Saturday, November 19, 2005

Feeling Like...

Hmmm, just what am I feeling like right now? Well, let me see...confrazzled works, so does befuddled and just plaint frantic and almost hyperventilating (or however you spell it). Why do I feel like this? Well, my Reformation paper is due on Monday and I goofed up majorly and my books I ordered on inter-library loan did not come in. What sources I do have do not seem to be helping and it just isn't going well. This paper (and the presentation that goes along with it) is worth 40% of my mark. Sure, I could have worked a little harder on this...started earlier or whatever, and actually I did, but was having a hard time finding books. The first batch I ordered inter-library turned out to be the wrong ones. I went to the prof and he helped me some, but none the less, I goofed up. I own up to that, and trust me when I say it hurts like heck to admit that.

I plan on applying for the education program, and while they say grades aren't everything, the do affect getting in or not to the program...well to a degree. If I stay in this Reformation class and fail it or just get by, my GPA (grade point average) will go down a lot and that will have some affect for me. If I withdraw from the class, I will get a 'W' (withdrawl) on my record, but that doesn't affect the GPA or anything. It just shows that you had to leave the class for some particular reason. If I were failing the course and withdrew, then I would have a WF on my record and that would be worse because that would affect later on. To the best of my knowledge, I am passing this course. I don't know if dropping out of the course at this late date would still give me WF or not. I think it would only be a W though.

It really pains me to drop out of this course (or any for that matter) because it makes me feel like a failure. Sure, if I failed the course, then I would be a failure (well, you know what I mean). You can ask anyone who knows me that I have not dropped out of any of my courses yet and I always feel upset at the possibility because I don't want it to affect my records. Everyone always tells me the only way it would is if I withdrew with a failing grade.

Anyway, I'm sitting here in tears, literally. I have messed up. Yeah, I know there are worse things that could happen. But quite honestly at this moment, that doesn't help. I think my pride is getting in the way with this. It's taking a beating at having to admit I messed up and I am the only one to blame for this. It's getting in the way, telling me I'm a failure for dropping the class...though I know I'm not.

Anyway, I hate this. I really do, and I have no one to blame but myself. So, that is what I'll do.

7 comments:

Badoozie said...

shelley, first of all, stop crying. and second of all, do one of two things.
either take the W, or just do the paper. I had to take my first W this year, my 4th year. It was a pride thing, but in all honesty, I think it will affect me less than a grade that is below a B. So if you are that concerned about your GPA, hurry, and find out if you can still get the W. If not, get on your knees, and beg God to give you the words to put down on the paper, and just start writing. You can do this!!!! I know people who have tons of W's, and Incompletes, and are making it, it could be worse, my, you ARE hard on yourself. and I thought I was bad.

perk up! Run around your house 5 times and scream at the top of your voice? hang in there.

Darlene said...

Shelley, it's not a failure, it's a detour. God brought you through it for a reason, so glean what you can from it, but continue on the new road that God is sending you on.

Shelley said...

Thanks for the comments you guys. It's looking like I will still have to take the course. If I withdraw from it now (because it is late in the semester) I will get an "F". So, I will have to struggle through this with the sources I have, even if I don't have many.

So, I am slowly trudging through this and will get it done, even if it means I have to stay up all night to do it. Thankfully I only have the one class tomorrow and can come home and have a nap afterwards.

Joe said...

I pray that it all works out for you.

Have you done actual research online?

Nettie said...

You sound like you're in a lot of pain right now. I hope it all works out- I have faith that it will.

Pia said...

i agree with darlene. He brought you there for a reason. you're not a failure, no one here believes that. i'll be praying for you...

Shelley said...

You guys are really sweet. Thanks for being there for me. God bless and have a Christ filled day :o)