An Open Letter To God

My Dear Father:

Let me start, firstly, by offering you praises for you surely deserve them. You are holy and awesome, You are the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and end. Lord, You are above everyone and everything. You are the creator of all, the great physician and healer. Lord, You deserve so much praise, yet I fear my words are not enough. Never the less, I do praise you Lord.

Thank you for the graduation ceremonies this afternoon. Thank you for each of my fellow grads. I pray that you will guide them and help them to know what is next. Thank You, too, that although Kate went to be with you about a month ago that they recognized her accomplishments and presented her degree to her family.

Thank You for the wonderful opportunity that I have had these past four year, to be able to attend university and work toward the goal of becoming a teacher. Father, You know that I stepped out in faith to do this, and I want to thank You for taking care of me every step of the way. I only pray that I have glorified you with my studies.

I have truly enjoyed my classes, though there were some that I didn't particularly care for and even complained about. Sometimes I am sure I may have complained (forgive me for this) more than anything, but all in all, I did enjoy them (except for stats...you know how much I really disliked that one - probably because I am not good at any kind of math).

Forgive me for those times when I lost sight of my goals, the belief that You called me to be a teacher. Forgive me for those times when I stepped off the path, for those times when I didn't give it my all or my best. Forgive me when I listend to the doubts and fears that Satan whispered in my ears. Forgive me for disobedience.

I admit that I am scared now Lord. I heard Krista telling someone she got accepted into the education program and then I asked when she found this out. She said she heard back about a week after her interview. She had hers the same day that I did (and I know this because she asked when I had mine and said she had hers the same day). I haven't heard anything Lord, and I fear that this means I did not get accepted. Krista said she heard they were interviewing 20 people then choosing 5 from that group, then interview 20 more and pick 5 until they are done.

I am trying to leave this in your hands, trying not to worry about it, but it doesn't seem to be working - I keep taking it back. I am so afraid that I did not get in. I am afraid now of having to tell people that I did not get in (especially all those who said they 'know' I'll get in and I won't have any problems getting in, etc.). That is my pride talking, I know. Forgive me for my pride Lord, and help me not to let it get in the way.

I am also scared because if I don't get in now, what then? What will I do? Sure, I can apply next year but it is so hard to go back after you have been away that long; trust me, I know because I was out of school for about 14 years. I really don't want to have to work at my old job again.

Student loans also worry me, because come November, I will have to start paying it back if I'm not in school. Once I start paying back, I don't know if they stop it once I start going back again to school or if it is something I will have to pay even then...

Father, I am starting to get really upset about this - probably because I am dwelling on it too much. At any rate Lord, help me to just hold Your hand and trust You. Take away my fear, (I know that isn't from you) and all the negative emotions and feelings I am experiencing. I think part of what is making me feel this way is because I told everyone that I'm doing this because I felt that you called me to do this, and if it doesn't happen then they'll think I was wrong or something. But, I guess that is pride too, isn't it?

So, Lord, forgive my sins and remove my fears and doubts. Help me to walk on the path that You have chosen for me. Help me to feel your presence and know that I am not a failure if I don't get in. I pray that you will give me wisdom to know how to handle this situation, and to listen to what You want me to do. I love You.

Your daughter,
Shelley, B.A.