Yesterday evening, just after supper, I was a little tired and decided I needed a nap. I also had a dream...a weird dream; but I can't remember what it was about really, just a few little pieces.
In my dream, I was rebuking "demons" like has happened before in my dreams, and as usual I don't see anything. I just start yelling (or trying to yell), "I rebuke you in Jesus name!" and "At the name of Jesus you must leave!" So, in my dream I start doing this tentatively. My voice is a little weak and shakey, but I continue to rebuke. Then I "wake up".
It feels so real - I sense a "presence" of some sort, something not right, something bad, and I start rebuking. This time it's a little stronger, but my voice is still shakey, This time I also look to see what is "there"...nothing. But still, I feel like there is something there, so I continue rebuking...I then "wake up" again...it wasn't real that time, but also a dream.
Then, as I am waking up, I feel my blankets being pulled off me towards the bottom of the bed - nothing is there though, but I feel this presence and start rebuking. I'm looking right at the area where there should have been something or someone standing to pull off my blankets, but nothing. I tug on the blankets and it feels like wahtever is there is still pulling them in that direction. My voice is stronger this time and I yell out "I rebuke you in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ! You must leave because the Bible tells us that at His name you must leave! I rebuke you in Jesus name!" and said this several times.
Then, I wake up for real this time. What is weird is that in my dream, I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was dreaming. I woke up from one dream but was still dreaming; then woke up but was still in the same dream, etc. until I finally woke up for real. This has never happened to me before. Weird.
I used to have lots of dreams that I was rebuking demons or something, but never saw them. I never wanted to see them (in dreams or in real life), nor do I want to now. I haven't had these rebuking dreams for a long time now - this is the first in at least a year I think (give or take a couple of months).
I have no idea what this means, if anything. As you might know from reading here, I have been faltering a little in my walk - not praying, not reading the bible...but since the new year, I've been reading the bible everyday (though I may have missed one day, but to my knowledge, I have read it everyday), and have been trying to improve in my prayer life again. It's still not up to where I have been in the past, on the same level; it's hard to get back to it when you've left it behind for awhile.
Anyway, maybe this dream is showing me that what I have been fearing (or might have been fearing) is really nothing to fear. In the dream it is like I stood up to the "demons" and faced them, only to find what I thought I was afraid of wasn't there and by calling on Jesus, I got through it. I don't know - I don't know how to interpret dreams, so it's just a thought.
I'm feeling a little better lately in my walk. I'm not where I want to be, not where I used to be, and I still feel so - inadequate I guess. I know I'll never be "good enough", but I know I can be better than I am right now...I'm probably not making sense. I do know that I need to work on my relationship with God and build it up. It's hard, and if it's important to me (it is) then I should be working on it - doing what I can with God's help to improve it. And I will; I'm working on it - slowly but surely.