Saturday, March 07, 2009

Jumbled Up, Mixed Up Feelings

It's hard to describe the way I'm feeling right at this moment. It feels like a whole lot of things all smooshed together and I can't put my finger on any one feeling.

I feel a little bored. I was working on some knitting a little while ago and I messed up - very noticeable too. I'm working on a scarf for an exchange pal and I have to send it out by the first of next month so I need to get cracking on it. This mistake really puts a hinderance on things because the pattern isn't very easy to pick up again. I will wait until tomorrow to try again - right now I'm too frustrated with it.

I started reading after the knitting. The other day I began reading "Kingdom Come" by Tim Lahaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. This is the final book in the Left Behind series. I could only read a few pages and felt - I don't know, almost agitated or restless or something. I can't seem to focus on the reading.

I had a nap earlier on, only for about half an hour when I got a phone call. It wasn't enough of a nap to take away the tired feeling, though it did help a lot. I didn't want to sleep too late anyway or else it would interfere with my sleep tonight. I don't feel totally tired at the moment, but I'm sure if I went to bed now it might not take too long to get back to sleep - though I could be wrong.

Maybe what I'm feeling is the Lord nudging me to spend a little time with Him. I've neglected this the last few days/nights and I have that whole "I'm such a bad Christian" feeling. You know the one I mean...the one where you feel so inadequate and can't seem to do anything right because you're not working on your relationship with Jesus. I know I'm not perfect; I know I struggle from time to time with being a "good" Christian. I feel so lazy in my walk, yet I long to have a wonderfully close relationship with the Lord...but yet at the same time I don't do what I ought to do (kind of like what Paul says). I guess I just need to get off my butt and make the effort. It's not the Lord who is lacking in this area - it's me.

I think what I'll do is listen to some Christian music, do a little praying, and read a chapter in my Bible. That should help.

Lord, help me to focus on you. Please forgive me for my neglect
in our relationship. Help me to build on your foundation in my life.
Amen.