Saturday, August 28, 2010
Why Does Everything I Desire Cost Money - Even If It Is Not Materialistic...
Today I'm feeling tired. Although I was able to get a pretty good night's sleep, and I did feel awake a little while ago, I'm now feeling tired again. Might have to take a little cat nap.
I think my tiredness is on many levels - physical (I haven't been sleeping the last two or three nights), mental, emotional, and spiritual. It's hard to focus on the directions I want to take, or think I need to take. I am starting to feel overwhelmed with a lot decisions and situations, but I know that is just stemming from being exhausted.
Yesterday I was looking into a few things and felt a little depressed and...I don'r want to say hopeless, but that is how it felt...everything takes money to get or accomplish, something I don`t have right now. My job is supply teaching, and this past year I didn't get a lot of work, and what I did get was inconsistent. I am hoping and praying I get more this year, but still, it is not going to give me the amount I need for what I want to do and/or accomplish. I also feel like my age is starting to get in the way, but maybe that's all in my head.
I don't want to get into what I`ve been looking into on here (nothing illegal or immoral), but it is something that means a lot to me. Well, there are many things I want that require money, and not all are materialistic - they're things that require money in order to be accomplished or fulfilled.
I guess it is not meant to be - maybe not right now, maybe not ever. I know God is in control and if what I'm wanting and looking into is what He wants, then it will happen - no matter what. I guess for now I need to just forget about all of this and put my focus on God and follow His guidance, His direction, His will. It is hard to do, but it is what I need to do - even though in all honesty, I don't really know what to do or how to do that. Yes, it is something I need to do, no matter how painful it feels - the letting go and obeying God.