Thursday, September 17, 2015

I'm Tired

I'm tired.

A few times I've been exhausted.

I think things are starting to catch up with me.  These feelings come with the territory, though.  But that doesn't make it any easier.

Taking care of an ageing parent is no easy task - especially when you can't leave that parent alone.

Mostly I have been fine, but the last few days I have felt the exhaustion creeping in.  I felt like crying for no reason, and I just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep.  We have caregivers come in three times a week for three hours each time, but during those times I don't get any rest.  I'm usually running around paying bills, getting groceries and doing errands.  During the night, I do sleep, but there are times when I need to get up to help my mom so I'm not fully resting - at least not always, because I'm probably, in the back of my mind, listening for if my mom calls me to help.  I do get a little rest during the day, though, when my mom is taking a nap after lunch.  Still, I'm starting to get that overwhelmed feeling, that feeling of cabin fever (because I can't just get up and go or leave the house whenever I want).

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to help my mom, to be here for her.  But I could really use some extra help, someone to come stay with her for a weekend or two or three days during the week so I can have a little break and get some rest and relaxation.

I know, at this time and always, I need to rest in the Lord.  I need to give him my load and take His yoke (which is light).  It's not always easy to do or remember to do.  I need to make the conscious decision to do this.  I can't do any of this without His help.  Right now, I just wish I had a Bible study group that I could go to. I can't even get out to go to church (though I do watch In Touch on TV on Sundays).  I'm not complaining; I'm just stating things how they currently are.

I'm OK, though. Honestly.  I just needed to vent a little and have no other outlet at the moment.  My fiance is awesome and talks me through things, gives me the reminders I need, and supports me.  He is such a blessing, and I am very thankful he is in my life.  I don't think I could do this without his help. I love him him to pieces.

Well, I must go now as I have to finish getting supper ready.  Hope you have a fantastic day!

P.S. Prayers are always welcome!!

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

Faced With Another Decision

Once again, I am faced with a decision to make.  I feel torn between this choice and the choice of being with my mother.

I have been praying about this decision, this choice, and I must say that after discussing it with my fiancĂ© and the prayer, I am leaning toward this choice.  I have prayed and asked for wisdom and to know without a shadow beyond a doubt (due to my mom's situation), that this is the right choice to make.  I'm looking toward my future.

Yes, I have fear and nervousness regarding this.  But I am learning to trust the Lord over and over again, and this situation is no different from others in the past.

I am going to take the first step in this.  I will never know if this is my path or not if I don't at least try.  There are only three possible outcomes - yes, no, and later.  I will have one of these answers regarding this situation, and regardless of the outcome, God is in control and will continue to take care of me and provide for me.

I will say that after praying about this, I have had a great excitement - something I haven't had in this situation in a long time.  This has surprised me somewhat as I thought I had lost the excitement a year or so ago.  Maybe the little 'break' I've been on has been what I needed to rekindle a passion, to jump start a calling.

We will see what comes of the situation. I will continue to pray and ask that if you are reading this you will pray for me as well. Pray that I make the right decision, pray that everything will work out, pray for wisdom and guidance, and that I will glorify the Lord and be obedient to His calling.