Thursday, May 18, 2006

What To Do...What To Do

Well, I finally heard back from the school with regard to the education program. I did not get in. I've already done some posts with regard to that, so I'll try to keep things brief.

So, I might not be able to stay at the job I have this summer because (as I've mentioned) they have hired five new people since Christmas and now me for the summer. We have been getting out early every day since I started, yesterday being the latest time to date - 4:10. Normally we get out at 4:30. Sure, once vacations start things will be back to normal. I'm not worried about that. What I'm worried about is that come September I won't be able to work because everyone will be back from vacation again. There is one girl going out on maternity leave in July, but there is one who is out now (not maternity leave, not sure why she's out) and she is coming back in September. So, that's a worry for me...

Also, there aren't many jobs you can get with a BA in Biblical Studies...I don't want to be a preacher/pastor/minister because of what it says in Timothy about women not being allowed to have authority over men...but what else can I do with this sort of degree? Most people who get this degree go on to seminary.

I also have this big debt (student loans) now that I have to start paying back in November, and a minimum wage job won't cut it. I also don't want to do data entry because I got carpal tunnel from it. It's ok to do short term for the summer, but not long term.

You know, it's really scary when your future is at stake...what do you do, where do you go. I quit my job of 12 years, stepping out in faith to go back to school so that I could get into the B. Ed. program. That has not happened. So now I have thoughts of "is it because I did it on my own, and it wasn't really God directing me to do this" or "is it because there were times I doubted" or even "why would God bring me this far only to have the door slammed in my face?" Sure, He is in control and He has everything all mapped out and there is probably a reason why this hasn't happened, or maybe it's not the right time. Who knows. I can apply again next year, but honestly at this moment...I don't know if I should. I don't know if I want to take that chance. Of course a lot of this is just the disappointment of rejection talking.

Yeah, I clung to Jeremiah 29:11-13 claiming them as "my" verses for my school career. God has a plan and it doesn't involve harm. It involves plans to prosper me and give me a future...so what is it? Yeah, I know. Only He knows. I need to just trust Him and have faith right? Well, in all honesty that is not a comfort to me at this moment. It's not helping me at all.

I feel hurt, rejected, let down - all those sorts of feelings. That's my human nature taking over. It's me wanting to know the outcomes, wanting to know what I need to do or should be doing. It's me wanting to be in control. Yeah, I know...Proverbs 3:5-6...kinda hard to do that at this moment ya know?

Maybe it's God trying to humble my pride. Maybe it's God saying I need a little break, maybe it's God saying I messed up. I don't know. Maybe I just messed up at the interview. Actually, I think that is where things went wrong, whatever they were. I mean, if my references and marks weren't good enough I wouldn't have gotten an interview in the first place. I also think that the fact that my experience with children is in a church or Christian setting and not in secular society.

So, since this post has stretched on far longer than I had intended, I'm just going to wrap this up and let the news sink in and try to figure out where to go from here.

Have a Christ filled day

10 comments:

Pia said...

we all go through "confusion" and we start to doubt. but when we're on a cross road, doubt shouldn't be an option. we have to keep on trusting Him to take care of everything we need. i believe that He'll do the same for you. i'm confident that He will.

by the way, i also noticed that i get hits from kate's site every now ad then. could it be "ric"?

Jezreel said...

*big hugs* to you m'lady! I guess we're somewhat in the same boat, only, your end seems to be sinking faster - I only have to worry about a Bible study... Oh I wish I could be there for you right now to help you in any way that I can. I'll pray - and if there's anything else I can do, let me know!!!

LOVE YOU!
Jez

Jennifer said...

Shelley,

I respect the fact that your ideals are different from mine. But I would encourage you as a friend to reconsider Paul’s statement regarding women in ministry. Jesus certainly did not hold this view himself. And we see all throughout the Old Testament women having positions of spiritual leadership. Paul was operating under the assumption that the world was going to end very soon, and that belief influenced a lot of the rules he made up. I would also say that being a minister does not equal exerting authority over men. It is the position of a shepherd, guiding and encouraging others to walk close to God. Just something to think about.

I can totally understand your feelings of hurt and rejection, and your fear of what the future will hold. I don’t want to give you simplistic platitudes, but I will say that I have no doubt God has plans to use you in an incredible way.

purple_kangaroo said...

Sending you big hugs.

GeorgianaD said...

Shelley,
I pray that God will open the doors in your life that are to be open, and close the doors that should be closed. Don't despair, God is with you even now.

From a practical standpoint, there are many jobs that don't care what type of degree you have, as long as you have one. Have you checked the career services department at your school? You should still be able to get their services since you just graduated.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Shelley, you have already said everything I would say to you, so i know you have faith that God is in control.

The only thing left to say is that I'll pray for you. Before you try to figure out your next move, spend some quiet time in prayer with God.

I would say if an answer isn't forthcoming...that means to wait. I realize with so much hanging over your head that is a hard thing...but God is in control.

One of my favorite new songs is Jesus Take The Wheel!

Jayleigh said...

Maybe your faith is being strengthened? I don't believe for a minute that He'd bring you this far only to let you down now.

Believe me, His timing is not our own. You may never know the reason. But it won't matter... when you're in, YOU'RE IN and you'll be happy and working hard.

**big hugs**

Um.... ARE you going to try to get in again?

Joe said...

Consider ministering as a Director of Christian Education. Thas's a position in which you do not exercise "authority" at all. Instead you act as a resource person, working with the Sunday School Director, Church Training Director and any other educational ministries your church might have to help them plan, coordinate and evaluate their ministries.

Jezreel said...

Awesome idea, Joe!!!

Maggie Ann said...

Dear Shelley, I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. a dear Christian once reminded my husband and I (in a sympathy card..we had just gotten home from the funeral of our 16 year old daughter) ....and our friend said in the card, God makes no mistakes. I believe that. Keep trusting him...in due time he will reveal his plans for you, He loves you fervantly. ....What about teaching or serving in private Christian schools..we have lots of them here (just a thought). I agree with the Bible that women are not to be preachers/pastors. (the husband of one wife..thats a qualifying statement if there ever was one..smile) You will be in my prayers this week. *hugs*