Well, prayer meeting was tonight. I want to thank all who prayed for me. I got up and spoke, was VERY nervous (though I was told that I didn't sound nervous at all - my voice didn't shake or anything), and intimidated because instead of there being about 10 like the associate pastor told me usually attends, there were about 40!
I messed up, and I don't think I did good at all. I sat down and wanted to bawl my eyes out, and a few tears did escape (though I caught them before they could fall down my face). I felt awful and humiliated and felt like I wouldn't be able to show my face at prayer meeting again (course I didn't want to show my face at church either). The pastor got up after me, thanked me and agreed that it was a hard Psalm to work with, especially on such short notice (with not much time to prepare). I let him take over and he gave a much better talk.
People came up to me after though and told me I did a great job, told me I was courageous and they could never do that, said I stepped out of my box, etc. The president of the university I went to (he's also a pastor) was there (he goes to my church) and he came up to me and told me I did great, that I included everything I should have - context, application and said not to stop doing that but to keep up with it, keep practicing. He said I have a real gift for teaching, so that was nice to hear.
I let everyone know that I had never done anything like that before and how nervous I was. I also told them that the passage was a hard one to work with, and when the pastor got up to take over he told them it was extremely difficult and that it's not one that you would normally pick to work with in situations like this.
Afterwards, he (the pastor) came over and thanked me and said that he's going to get me to do it again sometime and I sort of reluctantly agreed but told him to give me more notice next time. He agreed that it was on short notice, and that contributed to the fear and stuff.
The comments that some of the people gave me were nice and encouraging. Some of them I don't know if they were honest or if they were just trying to be nice, but I do know that the university president would not lie about something like that. He would give constructive criticism, but he would not tell you that you did good if you really didn't. So, from him I take encouragement from his words, and that's a nice feeling. I do appreciate the kind words people had to say.
I know I didn't do the best at it, and I made sure they knew it was my first time doing that sort of thing, the passage was hard, etc., so I think they were somewhat understanding. Anyway, if the pastor does follow through, I'll be doing another one some time and hopefully I will improve a great deal on it.
At least now I can relax for awhile...
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
Wednesday's Prayer Meeting
I have been asked to do the message/devotion (not sure exactly what they call it) at this Wednesday's prayer meeting at church. It is on Psalm 79, and honestly I have no idea what I will say.
I was talking with the associate pastor after church yesterday, and he had asked me how I did in school this past year. I had mentioned my 2 Samuel course and that I had gotten A- but couldn't recall offhand the other marks in the other two courses I took. So, he had asked me if I would like to do a "sermon" or something of the sort some Sunday evening. I said I would rather do prayer meeting before I would do something like that, and he agreed that was a wise choice.
So, then we talked to the senior pastor and Phil had mentioned that I had agreed to do a prayer meeting sometime, that I had done well in my classes (My BA is in Biblical Studies). So, Jonathan asked if I wanted to do it this week, and before I had a chance to respond he said that I would do it this week because what tends to happen, is that most people will agree to do something at a later date and then change their minds. I had been hoping to go to a few of them to get the general idea of what they do, because I normally don't go to prayer meeting as the mid week kids program I teach with is held at the same time.
So, after the evening service, I talked to Jonathan again just to get some pointers on how I should do it, etc. and then he prayed for me before I left.
I'm nervous about doing this, I'm not sure what I'll say but I will pray and ask God to give me the words, ask Him to let His Word speak through me, and to take away my nervousness and fear.
Please keep me in your prayers for Wednesday evening. Thanks and God bless.
I was talking with the associate pastor after church yesterday, and he had asked me how I did in school this past year. I had mentioned my 2 Samuel course and that I had gotten A- but couldn't recall offhand the other marks in the other two courses I took. So, he had asked me if I would like to do a "sermon" or something of the sort some Sunday evening. I said I would rather do prayer meeting before I would do something like that, and he agreed that was a wise choice.
So, then we talked to the senior pastor and Phil had mentioned that I had agreed to do a prayer meeting sometime, that I had done well in my classes (My BA is in Biblical Studies). So, Jonathan asked if I wanted to do it this week, and before I had a chance to respond he said that I would do it this week because what tends to happen, is that most people will agree to do something at a later date and then change their minds. I had been hoping to go to a few of them to get the general idea of what they do, because I normally don't go to prayer meeting as the mid week kids program I teach with is held at the same time.
So, after the evening service, I talked to Jonathan again just to get some pointers on how I should do it, etc. and then he prayed for me before I left.
I'm nervous about doing this, I'm not sure what I'll say but I will pray and ask God to give me the words, ask Him to let His Word speak through me, and to take away my nervousness and fear.
Please keep me in your prayers for Wednesday evening. Thanks and God bless.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
In The Dark
Have you ever looked outside when it was raining, or just after it was raining? You know when it gets a little darkish, when there is rain or a storm about to come? Have you seen how the colours in nature seem to become more brilliant and more 'alive' at that time?
Well, I was looking out the window this morning in just this sort of situation. The dark clouds had rolled in and rain was on its way (it's raining now, just started not long ago). We have a bird feeder attached to our back patio, one of those long cylindar type ones for small birds like sparrows, chickadees or finches. There were two male gold finches sitting on the perches, eating the seeds. As I watched for a few minutes, I was greatly aware of the brilliance of their bright yellow feathers. It made me wonder why colours look so scilintallating and dazzling just before a rain.
It is that way, even with the trees - the lustrous greens of the leaves stand out in contrast to the dark trunk and branches. The flower blossoms, as well, seem to radiate such brilliant colours at times like this.
It all made me think of God. Not just because He is the creater of all of these things, but because of His Light; Jesus is the light in this world that is so full of darkness. I thought about how often God can use His light in to us during our own dark and stormy times. When we are down and depressed, angry or feeling at the end of our rope, His light is there if we would just let it shine. Oh, don't get me wrong. The Lord is there in our good times as well; when we are happy, full of hope and cheer, He is definately there.
The Light of the Lord exposes our sins and the sins of others. Sins belong to the dark, but the Light exposes them so that we can be made aware of them and ask for forgiveness of them, so that we can repent of them.
We can even be His light to others, even when we feel that we are in the dark. The Lord lives in our hearts (if we have asked Jesus in and accepted Him as our Lord and Saviour), and we are to be a light to others, and we are to walk as children of Light (Eph. 5:8, NASB).
In the darkness, the Light shines bright. Is your Light shining?
(P.S. I hope this post makes sense...)
Well, I was looking out the window this morning in just this sort of situation. The dark clouds had rolled in and rain was on its way (it's raining now, just started not long ago). We have a bird feeder attached to our back patio, one of those long cylindar type ones for small birds like sparrows, chickadees or finches. There were two male gold finches sitting on the perches, eating the seeds. As I watched for a few minutes, I was greatly aware of the brilliance of their bright yellow feathers. It made me wonder why colours look so scilintallating and dazzling just before a rain.
It is that way, even with the trees - the lustrous greens of the leaves stand out in contrast to the dark trunk and branches. The flower blossoms, as well, seem to radiate such brilliant colours at times like this.
It all made me think of God. Not just because He is the creater of all of these things, but because of His Light; Jesus is the light in this world that is so full of darkness. I thought about how often God can use His light in to us during our own dark and stormy times. When we are down and depressed, angry or feeling at the end of our rope, His light is there if we would just let it shine. Oh, don't get me wrong. The Lord is there in our good times as well; when we are happy, full of hope and cheer, He is definately there.
The Light of the Lord exposes our sins and the sins of others. Sins belong to the dark, but the Light exposes them so that we can be made aware of them and ask for forgiveness of them, so that we can repent of them.
We can even be His light to others, even when we feel that we are in the dark. The Lord lives in our hearts (if we have asked Jesus in and accepted Him as our Lord and Saviour), and we are to be a light to others, and we are to walk as children of Light (Eph. 5:8, NASB).
In the darkness, the Light shines bright. Is your Light shining?
(P.S. I hope this post makes sense...)
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Words, Words, Words...
Words are powerful. Words are meaningful. Words are all around us in speech, literature, newspapers and even ads on billboards. Words can build up a person, or tear him down. Words can soothe the soul or cause anger and agitation. Words are important.
Lately I've been working on a novel. I don't have much of it done, roughly 2500 words, but then I am not writing at it as often as I should. I take breaks from it, think it over, try to come up with conversations, explanations, descriptions, etc. I am reading writing magazines and books as well as writing blogs so that I can gather some hints and tips in writing.
I am also trying to take some time to just read for fun. While I was in school I did a lot of reading, but it was required reading and even though a lot of it was interesting, it just wasn't for fun. I didn't enjoy it quite as much as I do when I read for fun.
I've got a writing blog as well, though I've only got about 5 posts on it so far. If anyone is interested in reading and leaving a comment, you can click here to go to it: Ink Scrawls. I'm not an experienced writer and it may not sound professional like other blogs, but hey, a girl has to start somewhere doesn't she?
Other than that, things are about the same for me. Work is fine though I am quickly realizing that my old "injuries" are still there. There are days when my wrists feel like they are burning and sometimes paining. Thankfully there hasn't been numbness - yet. Still not sure where my wrist splint things are; might have to invest in some more if I don't find them soon, especially if it will help.
My neck and shoulder have been better, though there are still times when it bothers me. Sometimes the pain isn't too much but if I turn my head I can feel the stiffness, and usually by the end of the day it is quite stiff. I think the muscle relaxers are helping though, so that's good. I don't take them every day because I don't want to get addicted to them, and I don't usually need them every day. Boy, I feel like I'm getting old since I'm complaining about my aches and pains, LOL!
I'm still not all that sure what I'm going to be doing after summer, but I am still praying about it. It's hard because I don't know the direction or outcome of what my immediate future is holding, but thankfully the Lord knows. I am trying to trust and rely on Him throughout this, but that too is hard. I'm sure there is some kind of lesson I'm supposed to be learning in all of this, even if it is to learn to wait patiently. I know He has a plan for me and that He is in control. It's still hard, but then no one ever said it would be easy...
I'm going to try to use this period of waiting to relax, work on my writing, knit and work on my relationship with Him. I think that is most important - improving my relationship with Jesus. I need to get back "in tune" and closer to Him, and I need to improve my prayer life again and get back into the Word more.
I have been reading the minor prophets lately, but not sure if I'm gleaning much from them. It's been awhile since I read them though, so I thought I'd go over them again. I also recently finished reading Daniel. Not sure where I'll read from next when I'm done with the minor prophets.
Off to work on my novel some, and read from Micah. God bless, and have a Christ filled day.
Lately I've been working on a novel. I don't have much of it done, roughly 2500 words, but then I am not writing at it as often as I should. I take breaks from it, think it over, try to come up with conversations, explanations, descriptions, etc. I am reading writing magazines and books as well as writing blogs so that I can gather some hints and tips in writing.
I am also trying to take some time to just read for fun. While I was in school I did a lot of reading, but it was required reading and even though a lot of it was interesting, it just wasn't for fun. I didn't enjoy it quite as much as I do when I read for fun.
I've got a writing blog as well, though I've only got about 5 posts on it so far. If anyone is interested in reading and leaving a comment, you can click here to go to it: Ink Scrawls. I'm not an experienced writer and it may not sound professional like other blogs, but hey, a girl has to start somewhere doesn't she?
Other than that, things are about the same for me. Work is fine though I am quickly realizing that my old "injuries" are still there. There are days when my wrists feel like they are burning and sometimes paining. Thankfully there hasn't been numbness - yet. Still not sure where my wrist splint things are; might have to invest in some more if I don't find them soon, especially if it will help.
My neck and shoulder have been better, though there are still times when it bothers me. Sometimes the pain isn't too much but if I turn my head I can feel the stiffness, and usually by the end of the day it is quite stiff. I think the muscle relaxers are helping though, so that's good. I don't take them every day because I don't want to get addicted to them, and I don't usually need them every day. Boy, I feel like I'm getting old since I'm complaining about my aches and pains, LOL!
I'm still not all that sure what I'm going to be doing after summer, but I am still praying about it. It's hard because I don't know the direction or outcome of what my immediate future is holding, but thankfully the Lord knows. I am trying to trust and rely on Him throughout this, but that too is hard. I'm sure there is some kind of lesson I'm supposed to be learning in all of this, even if it is to learn to wait patiently. I know He has a plan for me and that He is in control. It's still hard, but then no one ever said it would be easy...
I'm going to try to use this period of waiting to relax, work on my writing, knit and work on my relationship with Him. I think that is most important - improving my relationship with Jesus. I need to get back "in tune" and closer to Him, and I need to improve my prayer life again and get back into the Word more.
I have been reading the minor prophets lately, but not sure if I'm gleaning much from them. It's been awhile since I read them though, so I thought I'd go over them again. I also recently finished reading Daniel. Not sure where I'll read from next when I'm done with the minor prophets.
Off to work on my novel some, and read from Micah. God bless, and have a Christ filled day.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Saturday Stuff
Thanks to everyone who's prayed for my situation as of late. Still not entirely sure what I'm doing but I'm checking into an option and waiting to hear back on it to see if it's something I can do. Other than that, I'm still not sure about what to do after the summer (I'm still praying about it as well).
Today I was over to the church to help a few of the ladies paint murals for the DVBS (Daily Vacation Bible School). There were five ladies and 3 kids painting, well one of the kids didn't paint and one of the two that were didn't paint a whole lot. Anyway, we had transparencies that we traced onto the paper and then painted in afterwards. The mural I worked on was a field scene that had a sheep pen, one sheep, a big tree and lots of sky with a couple clouds. I was working on the green fields for the first part...so much green! I am sick of green for awhile I think. I also painted the rocks and branches around the sheep pen and some bushes. The other mural I did more green bushes and started on a path, but by that time it was time for me to leave. Some of the other ladies got a couple other murals done and a couple of people stayed after most of us left to finish up on two of them.
All in all I enjoyed it. I like doing that sort of thing, and it felt nice to be helping them get ready for the DVBS program.
My nephew's birthday is on Monday, and he'll be 3. His mom's parents and family had a little party for him and his other grandfather today. His other grandfather's birthday is in a week or so I think so they just combined them. My brother and his fiance and my nephew stopped over for a little while this evening after the party so we could give our gifts to D then. I suppose we could have waited until Monday to give them to him, but he got his other presents today and rather than confuse him, we gave them to him tonight.
Work is going well. I'm getting used to the hours now, which is good. There've been a few days when I've still felt tired, but I think I am doing much better now. My neck, shoulder and down near my shoulder blade on my right side have been stiff and sore this week though. I think it's because I am sitting in front of the computer all day at work, on the computer at night, and knitting. It's all working together and making me feel lame. I use my magic bag, but that seems to only help as long as I have it on and I can't keep it on all the time. I've taken muscle relaxers, and those do help. I also haven't been doing much knitting this past week either. It's feeling bette today, but I think I'll probably be taking the muscle relaxers tonight and maybe tomorrow and that should hopefully take care of it. I don't think it is a pinched nerve or anything; it seems to be the muscles.
Well, I think I've droned on long enough. Don't want to bore anyone to death, so I'll end now. Hope you have a Christ filled day!
Today I was over to the church to help a few of the ladies paint murals for the DVBS (Daily Vacation Bible School). There were five ladies and 3 kids painting, well one of the kids didn't paint and one of the two that were didn't paint a whole lot. Anyway, we had transparencies that we traced onto the paper and then painted in afterwards. The mural I worked on was a field scene that had a sheep pen, one sheep, a big tree and lots of sky with a couple clouds. I was working on the green fields for the first part...so much green! I am sick of green for awhile I think. I also painted the rocks and branches around the sheep pen and some bushes. The other mural I did more green bushes and started on a path, but by that time it was time for me to leave. Some of the other ladies got a couple other murals done and a couple of people stayed after most of us left to finish up on two of them.
All in all I enjoyed it. I like doing that sort of thing, and it felt nice to be helping them get ready for the DVBS program.
My nephew's birthday is on Monday, and he'll be 3. His mom's parents and family had a little party for him and his other grandfather today. His other grandfather's birthday is in a week or so I think so they just combined them. My brother and his fiance and my nephew stopped over for a little while this evening after the party so we could give our gifts to D then. I suppose we could have waited until Monday to give them to him, but he got his other presents today and rather than confuse him, we gave them to him tonight.
Work is going well. I'm getting used to the hours now, which is good. There've been a few days when I've still felt tired, but I think I am doing much better now. My neck, shoulder and down near my shoulder blade on my right side have been stiff and sore this week though. I think it's because I am sitting in front of the computer all day at work, on the computer at night, and knitting. It's all working together and making me feel lame. I use my magic bag, but that seems to only help as long as I have it on and I can't keep it on all the time. I've taken muscle relaxers, and those do help. I also haven't been doing much knitting this past week either. It's feeling bette today, but I think I'll probably be taking the muscle relaxers tonight and maybe tomorrow and that should hopefully take care of it. I don't think it is a pinched nerve or anything; it seems to be the muscles.
Well, I think I've droned on long enough. Don't want to bore anyone to death, so I'll end now. Hope you have a Christ filled day!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Well, I am getting more and more used to the hours at work and having to get up earlier. Though to be honest, it's still a bit of a struggle. I also want to stay up late, but can't (I'm a night owl and have been one since I was very young). Oh well, at least I can on Fridays!
Last week our hours picked up and for three days we were there until 4:30, which is normal quitting time. Previously, since I started, we had been getting out usually no later than 3:45ish. We had a holiday last Monday (Victoria Day) and there were three or four people out on vacation this week, hence the later hours. As far as I know there aren't any out on vacation so things will probably be back to "normal", however I guess I won't really know until tomorrow.
I still have no idea what my plans for the future holds. I'm trying to let God be in control and listen for what He has to say. It's hard though, especially since I don't trust myself at interpreting what He says. What I mean, is that I feel like I didn't hear Him correctly with regard to teaching and now I can't trust myself to know what He tells me. It's something I'm praying about though.
I've been looking into a few options, but two of them might not be feasible because the hours and money wouldn't be a guaranteed thing, and I need that so that I will be able to make my loan payments. There is another option that I'm going to be praying about, so I would appreciate if you could pray for me about this option as well. I don't want to say what it is just yet, because it's just an idea right now. It would be a big step for me, something that kind of scares me because I've never doing anything like this before.
Anyway, I'm going to head off now. Have a Christ filled day!
Last week our hours picked up and for three days we were there until 4:30, which is normal quitting time. Previously, since I started, we had been getting out usually no later than 3:45ish. We had a holiday last Monday (Victoria Day) and there were three or four people out on vacation this week, hence the later hours. As far as I know there aren't any out on vacation so things will probably be back to "normal", however I guess I won't really know until tomorrow.
I still have no idea what my plans for the future holds. I'm trying to let God be in control and listen for what He has to say. It's hard though, especially since I don't trust myself at interpreting what He says. What I mean, is that I feel like I didn't hear Him correctly with regard to teaching and now I can't trust myself to know what He tells me. It's something I'm praying about though.
I've been looking into a few options, but two of them might not be feasible because the hours and money wouldn't be a guaranteed thing, and I need that so that I will be able to make my loan payments. There is another option that I'm going to be praying about, so I would appreciate if you could pray for me about this option as well. I don't want to say what it is just yet, because it's just an idea right now. It would be a big step for me, something that kind of scares me because I've never doing anything like this before.
Anyway, I'm going to head off now. Have a Christ filled day!
Monday, May 22, 2006
It Is Well
At last night's church service, one of the hymns we sang was It Is Well With My Soul. It made me think about my current situation of not getting into the education program, and my fear of what will now happen as the result. I felt as though the Lord were reminding me that no matter what is going on right now, it IS well with my soul.
Another song we sang was God Will Make A Way, and again it was as though the message of this was for me. It was as though the Lord was telling me to relax, that He is in charge and in control of my situation. I found the lyrics here, and will post the verse we sang last night:
God will make a way
where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we
cannot see
CHORUS(2x):
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
hold me closely to His side
with love and
strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
I've had a few times where I've broken down and cried my eyes out over my situation. I am finding it hard to trust - not God, but myself. What I am having difficulty with is trusting that I will interpret what God says now. I held to the belief for four years with regard to teaching, but I feel like I royally messed up. I might be at a "wait" situation, needing to wait for the right timing, for God's timing. I might also have messed up and God only wanted me to teach Sunday School or something...I don't know.
Regardless of all of this, I have had a lot of peace in my life for the last several days. I know it must be from God, because I can't explain just why I am feeling like this.
Anyway, I can say that it IS well with my soul, and God will make a way somehow - and it probably won't be in any way that I expect, but who knows.
So, I'm still clinging to Him and have faith. I am feeling a little closer to Him as well, which feels nice. I still have no idea what will happen, but I am trusting Him. It's all I can do.
Another song we sang was God Will Make A Way, and again it was as though the message of this was for me. It was as though the Lord was telling me to relax, that He is in charge and in control of my situation. I found the lyrics here, and will post the verse we sang last night:
God will make a way
where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we
cannot see
CHORUS(2x):
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
hold me closely to His side
with love and
strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
I've had a few times where I've broken down and cried my eyes out over my situation. I am finding it hard to trust - not God, but myself. What I am having difficulty with is trusting that I will interpret what God says now. I held to the belief for four years with regard to teaching, but I feel like I royally messed up. I might be at a "wait" situation, needing to wait for the right timing, for God's timing. I might also have messed up and God only wanted me to teach Sunday School or something...I don't know.
Regardless of all of this, I have had a lot of peace in my life for the last several days. I know it must be from God, because I can't explain just why I am feeling like this.
Anyway, I can say that it IS well with my soul, and God will make a way somehow - and it probably won't be in any way that I expect, but who knows.
So, I'm still clinging to Him and have faith. I am feeling a little closer to Him as well, which feels nice. I still have no idea what will happen, but I am trusting Him. It's all I can do.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
What To Do...What To Do
Well, I finally heard back from the school with regard to the education program. I did not get in. I've already done some posts with regard to that, so I'll try to keep things brief.
So, I might not be able to stay at the job I have this summer because (as I've mentioned) they have hired five new people since Christmas and now me for the summer. We have been getting out early every day since I started, yesterday being the latest time to date - 4:10. Normally we get out at 4:30. Sure, once vacations start things will be back to normal. I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is that come September I won't be able to work because everyone will be back from vacation again. There is one girl going out on maternity leave in July, but there is one who is out now (not maternity leave, not sure why she's out) and she is coming back in September. So, that's a worry for me...
Also, there aren't many jobs you can get with a BA in Biblical Studies...I don't want to be a preacher/pastor/minister because of what it says in Timothy about women not being allowed to have authority over men...but what else can I do with this sort of degree? Most people who get this degree go on to seminary.
I also have this big debt (student loans) now that I have to start paying back in November, and a minimum wage job won't cut it. I also don't want to do data entry because I got carpal tunnel from it. It's ok to do short term for the summer, but not long term.
You know, it's really scary when your future is at stake...what do you do, where do you go. I quit my job of 12 years, stepping out in faith to go back to school so that I could get into the B. Ed. program. That has not happened. So now I have thoughts of "is it because I did it on my own, and it wasn't really God directing me to do this" or "is it because there were times I doubted" or even "why would God bring me this far only to have the door slammed in my face?" Sure, He is in control and He has everything all mapped out and there is probably a reason why this hasn't happened, or maybe it's not the right time. Who knows. I can apply again next year, but honestly at this moment...I don't know if I should. I don't know if I want to take that chance. Of course a lot of this is just the disappointment of rejection talking.
Yeah, I clung to Jeremiah 29:11-13 claiming them as "my" verses for my school career. God has a plan and it doesn't involve harm. It involves plans to prosper me and give me a future...so what is it? Yeah, I know. Only He knows. I need to just trust Him and have faith right? Well, in all honesty that is not a comfort to me at this moment. It's not helping me at all.
I feel hurt, rejected, let down - all those sorts of feelings. That's my human nature taking over. It's me wanting to know the outcomes, wanting to know what I need to do or should be doing. It's me wanting to be in control. Yeah, I know...Proverbs 3:5-6...kinda hard to do that at this moment ya know?
Maybe it's God trying to humble my pride. Maybe it's God saying I need a little break, maybe it's God saying I messed up. I don't know. Maybe I just messed up at the interview. Actually, I think that is where things went wrong, whatever they were. I mean, if my references and marks weren't good enough I wouldn't have gotten an interview in the first place. I also think that the fact that my experience with children is in a church or Christian setting and not in secular society.
So, since this post has stretched on far longer than I had intended, I'm just going to wrap this up and let the news sink in and try to figure out where to go from here.
Have a Christ filled day
So, I might not be able to stay at the job I have this summer because (as I've mentioned) they have hired five new people since Christmas and now me for the summer. We have been getting out early every day since I started, yesterday being the latest time to date - 4:10. Normally we get out at 4:30. Sure, once vacations start things will be back to normal. I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is that come September I won't be able to work because everyone will be back from vacation again. There is one girl going out on maternity leave in July, but there is one who is out now (not maternity leave, not sure why she's out) and she is coming back in September. So, that's a worry for me...
Also, there aren't many jobs you can get with a BA in Biblical Studies...I don't want to be a preacher/pastor/minister because of what it says in Timothy about women not being allowed to have authority over men...but what else can I do with this sort of degree? Most people who get this degree go on to seminary.
I also have this big debt (student loans) now that I have to start paying back in November, and a minimum wage job won't cut it. I also don't want to do data entry because I got carpal tunnel from it. It's ok to do short term for the summer, but not long term.
You know, it's really scary when your future is at stake...what do you do, where do you go. I quit my job of 12 years, stepping out in faith to go back to school so that I could get into the B. Ed. program. That has not happened. So now I have thoughts of "is it because I did it on my own, and it wasn't really God directing me to do this" or "is it because there were times I doubted" or even "why would God bring me this far only to have the door slammed in my face?" Sure, He is in control and He has everything all mapped out and there is probably a reason why this hasn't happened, or maybe it's not the right time. Who knows. I can apply again next year, but honestly at this moment...I don't know if I should. I don't know if I want to take that chance. Of course a lot of this is just the disappointment of rejection talking.
Yeah, I clung to Jeremiah 29:11-13 claiming them as "my" verses for my school career. God has a plan and it doesn't involve harm. It involves plans to prosper me and give me a future...so what is it? Yeah, I know. Only He knows. I need to just trust Him and have faith right? Well, in all honesty that is not a comfort to me at this moment. It's not helping me at all.
I feel hurt, rejected, let down - all those sorts of feelings. That's my human nature taking over. It's me wanting to know the outcomes, wanting to know what I need to do or should be doing. It's me wanting to be in control. Yeah, I know...Proverbs 3:5-6...kinda hard to do that at this moment ya know?
Maybe it's God trying to humble my pride. Maybe it's God saying I need a little break, maybe it's God saying I messed up. I don't know. Maybe I just messed up at the interview. Actually, I think that is where things went wrong, whatever they were. I mean, if my references and marks weren't good enough I wouldn't have gotten an interview in the first place. I also think that the fact that my experience with children is in a church or Christian setting and not in secular society.
So, since this post has stretched on far longer than I had intended, I'm just going to wrap this up and let the news sink in and try to figure out where to go from here.
Have a Christ filled day
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Mother's Day
First off let me wish all the mother's out there who stop by, a very happy mother's day to you!
I got my mom a little boquet of flowers and a card (I plan on taking her and dad out to supper later in the week, maybe on Tuesday, as well).
My mom loves flowers! I asked her today what her absolute favourites were but she said she couldn't decide. She really like sweet peas because they are pretty and have a great scent. She said she likes all flowers really, but can't pick just one as her favourite. Her and Dad have several flower gardens around the yard: two at the next to the front of the house (on either side of the doorstep), a small triangular bed a little way out on the lawn which has some flowers and a couple of shrub-type plants, along one side of the house on either side of the chimney, a big round bed full of dahlias in the back yard, and all along the back of the yard streches another two beds which has a little pathway under a rose arbour dividing them. There are also a couple of other small beds along the back of the house. It's not hard to see that she loves flowers!
My dad also bought her a boquet as well, and she took both of them and made a flower arrangement out of them and it looks great.
Today at church, the sermon was on mother's (of course). In a similar fashion as last year, Pastor Jonathan talked about mother's and included all the women in the church - mothers, grandmothers, those who have not had kids for whatever reason, and those who are single. He said that many of the women in the congregation are involved with the various children's ministries and in that way they are like surrogate mom's to these children - we teach them, look after them, love them, etc.
When it came time for the children's moment, the pastor talked briefly and then had some of the deacons go with the children and hand out a carnation to all the women who were standing. He said that all women should stand, even if we weren't biologically mom's. For the second year in a row, I felt honoured to be able to take part in mother's day, even though I am one of those women who do not have children (I take part in children's ministries though). Prior to these last couple of years, I have never attended a mother's day service that included non-mom's. Don't get me wrong, mother's definately deserve to be honoured! However, I had always held a grudge against mother's day services because I was never included. As many people know, I have the strongest desire to become a mom, and at 37 I feel an even greater desire and I also feel my clock ticking really loudly. Anyway, that's another post for another time.
I've decided to include a picture of the carnation I was given today, in honour of all the women out there who are not mom's for whatever reason. I share my flower with you today, and wish you all a happy mother's day:
I got my mom a little boquet of flowers and a card (I plan on taking her and dad out to supper later in the week, maybe on Tuesday, as well).
My mom loves flowers! I asked her today what her absolute favourites were but she said she couldn't decide. She really like sweet peas because they are pretty and have a great scent. She said she likes all flowers really, but can't pick just one as her favourite. Her and Dad have several flower gardens around the yard: two at the next to the front of the house (on either side of the doorstep), a small triangular bed a little way out on the lawn which has some flowers and a couple of shrub-type plants, along one side of the house on either side of the chimney, a big round bed full of dahlias in the back yard, and all along the back of the yard streches another two beds which has a little pathway under a rose arbour dividing them. There are also a couple of other small beds along the back of the house. It's not hard to see that she loves flowers!
My dad also bought her a boquet as well, and she took both of them and made a flower arrangement out of them and it looks great.
Today at church, the sermon was on mother's (of course). In a similar fashion as last year, Pastor Jonathan talked about mother's and included all the women in the church - mothers, grandmothers, those who have not had kids for whatever reason, and those who are single. He said that many of the women in the congregation are involved with the various children's ministries and in that way they are like surrogate mom's to these children - we teach them, look after them, love them, etc.
When it came time for the children's moment, the pastor talked briefly and then had some of the deacons go with the children and hand out a carnation to all the women who were standing. He said that all women should stand, even if we weren't biologically mom's. For the second year in a row, I felt honoured to be able to take part in mother's day, even though I am one of those women who do not have children (I take part in children's ministries though). Prior to these last couple of years, I have never attended a mother's day service that included non-mom's. Don't get me wrong, mother's definately deserve to be honoured! However, I had always held a grudge against mother's day services because I was never included. As many people know, I have the strongest desire to become a mom, and at 37 I feel an even greater desire and I also feel my clock ticking really loudly. Anyway, that's another post for another time.
I've decided to include a picture of the carnation I was given today, in honour of all the women out there who are not mom's for whatever reason. I share my flower with you today, and wish you all a happy mother's day:
Friday, May 12, 2006
Getting Into The Swing Of Things
I started back to work this week, to my old job that I quit to go to school, to the one I return to in the summers. It didn't take long to get back into the swing of things workwise. I mean, it's data entry so it isn't difficult. I just needed to get my speed up, and I think I've done so a few of the days.
It's been hard to get up earlier in the mornings this week, because I'm not used to these early hours. I have to get up no later than 7:00, but usually am up by 6:45 and I leave the house around 8:00/8:05. I think this has been the toughest part this week, because like I said I am not used to getting up that early. My earliest classes were on Monday and Wednesday (the same class), and that started at 11:50 am. Every evening I've had to have a little nap which helped me for the rest of the evening, however it did make my nights a little wonky. I mean, I should have been going to bed at a half decent time because of having to get up earlier. Due to the naps, my sleep was messed up and I don't think I was able to fall asleep anywhere before 12:30 some nights, and later others. I'm working on that though...
They have hired five new people since I was there over Christmas. Normally our work day ends around 4:30, but this week we have not worked past 3:45. It's nice to get out early, but it doesn't make for a good cheque. My only "fear" (if you can call it that) is that they might lay me off until people start taking vacations. Well, it's not really a fear but more of a...concern I guess. I'm not really worried about it per se, but the thought has crossed my mind. I'm not worrying about it though.
That reminds me. Please keep my friend from work, Jean, in your prayers. She is going through a difficult time and could really use some prayer.
Anyway, I'm gonna head off and try to get caught up on a few things that I haven't felt like doing this week because I've been feeling tired. Have a blessed and Christ filled day!
It's been hard to get up earlier in the mornings this week, because I'm not used to these early hours. I have to get up no later than 7:00, but usually am up by 6:45 and I leave the house around 8:00/8:05. I think this has been the toughest part this week, because like I said I am not used to getting up that early. My earliest classes were on Monday and Wednesday (the same class), and that started at 11:50 am. Every evening I've had to have a little nap which helped me for the rest of the evening, however it did make my nights a little wonky. I mean, I should have been going to bed at a half decent time because of having to get up earlier. Due to the naps, my sleep was messed up and I don't think I was able to fall asleep anywhere before 12:30 some nights, and later others. I'm working on that though...
They have hired five new people since I was there over Christmas. Normally our work day ends around 4:30, but this week we have not worked past 3:45. It's nice to get out early, but it doesn't make for a good cheque. My only "fear" (if you can call it that) is that they might lay me off until people start taking vacations. Well, it's not really a fear but more of a...concern I guess. I'm not really worried about it per se, but the thought has crossed my mind. I'm not worrying about it though.
That reminds me. Please keep my friend from work, Jean, in your prayers. She is going through a difficult time and could really use some prayer.
Anyway, I'm gonna head off and try to get caught up on a few things that I haven't felt like doing this week because I've been feeling tired. Have a blessed and Christ filled day!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
An Open Letter To God
My Dear Father:
Let me start, firstly, by offering you praises for you surely deserve them. You are holy and awesome, You are the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and end. Lord, You are above everyone and everything. You are the creator of all, the great physician and healer. Lord, You deserve so much praise, yet I fear my words are not enough. Never the less, I do praise you Lord.
Thank you for the graduation ceremonies this afternoon. Thank you for each of my fellow grads. I pray that you will guide them and help them to know what is next. Thank You, too, that although Kate went to be with you about a month ago that they recognized her accomplishments and presented her degree to her family.
Thank You for the wonderful opportunity that I have had these past four year, to be able to attend university and work toward the goal of becoming a teacher. Father, You know that I stepped out in faith to do this, and I want to thank You for taking care of me every step of the way. I only pray that I have glorified you with my studies.
I have truly enjoyed my classes, though there were some that I didn't particularly care for and even complained about. Sometimes I am sure I may have complained (forgive me for this) more than anything, but all in all, I did enjoy them (except for stats...you know how much I really disliked that one - probably because I am not good at any kind of math).
Forgive me for those times when I lost sight of my goals, the belief that You called me to be a teacher. Forgive me for those times when I stepped off the path, for those times when I didn't give it my all or my best. Forgive me when I listend to the doubts and fears that Satan whispered in my ears. Forgive me for disobedience.
I admit that I am scared now Lord. I heard Krista telling someone she got accepted into the education program and then I asked when she found this out. She said she heard back about a week after her interview. She had hers the same day that I did (and I know this because she asked when I had mine and said she had hers the same day). I haven't heard anything Lord, and I fear that this means I did not get accepted. Krista said she heard they were interviewing 20 people then choosing 5 from that group, then interview 20 more and pick 5 until they are done.
I am trying to leave this in your hands, trying not to worry about it, but it doesn't seem to be working - I keep taking it back. I am so afraid that I did not get in. I am afraid now of having to tell people that I did not get in (especially all those who said they 'know' I'll get in and I won't have any problems getting in, etc.). That is my pride talking, I know. Forgive me for my pride Lord, and help me not to let it get in the way.
I am also scared because if I don't get in now, what then? What will I do? Sure, I can apply next year but it is so hard to go back after you have been away that long; trust me, I know because I was out of school for about 14 years. I really don't want to have to work at my old job again.
Student loans also worry me, because come November, I will have to start paying it back if I'm not in school. Once I start paying back, I don't know if they stop it once I start going back again to school or if it is something I will have to pay even then...
Father, I am starting to get really upset about this - probably because I am dwelling on it too much. At any rate Lord, help me to just hold Your hand and trust You. Take away my fear, (I know that isn't from you) and all the negative emotions and feelings I am experiencing. I think part of what is making me feel this way is because I told everyone that I'm doing this because I felt that you called me to do this, and if it doesn't happen then they'll think I was wrong or something. But, I guess that is pride too, isn't it?
So, Lord, forgive my sins and remove my fears and doubts. Help me to walk on the path that You have chosen for me. Help me to feel your presence and know that I am not a failure if I don't get in. I pray that you will give me wisdom to know how to handle this situation, and to listen to what You want me to do. I love You.
Your daughter,
Shelley, B.A.
Let me start, firstly, by offering you praises for you surely deserve them. You are holy and awesome, You are the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and end. Lord, You are above everyone and everything. You are the creator of all, the great physician and healer. Lord, You deserve so much praise, yet I fear my words are not enough. Never the less, I do praise you Lord.
Thank you for the graduation ceremonies this afternoon. Thank you for each of my fellow grads. I pray that you will guide them and help them to know what is next. Thank You, too, that although Kate went to be with you about a month ago that they recognized her accomplishments and presented her degree to her family.
Thank You for the wonderful opportunity that I have had these past four year, to be able to attend university and work toward the goal of becoming a teacher. Father, You know that I stepped out in faith to do this, and I want to thank You for taking care of me every step of the way. I only pray that I have glorified you with my studies.
I have truly enjoyed my classes, though there were some that I didn't particularly care for and even complained about. Sometimes I am sure I may have complained (forgive me for this) more than anything, but all in all, I did enjoy them (except for stats...you know how much I really disliked that one - probably because I am not good at any kind of math).
Forgive me for those times when I lost sight of my goals, the belief that You called me to be a teacher. Forgive me for those times when I stepped off the path, for those times when I didn't give it my all or my best. Forgive me when I listend to the doubts and fears that Satan whispered in my ears. Forgive me for disobedience.
I admit that I am scared now Lord. I heard Krista telling someone she got accepted into the education program and then I asked when she found this out. She said she heard back about a week after her interview. She had hers the same day that I did (and I know this because she asked when I had mine and said she had hers the same day). I haven't heard anything Lord, and I fear that this means I did not get accepted. Krista said she heard they were interviewing 20 people then choosing 5 from that group, then interview 20 more and pick 5 until they are done.
I am trying to leave this in your hands, trying not to worry about it, but it doesn't seem to be working - I keep taking it back. I am so afraid that I did not get in. I am afraid now of having to tell people that I did not get in (especially all those who said they 'know' I'll get in and I won't have any problems getting in, etc.). That is my pride talking, I know. Forgive me for my pride Lord, and help me not to let it get in the way.
I am also scared because if I don't get in now, what then? What will I do? Sure, I can apply next year but it is so hard to go back after you have been away that long; trust me, I know because I was out of school for about 14 years. I really don't want to have to work at my old job again.
Student loans also worry me, because come November, I will have to start paying it back if I'm not in school. Once I start paying back, I don't know if they stop it once I start going back again to school or if it is something I will have to pay even then...
Father, I am starting to get really upset about this - probably because I am dwelling on it too much. At any rate Lord, help me to just hold Your hand and trust You. Take away my fear, (I know that isn't from you) and all the negative emotions and feelings I am experiencing. I think part of what is making me feel this way is because I told everyone that I'm doing this because I felt that you called me to do this, and if it doesn't happen then they'll think I was wrong or something. But, I guess that is pride too, isn't it?
So, Lord, forgive my sins and remove my fears and doubts. Help me to walk on the path that You have chosen for me. Help me to feel your presence and know that I am not a failure if I don't get in. I pray that you will give me wisdom to know how to handle this situation, and to listen to what You want me to do. I love You.
Your daughter,
Shelley, B.A.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Be Prepared
"So then let us not sleep as others do, but let us be alert and sober. " (1 Thessalonians 5:6-7).
I remember reading this verse at one time and thinking 'Wow, I'm not allowed to sleep? What's going up with that?!' Well, let's just say I was a little off on my interpretation of the passage.
This verse is in reference to the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. We are told to 'let us not sleep as others do', but it is not referring to a physical sleep, the rest we get at night (or day if we normally work the night shift). No, God has designed our bodies to sleep and rest each day/night so that we can rest up and be able to do our work the next day. If we did not get any sleep, we would not function very well. Ever try to do your job with only a couple hours of sleep? Studies have shown (if I remember correctly), that if a person does not get any sleep it can eventually lead to death - though I believe that this has to be a high number of nights/days without any sleep.
The version I quoted from is the NASB (New American Standard Bible), and for the word 'sober' there is a footnote that reads "or self-control". I used to think this verse backed up those who say that a Christian should not drink alcohol. However, again that is not really the context. I will just interject here long enough to state that my opinion is that one or two glasses of alcohol is ok, so long as that does not lead to intoxication. I believe that when that line is crossed to where one begins to lose self-control or becomes drunk, then that is where the sin lies. It is in drinking to excess that is wrong. So, it is meaning to make sure you are in control of yourself. When you are drunk you are not in control, even if you think you are.
What the verse is saying is that we need to have self-control so that we can be prepared for the coming of Christ, because we do not know when this will happen. Much like Jesus says, that in the last days it will be "just like the days of Noah" (Matt. 24:37), people will be "eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away..." (Matt. 24:38-39) The people in Noah's day were not prepared for the judgment of the flood. Had they been prepared, there would have been more people saved that day.
So too, we must be prepared. It is ok to eat, drink, marry...but we need to make sure that our spiritual life is in order. We need to be doing what the Lord has asked us to do. We need to be obedient to Him, to "go into the world making disciples", to serve others as Jesus did; to love our neighbours as ourselves; to have no other gods before Him...and it goes on. However, I wish to say that in doing these things in obedience, we will not be saved. There is only one way to become saved, and that is through the belief in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection, and that He is who He says He is.
Because no one knows the day or hour when Jesus will return - we need to be prepared so that when He does come, we will not realize too late and not be able to do anything about it. So, be prepared and get right with God. Your future depends upon it!
I remember reading this verse at one time and thinking 'Wow, I'm not allowed to sleep? What's going up with that?!' Well, let's just say I was a little off on my interpretation of the passage.
This verse is in reference to the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. We are told to 'let us not sleep as others do', but it is not referring to a physical sleep, the rest we get at night (or day if we normally work the night shift). No, God has designed our bodies to sleep and rest each day/night so that we can rest up and be able to do our work the next day. If we did not get any sleep, we would not function very well. Ever try to do your job with only a couple hours of sleep? Studies have shown (if I remember correctly), that if a person does not get any sleep it can eventually lead to death - though I believe that this has to be a high number of nights/days without any sleep.
The version I quoted from is the NASB (New American Standard Bible), and for the word 'sober' there is a footnote that reads "or self-control". I used to think this verse backed up those who say that a Christian should not drink alcohol. However, again that is not really the context. I will just interject here long enough to state that my opinion is that one or two glasses of alcohol is ok, so long as that does not lead to intoxication. I believe that when that line is crossed to where one begins to lose self-control or becomes drunk, then that is where the sin lies. It is in drinking to excess that is wrong. So, it is meaning to make sure you are in control of yourself. When you are drunk you are not in control, even if you think you are.
What the verse is saying is that we need to have self-control so that we can be prepared for the coming of Christ, because we do not know when this will happen. Much like Jesus says, that in the last days it will be "just like the days of Noah" (Matt. 24:37), people will be "eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away..." (Matt. 24:38-39) The people in Noah's day were not prepared for the judgment of the flood. Had they been prepared, there would have been more people saved that day.
So too, we must be prepared. It is ok to eat, drink, marry...but we need to make sure that our spiritual life is in order. We need to be doing what the Lord has asked us to do. We need to be obedient to Him, to "go into the world making disciples", to serve others as Jesus did; to love our neighbours as ourselves; to have no other gods before Him...and it goes on. However, I wish to say that in doing these things in obedience, we will not be saved. There is only one way to become saved, and that is through the belief in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection, and that He is who He says He is.
Because no one knows the day or hour when Jesus will return - we need to be prepared so that when He does come, we will not realize too late and not be able to do anything about it. So, be prepared and get right with God. Your future depends upon it!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Chronicles of Narnia
Ok, I am sure this subject has been beaten to death with a stick many times over since the movie came out awhile back. However, I finally was able to see it this afternoon.
This was my first exposure to the movie, as well as the series in general. I have heard about the Narnia books, and have been aware of them for some time. I was informed that the other books are adventures these same kids take in the wardrobe as well, though I am not as aware of the titles or what they are about.
I enjoyed the movie, and I think it is good for older kids to watch...younger kids could as well, though I don't think the battle scenes are particularly something they need to see. It is also a good movie for adults to watch, in my opinion.
I love how C. S. Lewis used symbolism throughout the movie, relating to Jesus, etc. I feel fairly certain in saying that any Christian wouldn't (or shouldn't) have any difficulty picking the symbolism out. Non-Christians might not be able to as well (or maybe at all), unless they are aware of what the movie is really depicting. I know my brother (who is 30 and does not follow Christ) knows about this series, and was surprised that it was full of Chrisitan symbolism. He said he didn't know it was "a Christian movie" (his words). I think he had/has more knowledge of these books than I do, and may have read the book(s) at some point.
Anyway, I have often wondered what the difference is between such a fantasy movie/story as The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and that of Harry Potter. My friend and I had a discussion on this once back before the movie had been released, and she had been reading the book to her young daughter. I posed the question basically because I didn't know anything about the Narnia books, but I do know what Harry Potter is all about. I asked what the difference would be, since both seem to include witches and some form of "magic". My friend responded by saying that maybe the difference lies in the fact that in the HP books, they try to disguise magic/spells, etc. as being good and that there is nothing wrong with it. In The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, magic and witches are bad/evil.
Now, I admit that I have listened to the HP books. But don't hate me. I read them so that I would know what they are about and so that I could be informed when discussing them with non-Christians (or even Christians) and be able to explain what the big deal is and why many Christians are opposed to them. I didn't want someone to say something to the effect of, "well, you haven't read them so how can you know what they are about or if they are so bad or not." So, I went ahead (praying before hand for the Lord to guard my heart and mind) and listened to them. I know what it is about, I know that they condone magic and spells and sorcery. I also know what the Bible says about these things, that we are not to have any part in these things. Was I wrong then in listening to these books? I don't know. I am sure some will think that I am some sort of heathen or something, but truly that is not their judgment call to make. Have I taken part in any magic or spell chanting or whatever? No way.
So, Narnia. With regard to the magic used by the witch in this movie (I guess you could call how she turned everything to winter and what she did with those she didn't like a form of magic), it is portrayed, in my opinion, as sinister and wrong. Though, this has just got me wondering with the whole "potion" thing given to the little girl (sheesh, I forget her name already), the one she uses on her brother, Edmond. How is that different; how can that be good? Or, is this 'potion' supposed to be symbolic of something?
In HP, the things that we know are evil (magic, spells) are portrayed as being good, fine, nothing wrong with them unless you use it for the wrong purposes. In the Narnia book, evil is exactly what it is - evil. Narnia shows you the difference between good and evil, while the HP books show you that there is evil, but instead of combating it with good, more evil is used - though it is disguised as good.
Anyway, I think I'm just rambling now so I am going to stop. Again, I don't know if I am making any sense with this post and I am sure that I will get comments on being judgmental against the HP books, or that I am bad for even reading them. I'm sure I'll even get comments saying that I shouldn't even compare the two series at all. But, you know what? It's my blog and I can do what I want!
Have a Christ filled day!
This was my first exposure to the movie, as well as the series in general. I have heard about the Narnia books, and have been aware of them for some time. I was informed that the other books are adventures these same kids take in the wardrobe as well, though I am not as aware of the titles or what they are about.
I enjoyed the movie, and I think it is good for older kids to watch...younger kids could as well, though I don't think the battle scenes are particularly something they need to see. It is also a good movie for adults to watch, in my opinion.
I love how C. S. Lewis used symbolism throughout the movie, relating to Jesus, etc. I feel fairly certain in saying that any Christian wouldn't (or shouldn't) have any difficulty picking the symbolism out. Non-Christians might not be able to as well (or maybe at all), unless they are aware of what the movie is really depicting. I know my brother (who is 30 and does not follow Christ) knows about this series, and was surprised that it was full of Chrisitan symbolism. He said he didn't know it was "a Christian movie" (his words). I think he had/has more knowledge of these books than I do, and may have read the book(s) at some point.
Anyway, I have often wondered what the difference is between such a fantasy movie/story as The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and that of Harry Potter. My friend and I had a discussion on this once back before the movie had been released, and she had been reading the book to her young daughter. I posed the question basically because I didn't know anything about the Narnia books, but I do know what Harry Potter is all about. I asked what the difference would be, since both seem to include witches and some form of "magic". My friend responded by saying that maybe the difference lies in the fact that in the HP books, they try to disguise magic/spells, etc. as being good and that there is nothing wrong with it. In The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, magic and witches are bad/evil.
Now, I admit that I have listened to the HP books. But don't hate me. I read them so that I would know what they are about and so that I could be informed when discussing them with non-Christians (or even Christians) and be able to explain what the big deal is and why many Christians are opposed to them. I didn't want someone to say something to the effect of, "well, you haven't read them so how can you know what they are about or if they are so bad or not." So, I went ahead (praying before hand for the Lord to guard my heart and mind) and listened to them. I know what it is about, I know that they condone magic and spells and sorcery. I also know what the Bible says about these things, that we are not to have any part in these things. Was I wrong then in listening to these books? I don't know. I am sure some will think that I am some sort of heathen or something, but truly that is not their judgment call to make. Have I taken part in any magic or spell chanting or whatever? No way.
So, Narnia. With regard to the magic used by the witch in this movie (I guess you could call how she turned everything to winter and what she did with those she didn't like a form of magic), it is portrayed, in my opinion, as sinister and wrong. Though, this has just got me wondering with the whole "potion" thing given to the little girl (sheesh, I forget her name already), the one she uses on her brother, Edmond. How is that different; how can that be good? Or, is this 'potion' supposed to be symbolic of something?
In HP, the things that we know are evil (magic, spells) are portrayed as being good, fine, nothing wrong with them unless you use it for the wrong purposes. In the Narnia book, evil is exactly what it is - evil. Narnia shows you the difference between good and evil, while the HP books show you that there is evil, but instead of combating it with good, more evil is used - though it is disguised as good.
Anyway, I think I'm just rambling now so I am going to stop. Again, I don't know if I am making any sense with this post and I am sure that I will get comments on being judgmental against the HP books, or that I am bad for even reading them. I'm sure I'll even get comments saying that I shouldn't even compare the two series at all. But, you know what? It's my blog and I can do what I want!
Have a Christ filled day!
Friday, April 28, 2006
A Few Great Blogs
There are a lot of great blogs "out there". Here are a few you may have missed.
Happy Dance Blog
Good Like a Medicine
Show Them Through Me
These are great Christian blogs, so please check them out and let them know I sent ya. I don't get any commission or anything from sending you there. I do get to pass on a few great blogs that you might not have come across yet.
Anyway, I hope you decide to visit. Have a wonderful Christ filled day!
Happy Dance Blog
Good Like a Medicine
Show Them Through Me
These are great Christian blogs, so please check them out and let them know I sent ya. I don't get any commission or anything from sending you there. I do get to pass on a few great blogs that you might not have come across yet.
Anyway, I hope you decide to visit. Have a wonderful Christ filled day!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
It Is Finished!
Indeed it is! Yep, it is finished. "What is finished?" You may ask. Well, I probably don't need to tell you, but I need a blog entry so guess what...I'm going to tell you anyway!
Exams are finished. School is finished.
Wow, I can hardly believe it. The last four years have flown by for the most part; though there were times that dragged by. It's hard to believe that this chapter of my life is over, and the next one is soon to begin. Wow - I guess I said that already...
I guess part of the reason why it might not feel like the year is over is because I only had one written exam this semester. I had a take home that was due last week, and my other course (I was only taking 3 this semester) didn't have any exam (there were several reports to hand in, three tests, a paper and a presentation, and class mark that made up that one. Those in the first semester of that course had to write a little test/exam, but we don't because the prof incorporated the 3 tests instead...the first semester didn't have any tests).
I had my exam in 2 Samuel tonight and I think I did fairly well. There were 20 short answer questions and 3 essay questions. I think I got the short answers all correct, though there are a couple that I'm not totally sure on, so I think I got at least 18 of them for sure. As for the essay, two of them I wrote a lot on and hope that they answered the questions enough, and the third one I didn't get as much written on but my mind was drawing a blank so I wasn't going to sit and fret over it. Well, regardless of how I did, it's over and I can't change anything.
Funny. This doesn't bother me at all like the interview did. Both are over and in the past now and I can't change either, yet with the interview afterwards I fretted over the answers I gave; with this it doesn't bother me at all. Like I said, funny.
So, now as I wait to hear the results of the interview for the B.Ed., I also wait to start work on May 8. I purposely chose that date because it is after graduation (which is May 6) and it also gives me some time to just veg and relax before going back to work.
My job is the same one I go to every summer, the one I quit so that I could go to school. I'm pretty lucky that they let me come back, because if I couldn't then I would have to rely on a minimum wage job more than likely and that would not help with school very much.
Anyway I am off to surf the net for a little bit and then probably do some guilt free knitting! I am so looking forward to that! I can knit all day if I want on my break before work. I'm hoping to get a few projects done that I've been slow with because of school, and I am wanting to start making Kristina's daughter a sweater as well (need to get a couple more balls of yarn for it though because it turns out I didn't get quite enough).
Hope you have a Christ filled day!
Exams are finished. School is finished.
Wow, I can hardly believe it. The last four years have flown by for the most part; though there were times that dragged by. It's hard to believe that this chapter of my life is over, and the next one is soon to begin. Wow - I guess I said that already...
I guess part of the reason why it might not feel like the year is over is because I only had one written exam this semester. I had a take home that was due last week, and my other course (I was only taking 3 this semester) didn't have any exam (there were several reports to hand in, three tests, a paper and a presentation, and class mark that made up that one. Those in the first semester of that course had to write a little test/exam, but we don't because the prof incorporated the 3 tests instead...the first semester didn't have any tests).
I had my exam in 2 Samuel tonight and I think I did fairly well. There were 20 short answer questions and 3 essay questions. I think I got the short answers all correct, though there are a couple that I'm not totally sure on, so I think I got at least 18 of them for sure. As for the essay, two of them I wrote a lot on and hope that they answered the questions enough, and the third one I didn't get as much written on but my mind was drawing a blank so I wasn't going to sit and fret over it. Well, regardless of how I did, it's over and I can't change anything.
Funny. This doesn't bother me at all like the interview did. Both are over and in the past now and I can't change either, yet with the interview afterwards I fretted over the answers I gave; with this it doesn't bother me at all. Like I said, funny.
So, now as I wait to hear the results of the interview for the B.Ed., I also wait to start work on May 8. I purposely chose that date because it is after graduation (which is May 6) and it also gives me some time to just veg and relax before going back to work.
My job is the same one I go to every summer, the one I quit so that I could go to school. I'm pretty lucky that they let me come back, because if I couldn't then I would have to rely on a minimum wage job more than likely and that would not help with school very much.
Anyway I am off to surf the net for a little bit and then probably do some guilt free knitting! I am so looking forward to that! I can knit all day if I want on my break before work. I'm hoping to get a few projects done that I've been slow with because of school, and I am wanting to start making Kristina's daughter a sweater as well (need to get a couple more balls of yarn for it though because it turns out I didn't get quite enough).
Hope you have a Christ filled day!
Monday, April 24, 2006
Interview Is Over
My interview for the B.Ed. program is now over. There was approximately half an hour of question answering in front of a panal consisting of two of the education profs and the woman who is the coordinator of the education program (she didn't ask any questions, but listened and jotted things down from time to time). One of the professors did most of the talking and asking questions, and then the other explained what the education program entails, the amount of work involved in the first year, etc.
The second part consisted of being given a question and having to write on it. The coordinator of the program took me to another room and explained the writing assignment. On the way to do this, she commented that she thought I did well.
At the time, and for a short while afterwards, I felt that I did not do too badly. However, now I am having second thoughts and doubts that I didn't answer the questions well enough or with the "right" answers.
The coordinator told me that we won't find out until early June whether or not we are accepted. She also said that the size of the envelope doesn't matter (she said that people think that if they get a thin letter it means they didn't get in, and if it is thick then they did because it would be filled with info on the course, etc.), that regardless of the answer, the envelope will be thin.
Well, this is now in God's hands, and I can't do anything about it - I can't go back in time to change my answers or anything. So, I am going to try to not worry about it - but that will only happen if I give the situation to God. He is the only one who can give me the strength to deal with this (and the results, regardless of what they are). If I try to rely on my own strength, I can guarantee you that I will run out quickly, and I will also continue to worry and fret over this. So, God...please take it!
The second part consisted of being given a question and having to write on it. The coordinator of the program took me to another room and explained the writing assignment. On the way to do this, she commented that she thought I did well.
At the time, and for a short while afterwards, I felt that I did not do too badly. However, now I am having second thoughts and doubts that I didn't answer the questions well enough or with the "right" answers.
The coordinator told me that we won't find out until early June whether or not we are accepted. She also said that the size of the envelope doesn't matter (she said that people think that if they get a thin letter it means they didn't get in, and if it is thick then they did because it would be filled with info on the course, etc.), that regardless of the answer, the envelope will be thin.
Well, this is now in God's hands, and I can't do anything about it - I can't go back in time to change my answers or anything. So, I am going to try to not worry about it - but that will only happen if I give the situation to God. He is the only one who can give me the strength to deal with this (and the results, regardless of what they are). If I try to rely on my own strength, I can guarantee you that I will run out quickly, and I will also continue to worry and fret over this. So, God...please take it!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
The Work of My Hands
So, what have I been doing lately? Well, let's see...I just finished up my take home exam for my communication disorders class (don't think I did it very well) a little while ago. I now have left to write just one exam, and that is on 2 Samuel. I am not too worried about this exam though, as I am doing pretty well in the class.
I have my interview for the Bachelor of Education program; that is coming up on April 24th (this coming Monday), and I've been doing some praying for it. I'm not really sure what to expect even though I have talked to some of the students in the program already and they have given me some examples of questions they have asked in the past. These types of questions are the ones I hate - they make you think! What is your greatest and weakest quality/characteristic; if you could change one thing about the school system what would it be; what makes you think you would be a good teacher...those kind of questions just make chills run up and down my spine!
Next, is graduation. That is on May 6. I am excited to graduate, yet nervous. The last four years have, in general, gone by fairly quickly. It scares me that student loan debt is great and that I will only be adding more to it in the next two years and when I get out, I am sure my monthly payment is going to be high. However, I can't worry about that. I feel the Lord has called me to be a teacher, and He will provide for me and help me to be able to pay off the debt.
I've also called into work today (technically now that it's past midnight it was yesterday that I called) and let them know when I am available to come back for the summer. I didn't get to speak with the supervisor I normally do, but this one said she will leave a message with the manager and they will get back to me. She said she thinks they will probably need me (people going on vacations and such), but the question is when (they might not need me until vacations start, which is usually the beginning of June). I am not worried about this though, so that is good.
Now, to get to the title of my post...the work of my hands (since my blog is titled Confirm the Work of Our Hands) - I thought I could use a little confirmation, or give some confirmation that my hands have indeed been working (oh great, by putting this in my blog I can just imagine the kind of things people will type into their search engines to get this!). Anyway, I have been doing a lot of knitting - some for me (a couple pairs of socks) and most for others (things I will probably put on/under the mitten tree at church next Christmas). If you are interested - ok stop rolling your eyes - you can check out my knitting blog (Kitten Yarns & Crafts) and scroll down to see pictures of the items I've been making. Feel free to leave a comment on the blog there and let me know what you think, or that you were there.
I also finally got around to writing another short story for the weekly writers challenge over at Faith Writers. I didn't place this week, though it did end up 10th overall in the intermediate level. If you would like to check it out, click this link and have a read. Let me know what you think in the comment section here on my blog (don't think you can leave one there unless you are a member).
Anyway, I am off to bed for it is late. Thankfully, I can sleep in - at least until my nephew gets here around 9:30 or 10:00!
Have a Christ filled day/night!
I have my interview for the Bachelor of Education program; that is coming up on April 24th (this coming Monday), and I've been doing some praying for it. I'm not really sure what to expect even though I have talked to some of the students in the program already and they have given me some examples of questions they have asked in the past. These types of questions are the ones I hate - they make you think! What is your greatest and weakest quality/characteristic; if you could change one thing about the school system what would it be; what makes you think you would be a good teacher...those kind of questions just make chills run up and down my spine!
Next, is graduation. That is on May 6. I am excited to graduate, yet nervous. The last four years have, in general, gone by fairly quickly. It scares me that student loan debt is great and that I will only be adding more to it in the next two years and when I get out, I am sure my monthly payment is going to be high. However, I can't worry about that. I feel the Lord has called me to be a teacher, and He will provide for me and help me to be able to pay off the debt.
I've also called into work today (technically now that it's past midnight it was yesterday that I called) and let them know when I am available to come back for the summer. I didn't get to speak with the supervisor I normally do, but this one said she will leave a message with the manager and they will get back to me. She said she thinks they will probably need me (people going on vacations and such), but the question is when (they might not need me until vacations start, which is usually the beginning of June). I am not worried about this though, so that is good.
Now, to get to the title of my post...the work of my hands (since my blog is titled Confirm the Work of Our Hands) - I thought I could use a little confirmation, or give some confirmation that my hands have indeed been working (oh great, by putting this in my blog I can just imagine the kind of things people will type into their search engines to get this!). Anyway, I have been doing a lot of knitting - some for me (a couple pairs of socks) and most for others (things I will probably put on/under the mitten tree at church next Christmas). If you are interested - ok stop rolling your eyes - you can check out my knitting blog (Kitten Yarns & Crafts) and scroll down to see pictures of the items I've been making. Feel free to leave a comment on the blog there and let me know what you think, or that you were there.
I also finally got around to writing another short story for the weekly writers challenge over at Faith Writers. I didn't place this week, though it did end up 10th overall in the intermediate level. If you would like to check it out, click this link and have a read. Let me know what you think in the comment section here on my blog (don't think you can leave one there unless you are a member).
Anyway, I am off to bed for it is late. Thankfully, I can sleep in - at least until my nephew gets here around 9:30 or 10:00!
Have a Christ filled day/night!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Thankfulness
I remember awhile back I tried to find five different things to be thankful for every so often. I haven't done that in quite awhile, so I thought I would do it again. So, my post tonight is to list five things that I am thankful for this week.
1. Friends. After having one of my friends pass away last week, it reminded me of the value of friendship. Friendship is not just something that is received from others, but it is given as well - we give our friendship to others. Without friends, life is kinda boring. For a long time I didn't have a best friend; it was something I had decided I didn't want. I had two best friends at different times in my life, and both of them proved untrustworthy and hurt me a great deal. Eventually we lost track of each other.
Now, I have a best friend again. Correction, I have two best friends! Jesus is my best friend. He is always there for me and no matter what I do or say, he still loves me. My other best friend is Kristina. I have only known her for about four years now and over this time our friendship has grown and deepened. We've also discovered that we are a lot more alike than we thought. I am very thankful for my two best friends and I am glad that the Lord has given both to me, and I am also thankful for my other friends too.
2. Education. I am about to graduate soon with my Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies. I have learned so much, and I am thankful for this opportunity that I have been allowed to have. I know that there are so many people in the world who can't get a higher education for one reason or another. I am one of the lucky ones. I don't say this to lord over anyone who might not have a higher education (or the same kind as I do), but I say this because I strongly believe that the Lord has also given this opportunity to me. If it wasn't for Him calling me to become a teacher, I would not have gone on to get this education.
3. Colours. Sounds a little weird, I know, to be thankful for colours. But I am thankful that there are so many colours in this world; so many different shades and hues. It would be pretty boring if the world were all just black and white or red and green or just yellow. Colours are everywhere - tropical fish, flowers, trees, grass, people, the sky (sun sets and sun rises), pictures, TV, etc. I am thankful that I do not suffer from colour blindness (though my understanding is that it is only reds and greens that are hard to distinguish for people who are colour blind), and that I can see such beauty.
4. My bed. I know, another weird thing. I have been waking up for a couple of weeks now with a sore back. It feels 'lame' or 'stiff' and generally after I've been up awhile it works itself out. Sometimes it feels like when I have a bad back (I think it's a pinched nerve or something) and it bothers me often at times. I think I need to flip my mattress. However, I am thankful that I have a bed to sleep in and that I don't have to sleep on the floor or out on the street. I will try not to complain of my sore back, because it could always be worse!
5. The Bible. I am thankful that I have a Bible (actually I have three or four in different translations) because there are people who don't. I am thankful that I live in a place where I am free to open it and read from it, carry it around, etc. and not get thrown into jail or persecuted for it. I am thankful that God gave us His word to guide us and teach us. I find comfort in the Bible; strength and wisdom too. For these things I am also thankful.
1. Friends. After having one of my friends pass away last week, it reminded me of the value of friendship. Friendship is not just something that is received from others, but it is given as well - we give our friendship to others. Without friends, life is kinda boring. For a long time I didn't have a best friend; it was something I had decided I didn't want. I had two best friends at different times in my life, and both of them proved untrustworthy and hurt me a great deal. Eventually we lost track of each other.
Now, I have a best friend again. Correction, I have two best friends! Jesus is my best friend. He is always there for me and no matter what I do or say, he still loves me. My other best friend is Kristina. I have only known her for about four years now and over this time our friendship has grown and deepened. We've also discovered that we are a lot more alike than we thought. I am very thankful for my two best friends and I am glad that the Lord has given both to me, and I am also thankful for my other friends too.
2. Education. I am about to graduate soon with my Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies. I have learned so much, and I am thankful for this opportunity that I have been allowed to have. I know that there are so many people in the world who can't get a higher education for one reason or another. I am one of the lucky ones. I don't say this to lord over anyone who might not have a higher education (or the same kind as I do), but I say this because I strongly believe that the Lord has also given this opportunity to me. If it wasn't for Him calling me to become a teacher, I would not have gone on to get this education.
3. Colours. Sounds a little weird, I know, to be thankful for colours. But I am thankful that there are so many colours in this world; so many different shades and hues. It would be pretty boring if the world were all just black and white or red and green or just yellow. Colours are everywhere - tropical fish, flowers, trees, grass, people, the sky (sun sets and sun rises), pictures, TV, etc. I am thankful that I do not suffer from colour blindness (though my understanding is that it is only reds and greens that are hard to distinguish for people who are colour blind), and that I can see such beauty.
4. My bed. I know, another weird thing. I have been waking up for a couple of weeks now with a sore back. It feels 'lame' or 'stiff' and generally after I've been up awhile it works itself out. Sometimes it feels like when I have a bad back (I think it's a pinched nerve or something) and it bothers me often at times. I think I need to flip my mattress. However, I am thankful that I have a bed to sleep in and that I don't have to sleep on the floor or out on the street. I will try not to complain of my sore back, because it could always be worse!
5. The Bible. I am thankful that I have a Bible (actually I have three or four in different translations) because there are people who don't. I am thankful that I live in a place where I am free to open it and read from it, carry it around, etc. and not get thrown into jail or persecuted for it. I am thankful that God gave us His word to guide us and teach us. I find comfort in the Bible; strength and wisdom too. For these things I am also thankful.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Jumbled Mind
Take two: ok, I had two bigish paragraphs written and deleted them. My mind is going around in circles I guess and I can't seem to come out with a straight line of thought. It's like every time I try to put words to what I have been thinking, it doesn't work and it comes out jumbled or not sounding 'right' or even make any sense.
I do feel that the Lord is drawing me closer to Him throughout all of this; not just to comfort me, but to urge me on with my walk with Him. I have been in a bit of a slump for a little while with my walk, and felt a little distanced from God. It has not been anything He has done - the fault lies with me for pulling away at times, and it has been harder and harder to get back into the kind of relationship I want to have with Him; to experience the closeness I once felt, the fire I had at the beginning, the passion to do for the Lord.
Maybe the Lord is using this tragic situation to speak to me, to remind me how precious our lives are and how little time we are on this earth. For some that time is less than it is for others. We just never know when He will call us home. To be honest, that is scaring me a little over these last few days.
I guess I am feeling afraid - afraid of having unfinished business here on earth; of not having done all for the Lord that I could have. Now, I know that it is not works that gets us into heaven, but only through the faith and acceptance of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour. However, we are to be like Jesus and that includes being a servant to the Lord - Jesus was a servant (He said He came to serve not to be served), and so we should be too. I know I have not lived up to my part of the deal (if you want to call it that). I know I have not obeyed Him as much as I should, and maybe even "pretending" not to hear Him...you know, like if you don't hear what He wants you to do you won't have to do it, right? Or maybe if I avoid talking to Him in prayer He won't tell me to do something that I am uncomfortable doing (as in stepping out of my box)...I don't even know if this is making any sense or not right now.
Don't get me wrong. I want to serve the Lord and be obedient, to be Jesus to others - but I fail at this...sometimes a lot. I am not perfect. But I know that when I ask Jesus to forgive me for this disobedience that He does forgive me; I also know that I need to be obedient - more obedient!
My witnessing also lacks greatly. To be honest, to talk face to face with people about Jesus (that is to those who don't know Him) scares me because I am afraid that I won't be able to answer their questions, or that I'll mess up in my words and not make sense or not have some sort of "come back" (for lack of a better word) against the other person's arguments. I am not ashamed of Jesus - I am afraid that I will mess up.
I know that I am supposed to be a witness to Jesus, to go into the world and proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ. Yes, I can do it on the internet through my blog or in a chat room or what have you...but there is something about witnessing face to face. That scares the heck out of me and I don't think it should. So, since it causes fear, that is not from God...it's from Satan who is attempting to keep me from telling others about Jesus...and it seems to have worked (with face to face situations that is).
So, I feel like God is using this whole time of mourning to call me closer to Him and remind me that I need to be obedient. I need to witness. I need to be a servant. But I don't know what to do or where to start...I don't even know if I am making sense with this in my thoughts.
I don't want to stand before Him one day and be one of the goats who did not feed Him when He was hungry, or give Him a drink when He was thirsty, or clothe Him, etc. I want to hear Him say, "Well done good and faithful servant."
I do feel that the Lord is drawing me closer to Him throughout all of this; not just to comfort me, but to urge me on with my walk with Him. I have been in a bit of a slump for a little while with my walk, and felt a little distanced from God. It has not been anything He has done - the fault lies with me for pulling away at times, and it has been harder and harder to get back into the kind of relationship I want to have with Him; to experience the closeness I once felt, the fire I had at the beginning, the passion to do for the Lord.
Maybe the Lord is using this tragic situation to speak to me, to remind me how precious our lives are and how little time we are on this earth. For some that time is less than it is for others. We just never know when He will call us home. To be honest, that is scaring me a little over these last few days.
I guess I am feeling afraid - afraid of having unfinished business here on earth; of not having done all for the Lord that I could have. Now, I know that it is not works that gets us into heaven, but only through the faith and acceptance of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour. However, we are to be like Jesus and that includes being a servant to the Lord - Jesus was a servant (He said He came to serve not to be served), and so we should be too. I know I have not lived up to my part of the deal (if you want to call it that). I know I have not obeyed Him as much as I should, and maybe even "pretending" not to hear Him...you know, like if you don't hear what He wants you to do you won't have to do it, right? Or maybe if I avoid talking to Him in prayer He won't tell me to do something that I am uncomfortable doing (as in stepping out of my box)...I don't even know if this is making any sense or not right now.
Don't get me wrong. I want to serve the Lord and be obedient, to be Jesus to others - but I fail at this...sometimes a lot. I am not perfect. But I know that when I ask Jesus to forgive me for this disobedience that He does forgive me; I also know that I need to be obedient - more obedient!
My witnessing also lacks greatly. To be honest, to talk face to face with people about Jesus (that is to those who don't know Him) scares me because I am afraid that I won't be able to answer their questions, or that I'll mess up in my words and not make sense or not have some sort of "come back" (for lack of a better word) against the other person's arguments. I am not ashamed of Jesus - I am afraid that I will mess up.
I know that I am supposed to be a witness to Jesus, to go into the world and proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ. Yes, I can do it on the internet through my blog or in a chat room or what have you...but there is something about witnessing face to face. That scares the heck out of me and I don't think it should. So, since it causes fear, that is not from God...it's from Satan who is attempting to keep me from telling others about Jesus...and it seems to have worked (with face to face situations that is).
So, I feel like God is using this whole time of mourning to call me closer to Him and remind me that I need to be obedient. I need to witness. I need to be a servant. But I don't know what to do or where to start...I don't even know if I am making sense with this in my thoughts.
I don't want to stand before Him one day and be one of the goats who did not feed Him when He was hungry, or give Him a drink when He was thirsty, or clothe Him, etc. I want to hear Him say, "Well done good and faithful servant."
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