Steve started to change when he started living for God and not himself. As I reflect on my own life, I really wish that I could say I live my life totally for God and not for myself.
"I will say that ever since I started living for something other than
myself I started to change. My perception of WHO God is finally changed. My
perception about LOVE and what that really is changed."
Truth is, most often it seems like I am living for myself. I am ashamed to admit that I am more of a selfish, "self" centered person that I would like to be. I do know that this is a constant struggle for me, but that only with God's help can I live a life for Him and not myself. I don't know what holds me back from doing so, but I suspect it is fear of some sort...maybe fear of what God might want me to do, fear of failing in what God wants me to do...I suspect the fear comes from satan though, and not necessarily of myself.
One of my prayers is that I become more of a godly woman, living my life for Him. Why is it that I seem to find it so hard to do this? I have the desire...but when it comes down to it I guess (besides any fear) I just don't know what I need to do in order to live more for Him.
Maybe I need to start with something like choosing not to watch something on TV that isn't very godly (not that I watch a lot of TV or shows that are 'bad', but there are the occasional things that I know wouldn't glorify God...), choosing not to go to a movie that I don't particularly agree with its content (too much sex or violence for example)...I also don't get to go to very many movies...maybe instead of listening to someone "discuss" someone else I should just walk away. There could be a number of "little" things I could do to start this process. I guess the point I am trying to make is that maybe I need to be more bold for Christ than I am, be willing to be laughed at or made fun of for not partaking in things that don't glorify God, or being heckled for even simply just being a Christian.
I seem to be making myself out to sound like some Godless person, someone with no morals or faith or someone who is 'wishywashy' or whatnot. I don't think I am, but I do struggle (as we all do) with this. I guess I need to put the focus on God more so than I do, rather than putting it on me. Afterall, it is God who should be praised, worshipped and glorified...nothing I can do or say will ever come remotely near to making me be worth those things.
What I do and say should be a reflection of Jesus in my life. As I read in a couple of blogs this week, we just might be the only Bible someone reads. If I am not living a life worthy of the Lord, then that will reflect on Him. If I reflect the Lord in my life, that too will reflect on Him. I have a choice to make everyday on how I will act, what I will say, and whether or not it will be something that glorifies Him.
I seem to be going around in circles and not making much sense as I try to figure this out in my head (or rather typing it out on my blog). It's like the answer is right in front of me but I am not seeing it...or I am trying to make more out of it than I should. No, I am not perfect - far from it - but I do know that I need to stop living for myself and start living for God. I need to do what He wants me to do, and that might be doing something that I don't necessarily want to do. I might need to step out of my comfort zone (I think that is a bit of a problem I have as well)...So, I look to godly men (like Steve) and women for guidance and help along the path, for examples of how to live for the Lord rather than myself.
Now, please don't get me wrong. I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself or upset that I am not perfect. I am not angry or bitter that I am not "as good" as someone else, and I'm not comparing myself to anyone else either(well, maybe I am comparing a little). On the contrary, I think God has spoken to me through Steve's post on his blog. He (God) is wanting me to be more like Jesus, to love as He loved, to live as He lived and not be selfish. I agree totally with Steve in that when we live for the Lord and not ourselves, our outlook on life, on people, on situations, etc., will change.
So, after saying all of this, I need to start somewhere...but where? (just feel the fear crackling in the air around me now) I want to do this, but at the same time I guess I am afraid of what God will tell me to do...
Ok Shelley, suck it up and as the old Nike commercials used to say...Just do it!