Where Is Your Faith?

And He said to them, “Where is your faith?”  They were fearful and amazed, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey Him?”
Luke 8:25

The background of the above verse is when Jesus and His disciples were in the boat, heading to the other side of Lake Gennesaret (in my NASB Bible, the study notes indicate Luke is the only one to call it a lake. It is also known in the Gospels as the Sea of Galilee, and John calls it the Sea of Tiberias). This story is when Jesus calms the sea, and it follows the parables of the sower and the lamp.

As they were sailing, a storm came up. The wind began to blow, the waves began to be tossed about and slam up against the boat. I’m sure it was a pretty frightening place to be in the midst of a storm.  No doubt the disciples thought they were going to die if something didn’t happen quickly!

Now, they obviously knew that Jesus could save them, but they seemed to think that He had to be awake in order to do something about their situation.  Jesus, in my opinion, rebuked the men when he asked them, “Where is your faith?”  It seems to me as though Jesus was hinting at the fact that his disciples didn’t need Him to be awake in order for them to be saved.  He was right there, in their midst, after all.

Hindsight, for us reading it a couple thousand years later, would tell us it wasn’t Jesus’ time – it wasn’t time for Him to die, so there was no way they’d perish in this storm (though I’m sure at that particular time, the disciples didn’t know what Jesus was going to have to go through, and therefore wouldn’t know that it wasn’t “His time” yet.

We are a lot like those disciples.  At least I know I am.  I get into situations where I am afraid.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is.  It doesn’t matter if we are in an actual situation in which we could die if something isn’t done (such as being in a boat on open water during a storm like the disciples were).  It doesn’t matter if we are in a situation that could cause us to potentially lose our job (such as a company downsizing) and we wonder how we’ll pay our bills or feed our families.  The point is, we (or at least I) get scared.  We become afraid.  We wonder what is going to happen.

Sure, we may call out to the Lord.  We may pray for Jesus to save us, or we ask Him to prevent the situation from happening so that we don’t have to go through it or be in such a bind because of it.  But do you know what?  Jesus is right there with us!

We are not showing faith if we don’t believe that Jesus will get us through our particular situation.  We are not showing faith if we worry and fret about the results (or potential results) of whatever it is we are going through, or possibly facing.

I’m not saying that our faith (blind or otherwise) will prevent us from ever worrying about anything ever again.  It’s not like that.  We are still human, we still make mistakes, we still fail, and we have lessons to learn.  But the point is, that when we are faced with situations that could result in disastrous outcomes, we need to have faith that Jesus is with us the entire way.  He is there if we are able to avoid a disastrous outcome; He is there if we get the outcome we desire; He is there if we have to struggle through a storm for a significant amount of time before we get to the other side.  HE IS THERE WITH US.

So, when you are faced with any situation – be it good or bad – Jesus is with you.  If you have asked Him into your heart, if He is your Lord and Savior, His Holy Spirit (the third person of the Trinity) is with you.  We have nothing to fear.  We need to have faith.

Where is your faith?

Happy New Year!

Well, 2014 is  now upon us and we have been in the new year for a little over 12 1/2 hours - at least for my time zone.

Normally I don't do anything for New Year's Eve, and I am totally OK with that.  This year, however, I got together with my BFF (I'll call her K), a newish great friend of about eight or nine months (I'll call her J), and K's daughter (whom I'll call Little K) for supper.  K and I had talked about the fact that we hadn't had a typical meal we often had back when we lived in New Brunswick - meatballs and roasties (which is simply roasted potato pieces).  Almost every week, before I moved to British Columbia (she moved here a year later), we would get together, often with another friend of ours, F, and catch up on our weeks.  We would have meatballs and roasties, knit or cross-stitch, and watch movies - or sometimes play the Wii.

So, we decided to get together for New Year's Eve and have a meal of roasties and meatballs, and we wanted to invite J as well.  We also thought that since there were a few others from work who had not gone home to their families in other provinces for the Christmas break, we'd invite them over for a games night and ring in the new year.  So, four others joined up later in the evening (a fifth was invited but didn't show up and never responded to the texts that were sent to all of them).  We played some really great games - some of which were new to me. I'll have to get the names of them from the others and see about getting those for myself as well.  We had a lot of laughs, ate a lot of yummy snacks and at midnight, we blew our noise makers, toasted each other, and attempted to sing Auld Lang Syne.  That was quite unsuccessful as none of us really knew the words to the song.  But, we had a good laugh over it.

The only downside to it all (at least for me), was the fact that my back has been bothering me somewhat over the break.  It had felt fine most of the day, but then at one point during the evening I moved a certain way and it began to act up again.  I also think I may have eaten something that didn't agree with me as I began to not feel so great.  And before you can ask, no it wasn't from drinking too much.  I don't drink alcohol at all, so it had nothing to do with that.  Today I've felt mostly better, but there are times that I'm still feeling a little queasy.  I've taken some non-drowsy, herbal, Gravol, so hopefully that will help.  I hope I'm not coming down with a stomach bug.  But, if I am, I hope it passes quickly as I have to head back to work (teaching) this coming Monday.

My plan for today is to just take it easy, relax, get some more knitting done, and possibly make some bread or rolls (I've not made rolls before, and have only made bread once - and that is by hand with no bread maker, which I don't have anyway).  In the next few days I'll have to get on to some lesson planning and do some housework as I plan on having J, K, and Little K over for supper before we head back to work - maybe on Sunday.

So, I will end for now and wish you all the best for a happy and healthy 2014.  May God's blessings freely flow upon you.

A Month In

Sorry for the delay in posting.  I've been trying to create a post on here for a few days now, but for some reason I couldn't type in the post area of Blogger. I could type in the title area, but not elsewhere.  I don't know if it has anything to do with my outdated Internet Explorer (some sites have been telling me I need to update or I can't see or access certain things or sites).  Anyway, I came to Google Chrome and didn't have any issues with creating a post.

Well, I've been back at work (teaching) for nearly a month now and I've been exhausted and somewhat stressed most evenings/days.  I haven't found a balance yet, and my class is requiring much more work than last year's class.  It's taking awhile to get them used to the class rules and procedures, and this is causing me stress - probably more than I should let it.

Most evenings I get home and feel too tired to do anything - make something for supper, mark work, do lesson plans, housework, etc.  So far, weekends haven't been as relaxing as I'd like either.  I really lack energy and motivation to do anything.  I typically get some work done, but not nearly as much as I'd like.  I've been trying to eat better, but with the way I've been feeling since work started up, that hasn't been too good. I've also been walking to and from (most days) work, so I am getting some exercise.

I just don't want to burn out.  We do have a little "break" at Thanksgiving, but we are going to a conference in the Vancouver area (leaving here on Wednesday, and arriving back on Saturday), followed by the Monday off for Thanksgiving. But, I know that time won't be all that relaxing and restful.  Hopefully it will help, because the next real break will only come at Christmas time.

I know I can get through this. I've been praying more and also doing prayer and devotions in class (aside from our weekly Bible class) each morning.  Maybe I'm being attacked by the enemy for this, I don't know. I pray that I will be able to focus, have energy, get my work done well, and be able to relax in the evenings. So far, I've been struggling, but maybe I'm putting too much focus on the stress and not actually trying to relax.

The balance will come. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Little Summer Update

It's been almost three weeks since I've been back home.  And I must say, it's been nice.

My flights were great, no issues, though on the one from Calgary to Ottawa I was nearly sick. I've never been sick on a flight before and I didn't want this to be the first time. This all happened BEFORE the flight even left! 

Not long before the plane was starting to back away from the terminal, I had a sudden feeling that I might get sick. I quickly grabbed a piece of gum from my purse, hoping I just needed a little bit of sugar. It helped a bit. But the feeling came again. This time I grabbed the safety card from the seat back in front of me and began to fan my face.  It was helping. I also turned the fan above me on full force and tilted my face back and also had it blowing on the back of my neck to cool me off.

It was wicked hot in the plan!

Once we got in the air and the flight attendants were going around with the free drinks, I asked if they had a little package of crackers or something like that. I figured it might help settle my stomach.  I got some ice water, but was informed that I'd have to buy a snack if I was hungry. I told her I wasn't, that I felt like I was going to pass out or be sick from the heat. She agreed that it was hot and they would turn it down, but they wouldn't give me any crackers. Seriously?!

After about half an hour, I felt much better because they turned the heat down.

For the first almost two weeks I got home, my mom was unwell. She had laryngitis the night I arrived, and for the next three days.  She also had some kind of stomach bug, and her blood sugar was out of whack (she's diabetic).  Thankfully, now, she's fine - other than being a little weak.

I'm currently in Halifax, and have been here less than 24 hours.  I had hoped to rent a car this weekend and get out to places like Peggy's Cove, but there is something going on in the city this week and all the rental cars are pretty much booked up - though we did find one available. Unfortunately, it would cost over $200 (not including gas) once tax and insurances, etc. were added on for the weekend!  Talk about highway robbery!  I should have followed a friend's advice and rented one back home and drove here. It would have only cost around $70 (not including gas) plus the insurances, etc.  Oh well. We'll just have to get around using the city bus and not go to Peggy's Cove or other places outside of the city.

All in all, I have been getting a lot of relaxing in, done a lot of reading, and made myself some scrambled eggs for the first time this past week! Yep, believe it or not, I have never made scrambled eggs in my life before.  To be fair though, I only started eating them within the last couple of years.

Well, going to head off now. Not sure what's on tap for today as they are calling for rain and thunder/lightning, so just might keep close to home base today.  Might go swimming at the pool (so I can use my new bathing suit!) since driving to the beach is out of the question...

Hope you are enjoying your summer so far!

The Spirit Himself Intercedes For Us



A simple page from my Bible "art" journal .
The colours and painting aren't showing up too
well here.

 Isn't it wonderful to know that when we don't know how to pray that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us?  I don't know how many times, when praying, that I've just not known what to pray for someone or about something.

I feel that I usually seem to pray the same things for everyone going through the same or similar situations. For example, if someone dies, I usually pray for peace and comfort for the family. Yes, I do mean it for everyone, but I just don't feel as though I'm praying the way I should - or could.

I have also prayed and asked for the Holy Spirit to pray on my behalf about something because I didn't know what to pray - especially if it's for one of those vague request which people say, "God knows what it's about." 

Don't get me wrong, I am totally fine with them saying that. I don't need to know the details or what's going on in someone's life. If they want me to know, they'll tell me. And I'm OK with that.

But, I'm looking for better ways to pray. I'm looking for different things I can say in my prayers, rather than seemingly the same things over and over again. I know it's not what we say that counts. God isn't looking for big, flowery words, and I know He knows what is in my heart when I'm praying.  I used to be good at prayer (at least I thought so, and not in a vain way, and have had people tell me that in the past), but somewhere along the line, something changed and I just don't seem to be able to pray all that well.

Thankfully, until I can improve the way or style of my praying, I'm glad the Holy Spirit will intercede for me.  It doesn't mean that when I finally "get it", or improve, that He won't do this any  more. He still will do this.

I guess I should stop focusing on the past and they way I used to pray, and focus on NOW and just keep praying and grow from there.

Persistence Or Not Trusting?

I've been struggling with, and thinking about, something lately.

You see, I'm praying about something in particular. It doesn't matter what it is for this purpose, I'm using it as my example.

I am trying to leave a situation in God's hands (even though I will still pray about it), I mean, He is the one in control, but that's not always an easy thing to do.  My dilemma in the matter is this:  every time I pray for and about this particular situation, am I not trusting God?  Am I trying to take things into my own hands, so to speak, and continuing to pray because I really want this to be answered in a specific way, or am I just being persistent?

Jesus tells a parable in Luke 18: about a persistent widow. He wanted to show his disciples that they should always pray and not give up.

What is perplexing me, is whether or not I am actually praying about the situation and not giving up (which I am doing, I guess), being persistent, or am I just praying about it so much because I lack trust in God, in His answering my prayer?

How can you tell the difference between the two?  When are you being persistent in prayer and when are you just praying because you might not truly believe or trust that God will bring things about in answer to your prayer?

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or answers, feel free to leave them in the comment section. I'd really like to hear what you think, and hopefully someone can answer my question :).

It's The End of June Already!

Where has the time gone?  It's the end of June already!

I know I've been away from this for several months. I had really, honestly hoped I would get back into the swing of keeping a blog. Obviously that didn't work out. Mostly it was from not feeling motivated, and lack of energy to just do it (stemming from work).

And now that summer is upon us, I am heading back home again. I don't know how much access I'll have to the Internet, so I don't think my postings throughout the summer will be happening - unless I can convince my mom (with whom I'll be staying this summer) to get Internet just for while I'm there, and of course I'd pay for it since she doesn't use it.

I've kept up with my journals quite a bit (the ones I mention in the previous post). I have two - a general quote type and a Bible verse type. In the general one I mostly write quotes that I like and doodle or draw a simple picture. It's really very basic.  In the Bible verse one, I record verses from when I read my Bible or see one posted online, or hear one in church. I also tend to mostly have doodles and simple drawings in this, but I have "expanded" a little bit. Since my journal has ordinary paper, I bought some gesso to apply to it so that I could use watercolours on it. I've tried it twice now, and while my drawings and paintings are very basic and amateurish, I liked the results. 

I've been pinning a lot of journal ideas to my Pinterest board of the same name. I don't necessarily plan on doing all of them, but there are things about the ones I've pinned that I like: it might be a colour scheme, a quote, a doodle, or design.  I've even pinned a few videos that show how to create some specific journal pages. The ones I've watched were pretty cool, and over the summer I'd like to incorporate those ideas into my own journals.  This, I know, will require practice - and lots of it!  I don't mind though; I'm finding it quite relaxing.  I want to also continue practicing drawing (yesterday I practiced drawing a butterfly landing on a flower and it actually looks cute...not perfect by any means, but cute none the less).

This morning, as I was reading my Bible (in Hebrews 13), I used two verses from there for my Bible verse journal.  The first one is: Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it (verse 2).  The second is: The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me? (verse 6).  I've illustrated the first verse, a very simple sky and what are supposed to be clouds, though they don't really look like clouds. I need some definition or something in them.  I have yet to draw something for the second verse. I'll probably look through Pinterest to get some ideas.

Well, if I don't get the chance to post over the next few months, I wish one and all a safe and happy summer!

Practice Makes Perfect

This was day two of being back to work since having two weeks off for Spring Break.

I must say that although I didn't do much, I was able to relax, catch up on rest, catch up on reading (I read about five and a half or six books during that time), and I even managed to do a little bit of cooking.

But, as I said, I am back to work now. And these past two days have found me exhausted by the end of the day!  I didn't expect to be quite so tired so soon, but then I realized that I am getting used to being on my schedule again.

Recently, towards the end of Spring Break, I discovered journals. I was on Pinterest looking for ideas to use in class, and somehow I came across some art and Scripture journals - or at least pages that people have created for their journals. I really loved the way they looked and how they were set up.  I'm not an artist, but I do like to play around with paint and draw from time to time (though it hasn't been much lately, but I did take painting lessons for a year about ten years ago, and I also took a drawing class in university about six years ago).  Seeing all those creative pages inspired me, and I want to try some myself. I don't have much in the way of supplies, but I will make do and see how this goes.  This might be a good way for me to practice painting and drawing - and being creative. I've got a few simple pages done, but didn't have any pencil crayons or anything at home to colour them with (I'll need to work on that). Also, the paints I have are water colour and the journals I'm using aren't set up for that so I think I will cut up some of the water colour paper I have (into smaller pieces) and use that and either make my own journal or just lay them separately in a box/container loosely.

We'll see how it goes. If any of them turn out decently, I may share them here or on my knitting/craft blog (which I haven't updated in eons because I haven't been doing any knitting).

One reason I decided to attempt these types of journals was because I'm always saying that I wish I could draw and paint. Well, the thought occurred to me...if I don't practice these things, and try, then of course I won't be able to do it. I can't expect to just pick up a pencil or paint brush and be able to create beautiful images! It takes work - practice - and only then will I be able to do these things and develop my own style. I have to put in the work if I want the results. I need to be disciplined in this.

That goes for anything - learning something new, losing weight, perfecting a skill. Practice makes perfect as they say.

And, some day I hope to glorify the Lord with my creativity. It might not be now or any time soon, but if I keep at it, that day will come!

God Is In Control

Today, I feel odd.

My mind is racing, somewhat. My thoughts are jumbled, and I can't quite place that odd feeling I am experiencing.

Yesterday, I fasted. I don't know if I did it "right" or if I even really completed it fully. My fast lasted about 13 hours and I think going into it I knew what my decision would be - somewhat. My decision will be affected by the summer, and hopefully I will know more by then.

But, I feel as though I'm taking the "safe" way out rather than truly relying on God. And, maybe this is the outcome God wants for me. Maybe I need to fast again and be a little more prayerful during that time. And, maybe I am being attacked by the enemy to doubt my decision and question whether I truly am following God's lead.

My racing mind and jumbled thoughts aren't based on yesterday. I'm fairly certain of that.

I have been reading Kisses From Katie on my Kindle these last few days. What an amazing woman! She totally relies on the Lord to get her through the days, weeks, months - to help her do what He has called her to do.  She obeyed the Lord's calling, following His lead to Uganda, where He has blessed her and the people in the village to whom she ministers.

I compare myself, my life, to Katie's. I know we should not do that, but I can't help it. I think this is where the jumbled thoughts and racing mind are coming from.

While I don't feel called to be a missionary, I do know that I need to follow Jesus more - rely on Him to help me, get me through good times and bad, and just trust Him. I must admit that I lack in this area. It's certainly something I need to work on - or rather, let Him work on in me.

I think reading this book coupled with what I've been praying and fasting about has caused me to examine my own life, my own thoughts and desires. What is it that God has planned for my life? What is my calling? Am I doing what He has called me to do (I do believe that I am, I just might not be pulling it off as well as I could be, or should be)?  What about the desires I've had forever - the ones that are closest to my heart? How do I know if those will come to be (or not)? How do I go about fulfilling those desires? Do those desires and my calling conflict, and if so, what is the right choice to make?

I certainly don't want to make one choice and be left wondering for the rest of my life if it was the right one to make. I think I could have both, but with that there would be give and take involved - and not just on my part. And that offers more confusion to my thought process.

I know that God is in control. He already has my life mapped out - what I will do, where I will go, etc. I just need to learn to trust Him more, and rely on Him.

I doubt myself. I doubt that I hear what the Lord is saying to me - or if He is/has answered my prayer and I'm left wondering if this is all from Him, or from my own decisions. How can I continue to serve Him to the best of my abilities and trust that His ways are the best - even if I don't get the answer I want to my desires.

That takes faith. That takes trust. And, that is certainly something He will have to give me, because on my own merits, I will fail at this.

Lord, You are in control. Help me to have faith and to trust that I am following your lead and not my own.

My Head Tells Me One Thing...

Hello, again.

I have had many things on my mind since my last post, and have been busy with work and tired when I get home.  I had also started a writing course, but sadly, that fell behind and I didn't get it completed.  I should have known better than to do it while I was working - but I thought I could handle it.

In February, I fasted for 24 hours while seeking an answer to something I had been praying about. I don't know if I had done it properly, or if I had really got an answer. While reading my Bible, the passage that had jumped out to me was in Matthew where it talks about asking and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. 

My response was a little shocking to me - something I hadn't expected. When I talked it over with my BFF afterward, she said that maybe I hadn't dealt with the past regarding this. The verse was one that I used many years ago when "praying" (though I wouldn't say I was a Christian at the time). I told God then that I had been asking but I wasn't receiving. That was when I turned my back on Him; put Him on the shelf.

Fast forward to last month. I was not going to let the enemy use that verse again in an attempt to get me angry at God, or turn my back on Him again. No way.  Both prayer and response (both times) was regarding pretty much the same thing/situation. I didn't want to have the same results this time.

So, a couple of days later I fasted again. This time for two days. I let people know so they could pray for me during this time (especially when I came off the fast because that was when I felt attacked by the enemy when I came off the fast from a few days prior).  I feel that God answered my prayer regarding one situation that time - gave me confirmation - but I don't know about the rest of the prayer.  I still pray about this, but don't know if it is something He is "working out" that will happen in time, or if it is a "no" response.  At any rate, I don't feel that I have a definite answer one way or the other regarding this situation yet.

So, now I am on Spring Break (we have two weeks off, and return back to school on April 2nd), and I have decided that I am going to fast again, though I don't know for how long yet.  I am faced with a choice to make, and while my head tells me one thing, my heart tells me another. I just really don't know what to do.  I am trying to trust the Lord for His direction and guidance.  When I fast this time (I think it might be tomorrow that I attempt this one), I am hoping to spend more time in prayer, reading the Bible, and focusing on God's will and desire for me in this.

It's so hard to know what to do. I want the best of both worlds - I want both situations, but I don't know if that is possible. I know, with God all things are possible, and He can work them both out...but I feel as though I have to choose between one or the other at this point.

But, like I said, I am trying to seek God's desire, His will, for me in this situation. I do have fear in either choice (fear of what if I chose the wrong thing, or should I have chosen the other), but I know that I need to trust the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6) and be obedient to what He wants me to do.

On that note, I would appreciate any prayers over the next little while (especially for tomorrow, Mar. 19) for clarity, direction, and wisdom in what I should do.

Have a Christ-filled day!

Slip Away And Pray

In Luke 5, verse 16 talks about how Jesus would often slip away to pray.

It's important to get away from all things that distract us from God - the "hustle and bustle" of life.  In the quiet, it's easier to focus on God and pray.  Sure, our minds can wander during prayer (and I know mine often does), but it's important to refocus, ask for forgiveness for our minds wandering, and resume talking to God.

In the quiet, it's easier to hear from God as well.  If the TV, radio, and computer is off, if people aren't around us talking and making noise, we should be able to focus on God better and hear Him if and when He speaks to us.

Sometimes I find it difficult to pray in the quietness.  I think that is because I am afraid of being alone with God. I think I fear because I'm afraid He might ask me to do something I don't want to do, or He might say, "No" to a specific prayer request. I'm also afraid that it will be at that time when I let my anger, etc., towards God (which makes me feel guilty even admitting that I sometimes get angry at Him) show.  I know it's OK to be angry (God gave us emotions), but when that happens, I need to remember to repent of it and ask forgiveness afterward.

Other than what I've mentioned, I don't know any specific reason that would cause me to "fear" being alone with God.  I know He loves me and he knows what's best for me - yet I still "fear" it.  I have to wonder if it's because during that time God may reveal something about myself that I don't like, or want to hear.  In other words, He will examine my heart and see just how much of a sinner I am (and make me face it), and then I would need to repent (sometimes it seems easier to ignore a sin than to admit it and repent). Or maybe He would tell me that my deepest desire/dream will never become a reality. and I don't know if I could handle that.

It might be that during this quiet time, that God humbles me and brings me to my knees. I like to think that I am humble, but in reality, I am more proud than I would like to admit. And it's that pride that needs to be removed...which, even though I know is a good thing, scares me.

It Is Written

In Luke 4, what spoke to me this morning was when Jesus was in the wilderness and being tempted by the devil. People will say that this is how we know that Jesus can be, and is, sympathetic (and empathetic) to us, and that He completely understands what it is like when the devil tempts us.  I should note here that God does not tempt us to sin - the devil does that. God provides ways for us out of the temptation.

But, while what I just said is true, the part that speaks to me is that Jesus always had an answer when Satan tempted Him.  He was able to "back things up" by saying something that was written in Scripture, and He would begin His reply with, "It is written...".  That is why I need to immerse myself in the Word, learn it, and memorize it.  Elsewhere in the Bible it says we must be prepared to give a reason for our hope..."always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you..." (1 Peter 3:15).  If we don't know the Bible, we won't be able to back up our answers and give reasons "why".

I know that not everyone I come into contact with will accept an answer that is backed up with "it says in the Bible...". Those are the people who would most likely say that the Bible is full of fairy tales, or that it was only written by a bunch of men years ago.  I think, for those people, it would take more than that to turn them towards God. That would be whee "practice what you preach" and prayer would come into play.

But, regardless, it is important to get into the Word and not just read it, but memorize it, know it, and live it.  If Jesus knew the Word and used it in battle (and obviously lived it), then it must be important for me as well!

I am not quite awake this morning, so I apologize if this sounds incoherent. Have a Christ-filled day!

It's A Brand New Year

It's a brand new year, and I want to get back in the habit of reading my Bible daily, and spending more time with the Lord than I have been. So, yesterday I started reading in Luke 1.

The part that stuck out to me was verse 6, which says, "They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord."  The 'they' who are being referred to are Elizabeth and Zacharias, the parents of John the Baptist.  They were old and Elizabeth was barren. Yet, Gabriel appeared to them and brought the news that Elizabeth would have a baby in her old age.

As I read verse six over and over a few more times, it made me wonder if that might be a reason as to why I am not married and have kids - because I'm not righteous in the sight of God and I don't walk blamelessly in all His commandments and requirements.  Do I need to improve my 'walk' and spend more time in the Word and live a more Christ-like life before any of this will happen for me?

I just wish it would happen soon (the marriage and kids). I'm not getting any younger - especially with my birthday looming around the corner in less than three weeks!

Today, in chapter 2, the part that spoke out to me was part of verse 7, "...because there was no room for them in the inn."  This is, of course, referring to the birth of Jesus and the fact that He was found lying in a manger (which is a feeding trough).  Even as He was being born, people didn't have room for Him. It makes me stop and wonder if I have room for Jesus in my life?!

Lately, (or for awhile), it seems like the honest answer would have to be no.  I would like to say how devout I am, how Jesus always comes first and has room in my heart, in my life, but I need to be honest about it.  Most days I am consumed with thoughts of work, work itself, what I want to do or need to do, things I'd like to have, places I'd like to go, and even just relaxing.  I watch TV, I'm on the computer a lot, get together with friends - but for awhile now, I haven't been making time for the Lord in my life.  Yes, He should get first dibs on my time, my day, but often that doesn't happen.  Oh, I'll try to squeeze in a few little prayers during the day, or before I go to bed, and try to claim that as my "time" spent in God's presence. Or, I will simply read a chapter in the Bible and not meditate or pray on it.  But let's face it...that isn't quite time that is spent with Him.

I need to be spending quality time in the Word and in prayer if I want to be able to hear Him or have Him speak to me.  And how can that happen if I don't take the time to be with Him?

A good part of any relationship or in communication involves listening.  If I want to hear from the Lord, then I need to stop all the talking I do to Him, all the business and laziness in my life, and just sit and listen (or prayerfully listen)...or even throughout the day be more conscious of His presence and the fact that He might be speaking through someone else to me.

It all takes effort (and something like 30 days for it to become a habit), and practice to make it a daily part of my life.  And, that is something I need to work on!

A Friend Suggested Vitamin D

I live in the Great White North.

Since the middle of October, we have had snow. It seems like it has snowed many days out of many weeks since then, thought the accumulation doesn't seem as much as I would expect. I think that may be due to the fact that it's a "dry" snow - not the wet, packing kind - and maybe it doesn't take up as much room.  Anyway, it's still more than I really care for. At least it will be a white Christmas!

And, since it's winter, we've also had short days - shorter and shorter each day. Currently, the sun rises above the horizon around 9:10 a.m. and sets around 4:30 p.m. Right now, it's about 8:15 in the morning and it's dark, overcast, flurries, and seems like it's about midnight.

All of this seems to be taking its toll on me. This will be my second winter here, and it seems like my mood is worse than last year. I've been tired, feeling down, homesick, lonely, and have had no energy to do much of anything (haven't felt like doing much of anything lately). A friend of mine suggested that I try taking some vitamin D (that's the one you get from the sun light) and see if that helps. She started taking it when she lived in similar conditions last year and found it helped her. She now lives in the same location as I do, and she's taking it again. She gave me some of her vitamins to try, and I've now taken three (one per day). I don't know how long they take to kick in, but it might already be helping somewhat. I'll keep trying them to see if they help more.

I don't think I'll be heading back home for Christmas this year. It costs so much to fly all the way across the country. I am debating on whether or not I will get a Christmas tree and decorations for my apartment. I kind of want to, but at the same time I don't know if I should. I like having decorations, but it just seems like such an added expense because I don't have any here at all. I didn't buy any tree or decorations last year because I ended up going home for Christmas. I'll wait and see how I feel later in the week...and after I pay my rent, bills and buy some groceries and see if I have money to put towards some decorations.

I've also been up and down in my Bible reading/prayer life again. I really need to dig into the meat of it and stop skimming the milk off the top. If I want to hear from God, find out what He wants, and in what direction I need to be heading, I need to do more than what I have been doing.

I've joined a Bible study recently and have gone to two of them. The last two weeks were cancelled because people were going away or something, and next week is their Christmas get together/pot luck. I was kind of thinking of going, but at the same time, I don't really know anyone there yet and still feel a little uncomfortable. I'm undecided about going, though I really don't think they would mind if I went.  I'll wait and see how I feel on Tuesday (the night they have it).

So, that's just a little update on what's going on lately. Hope you have a Christ-filled day!

Do Not Look At His Appearance

Last evening I was reading 1 Samuel 16, which is about when Samuel goes to Bethlehem to anoint David.

What stuck out to me was verse 7 when Samuel was looking at Eliab and wondering if he was the one God wanted anointed. It says, "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.""

I've heard that verse a lot, and it does comfort me sometimes when I worry about how I look. It's nice to know that God is more concerned with how our heart looks rather than our outward appearance. But last night it made me think and wonder.

In verse 12, David is brought to Samuel and it says, "So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with beautiful eyes and a handsome appearance..."  If God is not concerned with the outward appearance, why does talk about David's appearance?

I had always assumed that Eliab was a good looking man and that was why God was telling Samuel not to be concerned with his looks (though I believe it mentioned that Saul was a good looking man as well, and quite tall).  But I got to thinking, that even if Eliab was a good looking man, his heart may not have been in the right place and that was what God was concerned about.

I'm still stumped with regards to the whole outward appearance thing though. We're told that Saul and David were good looking, and I assume Eliab as well...but then we are told that the outward appearance doesn't matter. If that doesn't matter, why is it mentioned at all?

Yes, God is concerned with the heart, and obviously, from reading this book of the Bible, we find out that Saul's heart was not in the right place, and David's was. This is ultimately what is more important, but why mention looks at all if they weren't important? What does it matter if any of them were handsome or not?

This is just one of those "things that make you go hmmm?" moments for me last night.


Do you find yourself concerned with outward appearances, either of yourself or others?

Today Was Picture Day

Since coming back after summer vacation, my BFF and her daughter have been staying with me. My BFF got a job at the school where I teach, and her daughter goes there now.

I only have a one bedroom apartment, but they were staying with me - a tight squeeze, but we managed well and no one killed each other! In fact, I think we all got along rather nicely. On Monday, they moved out into their own apartment - the same building only one floor down. It's been quiet since they left, and I find that I am getting used to quiet again. I enjoyed having them here, though, and they aren't that far away. I'm sure they will enjoy having their own space now.

Today we had picture day at school. When it came time for my picture (not the one with my class, but my individual picture), I wasn't too thrilled about getting it done. I don't like having my picture taken. I'd rather be behind the lens taking the pictures. Anyway, the photographer took several (as all photographers should) and she showed me the last one that she took. Amazingly, I liked it! I never like the pictures of myself - or at least I rarely do - so when I saw this one, I was pleased. I can't wait to get it back!

I've been tired these last few days, and over the weekend I was fighting a cold. It's been weird, because this time and one time not long ago, I was fighting a cold and neither time lasted more than a few days.  I've never had that happen before. I usually get colds for a week or so, not a couple of days. I was talking with one of the other teachers, and she was saying the same thing happened to her. I'm just thankful it didn't last long (I hate being sick...but then who does?). But, as I said, I've been quite tired the last few days and that might be from not getting as much sleep (thanks to the cold meds) or just being run down from the cold. Tonight I laid down on the couch around five and woke up around eight thirty. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep tonight!

At least the weekend is in sight...

End of the First Week

School has been in full force since Wednesday of this week. Actually, we started on Tuesday, but we were only there for two hours! This week was spent mostly trying to get the kids into a routine, to follow the rules and procedures for the class (and school) and trying to get accustomed to each other.

I have 22 students in my class this year, 12 are new to the school. So far, they seem like a fantastic bunch of kids, and I really think I am going to enjoy being their teacher this year!

Since being back from summer vacation, I've been attending church every week, and I am finding myself feeling a little more comfortable. I submitted a form to indicate that I am interested in joining a small group/Bible study and yesterday I received an email from the pastor of the church. He said that what I should do, if I know someone there, is to either invite them to join a small group with me or invite myself to the one he/she/they are involved in. If I don't know anyone, then the pastor said he would love to help me connect with someone.

I do know some people there (some of the families who have children at the school where I teach go to this church, as well as one of the other teachers I know from last year), but these people are either married with kids, or belong to the young adult group. I belong to neither of these categories. So, I am going to have to email the pastor and let him know my situation and hopefully he can help me connect.

With regards to my attempt at reading the Bible by the end of 2012, I finished reading Psalms the other day (took me all summer, but I was generally only reading one chapter a day....unless they were quite short), and started into 1 Samuel. I am only on chapter 2 so far, but looking over my list of what I still need to read...I might need to pull up my socks a little if I want to accomplish my goal.

Last night I attended a little "conference" on prayer. They are running more today, but I decided against going as I have a lot of work to do this weekend. I really enjoyed it. We had a half hour or so of worship music which was awesome, followed by a speaker.

The one thing I really got from this was that we all pray differently and that there is no wrong way to do it. If you aren't comfortable praying a certain way, or you don't have the motivation to do it, then try a different way until you find one that works for you. For example, if you try journalling your prayers but you can't keep up with that, then that might not be for you...but if you are the type who needs to keep a list of people and events (not journalling about it, but just something to focus on or help remind you) to pray for, which day you will "dedicate" to praying for specific events/people (i.e. on Mondays you pray for your co-workers, your job, and the government; Tuesdays you pray for your family and the missionaries from your church, etc.) then do that.  I found it a quite encouraging session...and I'm kind of regretting not going to some of it again today.

How is your prayer life? Do you have specific ways you pray or a schedule of when to pray for others? Do you journal? Let me know in the comments - would love to hear about it!

Catch Up

Well, I have been home now for six days. I spent about 7ish weeks back East with my family. It was good to get back and have a chance to relax.  I did a lot of reading (which I wasn't able to do during the school year), went to Halifax twice for three days each time, and just plain vegged.

In Vernon, British Columbia en route to Kelowna

I ended up leaving here (July 3) and driving with a friend down to Kelowna where we were going to a teacher's conference for one day. It was originally scheduled for three or four days, but it got cancelled. My friend knows the man who would have been instructing and she contacted him and asked if he was willing to give us half a day or a whole day (whichever worked for him) since I had booked my flight to leave from Kelowna way back in February when we signed up for the conference.  Thankfully, he was willing to help us and provided us with resources and lots of ideas for this program.

I left Kelowna and reached my hometown (well, hometown from the time I was 10) on July 6th. Thankfully, I there were no problems along the way.  It took me quite awhile to adjust to time zone, and I don't think I ever really did. I didn't mind though - I was on vacation!

As I said, I've been home for six days. Out of those six, I've been at the school for four days attempting to get my classroom ready and prepare for school to start on September 4th. Most of what I've accomplished so far is "grunt work" - cutting, pasting, sharpening pencils, photo copying, etc.

I've also been praying for my students over the summer, and also praying for myself - that I will be a better teacher this year, that I will be more effective, etc.  My BFF accepted a position with the school I'm teaching at, so I've been praying for her and her daughter as well. They are away from all of their family (like I was last year, and still am) and I understand what it's like to be in this situation.

In other "news" (OK, it's probably not technically news...), I've been reading my devotions and Bible pretty much every day throughout the summer. I'm still in the book of Psalms (138 to be exact), but have also read the book of 1 John as well. Three friends and myself started a Bible study (we used to do them together several years ago) towards the end of summer, and we are continuing it online until it's finished. I've enjoyed our discussions and have found them to be insightful.  I'm also looking forward to getting involved in a small group/Bible study through the church this year, and hoping I can connect with others. At the church I mostly attended last year (except the last month or so before I left for vacation) I found it was difficult to connect with anyone. I hope this one is better! I would like to make more friends here, especially since the only people I know are co-workers and my students and their parents (well, as much as you can get to know your students' parents).

This is getting quite long - longer than I intended, so I will end for now. Have a Christ-filled day!

See You In September!

This is a repost from my teaching blog...

After several date changes, we are apparently leaving tomorrow afternoon to make our way to Kelowna. We'll now take two days to get there instead of doing it in one looooonnnnggggg drive.


I'll be attending a mini conference on Blended Sight Sounds with one of the other teachers from my school. It was supposed to be a three or four day conference, but unfortunately it got cancelled. The other teacher knows the man who was going to be speaking, so she convinced him to give the two of us a half-day version to help us.

Once we get to Kelowna, we'll have a day or so to shop and soak up the sites (though the other teacher, R, is from there and she said she'd show me around since I've never been there), then the conference and an evening to go out for supper and meet up with one of the other teachers from our school who decided not to come back in the fall (she may have a job in Kelowna in the fall, and has one for the summer).

I fly out on Friday, and head back east for the summer. I'm anxious and looking forward to getting back and seeing family and friends.

But, I have a lot to do today to get ready for leaving tomorrow - packing, cleaning up the apartment so that it's spotless as much as possible (a friend of mine and her daughter are moving out here at the end of summer because my friend got a job teaching at my school, and they are staying with me until they find a place), and lots of laundry to do (clothes, bedding, towels)...I had planned on doing some of the cleaning today and some tomorrow (also did a little yesterday), so now I have to get it all done today. I don't think it will take too long though - I can do some cleaning while I have the laundry in at least.

After saying all that, I want to mention that I probably won't be posting a lot, if any, over the summer. I'll be staying with my mom, and she doesn't have internet. The only time I'll be able to get online is if I'm at a friend's place and am allowed to check email, facebook, etc.

I hope you all enjoy your summer!
Blessings!

It's Summer!

Well, these last few weeks have been busy with getting things wound down in school, doing up report cards, and finally, cleaning and organizing the classroom, etc. I even took some time to work on overviews and previews for the fall, and get a few lesson plans done up so that I'll have that much less to do when I get back in the fall.

In six days, I head back home for about six or seven weeks. I'm really looking forward to it and to seeing my family and friends. I'm actually leaving here on Tuesday (in three days), but I have to go to Kelowna for a mini-conference with R, one of the other teachers. We were supposed to go to a conference that was about 3-4 days long, but it got cancelled. My friend (the other teacher) knows the man who was going to be doing the conference, and she convinced him to give us a "mini" version for half a day. So, we leave on Tuesday, drive pretty much for the whole day (about 16 hours or something) to get there Tuesday night. We were supposed to take two days to drive down, but now she only wants to take a day to do the driving. It'll be a tiring day, for sure!

R is from Kelowna so she said she would show me around and we will do a little shopping as well. I've never been to Kelowna, so that's why we're doing the whole tourist thing. The next day is our conference, and we also might meet up with M, one of the other teachers who is not coming back to the school in the fall. She may possibly have a job in Kelowna for the fall, so we said we would try to meet up with her and go out for supper. Then, the next day, I fly out for home!

I will be travelling the whole day, and I have about a 4 hour wait in Toronto before I board the lat plane to get me home...at 11:30pm.

Even though I'm so excited about getting home for the summer, I'm also anticipating coming back and starting back to church - the new one I've been attending. I plan on getting involved in a small group, and hopefully that will help get me back on track with my walk. I've been enjoying the new church, have felt more welcome than I did at the other one I was attending for most of the year.

I've been doing good with reading my devotional and the Bible every day. I'm now up to having read 36 books of the Bible - my goal to  read the entire Bible in 2012, since starting in April. I'm currently reading Psalms, and just started that so I'm not too far into it. With Psalms, however, you can read several chapters in one sitting since a lot of them are short. I'm sure when I get to Psalm 119, however, it will take longer to read, lol.

I don't know if I'll get to update the blog over the summer. I may take my laptop with me, but I'll be staying at my mom's and she doesn't have internet. So, unless I take my laptop to a friend's house, or use their computers, I may not get any updates done (another reason why I wanted to get some lesson plans done up before the fall). 

So, for now, I will end and wish you all a fantastic summer. If I don't get to update, I will see you in the fall!

Blessings!