Friday, December 29, 2006

Bits & Pieces

Well, this post will have bits and pieces about different things - no specific topic. This is mainly because my mind is a little jumbled up lately.

First off, I got my marks back today from first semester. I as a little disappointed with my TESL mark - it as B+, which is fine, but I thought I had done a tad bit better. My effective writing course got the highest mark: A. The big surprise for me came when I looked at the mark for the dreaded Children's Lit course. I honestly didn't put a lot of effort into that class because I didn't care for it (like I've mentioned on here a few times). I asn't at all prepared for the exam, and didn't think I had done well on my journals or my paper. Apparently I must have done well on them all (though I honestly think the prof might be an easy marker), because I received an A-!

I have been feeling rather...discontent and restless lately. I know I need to put my focus back on God and get back on track with praying and reading my Bible, so this is probably at the root of what I've been going through for the last little while.

However, I really feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis. Yeah, I know, a mid-life crisis is usually attributed to men in their mid 40's who go out and buy flashy bright red convertable sports cars and leave their wives for blonde bimbos half their age (no offence to blondes or anyone for that matter). I did a bit of research online because I wanted to know if it is possible for women to go through a mid-life crisis. Apparently this is getting to be more and more common in women due to the fact that they are in the work force (and have been for some time) . I guess it wasn't common when women were staying home to be housewives and moms. Anyway, another article said that with men a mid-life crisis usually involves work and in providing for their families (they feel they haven't done well enough or should have done better, or something like that). For women, the crisis tends to revolve more around family - husbands, children, homelife, that sort of thing. Another article also said that a woman who has a mid-life crisis tends to have it, typically, in her mid to late 40's, but that is can also appear as young as 38-42. On my next birthday, which happens to be in January, I will be 38.

Anyway, I can't even really put into words all that I have been feeling and the thoughts I have been having. I just feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my life - that I have wasted my life. I don't feel like I have anything to show for the nearly 38 years I have been alive. I have no husband, no kids, no home of my own (had to move back in with my parents when I went back to school), and a big ol' student loan debt. Sure, other students have loans to pay back too, but the difference is they usually start paying it back in their 20's. I'm nearly 40. I know it probably seems like I am blowing things out of proportion, and that these things aren't a big deal, but to me it is a huge deal. I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore; I don't know what direction I'm heading in. Basically, I feel lost.

I do have days where I am fine and none of this bothers me, but on the days that it does bother me, I feel really...worthless...that's about the only word I can think that describes how I feel. I felt so bad the other night that I cried myself to sleep. I talked to God, told Him how I feel and why...told Him I didn't even know what to say to Him or that I didn't feel I could even face Him.

Anyway, I am not really looking forward to my next birthday. I don't even think that I want to celebrate it or acknowledge that day as my birthday. I'm trying to get over all of this, trying to tell myself none of this really matters (the things I'm feeling and thinking that is)...that sort of thing. If I keep telling myself this, and I figure if I say it often enough I'm bound to believe it sooner or later...

But, I'll end for now because this has become a rather depressing entry.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Boxing Day

Today, December 26, is known in Canada (and other places like Britain, New Zealand and Australia) as Boxing Day.

When I was young, I used to think this day was called Boxing Day because of all the boxes lying around the house - you know the ones, toys or cloths, household items, etc. were now out of their boxes and sitting under the Christmas tree to show to any visitors who came by. Then, when I was a little old, I used to think it had something to do with the boxes that the Christmas tree and the decorations came in - that maybe this was the day you were supposed to take down the tree and all the decorations around the house, and put them back into their proper boxes.

If you Google Boxing Day traditions, you'll find several articles that talk about this holiday. Here is one that I thought was interesting (it actually has a few of the supposed meanings behind this day).

At any rate, it is a holiday, but it isn't a paid one - at least for me. I'm sure there are companies and businesses who do pay their employees for Boxing Day, though. I'm just glad that it is a day off work. Sometimes the family will go around visiting aunts and uncles and cousins (or other relatives), but we are just spending a quiet day at home. Besides, the weather isn't really nice. We went from +7 celcius yesterday to lower temps in the minus range (though it's in the low minus range, like maybe -2 or -3 celcius). It's been snowing a little and there is a light covering on the ground; but now it is raining a bit (and there might be some snow mixed in with that too), and they are calling for more snow later. At one point I heard there is supposed to be a little freezing rain, but I don't know if that has changed. I do know the salt trucks were out (they go around spreading salt on the roads to prevent freezing), so the city is at least preparing just in case.

It's off to work again tomorrow morning - bright and early. We can go in for 7:00am and will probably be there until 4:30pm, so that should help contribute to a nice pay cheque. Hopefully I will be able to update you on how work is going over the next day or two.

Happy Boxing Day!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas

I received this the other day in an email and thought I would share it as my Christmas Eve post. Merry Christmas to you all, and may your holiday be filled with Christ.

Twas the night before Christmasand all through the town,
not a sign of Baby Jesuswas anywhere to be found.
The people were all busyWith Christmas time chores.
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.

No one sang "Away in a manger,no crib for a bed".
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed-up in bright red.
Mama watched Oprah, Papa tried to take a nap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap.

When what from the T.V.did they suddenly hear?
'Cept an ad..which toldof a big sale at Sears.
So away to the mall they flew like a flash.
Buying things on credit and others with cash!

And, as they made their way homefrom their trip to the mall.

Did they think about Jesus? oh, no... not at all.
Their lives become so busy with Christmas time things.
No time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.

There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior and take the time to stop.
It's really hard to do when you 'shop til you drop'.

On Wal-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales! A quick lunch at Denny's.
From the big stores downtown, to the stores at the mall.
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!

And up on the roof there arose such a clatter.
As grandpa hung icicle lights up on his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
It's easy to forget Jesus - The Light of the world.

Christ's eyes... how they twinkle! Christ's Spirit... how merry!
Christ's love... how enormous! All our burdens... He'll carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight.
Let's put Christ back inChristmas and say a prayer tonight!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Happy Monday!

Well, I had my first day back at work today, and it went pretty fine. There are about three or four new people that were hired after I left in the summer. They replace the three or four who have quit since I left in the summer. It seemed a little weird that a couple of the people were gone - not that they were my favourite people or anything, but they were always just there...

My productivity was way low today, but I blame that on the fact that the desk I'm sitting at isn't set up the way I had it. They have one of those articulate keyboard thingys...not sure exactly what they are called...on the desk, and though I could take the keyboard off of it and shove the contraption under, I won't do that because I always bang my knees on it - and that doesn't exactly tickle. So, it will take me a little bit to get used to that. Oh and the chair isn't good either - none of them are; they are old and just not comfortable. My back was really sore by the end of the day and no amount of adjusting the chair would help. I think that part of the reason with the chair is that I'm just not used to sitting in one like that since the summer. I remember I had the same problem when I first started back last summer (though I was able to find one of the newer ones not in use, but they are all being used now), and after a week or so I got used to it and my back didn't bother me. The only thing is, I will probably get used to the chair and have to leave, but oh well.

I'm not sure how long I'll get to work, for sure this week, and probably next week. The supervisor who normally tells me when things get slow that they don't need me (usually the week after New Year, or sometimes the week between Christmas and New Year - just depends on the work situation) isn't there (I'm told she found out a couple months ago that she has colon cancer and was having an operation or something - haven't heard any prognosis or anything on if she is coming back). So, the supervisor who is usually off at that time is working - or at least I think she will be working, though she was scheduled to have vacation since she was flying out west - and I don't know if she'll let me stay even when things are majorly slow or not. I think I might work for a few weeks, and have at least one to myself before classes start back in January.

Speaking of Christmas, I have not finished mine yet! My brother and sister-in-law's gift will be gotten tomorrow, and possibly for my other brother and his girlfriend/fiance/common law (whatever she's called) will be gotten then as well. I still need to get something for Mom and Dad, and they aren't much help - keep telling me they don't need anything (insert eye roll here). I'll get them something this week though - hopefully no later than Wednesday. I have my nephew's gifts, and I keep seeing other things that I buy for him. He's only 3 1/2 so I want to give him something he'll like or something he'll play with. I've got several things for him already so I might not get him anything else - unless I really think I should get it...lol.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little tired - not used to getting up early. I managed to catch a quick 15 minute cat nap before supper, which seemed to help at the time, but I'm starting to feel tired again. Off to do some knitting I think - gotta finish up the last of my knitted Christmas gifts by Saturday. Have a Christ filled day!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I'm Free!

School is now done for the winter break! Yay! I finished my last exam on Thursday evening and was so glad to be done. It does feel kind of "weird" that anytime I do something not school related, and the thoughts of having to get homework done surface, that I don't have to worry about that for a few weeks. I still feel like I need to do readings or work on my paragraph for the writing class. But, I don't have to do anything. I can knit as long as I want, I can watch TV if I want, I can surf blogs if I want...

Well, remember those wintery pics in my last post? Well, the last few days have been mild and we've had a bit of rain so there isn't much snow left. Most of it is along the curbs where the snow plows had pushed the snow off the roads. There is the odd spot here and there on lawns too. I'm not sure if they are calling for any snow between now and Christmas, but I hope we get a little bit so that it at least looks like Christmas - then it can melt and I won't mind.

I start back to work (my old job - the one I go to during summer breaks) on Monday. I had told the supervisor to call me and let me know if there was an early start (I'm willing to go in early). She said she would try to remember to call, but I never heard from her so she either forgot or there isn't an early start. One thing I'm not looking forward to is having to get up early. I am not used to that. My earliest class started at 2:55pm, and my other classes were in the evenings. I think that is going to be the hardest thing for me to get used to. I'll be bringing my trusty mug and drinking lots of coffee no doubt - you know, trying to keep my energy level up. The tiredness will hit after lunch - or at least that is when it used to in the summer. Oh well, I know I'll be able to cope.

Anyway, not much in the way of news at the moment. I've been busy trying to get Christmas knitting done up in time so the recipients can have their gift by the 25th. And speaking of knitting, I've got a new look over at my knitting blog, as well as a new name. Please feel free to go check it out over at Kitten Knits Yarn.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Still Busy

I'm still busy working on the essay and assignments that are due tomorrow and some that are due by Friday. I would like to get them all done by tomorrow, but I don't know if that will be entirely possible - for sure I can get the bulk of it done by then, though.

Things have gotten colder in this neck of the woods, and the other day we got some snow. I thought I'd share a couple of pictures I took from our front window yesterday morning.

Exams start next week - how exciting....NOT! Two of them I feel that I will do pretty well on, but the third one (Children's Lit), I am totally not prepared for, and I know it's my own fault. However, I just don't really seem to care about this course. I mean, I don't want to fail (heaven forbid), but I just don't seem to really
care if I only get a C in it...I mean I wouldn't like that mark, but at the same time...

I am going through some internal struggles lately and there are a few decisions that I am going to be making soon. I am getting a sense of peace with one of these decisions (after talking to God about it). The only thing that I don't have peace about is the feeling that I am going to be a disappointment. I am a huge people pleaser, and it always bothers me immensely when others are upset or angry or whatever with me. I know I can't please everyone and that not everyone is going to like me - but still, it seems like such a huge thing to not have others disliking me...

Anyway, papers and assignments need to get done and then studying can take place so I'm off to make a post on my knitting blog,
Kitten Yarns & Crafts, and then get back to work.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Such Agony!

I have an essay due this week for my Children's Lit class. I really have no desire whatsoever to do this, no interest, no nothing. It has to be seven to ten paragraphs in length, and each paragraph must be six to ten sentences. In some ways that doesn't seem too bad, but in other ways it seems like the prof is asking for the world on a silver platter.

The topic I chose (because it was what I was most familiar with) is Discussing the importance of PEI (Prince Edward Island) as a setting for Anne of Green Gables. I have been to PEI a few times, and have visited the Anne of Green Gables site (and other places associated with its author). I have read the book for the class (I read it probably fifteen years ago as well), and I am aware of the setting quite well. So, I figure this shouldn't be too difficult of a task.

Well, we are to use the primary source (which is the book itself), and at least two secondary sources. One of the sources I planned on using is hidden away in a box which I can't seem to locate. I want to use the first volume of LM Montgomery's journals, as that will have her mentioning the book and her love for her home province. I am going to have to make a trip to the public library on Monday (if it's open) and see if they have a copy of it...if not, then I'm up the creek I guess.

I have been surfing the net to find reputable articles that I could use as secondary sources - we aren't supposed or allowed to use something that is basically an opinion someone has typed on their blog or website. I've gone to the University of PEI to find something (the prof said I could use that as a source), but can't find what I think I am supposed to use...

So, I guess what I will do, is at least start with using the primary source and use my own words and whatnot, then when I can find some sources worthwhile I will add them.

Aside from that I have other assignments to do for this week - the last week of classes, most of which are due no later than Thursday, Dec. 7. The following week is when I will be writing exams. I'm not looking forward to those either, and I need to get studying - but in all honesty, that won't be able to happen until I get these assignments done.

Anyway, I'd appreciate prayers that I will get all of this done without too much worry or stress, as well as prayers for the exams - that I will know what to study and how to study (I don't know what to expect for exams in English classes - my major was in Biblical Studies and I knew exactly how and what to study for those).

God bless you all, and have a Christ filled day!