Friday, January 29, 2016

Where To Begin...

In my last post (last fall), I talked about taking care of my mom and how tired I was.  That was all true.  I was able to take Mom to Halifax with me for a few days at a time. Because of the side effects of the cancer drug she was on, she didn't like to go away from the house too long. She did great though.  She didn't like sitting in the car for nearly three hours (each way) because her butt - more specifically the tail bone area, was sore due to her losing so much weight.  She managed, though, and seemed to enjoy the drive despite being a little uncomfortable. We would take a little break along the way and stop so she could get out of the car for a bit, though.

One one such trip, around the middle or towards the end of October, my mom was quite weak on the day were were heading back home.  She had called me into the bathroom to help her get up, and if I hadn't been there she would have fallen.  She said she could barely keep her head up as well.  That was likely because by this time she wasn't eating very much at all.

I talked to my brother, briefly, and we decided it would be a good idea for me to stop at the hospital once we got back to mom's (we stopped before heading to the house, actually) to have them check her out and maybe give her an IV to get some nutrients into her.  So, I took her there and they admitted her.  That was just as stressful and tiring for me as I would go stay with her at the hospital everyday for most of the day (I did take a couple of weekends off, though, and went back to Halifax for some rest).

She stayed there until she passed away eleven days before Christmas.

It's been a struggle some days for me since then.  Of course I miss my mom like crazy, and life just doesn't seem the same.  I miss not being able to call her or visit her.  Several times I have seen or heard something and think, "I should call Mom and tell her that!"

And then I get sad, because I can't do that anymore.

My fiance has been great through all of this.  He has been so supportive and strong.  I am starting a new chapter in my life now, with him, and that's what I need to focus on (we are getting married this summer).  I will always have my memories of my mom, and she will always be in my heart, but now I need to focus on this chapter and my loving fiance, and create new memories with him.

I love and miss you Mama!