My life is changing. I'm in the midst of learning that my actions and decisions now no longer concern or affect only me. There are other people involved in my life who need my attention - my fiancé and his son.
I am slowly learning that the three of us are growing into a family, and that my family no longer consists only of my parents, my brothers (and their families) and me. My family now includes S and J. Starting next July, after S and I are married, when I talk about my family, chances are I'll be referring to just the three of us. I think that reference might take some getting used to.
It's difficult moving from a selfish lifestyle - one where I did what I wanted to, went where I wanted to, bought what I wanted to, because there was only me to consider - to one in which I need to take others thoughts and feelings into consideration. Instead of asking, "What's best for me?" I need to be asking, "What's best for us?"
I want to do things that will show my new family that I love them. Sure, I can say it, but as "they" say, actions speak louder than words. I don't know what my fiancés love language is. I've done mine (words of affirmation and touch tied for first, and gifts was a very close second) and shared it with him. I've asked him if he would take the quiz and let me know what his are, but, he's told me he doesn't believe in "doing marriage" according to what a book says - or something like that (I forget the exact words he used), and I haven't pushed the issue.
I know marriages aren't perfect, and there is no single piece of information, no book, no advice that will make it that way. Marriage is a give and take. Both husband and wife need to give 100% to the marriage in order to make it work. I think that problems occur when one or both don't give 100%, or when one person feels like they are contributing more to the relationship than the other - or they perceive it to be that way.
It will take time to discover each other, to discover what works or doesn't work, and in putting my new family's needs and wants ahead of my own. We're just starting on this journey that will have bumps along the way, and I know that in the middle of our relationship needs to be the One whom we rely on. The One who will lead us. The One who will guide us. The One from whom all blessings flow. Jesus Christ.
With Christ in the middle of our relationship, we can overcome the difficulties and hardships together. But that takes trust, and that is something I need to work on.
I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my fiancé. And I'm looking forward to our relationship being the type of relationship God wants from us - one spent serving Him.