Saturday, August 21, 2010

Frustrated Yet Again

Why does it always seem like everyone around me gets what they want, especially when they don't follow the Lord (or they used to and have back slided a great deal and purposefully go against what He commands)? And why, when I am trying and trying to improve my relationship with God, do I not get what I want or my prayers answered?

I am so frustrated, jealous, angry - you name it. It just doesn't seem fair! Last night I talked to God and told him how I feel and why. I listened to some Christian music before I went to bed, and I started feeling a little better. But, this morning it has all returned - not quite as much as last night, but it's still there.

All I can see is my current situation and how it seems like (and feels) like God is ignoring me. I see Him working in everyone's life around me, but He seems to have pushed me to the back and would rather bless everyone else - even those who have fallen away. Honestly, I am quite discouraged.

I guess there is a sliver of hope in it all. When I did my Bible reading this morning, I opened to the book of Psalms (that's where I'm reading currently). I had a verse that was highlighted from a previous time, and it jumped out at me. This is the verse:

Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.
(Psalm 31:24)
So, I am going to try to follow that advice. I am going to try to be strong. I am going to try to let my heart take courage. And I am going to try to hope in the LORD.

I don't know if I'm being tested or if I'm under a spiritual attack, but I'm really tired of feeling like nothing in my life is working out. Maybe God is trying to break me, I don't know. But I'm pretty much at my breaking point now.
Ok, I think my rant and pity party is over. Time to try to stay positive.