say what we learned or what we felt God telling us if we don't want to, but we are free to share if we feel like it) and that we prayed for her.  So far we have done this for the past 10 days.

Last night I decided to go to a Bible study.  Pastor Jonathan said I need to get involved in one of those as well.  I chose the one he co-hosts, and I was nervous about going.  About an hour before it started, I was feeling like backing out; however, I decided to just go and see how it was.  If I didn't feel comfortable at this one I would pick another one to try out.  But, since I did feel comfortable at this one, I think this is where I will stay.

The group was doing a character study of Peter, and I think we all learned some great things.  Not only did talk about Peter, but how we are like Peter in our own lives (i.e. what is an area in your life you want to step out of the boat with).  We didn't get this one finished, so we're going to do the rest next week.  From the sounds of it, they have a different leader every week.

I say all this to say that after so long of feeling like I'm spiritually treading water, I feel as though I'm beginning to see the light again.  For nearly two weeks now I have felt much better and more on track in my walk with the Lord.  It's as though I've taken His hand once again, and now he's leading me back to the path that I had strayed from.  I'm still struggling in some areas, but I am working on those with God's help.

I am a continuing work in progress.  But I feel like things are beginning to look up again.  Thank You Jesus!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada.  My mom and I had a sort of Thanksgiving dinner last weekend when we went out to a restaurant.  One of my brothers and his wife was in New York this weekend as they were going to a concert (not sure what one).  My other brother, his significant other, and their son (my nephew) stayed in Halifax and had Thanksgiving with Angela's parents.  Today, I went with someone special out to a Thanksgiving lunch.  It was good, but not quite as good as home made.  My mom had decided that since it was only going to be her and I this year, she didn't want to bother having a big turkey dinner.  That's ok.

We had rain for a few days recently, and on Saturday I waited for it to let up somewhat (so that it was more of a mist), put a plastic bag around my camera and went out to try to capture raindrops on flowers, leaves, etc.  I got a couple of pretty good shots, but most of them didn't turn out all that well.  It's the first time I really tried doing this, so I didn't expect to get anything really good this time around.  It's something to practice though.

Yesterday's church service was good.  The sermon was on being thankful, not only for things on earth, but to also be thankful for things to come in Heaven.  A week or two ago, the pastor had told us the food kitchen in the church (the one they use to help those who don't have enough food) was quite low.  He said Thanksgiving would be a good time to restock the shelves (though really, any time is a good time), and help those less fortunate.  So, what they did yesterday, was have people bring in non-perishable food items for the kitchen and set them up on the front steps.  There was a lot of food, thankfully.  Unfortunately I had totally forgotten about this, so I didn't bring anything in.  I felt bad about it when I walked into the sanctuary and saw the food at the front.  I'll have to bring something in another time and put in the donation barrel they keep.

I talked to my friend Gisele yesterday at church about my elbow.  I've been having problems with it in that it hurts when I bend or straighten it.  I described the feeling to her and showed her where on my arm/elbow the pain was, and she said it sounds like it's what is referred to as being tennis elbow (caused by repetitive movements...in my mind I associated it as being like carpal tunnel only in the elbow).  She's an occupational therapist, so I figured she'd have a good idea what the problem might be.  I was concerned that maybe I was getting arthritis or something, but she reassured me that it probably wasn't.  She said arthritis usually affects the hips, knees, ankles/feet, hands and not usually the elbow.  She told me about a band you can get for tennis elbow that you wear when you are doing the things that affect it (for me it would be knitting or being on the computer).  It's supposed to help so that the tendons don't rub together or something like that.  She said the problem won't go away over night, but might take awhile to start feeling better.  So, after church, I went and got one.  Hopefully it will help.

Well, not much news this weekend.  I hope anyone from Canada who reads this has a happy thanksgiving, and that everyone has a blessed and Christ-filled day!

Back To Normal - Whatever That Is

Finally I think I've gotten back on track with my sleeping - the jet lag seems to have passed!  I have always been a night owl, though, so I still can go to bed somewhat late.  But, currently, I'm not up until the sun is about to rise, or sleeping only a couple of hours and being wide awake when I should be sleeping.

My back also seems better.  It still gets quite stiff when I've been sitting or laying down for awhile.  The pain isn't so much now, but sometimes it's sore with the stiffness.  I haven't been taking any Robaxacet for several days (though I did take one the other day), and I've run out of the pills the doctor in Australia prescribed me.  I knew it would just be a matter of time for the healing to take place, simply because this has happened to me before.  My plan now (and I pray I'll stick with it), is to strengthen my core muscles as the doctor said this should help prevent future problems like I just had with my back.  I think, by the weekend, I will pull out my yoga DVDs and do some of that to start with.  The doctor had suggested this and said it would help.

Sunday school starts this coming Sunday, and I'm back co-teaching the grade 1 & 2 class.  The other teacher, my friend Angela, and I will be taking turns each week.  She is taking the lesson this week as she's had a longer time with the book and will be more familiar with it.  Since I just got the book this past Sunday (she had gotten it over the summer while I was in Australia), she wanted to give me some time to get familiar with it and go over the lessons.  We only have a small class so far - about 5 kids I think, but that could change.  I'm looking forward to getting back into teaching Sunday school, and hopefully I can transfer some of what I learning in school this past year into this class - things like classroom managment, etc.

I haven't been doing much this past week, mostly trying to readjust from the jet lag and help my back get better.  I've gone to request a transcript for my marks as well as a letter stating that even though I haven't graduated (that's in November), I have completed my course.  I'll have to send those off to apply for my teaching license, and I will be applying for the October 26 info session for supply teachers.  I also need the copy of my marks for that and need to fill out some forms and get them sent in so I can reserve a spot.  You have to be invited to the info session, you can't just show up.  By sending the paper work in, they'll know I'm interested and can invite me, providing everything is satisfactory on my application.

I've also recently started a photography blog.  I'm just really learning digital photography as well as editing the photos (I got Photoshop Elements 7 last week).  The blog is a place to show some of my photos and the editing I've done.  The pics aren't necessarily the best, nor is the editing, but remember, I'm still learning and that's a process.  I'm enjoying both though.  My friend Michelle and I are going on a photo shoot on Saturday and we're either going to do some macro shots of butterflies or moving water.  We haven't quite decided yet.  If you are interested in viewing my photography blog, it's called Shutterbug and it's located here.

Going to end here for now.  I think I've rambled on more than I had planned.  Have a blessed and Christ-filled day!

It's A Sunshine Sweet Day

What a beautiful day it is today. The sun is shining and the mercury is above the freezing point! According to the icon on my computer, the temperature is +4C.

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me - two presentations on Monday, I have to read three chapters for one of my classes (with a quiz on them on Monday), I have an article review (one page) due on Tuesday, I need to work on my portfolio that is due in a couple of weeks, plus several other pieces of homework that will be coming due soon. On a positive note, classes finish in less than a month!

I found out yesterday that the pastor emeritus (not sure on the spelling of that) of my church passed away through the night - early yesterday morning. He was such a kind man who loved the Lord with his whole heart. He also used to be the senior pastor at my church in the '70s. Please pray for his family. The funeral is on Monday.

Tomorrow at church we have a believer's baptism. I think the pastor told us last week that there are four or five people being baptised! Praise Jesus! One of the people being baptized is a teenaged girl I have taught in the midweek program from when she was in grade 2 until she was in grade 5. Her father was my first Sunday School teacher when I started coming to this church and had just become a Christian. He also read my testimony when I was baptized at Easter in 2000. I'm thinking of bringing my camera and taking some pictures for her and her family.

Well, I best head off and get some lunch and hit the books again. I'm starting to freak out and feel overwhelmed with my math presentation on Monday. I'm terrible at math and we are doing our presentation on fractions - something I don't feel confident with (truth be told, I don't feel confident with any math). Please pray for that as well.

Have a blessed and Christ-filled day!

In Christ

Yesterday, Sunday, I went to Sunday school (and church) as I am prone to do every Sunday. It was the beginning of new sections so I needed to choose a new class to attend. The one I had been going to, one on archaeology and the old testament, was great. But, in all honesty, I don't think I got much sustenance for my spiritual hunger.

The new class I'm in is for beginners and those who want to brush up on things. I am not a beginner; I have been a "real" Christian for nearly nine years now. The reason I decided to take this class is because when I was in Korea, I didn't get to attend church (or Sunday school) because of the churches in my area not having any English services. There was one church about 15-20 minutes away that had an English translation, but half the time you couldn't understand it very well and I wasn't getting fed.

So, I joined this class, which is led by the pastor of my church hoping to get back in the swing of things. So far there were four other people besides me and the pastor. He asked us all to write down what we'd like to do in the class, whether it was a topic or a book in the Bible - anything. By having us do this, he said he can gear the class more to what we're looking for. He also said that if others join who are new to the church he'd readjust things - which was fine by all of us.

One of the other class members said she was interested in becoming more diligent in her Bible reading and prayer life...the rest of us also seemed to want to improve in this area too. The same woman said she was also interested in memorizing more scripture. I think the pastor will give us verses to memorize weekly as well...but that might only be if we want to. He's not going to force it down our throats or anything like that, though I have a feeling he would really encourage us to memorize. I think it's a good thing to do, so I'm going to do my best with it.

For yesterday's class, he had us take turns reading the book of Ephesians out loud. This was just a starting point. He likes to give "titles" to the books of the Bible, and for this one he chose, "In Christ." He said that most times Christians will say that Christ is in us - which is true; however, they often forget that we are in Christ as well. I had mentioned something at one point about feeling inadequate after reading Ephesians - like there was so much that we have to do as Christians (or not do as the case may be). I said we aren't perfect; he said we are if we are in Christ. I had said something about only Jesus was perfect. Anyway, his point was that if we are in Christ, we are holy. If we are in Christ, our sins are blotted away and we are perfect. I understood what he meant, and I think he understood what I meant. I'm just having a little difficulty in relating the conversation into words. It was all good though.

Also, he talked a little about knowing when a situation is a spiritual battle. There were a couple of "hints" that he said can help us clue in. The first one is that we can't stop thinking about it and that it almost hurts us to the core. The barbs sink in and we can't let go; we can't seem to get rid of it. The other "hint" is that often times Satan will hit us with situations in which we struggle. For example, if you struggle with forgiveness, we will be confronted with situations where we need to forgive. Again, I'm not doing his explanations justice. I'm going to have to learn to write these things down, or blog about it the same day so that I might be able to explain things better. I really do apologize for not being very clear in this.

Anyway, I do want to let you know - and praise the Lord - that after that class I felt fed. I walked away feeling like I was getting back into the swing of things, like everything is going to be fine. I guess I've taken the first step in getting back into a life of prayer and Bible reading. I felt better spiritually after that class than I have in a long time! Isn't that great? I'm going to have to let the pastor know about that. I'm sure he'll be happy about that for me.

I also decided that this week I am going to read through Ephesians - one chapter per day and see what I can glean from it and maybe have something to share with the class next week. Our assignment this week was to go through the first 14 or 15 verses in chapter one and underline all the "in Christ's" that we can find. I've done this for all six chapters, just because that's what I wanted to do. Maybe I'll be able to come up with some thoughts or questions or things God has taught me through my readings this week, and share them with the class.

Well, it's getting a little late now and I've got school tomorrow. I'm feeling tired as well, so hopefully it won't take me too long to fall asleep tonight. Have to do some praying before I do fall asleep though. Anyway, I'm excited that I seem to be getting back into the swing of things again. It's been a long time coming, so I hope that I can continue and improve my walk again!

Have a Christ-filled day, and may God bless and protect you all!

Busy

Hi! I hope you are all doing well. As for me, well, I've been a little busy of late. These next two will probably be my busiest so far since the beginning of the school year. This week alone, I have two presentations (one was today, the other tomorrow), an article critique, and a little quiz (today). Besides that, I start my teacher observation this Friday. Next week I have two unit plans due, an art response paper, an article critique, and two little quizes (why does that look incorrectly spelled? It looks incorrect as "quizzes" as well.) So, yeah. I'm quite busy lately.

Today we had on of the presentations, as I mentioned above. We had a group of four and we each hard parts to do. I think it went relatively well, though there were some things we messed up with, such as using fillers (umms, ahhs, etc.), needing to walk around the room a little more...things like that. We find out next week (I think) how we did, but first we have to fill out peer evaluation forms for everyone in the group, including ourselves. That deals with rating each other with regard to taking part in the planning, attending group meetings, doing our share in the presentation, etc. What we were doing for this particular presentation was one of the chapters from our text book. I'm at least glad that we have this one over and done with.

Tomorrow's presentation is on an author who holds a particular behaviourist attitude with regard to classroom management. The prof picked four or five authors and each group got assigned to one author. I don't feel well prepared for this one at all, so hopefully it will go well. It's to be 20-25 minutes in length and we have to present the author's view.

The weather is getting cooler here lately, as it is in many places since it's fall. There have been only two mornings so far that I've had to scrape some frost off the car windows, but it's not been anything major. It hasn't been too cold, and for the last few weeks it's been gorgeous weather with only a bit of rain. It was perfect weather last week to go and take some pictures in a local park with my best friend and her eight year old daughter.

My walk with the Lord is still not that great. I do find myself praying most nights - usally it ends up with me falling asleep before I'm finished, or even dozing off part way through. I don't like that and I know I should do my praying before getting into bed to prevent it from happening - but I don't. I've only read the Bible a couple of times lately, and again I know I should be doing that too. I feel such a struggle often to commune with the Lord so I think there must be some sort of spiritual battle going on. I will overcome this (with God's help of course)...I just don't know when. Maybe I need to push myself a little more and get over this hump and then I'll get back on track.

I was looking back through my blog (well, two of them anyway), and compared my posts from then and now. For this blog (the other one I was parousing was my knitting blog), I seemed to relate things more to the Bible, to God and Jesus more than I've been doing in the last while. I guess the change has mostly to do with getting away from church and praying and Bible studies, etc., from when I was in Korea...maybe even a little before that. I want to try and get my posts looking and sounding more like they used to - not that they were anything great, but I think they were at least a little more glorifying to the Lord than these ones over the last year or so. Of course, part of the reason is that I wasn't posting as much during that time either...

I've included, as you can see, a couple of pictures from my trip to the park with my best friend and her daughter. Our primary reason for going was to take pictures of the beautiful changing leaves. It never ceases to amaze me how God designed and created the trees - not all of them have leaves that change colours, and of those that do change, the colours aren't all the same. Isn't God amazing?! Such beautiful and wounderous creations!

Well, I must be off and finish my article critique and presentation for tomorrow! Have a Christ-filled day!!

Back In The Saddle

Thank you for your condolences on the death of my father. It's been a month now since he passed away, and time has flown by. It doesn't seem like it's been a month. I still miss my dad, and no doubt will for the rest of my life. I'm doing pretty good, but there are times when the grief seems to hit me all of a sudden.

The other night I had a dream about my dad. He walked in the front door and was taking off his jacket (like he'd always do) and was going to either head down to his computer, or up to the living room. Anyway, in the dream I remember feeling such happiness and said something to the effect of, "Oh, Dad, you're alive! You're not dead afterall!" When I woke up, I had this happy feeling but then the realization hit that I had just dreamt all of that.

Aside from that, I've started back to university and am getting into things now. This year is definitely going to be busy! I'm in the Bachelor of Education program (finally) and can be finished by next August if I do part of my practice teaching in Australia (with a new program they started up this past year)! I am really interested in doing that, and I'm hoping and praying that I'll be able to go. I'd have to pay to go, however. It's not part of tuition and the school doesn't pay for you to go either. It would definitely be an awesome experience, for sure!

Well, I'd better be heading off for now. I just wanted to pop on long enough to give a quick update on how things are going. My spiritual life hasn't been good for awhile now - since I spent the last year in Korea and couldn't go to church. I'm attending services (and Sunday school) now that I'm back home, but I have having a hard time reading my Bible and praying...though I do get some praying in when I go to bed (it's not the best though). I find it difficult lately, for reasons I don't know. It feels like (at least when I'm at church) that when we are praying or the pastor is preaching, I just feel so sad and can't focus or concentrate. It seems to be since Dad died that I've felt like this. It's just like no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do it. I suppose it's still part of the grieving process and will get better as time goes on...though I really don't know if that's what it is or not.

It's not that I don't want to pray or focus on God or even read my Bible, it's just like I can't seem to do it. I guess I'm in a "valley" and having difficulty. I know I'll come out, though, and I won't be along - I'm not alone now, I know. I just feel like I'm struggling to get back on track and on the right path again.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a Christ-filled day and enjoy your time at church tomorrow! God bless!!

It's Been A Long Time...

...since I've written in this blog. I have been writing a little more often in my knitting blog, Kitten Knits Yarn and a bit in my writing blog, Ink Scrawls (plenty of CFBA book reviews posted in that one too).

I am now about three months away from returning back to Canada from here in South Korea. In some ways the time has sped by, and in others, it has dragged on and on.

Let's see if I can update you since my last post of nearly five months ago. In January we had to work at winter camps. Basically, winter camp is just extra classes during the winter break. Not every kid takes these though. We taught four classes per day, Monday to Friday, and it lasted pretty much the entire month.

On January 31, I left Korea with three of my friends from here (one Korean, one American, and one Canadian) on a 24/25 day trip to Egypt. What a blast that was! I am so glad I went! We started our trip in Alexandria and visited Pomp's pillar, the Catacomb tombs, Quaetbay Forte, the Aquarium (which in my opinion was a waste of money because there isn't much there at all), the Roman Amphitheatre, the Alexandria Library and Montzna Palace & Gardens.

Next we drove to Cairo. While there we journied to Dahsur, Memphis and Sakkara. We went inside two pyramids which was pretty cool...and no, there were no mummies or treasure, etc. to be found. They had been emptied out long ago. We also went to the pyramids and the Sphinx in Giza. We got to ride on camels to go to the pyramids and Sphinx - totally cool!

Next came the Baharya Oasis with a drive to the black desert, crystal mountain, the Salt lake in the Bedouin village, the old and the new white deserts and we also camped out in the desert overnight. That was an experience. The vastness of the stars in the sky that night was incredible! I have never seen the sky so full of stars like that (probably because I'm from the city). It was amazing to see God's creation hovering over me like that. We were even lucky enough to see a few shooting stars that night. While camping, we were under the stars the entire time (glad there was no rain) and not in a tent. We had little mattresses under us and about 4 or 5 thick camel hair blankets over us. We also had several layers of clothes on, plus our winter coats so we were nice and warm.

From there we made or way to Aswan and had a feluccca boat ride to visit the botanical gardens and the Elephantine islands. We also went to the High Dam, drove to Abu Simble and went to St Simeon Monastery and the Philae Temple.

From Aswan we boarded a ship and cruised to Kom Ombo to visit the city and temple there, sailed and visted Edfu city and temple then sailed to Luxor. When we got to Luxor we visited the Karnak Temples, went to the Valley of Kings, Valley of Queens, Queen Hatshipsut's temple and the Colossi of Memnon.

From Luxor we flew to Sharm where we got to go to the beach (it was actually hot, beach-like weather there, a change from the rest of the country which was cooler) and I waded into the Red Sea. I didn't actually go swimming though and I ended up with a sunburn. After we were in Sharm for a couple of days we drove to St Catharine where I got to go to the top of Mount Sinai! Only one of the other girls went with me. One had a bit of an injury (she had the injury before but now it was just bothering her), and one decided she didn't think she'd be able to make it up the mountain. We went half way up on camel, but the last half we had to walk because it was comprised of a bazillion stone steps of odd shapes and sizes. I think we were told the whole trek up was something like six or six and a half kilometers (we walked the entire way back down though, no camels that time). When we got to the top it was FREEZING!! I had on knee high length tights, wool hand knit socks (that I made), a pair of leggings, my jeans, 2 tshirts, a sweater, my winter coat, a scarf around my neck, ear muffs, two scarves around my head and gloves...oh and we borrowed a thick blanket from the hotel (and yes we did return it afterwards). Even with all that it was FREEZING - probably from the wind and high altitude.

We left the hotel about 2:30 in the morning to get to the top of Mount Sinai to watch the sun rise. What an event that was. There were tons of people, many Christians who were singing and praising the Lord. It was definitely an experience! We also visited The monastery of St Catherine and got to see the burning bush...or what they claim is the "descendent" of the burning bush.

From there we drove back to Cairo to tour Islamic Cairo, the citadel, Old Cairo, the church that is on the site they claim the Holy Family stayed at while in Egypt, and we went to the bazaar there twice. We then made our way back to Alexandria and flew back to South Korea, with an eight hour layover in Dubai.

In March, we started a new school year. Over here their school year begins in March, and not in September like back home. This semester I teach the first and third grades of the same middle school. That would be like grades six and eight back home. Some of the boys are great, but many aren't - not just because of their lack of English skills, but their attitude, lack of respect, etc. But there is nothing that can be done about that. No matter how much we tell the coteachers, nothing is ever done. Their way of discipline here involved corporal punishment - physical beating in many cases. I don't agree with that, but these kids need to learn to respect their elders. It's driving me insane - that and the fact that they don't do their work, they don't listen, and the talk in Korean all the time in class. I wouldn't mind so much if they talked in English, but they don't. But, I keep telling myself there isn't much time left and to hold on.

I also found out in March that my dad was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus. He has since finished his round of radiation treatments (just this past Monday) and has two more chemo treatments to go through - on in June, the other in July. He has also been having some problems with his heart after the chemo treatments, and they aren't sure what's causing it. His heart beat is all out of whack at times. They had him on a 24 hour heart monitor but we haven't heard the results back from that yet. So, it's been a little difficult for me being way over here with him going through that back home. He's been holding up pretty well though. My mom and two brothers are there, so at least he's not alone.

So, other than having a lot of stress at work, not much has been going on. I'm looking forward to going home so I can get back to church and get back into a walk with the Lord. I've not been good since I've been here - the churches either don't have English services or translations, or the translations aren't very good. When I did go for about a month, I didn't get fed. The translations weren't the best and it was difficult to understand. My Bible reading has also suffered, though lately I've been getting back into that - same with prayer. My prayer life has been hit or miss, though I'm trying to get back into that more as well.

Anyway, this is rather long now so I will end for here. I hope to get back to posting here more frequently. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to update!

Oh...and I almost forgot. I applied back in January for the Bachelor of Education program at the university where I got my B.A. from, and I found out a few weeks ago that I got accepted! I will be starting school pretty much just a few days after I return home from Korea...

Another Update on Korea

I keep meaning to post here and keep everyone updated, but sadly I think of it when I'm no where near the computer. So, since today is Teacher's Day in Yesan and there is no school, I thought it would be the perfect time!

Last Friday we had a "festival" at the school and the kids played various games in the morning, had some lunch and then in the afternoon had a variety show of sorts. There were also prize give-aways but I don't have any idea what the prizes were.

Here, two students are hopping on one foot while holding the other up. The idea is to knock into your opponent and get him to lose his balance and put his foot down...at least that's the way it seemed to me. They seemed to be enjoying this one a lot.

These are just a few of the pictures. I didn't think anyone was overly interested in seeing all my students...and not sure what the protocol is of posting their pics on here. So, I thought I'd just post some.
To the right are several of the students in the school just after lunch. They were playing around, reading and just socializing while they waited for the variety show to start. To the left are four of the students playing brass instruments. They look far away, but really they weren't. I was using my camera phone zoomed in as close as it would go, and the picture makes me look like I was very far away from the stage.

All in all, the day was pretty good. After it as all said and done the teachers (or most of them) went out for supper. That wasn't too bad, except the Korean's like to drink and they kept offering me drinks. I've told them over and over again that I do not drink. They find that concept hard

to believe I think. They keep asking me, I keep saying no. Then they'll say, how about trying just a little or just a sip...and I keep telling them, no I don't drink at all. I wish they could get it into their heads that it's pointless to keep asking me.

Well, I think I will just keep this post short and post the next time about the school trip to Seoulland and a festival in Hongseong that I went to a couple of weekends ago. I've got pictures of those as

well. I just basically wanted to update you and let you know that everying is going well. The leaves are changing colour which I was beginning to wonder about since being told that they do in fact change here. It's towards the end of October when it happens though, and not earlier like in Canada. Some of my pictures from Seoulland shows the coloured leaves, so I'll even have proof :o).

I haven't been getting to church lately. It's just so difficult to find the motivation when the service is held in Korean and sometimes the translation isn't the best, and can be hard to understand. I don't find I'm feeling any connection there, nor do I feel like I can worship because I don't understand things, nor do I feel like I'm being fed. We are thinking of trying out a church in Chonan (an hour and 20 mins away) that we've seen from our bus trips into the city. They advertise English services so we might see if we can find it from the bus stop and try that service. We're not entirely sure yet though. I'll let you know what we decide to do and how it turns out.

So, that's all for now. Have a Christ-filled day!

Missions Or Not?

As you may recall, in my last post I somewhat complained about people assuming that my trip to Korea is missions oriented. I don't know why this "bothers" me, but it does a little.

I've been praying to God, telling Him about my concerns and thoughts. I've told Him that should He want me to do some kind of missions work while I'm there, then I would - even if I'm not overly keen on it. Does that make me a bad Christian? Jesus tells us to go into the world and make disciples of all men, yet I don't want to do that. I'm 100% certain that is because of a little 4-letter word that starts with "f" -- fear.

Now, keep in mind that Christianity is very popular over in Korea, and I think the top two religions are Christianity and Buddhism. It's not like the Korean people have never heard of Jesus, but still there are those who need to know Jesus and see His love in action, and receive His love. It's just the same in North America. Missions is not limited to the jungles of Africa or other third-world countries. Missions can be done in our own backyards!

So, to get to my point, this past Sunday the pastor was preaching about doing missions because a group of youth and young adults is going to Toronto for a week on a missions trip. It was a very good sermon, and at the end he said that if we felt the Lord nudging us about doing mission work (he strongly believes that all Christians should go on at least one mission trip in their lifetime), to stand so he could pray for us. Well, guess who felt the nudge. Yeah, me.

I have no clue what kind of mission work I'd even do over in Korea, but I suppose any little bit is fine. I will, as I have mentioned before, do my knitting over there to donate to charities or underprivledged kids who might need a hat or socks or mittens or something, and I'll likely help out at the church I end up attending in Korea - providing they have areas of ministry that are done in English so communication would be easy. Whatever it is, I'm praying that the Lord will direct my steps and let me know what it is He wants me to do.

But first, I need to get myself into His Word more often and pray better than I've been doing. I need to be able to hear Him when He speaks to me and tells me in what direction I need to go. I will be honest and say that I've fallen behind in these areas (though the praying is getting better) and definately need improvement. I need the power of God to keep Satan from preventing me from doing the Lord's work, because I can't stop him (Satan) with my own power.

So, it just may be that one reason the door has been opened for me to go to Korea is to do some missionary work. To me that is scary. It shouldn't be, but in all honesty it is. It's something I'll have to work out with God.

TGIW

Thank Goodness it's the weekend! I've been a little busy the last week or so, doing some studying and working towards finishing a book review. This past Thursday I had my midterm for Maritime History, and let me tell you, there was waaaayyyyy too many notes to have to study for this. I had 24 typed pages of class notes, 3 handwritten pages of class notes, 4 articles, nearly 150 pages of reading from the text book, plus info on 15 Fathers of Confederation - all of this to study for a midterm worth 15%.

I really don't think I did all that well on it, but I wrote for the entire time (70 minutes) and had about 6 pages. The last question I was running out of time so I didn't fare so well on that one. The other two I know I could have done much better on. I had the info in my head, but it was getting jumbled up and know I forgot to include things I should have. Oh well, can't do anything about that now.

This Tuesday I have to have my book review on the History of Prince Edward Island done. We were supposed to have it done for last Thursday, but we mentioned to the prof that it was the same day as the midterm and was rather hard to have to study AND work on a book review; thankfully, he was nice enough to change the due date. We also have to do a 5 minute presentation on the book in front of the class, and I have no idea how to do this - I mean, the stuff in this book I'm reading is basically what we have had in our class notes with a little more detail given. And let me tell ya, these details are none too exciting (insert sounds of loud snoring here)! Oh well, I'm sure I'll get through that too.

I haven't mentioned my flute practicing lately have I? Well, that is going pretty good. I'm learning the song Hungry, as well as a couple of other worship songs. Two of them are very easy and I can play those pretty well. For one of them (the name is escaping me at the moment), the teacher played the accoustic guitar while I played the flute, and it sounded great! I'm also learning I Love You, Lord and that is sounding good, but needs some practice. I got a music book with some hymns (not a hymnal) and chose to try Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee first. I've pretty much got that, but there is a CD with it that you can play while you do the flute solo part - I need to practice that. If there were some others that could play a little ensemble (for woodwind instruments) they could do the part from the CD instead of having to play the CD. But, for now I'll stick to learning to play with the CD. The song is a little fast, so I also need to work on that (at least when it's played on the CD). All in all, I am really enjoying the flute. I'm glad I started taking lessons!

Tomorrow at church we are having a missionary family in to speak. They have gone to our church in the past, but then changed to another one (I have no idea why, and it doesn't matter - there was nothing bad that caused them to change.) - this was before I started attending back in 2000. Anyway, they have been down in Indonesia for about 3 years I believe, and are now home for a bit. We've also got them booked to come to our midweek kids program to talk to the kids. That night we've also got games, crafts and snacks that are popular in Indonesia for the kids to do - it's a mission night. I hope the kids will enjoy this (most of the kids that come to the midweek program aren't churched kids)!

Anyway, not much to report at this time. I hope all your days are Christ filled!