For some time now I haven't had the best walk with the Lord. I don't exactly remember when I started to drift, when I stepped off the path to try to find my own way along. I can tell you that it didn't feel too great - I felt that separation, that isolation.
I think it all started when I went to South Korea and couldn't attend an English speaking church (there were none in my area), and the church I did go to for a few weeks was nice, but it was a Korean service and the English translation was rather poor. I think that is when I stopped reading my Bible and my prayer life grew less and less.
When I came back home to Canada a year later, I started attending church again. It didn't feel the same. I felt disconnected, out of place, disjointed. I've talked about some of those struggles at that time in previous blog posts over the last year, so I won't go into the details in this post.
I have felt for some time that I need to get regrounded again, rooted back in the Word. I know my prayer life needs improvement as well, because, let's face it...other than quick little prayers here and there, or falling asleep when I pray at night (maybe need to pray when I'm not lying down), there really isn't much of a fruitful prayer life for me.
I admit that my spiritual life felt dead - or at least comatose. I still believed in God, still believed that Jesus is the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins, rose from the dead three days later and is now in Heaven preparing a place for His followers. I know that my sins are forgiven; I know that I have eternal life. It felt as though the spiritual waters had run dry.
Fast forward to a week ago this past Sunday. My pastor called those who were in my situation (or similar situations, or those who wanted to renew their walk with the Lord) to come forward for prayer. I was the only one who went forward. I felt the Lord nudging me to go, so I went. Pastor Jonathan prayed for and with me, and had one of the ladies sitting in the front row come and pray for me too. After the service Pastor Jonathan and I talked for a little bit and he encouraged me greatly.
One of the things he told me to start doing was read my Bible. He said to just read and not read it to study. Sometimes that's what we need to do in order to get back into it. So, for now, I am reading. If something stands out for me I will underline it and think about it, but I am reading.
He also said that my best friend and I should get together and pray and just talk things over. We are both in similar situations and God is working in us. So, we sat down after I talked with Pastor Jonathan, and we prayed for each other and decided that we were going to begin being accountable to each other. Every day we must read the Bible (it doesn't matter how much) and pray for the other person. Then we must email the other one and tell her what we read (we don't have to say what we learned or what we felt God telling us if we don't want to, but we are free to share if we feel like it) and that we prayed for her. So far we have done this for the past 10 days.
Last night I decided to go to a Bible study. Pastor Jonathan said I need to get involved in one of those as well. I chose the one he co-hosts, and I was nervous about going. About an hour before it started, I was feeling like backing out; however, I decided to just go and see how it was. If I didn't feel comfortable at this one I would pick another one to try out. But, since I did feel comfortable at this one, I think this is where I will stay.
The group was doing a character study of Peter, and I think we all learned some great things. Not only did talk about Peter, but how we are like Peter in our own lives (i.e. what is an area in your life you want to step out of the boat with). We didn't get this one finished, so we're going to do the rest next week. From the sounds of it, they have a different leader every week.
I say all this to say that after so long of feeling like I'm spiritually treading water, I feel as though I'm beginning to see the light again. For nearly two weeks now I have felt much better and more on track in my walk with the Lord. It's as though I've taken His hand once again, and now he's leading me back to the path that I had strayed from. I'm still struggling in some areas, but I am working on those with God's help.
I am a continuing work in progress. But I feel like things are beginning to look up again. Thank You Jesus!