Monday, November 03, 2008

Still Struggling

The days have been getting a little colder now. I'm ok with that, basically because I have no control over it. However, I must say that I do need to take my winter coat out and give it a wash (or dryclean - must check the label about cleaning methods for it first) so I can begin wearing it.

Not much has been happening around here lately, other than school work. I've gotten marks back from three presentations so far - an A+ and two A's. These were all group presentations by the way, so we all got the same mark. I had another group presentation last Thursday for the science class, but I don't think it went quite as well as the first one we had done.

My walk with the Lord is about the same, though there are brief moments when I can feel a little closer to Him. I had a good (somewhat) cry the other night and I told God a little of what I was feeling and confessed that I didn't feel close to Him; that is my own fault though and I know it and told Him that. I know I neeed to make changes in certain areas in my life, and I confessed that too. Anyway, the tears stopped and I felt a little less upset.

I have been trying to improve my prayer life, though it's still not the best. Mostly I will just pray little things throughout the day and then pray for a little more time at night. These prayers, also, are generalized with some specifics thrown in. It's also when I tend to ask God to direct my path and guide me...and help me to "be a better Christian" than what I have been lately.

There are so many areas in my life lately that I feel I need to change - little things and big things. I struggle to get the motivation, or if I do get motivatioin, to keep at it. I sense a lot of fear lately, so I'm sure that is what is also keeping me back. I do feel like I'm going through a growing period and changes are taking place...but still, in all honesty, I am struggling with my walk.

No one ever said the Christian walk would be easy, but I know that if I don't do something soon (or now), then I will find myself drifting further and further away from the Lord. The good thing is, though, that the Lord is always with me - even if I don't feel it. He's here, waiting for me to talk to Him and seek His guidance.

I still believe in Jesus, that He died on the cross and rose again three days later. I still believe that He is the way to Heaven, that He is the Son of God. I haven't lost my beliefs or anything like that - I'm just struggling with me.

Well, I had better get back to doing some school work. I'll try to keep everyone updated on how things are going - well if anyone is left reading this. Hope you have a great day!

2 comments:

*~Puzzle~* said...

I'm still hear reading...so keep posting. It is encouraging to be able to read the reality of seasons we go through in our lives. Mountains and valleys. I think I'm in a valley myself. Thank you for sharing.

The Lord is great though and is always with us like you said. Whether we feel him or not. I think my problem is letting hurt from other christians make me want to get further away sometimes.

It's a good learning experience though that God never changes and he's not the cause for the hurtful things people say and do to us. It makes God seem so much bigger somehow.

PJ said...

Oh, this post spoke to me...because sometimes (MANY) my 'feelings' really do take over me...and I just have to remember to stay steady. Love your pictures of your fall leaves a couple posts ago....