More Beginnings

Yesterday was the kickoff to the new year of Sunday school at church. We've been on hiatus since the end of June when the programs typically end for summer vacation.

This year, I'm the co-ordinator for the elementary section of Sunday school (nursery to grade 5). I don't feel called to this position; I don't feel like it's my thing. But I agreed to the position anyway - mostly because I felt guilty. I will, however, be telling them soon that I won't continue this position in the New Year, and they'll have to find someone else. It's just not my gifting.

So, we had Rally Day yesterday, and that went well. The man who is the main co-ordinator for Sunday School was in charge of that, so I didn't have to worry about anything with regard to that. We also had a ministry fair yesterday, and I was in charge of setting up our booth.

The ministry fair is a time when all the different ministries in the church - everything from audio/visual, to greeters, to the kid's mid-week program, to the prayer chain, and lots more - set up little booths in the church gym and the congregation (and any visitors) go through to see what the different ministries are, and whether or not there is something there that they are interested in and would love to help with. We have the fair once a year.

There were a few people who stopped at the Sunday school booth, but no one signed up. They came and looked at the pictures on display, took a pamphlet that outlined the fall classes offered (from the nursery all the way up to seniors), took our candy...and left. Not one person signed up to help in some capacity. Oh well.  The problem is, it seems to be the same people involved in all the ministries - lots of crossover. For example, there are several of our Sunday school teachers who are involved in the children's church program and/or the mid-week program. It makes it difficult when we all are trying to recruit people to help out. I know, for myself, I don't like asking others to help out if I know they are involved in other ministries...and those who aren't involved don't seem to want to help at all. It's tough. I suppose it's something that could be added to prayer requests for our church...

Tonight is the first night of Bible study, a.k.a. small group, and I'm looking forward to it. We stopped having it at some point in July because most people were going to be away or busy for the summer. So, we decided to wait until the fall to restart. We left off discussing the book of Revelation, and had got to about chapter 4 or 5...we had been discussing the letters to the churches. Not sure if we will continue with Revelation, or if we'll start something new. I guess I'll see tonight!

I've been realizing (though I think I've known all along, and just "overlooking" it), that my attitude about things - particularly church and God related. I'm praying that God will help me change my attitude, help me see things the way He does, and not the way the world does. Something definitely has to change, because I can't keep going on like this - I'm becoming jaded, angry, bitter, and I feel like I've lost my passion for doing His work, for what I felt called to do. It feels like the flame has died back to a little ember.  And I want it back.

First Day of School and Other Stuff

This past Tuesday was the first day of school for the kids in our province. For me,  however, the first day was yesterday.  For a few days I was feeling nervous about going back - probably because of not having to teach over the summer. But, when I got into the class, there was no nervousness or anything. The class I was teaching was one that I had supplied in the previous spring when the kids were in the previous grade. They are a good bunch of kids, and I had no problems with them at all. I even had one little girl come up to me and say, "Ms. S., hi! It's so good to see you again!" Even though it had been about five or six months since she'd seen me, and even though it was once, she remembered me. That felt good.

I was rather tired when I got home after school. I hadn't had a lot of sleep the night before (it took me awhile to get to sleep, but once I did, I didn't wake up until the alarm went off), and I've also been having a hard time sleeping the last few weeks. Also, not being used to working for a few months (I didn't work over the summer at all), and being on my feet all day, more than likely contributed to the tiredness as well.  Last night was a little bit of a struggle to get to sleep again, but I don't think I woke up until the alarm went off again this morning. I think I might have managed about five to five and a half hours of sleep. I'm a little tired as I sit here writing this as well...I think I'll  need another cup of coffe this morning!

* * * * *

I've been giving thought, lately, to spiritual attacks again. I have to wonder if some of the problems or situations we face and "blame" on the enemy are really caused by him. I know there are some things that are the result of his attacks (or his minions), but some things are our own creation or consequences to our actions. I guess I've been trying to figure out how to determine if something is because of us (and we put the blame on the enemy because that's what we've been taught to do, or we don't want to take the blame ourselves), or if it's an actual spiritual attack. I'm not talking about the obvious attacks because we are doing God's work and the enemy is doing what he can to stop it. I'm talking about the more subtle things - doubting we can be used by God, feeling like we aren't good enough, fear..and the list goes on.

I've been feeling weary for a long time. I know - or at least I've been told - that when it feels like God isn't doing something or working in our lives, or we aren't getting our prayers answered, not to give up, not to stop doing what we've been doing...that we should keep on "trucking along" until God tells us otherwise.  But quite honestly, I've really been feeling inadequate in so many areas of my life; I've been feeling like I'm not good enough, or just not good at something that I've been told for so long that I am good at (I guess more like self-doubt)...it's hard to explain. I feel like I've lost the fire, like I've lost my passion for so much...and I can't get out of it. It's like I'm stuck in a deep pit and can't get out.

And, quite honestly, I'm sick of the pat Christian/Biblical answers...the "oh, I'll pray for you" or "trust God" or whatever they happen to be. They don't help; they don't make me feel better, and those answers typically make me feel that the person saying them really doesn't give a rat's.....well, you know. It feels like the ones saying those things just want to sound pious or they only want to hear "I'm fine" when they ask how you are...they don't really want to know, nor do they really care. 

Sure, there are some who do care, some who are well meaning, but it seems from my experience that those people are few and far between. So many are concerned with looking and sounding Christian, that if you tell them you are struggling or doubting or fearing, or whatever, they think you are less of a Christian and act shocked that things aren't all "peachy keen" - especially if things are going well for them.

I'm just so frustrated, and have been for a long time. I feel like I'm floating in water with a heavy weight on top of my head and it's pushing me under. And while I flounder around and silently scream for help...those in the distance who are watching are more concerned with looking and sounding good, they don't want to get their feet wet to help. No, they'll stand on the shore and pray for me or tell me not to worry about drowning because God is with me and He'll help me.

Yeah, I know part of the problem is me...I don't always ask for help. That's because I've been burned and hurt so much in the past that I've pretty much lost trust in most people. I do have one friend I trust, and she knows a lot of what I've been feeling, etc., and I have another relatively new friend I've been able to build trust with, but that's about it (and of course the pat Christian/Bible answer for this is "oh, but you can trust Jesus".... I'm really sick and tired of getting hurt, feeling like people just don't care, and of feeling like I can't let others "in" because they'll probably hurt me in the end anyway.

I'm not losing my faith in God, I'm not doubting anything about Jesus...nothing like that. I'm just venting, I guess. Maybe I'm a little depressed too. Whatever it is, I'm really sick of feeling this way. I want the fire back; I want the passion back; I want to be able to trust...but, I'm struggling with the weight on my head, floundering in the water, and wondering why I just can't walk on the water and not be afraid.

That's it. Venting over. Off to try and be positive and not think these negative thoughts.

The Week In Review

It's been another hot week, and I've actually enjoyed it. On Tuesday I went to Halifax and Peggy's Cove again. We'd mainly gone there to Queensland beach (about a half hour outside Halifax) to cool off. Peggy's Cove had a few crashing waves this time (last time the ocean had been rather calm), and was able to get a couple of nice shots of the waves hitting against the rocks. I really enjoy Halifax - it's such a great city.

Yesterday (Friday), I went to another beach. This time it was in New Brunswick. Normally it costs $5 to get in/park, but I think because beach season is pretty much over, they weren't charging. There was a number of people there, but I was quite surprised there weren't more. It wasn't the popular beach in this area though, so I'm sure if we'd gone and paid the $10 to get into that beach, there would have been a huge crowd there.

I was expecting the water at both beaches (the one from yesterday, and the one from Tuesday) to be cold, but they really weren't. Mind you, when you first go in it's a little chilly, but you quickly get used to it. There was also a few waves at both beaches - nothing major - and that was fun to lie on my back and bob up and down in the waves.

Today, we are expecting a visit from Tropical Storm Earl. It's been downgraded sometime over night, but had been a category 1 hurricane while it pounded the New England states. It's still expected to have strong winds and some rain (which could amount to quite a bit), and can still do damage. Hopefully it won't be as bad as they were expecting. I've been awake for nearly two hours now (it's 5:35 am) and I looked out the window to see what it was like outside. There was no wind at all, which seems eerie - probably the calm before the storm. I just looked out now (it's a little lighter out, but still dark), and there is the gentlest of breezes blowing, though it's not consistent. I'll update later on with regard to the storm.

In work related news, I got a call the other night to supply on the second day of school, which is next Wednesday. I was quite surprised to get called in so quickly in the school year. From what I've heard, the first few weeks of school is pretty quiet for supply teachers. However, I do know this teacher as she used to go to my church, and she has been having some medical issues for a little while, so that could be why she's going to be away the second day of school. I'm not expecting too much to be going on that soon, but hopefully it'll go well. I actually had this class once this past spring when I filled in for another girl who used to go to  my church. They were grade three, and now they'll be in grade four. If they haven't changed too much, they will be a great class to teach. There were only about eleven or twelve of them, so if no one new has come to the class, it will still be small - which is good.

Well, I am getting tired again, and the yawning is happening a little more frequently. I am trying to decide if I should stay up for awhile (and get myself used to getting up early for the school year again), or go back to bed. I'm starting to get hungry, so I might just have some breakfast and see how I feel after that. Regardless of my decision, I will end here for now.

My closing question for you is this: What did you do this last week of summer?

Why Does Everything I Desire Cost Money - Even If It Is Not Materialistic...

Today I'm feeling tired. Although I was able to get a pretty good night's sleep, and I did feel awake a little while ago, I'm now feeling tired again. Might have to take a little cat nap.

I think my tiredness is on many levels - physical (I haven't been sleeping the last two or three nights), mental, emotional, and spiritual. It's hard to focus on the directions I want to take, or think I need to take. I am starting to feel overwhelmed with a lot decisions and situations, but I know that is just stemming from being exhausted.



Yesterday I was looking into a few things and felt a little depressed and...I don'r want to say hopeless, but that is how it felt...everything takes money to get or accomplish, something I don`t have right now. My job is supply teaching, and this past year I didn't get a lot of work, and what I did get was inconsistent. I am hoping and praying I get more this year, but still, it is not going to give me the amount I need for what I want to do and/or accomplish. I also feel like my age is starting to get in the way, but maybe that's all in my head.

I don't want to get into what I`ve been looking into on here (nothing illegal or immoral), but it is something that means a lot to me. Well, there are many things I want that require money, and not all are materialistic - they're things that require money in order to be accomplished or fulfilled.

I guess it is not meant to be - maybe not right now, maybe not ever. I know God is in control and if what I'm wanting and looking into is what He wants, then it will happen - no matter what. I guess for now I need to just forget about all of this and put my focus on God and follow His guidance, His direction, His will. It is hard to do, but it is what I need to do - even though in all honesty, I don't really know what to do or how to do that. Yes, it is something I need to do, no matter how painful it feels - the letting go and obeying God.

New Additions

Just as an FYI, I added some new blogs to the blog list on the left sidebar. Why not check them out? They are:

1. O Me of Little Faith
2. Untitled
3. There is A Time
4. J. C. Wert

There are a couple more that I tried to add, but for some reason blogger wouldn't let me. I might have to add them under "links" instead.

Doubt the Contradictions

Do you struggle with the truth of the Bible, and the contradictions that appear in it? You're not the only one - Jason does too. Check out his blog post here.

Failure

I recently started getting the In Touch magazine again. I love reading it, and I love listening to Dr. Charles Stanley - he's one of my favourites.

In the September issue, there is an article called, "The Aftermath of Failure" by Erin Gieschen. It's a great article. There is a quote from the article that says, "failure isn't how God defines you; He defines you by your heart." It's definitely something I needed to hear/read. I needed that reminder - and I think I need it often.

So often, I am afraid of failure and it often prevents me from doing something. And when I do fail, I tend to beat myself up pretty good. And, when I do that, I tend to think that others, and God too, will think less of me.

Reading this article helped me to remember that failure doesn't define me. The problem is, I need to remember that; I need to not focus on the failures in my life. It's hard though. I suppose it's part of my "perfectionist" personality - I need to be good at everything I do or try, I need to be successful, I need to not fail.

I know, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes and I fail. I'm human, and as long as I live I will continue to make mistakes and fail. But, I need to focus more on God and realize that He doesn't see me as a failure. I need to realize and focus on the fact that He loves me, no matter what.

Waiting

So, by reading my previous post (and some of the other ones as of late) you know that I've mentioned how I don't feel that God has been speaking to me, or working in my life.

Yesterday, Sunday, I woke up still in a bad mood, still a little depressed. The evening before I was driving home and had the radio on the local Christian station. They were playing one of those count-down/request type shows and the DJ (do they still call them that?) was telling about a girl who had been suicidal and that if God loved her and cared about, He'd have to tell her. The next morning she woke up and turned the radio on and there was a song playing (they mentioned which one it was, but it's unfamiliar to me) that talked about God loving someone. I told God that if He cared at all about my situation, and that He hadn't forgotten about me and was still working in my life, then He'd have to do something than other than having a song play on the radio.

Yesterday at church was a little difficult for me. It was a great service, but I found it hard to focus and concentrate. I don't want to say I scoffed at the message, but I was annoyed with it because it seemed like the pastor kept talking about things that don't concern me (i.e. marriage, kids, etc.).  I'll even go so far as to say I was a little emotional during the service. I've had a hard several days prior to the service, and I think I was just stressed out and it came out in emotions I hate expressing in public. 

So, to make a long story short, I realized that God was using Pastor J's sermon to speak to me - to tell me to keep waiting on Him, and even though it might take longer than I would like, He is sill with me and I need to wait for His perfect timing. To be honest, I even "felt" like something is going to happen soon. I hope it does - but if it doesn't, I hope that I don't sink back into the funk I was in lately.

Everything in the sermon yesterday, as well as the verse from Psalms that I mention previously, are all pointing to me to just put my hope in God and not in the world, to wait on Him. So, that is what I'm am really going to try and do...but I do know, I can't do it on my own - I need the Lord to help me!

Thank you God for still caring about me, for still loving me, and for still having a plan for my life - even when I don't feel you do.

Frustrated Yet Again

Why does it always seem like everyone around me gets what they want, especially when they don't follow the Lord (or they used to and have back slided a great deal and purposefully go against what He commands)? And why, when I am trying and trying to improve my relationship with God, do I not get what I want or my prayers answered?


I am so frustrated, jealous, angry - you name it. It just doesn't seem fair! Last night I talked to God and told him how I feel and why. I listened to some Christian music before I went to bed, and I started feeling a little better. But, this morning it has all returned - not quite as much as last night, but it's still there.


All I can see is my current situation and how it seems like (and feels) like God is ignoring me. I see Him working in everyone's life around me, but He seems to have pushed me to the back and would rather bless everyone else - even those who have fallen away. Honestly, I am quite discouraged.


I guess there is a sliver of hope in it all. When I did my Bible reading this morning, I opened to the book of Psalms (that's where I'm reading currently). I had a verse that was highlighted from a previous time, and it jumped out at me. This is the verse:

Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.
(Psalm 31:24)

So, I am going to try to follow that advice. I am going to try to be strong. I am going to try to let my heart take courage. And I am going to try to hope in the LORD.

I don't know if I'm being tested or if I'm under a spiritual attack, but I'm really tired of feeling like nothing in my life is working out. Maybe God is trying to break me, I don't know. But I'm pretty much at my breaking point now.
Ok, I think my rant and pity party is over. Time to try to stay positive.

For Your Goodness' Sake

As I was reading my Bible this morning, I came across Psalm 25. I had verses 4-7 highlighted and circled. As I read it over again (don't remember when I had marked theses verses), I remember that I had chose to make this my prayer to God, and I continue to have these verses as my prayer to God:

Make me know Your ways, O LORD,
teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
Remember, O LORD; Your compassion
and your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
or my transgressions;
According to Your lovingkindness
remember me,
For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.
         (Psalm 25: 4-7)

So tell me, what is your prayer to God?

A Bit of This and That

1. I've been trying to come up with some good blog posts, but every time I start one, it seems to fizzle pretty quickly - I don't know why. Guess I'll keep plugging at them and use them in the future.

2. Over the weekend, I was able to go to Halifax and Peggy's Cove (both in the province of Nova Scotia). I haven't been to Halifax in probably 20 years; I've never been to Peggy's Cove. L-O-V-E-D both places! Over on my photography blog, Shutter Bug, I've got a couple of photos posted and will be posting more over the next several days. Hope you'll stop by and leave me a comment (love comments here too)!  I definitely want to go back to both of these places again - hopefully soon!

3. Yesterday I received a photo of my new sponsor child from World Vision. I have been sponsoring a little girl from Tanzania for about 10 years now. Yesterday's mail stated that the community in which this little girl lives, has now become self-sufficient (yay, God!) so I will not be sponsoring her anymore. 

                                                                                                                                                 

I now have a new little girl in the same country, but different community now. From the little bit of info (I get more in about a month) stated with this child's picture, I was told she is nearly 3 years old, neither of her parents work and can't take care of their family well (probably because of not having jobs), and the community is quite poor. Please pray for this little girl, her family, and community (don't worry about specifics, God knows who and where they are).

4. My best friend found out that she will, in fact, be able to attend the B.Ed. program she'd applied for earlier this year (the same one I graduated from last November). Just a week ago, it seemed that even though she had been accepted into the program, she wouldn't be able to attend because of her financial situation. Just the other day, however, she found out that she WILL be able to attend. God is definitely working in her situation, opening doors for her, while shutting others. My friend has been trusting God all along to work out the details, and even when it was looking as though she wouldn't be able to go, she said that if God didn't want her in the program, then she was alright with that, and accepted the outcome.

I am so thrilled for her! She is an awesome woman, fabulous teacher (she works with 4 year olds all day, every day), and an excellent mother. I know that she will make one of the best teachers in the public school system when she graduates the program.

It's awesome to see how God has been working in her life - in the past, and in the present. He has big plans for her, I know it!

5. I wish I could see God working in my life. To be honest, it feels like He's taking a break from me. I really don't see Him doing anything in my life. I'm sure He is - after all, that's what "they" say, that God is always at work, even when it seems like He's not. I'm sure there's a reason why I never got an interview for a full-time teaching position (I applied for elementary teaching and ESL - though I would prefer to teach K-4), I'm sure there's a reason why I didn't get all that many calls to do supply work this past year. I'm sure there's a reason, but it's so hard not being able to see the results. I guess this is what faith is all about. Trusting God, even though we don't know what's going to happen. But, in all honesty, I really don't see Him working in my life, and that makes it hard. Sigh.

6. I am back to wanting to make changes in my life - so many changes to make! Earlier in the summer/late spring, I was working on losing weight and exercising, trying to get closer to the Lord (that is an ongoing thing for me - 1 step forward, 2 steps back. Well, when my sciatic problem began to get more and more intense, I pretty much gave up trying. I could barely move, was in pain, and couldn't focus on doing what I should do - nor did I feel like doing anything.

Well, since my sciatic hasn't been bothering me as of late (there is still a bit of tightness in my muscles, a little "pain" once in awhile (though nothing bad or requiring pain relievers), and half of my leg and foot is still numb), I've been itching to get out and try jogging/running again. I might give it a try soon, and see how it goes. I should be going out for walks now, since I can actually move again without pain, and should try and see how it goes on the eliptical machine (I tried several weeks ago, but it hurt my back a little).  And, I need to start watching what I eat and cut back again. I'm at the biggest I've ever been again, and I certainly don't want to get any bigger!!

Ok, well, I guess that's all for now. May you all have a blessed, and Christ-filled day!

*** Top picture of the Halifax, Nova Scotia waterfront; bottom photo is the lighthouse at Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia.

God's Creativity

Last night, I was thinking about how creative God is, and when I think about that, I always think about flowers. To me, those are one of His most creative things (sure, there is the platypus, which is pretty darn creative if you ask me, but, I did say "one of" :o) ).

Flowers come in all shapes, colours, sizes, and varieties. There are roses, daisies, purple cone flowers, irises, orchids, and the list goes on and on and on, and...

One flower that has become a favourite of mine in recent years is the dahlia. My mom has been growing many dahlias for the last several years (maybe close to ten years). Her and Dad used to work together to prepare the garden, tilling it, adding fertilizer, weeding, etc., but Mom was the one who started growing them in the beginning. Dad died nearly two years ago, but mom continues to grow and take care of the dahlias and other flower in her gardens.

The two flowers in this post are both dahlias. The first one is a small ball or pompon type...I'm not entirely sure. It's not fully opened yet, but I think it's an amazing looking flower. Just look at those petals, how they are curled into little tubes! This same flower looks amazing in other colours too (but then don't most flowers?), with purple being my favourite. I'm not usually drawn to the colour orange, but I really like this flower.

The second flower, below, is a collarette type. It also comes in other colours, and the little collar (the smaller petals around the center) can come in other colours as well, so even if the larger petals remain the same colour, you can have a different look because the collar isn't the same.

I am always amazed with God when I look at flowers. I love to take floral photos to capture the beauty of God's creation. I'm not the best photographer, but I do my try to do my best. I have several other flower photos over on my photography blog, Shutter Bug. I'd love for you to visit me over there as well, and let me know what you think of the photos, the flowers, and the subjects I've photographed (it's a family friendly site, so no need to worry).

I am thankful that God gave us these beautiful creations to enjoy and take care of. I'm also thankful that my mom is into gardening, because it provides me with the opportunity to take photos of her flowers. I really need take up that hobby, so I can continue to have beautiful flowers after mom's gone (which I pray isn't any time soon!).

So, thank you Father for your wonderfully, beautiful floral creations!

My question for you: What is your favourite of God's creations?

The Best Time To Pray

Is there a best time of the day to pray? Well, I think we all know the answer to that question is "any time". There is no magical time of day to come before God; He is available to talk 24/7 (do people still say that?).

There is something, however, satisfying about praying in the morning - specifically when  you first get up, before getting involved in the business of the day. Spending time with God is important. If we get up and go about our lives, getting involved in the kids' after school activities, homework, housework, paying the bills, getting supper ready, our jobs, etc., there is a great chance at forgetting to spend time with God by the end of the day.

I''m not saying it's wrong if you do spend time in prayer at the end of the day. For some people, that is their preferred time to be in prayer, and that's perfectly fine. I used to do this, myself - read my Bible and pray before going to bed. After awhile, I would read my Bible and then lay down in bed to begin praying, only to find out a short time later that I had been dozing in the middle of what I was saying  (most times I would fall asleep before making it half way through my prayers. For me, at the end of the day I was tired and couldn't focus and just wanted to go to sleep. It didn't seem to work well for me. If it does for you, that's great.

Since becoming a teacher last year, I have switched my routine to the morning. I get up at pretty much the same time every morning and get ready in case I get a call for work (currently I do supply work, so if I don't get a call to work in the evening, there is a chance I'll get a call between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. to go in that day). I take my shower, do my hair, and put my make-up on so that if I get a call to come in ASAP, I am ready. Once I have that done, I make my way to the living room (where I do my devotions) and read my Bible chapter(s) and pray. I will also add here, that if I do get called to work and don't get a chance to do my devotions and pray, I try to remember to do them at night - but that doesn't always work out, and I end up forgetting.

The day just seems to go a little better and I am a little more able to handle situations when I pray in the morning. Does this mean that my day will go perfectly, that nothing bad will happen, or that I won't get angry or sin? Of course not. But I have heard many people who also pray and do devotions in the morning say their day seems to go a little better, and they feel they can handle whatever comes their way in a more Christian manner (if that makes sense), than if they start their day without God.

Praying in the morning is in the Bible - we read in Psalm 5:3, "In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch." We even read about Jesus getting up early in the morning before everyone else to pray to God. This can be found in Mark 1:35, "In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there." Does that mean that the morning is the only time to pray? Of course not! Jesus prayed ALL THE TIME. There is no real or specific time to pray, but there is just something about praying in the morning that helps you get through the day.

So, I challenge you to this. If you are not someone who prays in the morning, why not try it - even if it means going to bed a little early and setting your alarm to get up 30-60 minutes earlier. Try doing your devotions and praying in the morning and see how it works. And of course, feel free to come back and let me know what you thought about it (both good and bad aspects).

That all being said, the best time of the day to pray is whatever works for you. The important thing is to spend the time with God, and pray.

What time of day do you find is the best time for you to pray? If you do pray in the morning, do you think it helps you throughout the day? Do you notice a difference in your day, or in how you act/react during the day if you pray in the morning as opposed to praying in the evening or at night? Let me know in the comment section.

Link For "Seven Actions For the Times God Is Silent by Ron Edmonson

Ron Edmonson has a great post called, "Seven Actions For the Times God Is Silent". Something I definitely needed to read...and more importantly, do.  Check it out; you might be glad you did.

Update

I guess I haven't written here in a little while. I didn't want to keep focusing on myself; I wanted to get back to the types of posts I made originally when I first started this blog. However, that has been on hold...mostly because I am having difficulty creating good and interesting posts. I also wanted to take the bulk of focus off me, but sadly this post is going to be about me again.

As I've mentioned before, I've been having problems with my sciatic for some time now.  A couple of months ago I went for an X-ray, but that didn't reveal anything much so I continued to take the Advil (which helped some). The pain eventually got more frequent and I wasn't too keen on having to take so many pills to help ease the pain...though the Advil would help get rid of any inflammation that was happening.

Nearly two weeks ago, the pain was still a little worse so I made another appointment with my doctor (which he told me to do) to see about being sent for an MRI. Well, I talked to him again and he examined my mobility (how far I could bend and lift my legs until the pain came), and he could tell it was worse than before.  I inquired about physiotherapy because a lot of people were telling me to try that. My doctor said he didn't want to send me to physio and didn't think chiropractors would work (well, he said they chiropractor might help some but then I could do something such as sneeze or cough again and have the same problem all over). So, he scheduled me for an MRI and is going to refer me to an orthopedic surgeon who would have more knowledge and know more of what to do about my situation.

This past Friday, the pain had greatly increased and I could barely get around...no fun! The only thing that I seemed to be able to do was lay down. Everything else gave me pain. The next day I woke up and made it out to the living room to sit for a short while. That was very difficult to do, as walking was painful at this point as well. I managed to make it back to my room, and I remained there the rest of the day!

I didn't want to stay in bed, but I was in excrutiating pain and I could barely move at all. Keep in mind that during all of this I have had a cough which had not helped matters any (still have the cough somewhat). Every time I coughed I was in agony! The ibuprophen (either Advil or Motrin) didn't seem to be helping much, and neither was the Robax Platinum I was taking at times either (it seemed like my muscles were stiff and tight).

I couldn't stand the pain any longer, so we ended up calling the ambulance to take me to the hospital. Like I said, I was in agony. couldn't move and the muscles in my were either having spasms or cramps. Once I got to the hospital, they took good care of me. The nurse I had, and the on-call doctor, were both great. I got three shots - one for pain, one for relaxing the muscles, and one to help inflammation. It took about half an hour to kick in, and then the got me up to see if I could walk and to see how much pain (if any) I had at this point.

I was never so thankful for medication! After getting those shots at the hospital, I was pretty well pain-free for the first time in awhile. The doctor sent me home with prescriptions for pain meds, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer; I'm still taking these, and I believe I have enough pills to last for a week. They seem to be helping so far, but I still have some pain. I am thankful that I am back to being able to walk, I can sit up for awhile (though I tend to have to lay down again shortly after because my back still feels sore), and I can cough without pain...well, I do get a little bit now and then but nothing like before.

So, that's where I am at this point. I'm waiting to hear when I'll get an appointment for the MRI and an appointment for the orthopedic surgeon. Please pray that I can get both appointments ASAP because I want this taken care of before school starts in September (I'm a supply teacher), because that's when I will start back to work.

Thank You For...

Thought it was time for a post about what I am thankful for. I haven't done one of those in a long time. So, here goes...Five things I am thankful for:

1. Sight - Yes, I wear glasses/contacts, but I can see with help. Even if my sight isn't the best, I have the ability to see with the help of my glasses/contacts. There is so much in this world to see, I want to enjoy it. I love seeing the beautiful colours, the flowers, rivers, mountains, etc. - all beautiful creations from God.

2. My mom - She's so strong, kind, gentle...I want to be more like her. I think since my dad died nearly two years ago, and it's just been us (I've got 2 brothers who both have families) mostly, and I think I've gotten closer to her, which I'm thankful for. I love my mom!

3. My small group - While I find it difficult to let people in and get close to them, last fall I joined a small group (Bible study). I'm still not that close to anyone in the group, but I have allowed myself to feel part of the group. They are a great bunch of men and women, and I learn so much from them. I hope I can grow closer to the people in my small group, and I'm sure that will happen with time and with God's help.

4. My cat - Sounds weird, but I am thankful for my cat. She loves me unconditionally, and helps me to relax and calm down when I'm upset. I think it's true what they say about pets helping to relieve stress. She's not the type of cat to curl up on my lap (or anyone's), but still she's loving and lets me scratch and pet her. I'm thankful that God created cats - they are my favourite pet (I do like dogs too, but I'm more of a cat person).

5. My city/province - I love the area where I live. We are pretty lucky that we don't deal with many of the situations over places in the country, continent, and world must deal with. We don't get the big earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. that others do. Mind you we can have some extremes in our weather, but nothing like other places.

Those are just a few brief things I'm thankful for. There is so much more I have to be thankful for, and hopefully I can share here to help remind myself just what I have to be thankful for. There is so much going on in the world - so much negativity, so much coveting/wanting/desiring to have, and I think it's important to remember what you do have and be thankful for it. You just never know when it might be taken away.

Your turn. What are you thankful for?

The Buzzing of the Bees in the Sycamore Trees

Ok, so we don't have any sycamore trees, but we definitely have the bees!

The rhododendron is out...well half of it, because the other half is pretty much dead. These blossoms attract several bees and when I was out taking some photos of them, I attempted to photograph the bees. I didn't have my zoom lens on, so I didn't want to get too close and end up getting stung.

Yesterday was beautiful outside, and in the early morning I had one of the living room windows open while I was sitting and reading my Bible. I could hear loud buzzing, and more than a few times I had to check to make sure the screen was on the window - I didn't want any bees flying into the living room! Thankfully the screen was on, so I was safe.

As I sat reading, the buzzing continued. A bee had found its way in between the open window and the screen, and was attempting to get out. I assume that it was seeing what was on the other side of the glass and thought it could get through it to get to its destination. The simple solution would have been for the bee to move three or four more inches to the right and it would have been free (eventually it found its way to freedom), however, it didn't do that; it kept attempting to fly through the glass.

So what does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, I as I was sitting and thinking (after reading my Bible chapter), about how determined and persistent the bee was in trying to find its escape. No matter how many times it met with failure at flying through the glass, it kept trying - it didn't give up. This made me think of persevering in my walk - to not give up, but to keep seeking, and being persistent in following the Lord, no matter how many times I may fail.

I might not get what God has promised to me today, and maybe not tomorrow, but I can't just give up because things aren't going my way. If I give up, if I stop pursing, then I definitely won't receive what God wants to give me.

God wants to give us His blessings, but if we don't persevere through the trials, if we aren't persistent in our walk, how can we receive them? The book of Hebrews tells us this:

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persever so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)

No matter how difficult things may seem or may get, we need to remember the importance of persevering until the end. Our ultimate reward will come at the end, when we will have eternal life with Jesus Christ, but along the way, God does give us blessings. If we give up, we won't receive what He wants to give us. If we don't accept Christ as our Lord and Saviour, we won't receive eternal life with Him.

Let me encourage you (and myself) to persever, to be persistent in our walks, to not give up along the way. Let's be like the bee that, no matter how hard he tried and failed, he did not give up - he was persistant in finding his way, and eventually he succeeded and received his reward (freedom).

Don't give up my friend, be persistant and persever, no matter what you may be facing.

God Has A Plan

I am definitely not in a place I would have thought or expected I would be when I was a teenager. I had wanted to be a best selling author, married by 25 to an awesome man, have a two to four kids, have my own house, making a good living...you  name it. I had it all planned out.

But, here I sit and none of those dreams have been realized. None. I haven't been published because I haven't even finished any of the novels I have worked on since then. Ok, well, that's not entirely true...I did get a very short story published in an anthology (I don't think it was widely sold, and I most certainly didn't get paid for it...I had hoped it would give me exposure though). I'm not married, have no kids, and I feel like my time for that is running out quickly. I live in a house, but it's not mine - it's my mom's. Yes, I admit it, I am 41 years old and back to living with my mom. That's because I quit my job eight years ago to go back to school to get my B.A. and eventually my B.Ed. So, I'm not in any position to be out on my own.  Don't get me wrong, I've very thankful I have a place to live, food to eat, etc.

I've been blaming God for things not going as I had planned; I wonder why He's not allowed me a husband, or children, or a job (yes, I do have somewhat of a job - I supply teach, but I don't get a lot of work). Even though I feel like such a loser because of my current situation, deep down I know God has a plan. I have no idea what that plan is, but He does have one.

My prayer is that I would put my focus more on God and pleasing Him, instead of focusing on me and what I want. This is difficult for me (as I'm sure it is for anyone). I see everyone around me getting married, having babies (and this situation is for those in Christian relationships and those not in Christian relationships). It hurts me to the core. All I've ever wanted since I was little was to be married and have kids - and that hasn't happened and doesn't look like it is going to happen any time soon.

I know it's going to be hard to do, but I'm going to try to put my focus on God, on following Him, obeying Him, being more like Jesus than I have been lately. I certainly haven't been feeling the passion I once had, so I'm also praying that the Lord will reignite the passion and flame for being obedient, following Him, being more like Jesus, etc.

God has a plan for me and my life, but I need to seek Him and follow Him in order to fulfil it. And, in all honesty, I do hope this plan includes a husband and children...and that I get those soon (hey, I'm human and still have my desires, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I won't still hope and pray for those things).

Pete's Awesome Article

Pete Wilson wrote this awesome article. I think it's something that I needed to read in my seemingly ongoing walk. Check it out, and let me know what you think in the comment section.

Tuesday

I mentioned in the previous post about my back bothering me lately. Since Sunday it hasn't been quite as bad, though I'm not sure why. I'm glad it's feeling better, however, I am supposed to go for an x-ray on my back, and I would rather have that done when my back is hurting - that way it might show something that's causing the pain (though the doctor didn't think anything would show up).

A friend of mine called me Sunday night and asked if I was working on Monday. I said no, and she booked me to fill in for her. She also ended up calling me and booking me to fill in again for her today. This was the first time that I've taught high school. I must say I enjoyed it, and found these kids to be a lot better attitude and behaviour wise than the middle school kids I've been teaching. Even though I enjoyed these classes, I think I would still teach the younger elementary grades.  I'm also working tomorrow, and I'm scheduled to work Friday morning as well. This has been a great week for work since I haven't been getting much lately. So, because of the work, I won't be able to get the x-ray done again just yet. If I don't work on Thursday, I'll be going then. Otherwise, I won't be able to go until next week (our car is going in for a bit of work on Friday afternoon, so I can't go then either).

Not much else for news to tell. I'm hopefully going to be going running tomorrow night with the group at the Running Room tomorrow evening. We are scheduled to run 3 mins/walk 1 min tomorrow night (according to the e-mail they sent out to us), and the next night aim for 4/1. I'm not up that far yet, but I'll do what I can and will have to motivate and push myself to do more running on my own time to help myself to be able to keep up to the others as much as possible.

Tonight I've got some stuff running through my mind, and I've feeling a little down. I hope I can get it out before bed so that I can get some sleep tonight and not be tired at work tomorrow. I think part of what is bothering me is the way I look. I want to improve myself - lose weight and get healthy (and also exercise every day). I guess I haven't been seeing the results that I would like, and it's discouraging. However, I need to remember that I'm older now and it's going to take more effort. I also need to remember that it's good to lose it slowly, and that way it's more apt to stay off. However, I'm not feeling very positive about this at this time. I have to get my mind out of the negative thinking - otherwise I'm going to sabotage myself if I don't.

Well, not much else to say, so I'll head off for now. God bless!

Time For An Update

Lately I've been trying to better myself. About three or four weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers to try to lose some weight. I was successful with this program in the past, and I know it works. However, what I hadn't planned on was how it is more difficult after reaching a certain age. My first week I only lost 3.something pounds, the second week I lost a little over a pound (making the total weight lost at that point, 4.8 pounds). It's not too bad of a weight loss, however, I must admit that I was expecting a little more - especially the first week. Last week, I didn't lose anying; I didn't gain anything either - just stayed the same. I guess I could look on the positive side that it wasn't a weight gain that week. I go again on Monday for my weigh-in, and I'm hoping I lost a couple of pounds.

I also joined the Running Room. I want to learn to run, and if I do it on my own, I just don't have the motivation or the perseverance. I joined a the Learn to Run clinic and I have enjoyed it pretty much. I missed the first couple of days of the clinic since I joined the Saturday after it started.  They "meet" on Sunday mornings, but I've already told them I won't be going to that because I go to church (that is my priority on Sundays). They also meet Wednesday evenings and Thursday evenings. The Thursday class is also the night they hold their clinics. The goal of this clinic is that by the end of the clinic (10 weeks), we should able to run 20 minutes without stopping.

This past week I wasn't able to go because I was very sick on Wednesday (thanks to a migraine that made me throw up 7-8 times!), and Thursday I hadn't gotten myself feeling quite as well as I would have liked.

One thing I've figured out (I must not be as smart as I thought I was, lol) the other day is that I need to go running on my own as well as going to the clinics. You see, we started out running 1 minute and walking 2 minute. The next night we did 1 minute walking and 1 minute running. The following week was supposed to be running 2 minutes and walking 1. This past week (when I couldn't go), they did running 3 minutes and walking 1. I am definitely NOT up to that...yet.

Today I decided to go out and do a little running on my own in one of the local parks near my house.  Rather than time myself, I decided to run as long as I could and then walk a bit to catch my breath and run some more. I took my ipod with me, and have made myself a goal of aiming (short-term) to be able to run without stopping for the duration of one of the songs (4-5 minutes long). I'm not there yet, but if I keep at it and run more often, I know I will get there! I can't wait until I am able to run 20 minutes without stopping to walk!

In other news, my back has been bothering me again quite a bit for awhile now. Wednesday (same day I had the migraine and was throwing up), I went to the doctor and had it confirmed that it is my sciatic nerve that is causing the problems. The doctor told me to keep taking Advil or Robaxacet to help with the pain/stiffness and he was going to send me for an x-ray as well. The Advil and Robaxacet don't do anything to help, and I will be going to for the x-ray on Monday. He said if the meds don't help and the x-ray doesn't show anything he would send me for an MRI. Sometimes the only thing that helps/works is surgery. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but if it does, then so be it.

Well, that's about all the news I have. Hopefully it won't take so long for me to update this ol' blog the next time!

Blessings!

The Start of A New Week

It's Monday, the beginning of a new week (well, technically yesterday was the beginning, but we always seem to classify it as being the end) filled with lots of promise. 

I am feeling somewhat better since my last post; at least the last couple of days have been not too bad. I don't know if my situations have changed, but regardless, I haven't felt as down and out of sorts since probably Thursday or Friday. I worked Friday morning, so that was a help at getting my mind off things. I've been praying (though probably not as much as I should), and realizing I'm focusing so much on me lately; I've been quite selfish and self-centered.

I guess it's not really about me anyway. I should be focused on others - praying for them, helping them, etc. and not worrying about what I want, or what I desire (even if it's been the strongest desires I've had since I was a child). It's not about me. That hurts.  But, we are to be humble and put others first and ourselves last.

I've been thinking lately about putting others first, about being more obedient to God and His commands, and it makes me wonder - if I do this, then will I get my desires? But, I suppose, that makes me selfish again. I should be doing for God and His people to further the Kingdom of God, to be more like Jesus, and not worry about whether or not I my prayers and desires will come true because I am obedient. It doesn't work that way. I need to pick up my cross and carry it. I need to die to self. I need God's strength, because I sure can't do it on my own! That's such a hard lesson to learn, especially in a "self-sufficient" and "I am weak if I ask for help" society.

So, that's where I am today. I'm trying to get back in touch with God, to "fix" my relationship with Jesus, to focus on others and not myself, and to not let fear have control over me.

Revelation?

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately - sometimes too much, and there has also been a fierce spiritual battle going on as well. The last several weeks have definitely not been fun!

I don't want to go into all the details, as I'm not comfortable in sharing all of this in Cyberland. I will say that what I've been going through has left me feeling mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained. It also doesn't help that last week I didn't sleep well at all, and coupled with working all last week and two or three days the previous week, I've felt physically tired as well. The whole situation is long and complicated, and as I said, I am not comfortable talking about it in depth.

I've been angry at God lately, too, and having a grand ol' pity party I guess. Part of my spiritual battle (or perhaps the entire thing) has resulted in the angry feelings and blaming God on the lack of results from years of prayer over a couple of areas in my life. It definitely hasn't been a joyride, let me tell you!

Last night, I went to small group and we ended up discussing Joshua 24:14. We talked about what gods were, and Pastor J (who is in our small group) said that gods are something you fear (it holds power over you) and serve (gods demand your servitude). He continued to say that if you try to remove the god from your life (whatever the god may be), it will cause a great deal of distress when you remove it.  For example, if your god is the computer/internet, and you try to stay off the computer and you struggle to do so, then that is a god to you.  There is a constant struggle between us as humans and the gods we have in our lives.

As I was sitting in small group and listening to what Pastor J was saying (and others who were asking questions, etc.), I felt the Lord telling me that the issues I mentioned above have become gods to me. There is a great deal of fear for me with regard to the issues I mentioned previously (I am not in any kind of danger or anything like that). I felt the Lord telling me I need to let go of these issues and trust Him. I need to not worry about what the future holds - God is in control.

So, now I need to get rid of the gods that have been holding their power over me. It's going to be hard, but I know that the Lord will be with me through this difficult journey.

I'm A Failure

I admit it. I'm a failure. I've tried many different things and found that I have failed at them. In school, I failed a few tests. I've failed at relationships. I've failed at jobs. I've failed at a number of things I've tried to do.

Each time I fail at something, I wind up being overly critical of myself and feel worthless and no good. I tend to focus on the negative aspect of failure and tell myself how lousy I am - "You're a failure. You can't do anything right. You're a loser!"  Truth be told, I think the majority of us (if not all) tend to beat ourselves up and feel terrible when we fail at something. But we don't have to be like that.

The thing is, failure can be good - despite what we might think.  It is through our failures and the mistakes we make in life that help us to grow. We gain new experiences and insights into who we are as people.  I was terrible at math when I was in school; it was definitely a subject I struggled with. I am not a math person at all. When I failed on a math test (to be honest, there were more near failures on these tests, but I did fail some), it taught me that this was a subject I couldn't do on my own. I just simply couldn't understand the concepts. If I wanted to get better, I would have to get extra help (which I eventually did) - even if I felt like a loser for having to do this.  Really though, asking for extra help does not make you a loser, despite what you think at 12 or 13 years old! I eventually humbled myself and asked for extra help, got it, and did better on my tests.

When we fail, and if we are honest with ourselves we know that we will fail at something in our lives (we are human afterall, and we aren't perfect), we have two choices to make:

1. Let the failure define us

2. Let the failure drive us

If we let failure define us, then we will be more apt to focus on the negative aspects like I mention at the beginning of the post - we will feel useless or worthless, or feel as though we can't do anything. Negative thoughts and feelings about failure will cause us to be afraid to try something new for fear that we won't be able to do it. These types of thoughts and feelings can also cause us to feel as though no one would like us because we aren't perfect - I mean, really, who wants to be with someone who fails at whatever he/she tries? (note the sarcasm used here).  But guess what, God still loves us - even when we fail!

Allowing our failure to drive us puts a positive spin on these types of situations.  "So what if I fail" should be said as a statement. Spoken this way, our failures will drive us rather than define us.  So what if I failed my test. I now know that I need to study harder.  So what if I didn't make the sports team. I am going to practice harder everyday and polish my moves; that way I can try out again next year and have a better chance of getting on the team. So what if I failed at drawing. I've since discovered that I am a much better sculpter. (The above are just examples, and not necessarily drawn from my own life.)

Satan likes to encourage us to let our failures define us. He wants us to focus on those so that we won't try or do anything new for the Kingdom of the Lord. He wants us to remember and feel like a failure because we can't cook very well. Letting that failure define us might cause us to not want to reach out to others and invite them to our homes for fellowship. He wants us to focus on what we can't do, or what we are afraid to do for fear of not being successful.  If we take the same situation and let that failure define us, we might think something like, "So what if I can't cook. I can still invite people over to my home for fellowship - I can host a Bible study or just have people over to watch the game on TV."

The point of this post is that we all fail at something (or many things); we aren't perfect. God can still use a "failures". We might have done something terrible in the past, or had something awful happen to our family, but God can still use it for His Kingdom. Our past experiences help us to reach out and help others who may be going through the same or similar experience now.  For example, if a woman has had a miscarriage in the past, she is better equipped to help another woman having the same experience than would a woman who has not had a miscarriage. Someone who has struggled through addiction in his past is better abled at helping someone currently struggling through an addiction. God can, and does, use our past failures and experiences for good.

From the beginning of time, humans have failed. That's why God sent his only Son to die for us and to save us.

Do you let your failures define you or drive you? How can you use your failures for the Lord? What do you think the final paragraph means?

Enjoy A Laugh

I posted this on my blog way back in 2005, and thought I'd repost it again.  I've been trying to come up with something good to post, and sadly it's not working out.  So, I thought I'd post something light and hope to share a little laugh with you all.


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"



A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"


Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50."


The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100."


The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"


An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.


A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."


At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."


Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.
 
Know any cute jokes? Feel free to put them in the comments section (they don't have to be church jokes, but remember to keep them clean and G-rated)

Prayer Request

I am a supply teacher.  I have my teaching license and am qualified to teach.  I just don't have the permanent job yet.  It's something every new teacher has to go through.  I'm working on getting my foot in the door, and when I visit a school, I leave a business card with my info on it at the office, and with the teacher I fill in for.  I hope that by doing this I will get more calls.


The month of January was difficult for me.  I only had about three days in total for the month; it's kind of difficult to pay the bills with so little work.  I'll admit I felt somewhat depressed about it, and could sense a spiritual battle going on as well.  Definitely not fun.


Since joining a small group/Bible study, I get asked every week if I've been getting any work.  It's nice when I can say that I have been, but it makes me feel like a "loser" when I don't get any - especially with a full-time teacher and another supply teacher (who has been getting a lot of work) in the group.


Last week we were asked to share a piece of good news and bad/not so good news with the group (if we wanted to).  I told them that, at that point, I had worked that day and had been booked to work Thursday as well (I ended up working this past Friday, too).  Not only did I have a couple days of work that week, but I had also been booked for this coming entire week!  That's the first time I've been booked for an entire week, and a week in advance!  The group was happy for me, because it has been an ongoing prayer request of mine - to get more work, especially since student loans are coming due soon.  In that sense, prayers have been answered, but this will be an ongoing prayer request until I can get a permanent classroom of my own (that is also a prayer request I have).


I'm looking forward to the full week of work.  I'll admit the pay cheque is going to be nice.  I've been to this particular school a couple of times already, and the only thing that I don't look forward to is the fact it is a middle school.  I really don't like working with this age group; my preferred group would be from kindergarten to grade three as being ideal for me.  However, at this point in time, I can't be too choosey.


So, with this post, I am asking for prayers for this coming week that I can do a great job, that the kids are good and listen to me, that they don't give me too hard of a time, and that I don't lose my marbles!  If you can remember to pray every day, I'd appreciate it.  If you can only pray once, I'd appreciate that too.  I appreciate any and all prayer I get.

Linking A Great Post By Pete Wilson

I recently, as in a few moments ago, read Pete Wilson's latest blog entry.  It's definitely good food for thought, and I thought I would share the link with everyone.  Stop by his blog for a read.

Write Your Plans In Pencil

As anyone who has been reading my blog (though I fear there aren't many out there) should know, I am now a teacher.  I got my teaching license this past November and that same month I began to do some supply work.  Sadly, I haven't had a whole lot of calls - maybe one to one and a half days per week.  Some weeks I've had no calls.

I do realize that this is par for the course, however, and like those who have gone on before me, I must do my time and get my foot in the door.  I've been leaving business cards lately with the teachers I've filled in for as well as with the secretarys (or principals/vice principals) at last several schools I've been called to.  Once I get known, I should get more calls.  I was also informed that there are a lot of supply teachers on the list, so I have to wait until my name gets to the top before I can get a call.

I will admit, I have been worrying about this, mostly because I have student loans that I have to start paying next month, as well as some other bills.  I calculated that if I could get at least three days each week, I should be OK financially for awhile.  Pastor J said that if I can look past the money aspect, I should try to see this as a vacation.  I'm trying to do that, but most of the time I tend to focus on the financial aspect.  I suppose in a way he is right - I do need a vacation.  I haven't really had one for awhile.  Since I started school, back in 2002, I've not had much of a break - maybe a few days here and there.  I went to school for five years, working on my summer and Christmas breaks, worked in South Korea for a year (and while I had some vacation then, the work was highly stressful), then came back to school for another year and worked during my Christmas vacation.  Then, this past summer, as you know, I went to Australia for two months to do half of my teaching internship.  So, if you calculate it all out, this is the seventh year since I've really had a vacation.  It's a Jubilee year I guess - a time for rest...well, I'm calculating from last September since I began in September 2002.

Anyway, this morning I was thinking about work and possibilities or options.  As I was doing my morning devotions, I read today's entry in Our Daily Bread.  There is a little poem at the bottom of the page, as well as a little sentence...though I'm not sure what you would call it.  If you are familiar with Our Daily Bread, the sentence I am referring to is the one below the line, written in bold.

After praying and reading my Bible chapter, I read the devotion, and it spoke to me.  The poem is this:

Tomorrow's plans I do not know,

I only know this minute;

But He will say, "This is the way,

By faith now walk ye in it." --Ryberg

I don't know what tomorrow will hold.  I don't know where I'll be teaching, what grade, if I'll have to move away to get a job, if I'll teach in public or private schools, etc.  I have to trust that God will lead me in the direction He wants me to go, and I need to have faith.  I guess part of my struggle is not knowing if I'm on a path right now or if I'm resting. 

The little devotional sentence I refered to earlier is as follows:

Write your plans in pencil

and let God have the eraser.

I guess we tend to make our own plans so often, and not concern ourselves with whether or not they are what God has planned for us.  We need to be open to change.  What I might think is the path (teaching in a public school for example), might not be the path God wants, and if not, He will "erase" it and set me on course.  For all I know, God's plan for me might include me moving to another city or province; He might want me teaching in a private type school; or He might want me to teach a grade I'm not comfortable teaching (middle school). 

As the sentence says, I need to write my plans in pencil because they might not be the right ones, or they might need to be changed or altered.  If I give God the eraser and let Him be the one in control, then He'll erase what needs to be and write in the correct plans. 

Do you struggle with planning your future? Do you write your plans in pencil and let God have the erase?

Passing On The Torch

For the last few months, the Olympic torch has been travelling across Canada as it makes its way to British Columbia for the 2010 Winter Olympics. Torch bearers all across the country have carried the torch for a certain distance, and when they reach the end, they pass the torch on to the next person to continue carrying on the task.

It's like that for Christians as well, only we call it discipleship.  A disciple is a follower of a person, and in Christianity, that person is Jesus Christ.  It follows then, that Jesus was a disciple maker.  Each of the 12 He handpicked, in turn, also became disciple makers.  In order to become a disciple maker, we need to first be a disciple.  We can see this in other ways in our lives as well: parent/children relationships, coach/players relationships, teacher/students relationships, and the list goes on.  These disciple makers teach their disciples how to do what they need to do to fulfill certain roles.  The disciple maker role in the previous examples would be the parent, coach, and teacher; the "disciples" would be children, players, and students. 

In my small group/Bible study this week, we finished discussing 1 Kings 19.  The verses we looked at were from 15 to 21, which talked about Elijah passing on the torch (so to speak) to Elisha.  Elijah, the disciple maker, anointed Elisha, the disciple, to follow in his footsteps.  Elisha would be anointed as prophet to carry on in Elijah's place (vs. 16).

Normally, when the Bible is talking about anointing, oil would be used; however, in this case, Elijah used his mantle, or cloak, as a means to anoint Elisha (vs. 19).  By anointing, Elijah is giving authority to his successor.  This does not mean that Elijah lost his authority, though.  He was just elevated to another level.

By becoming Elijah's disciple, Elisha would be spending time with him, helping Elijah, or maybe doing things for the man (maybe he prepared Elijah's meals, for example).  We don't know at this point exactly what Elisha was doing, but we do know that he followed Elijah and became his disciple. He would, afterall, replace Elijah as prophet.

The thing about being a disciple, is that it doesn't always look as though we are learning.  A disciple spends time with his/her teacher, regardless of what is being done.  In other words, it doesn't matter what you are doing.  Remember the movie, The Karate Kid?  There is a scene from it where the teacher has the student waxing his car (the "wax on, wax off" line is famous).  The student thinks he is only waxing the car and doesn't understand that what the teacher is doing is preparing him.

When we are being discipled, it might not look like we are learning anything, but we are actually learning to be a disciple maker ourselves.  We see this in the New Testament with Jesus and his 12 disciples.  They spent time with their Disciple Maker, and by being with Him and doing what He asked, these men learned how to be disciple makers.  Jesus commissioned them to go into the world and make disciples.  However, if these men hadn't spent time with Jesus to learn how to make disciples, they probably wouldn't have succeeded in their commission.

It is like that with us today.  We might be a Sunday school teacher, an elder or deacon, a mentor to a youth - there are any number of leadership roles in the church.  In order for us to pass on the torch, we need to have our own disciples to teach so there will be someone to carry on the role, someone who knows what to do and how to do it.

Pastor J left us with two "questions with regard to being disciple makers, and I pose them to you as well.  Let me know in the comments section.

1. Who are you learning from? If you are not learning from someone currently, who do you seek to be with (someone you don't need to make an appointment to see)?

2.  Who are you going to "throw your cloak" over and let them be with you?  In other words, who are you going to disciple?

If you are unsure of the answers to the above, be sure to pray and ask God to reveal people for you to disciple, or to learn from.

Twenty One Days In - It's All About Him

I've been meaning to update this blog since my last post on January 1st.  However, it seemed like every time I sat down to write something somewhat meaningful, I couldn't find the words.  The other day, I even began a post about something inspiring I had read; but the words just didn't want to flow.  Hopefully, today's post will come without difficulty, and sound somewhat decent.

Monday nights I have Bible study.  I joined this group a couple of months ago, and I must say that I do enjoy going; the people in attendance are awesome.  At some point in December, we began a study on Elijah but had to stop after a couple of weeks due to the Christmas season.  This past Monday was our second meeting since we started back up after Christmas/New Years, so we continued discussing Elijah.

We focused on 1 Kings 19 this week.  Pastor J is in my Bible study group, and is leading this discussion.  He began by asking us to recall what James 5:16 said (...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.), and then asked someone to read verse 17: "Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months."

The focus (in our study that is) of James 5:17 was placed on the first part: Elijah was a man with a nature like ours.  It seems difficult to imagine Elijah being like us!  Afterall, in 1 Kings 18 we read that Elijah called down fire from heaven during the competition with the prophets of Baal.  Have we ever done an act such as this?  More than likely, not.  So, how then was Elijah like us?

In 1 Kings 19, we read that Jezebel sent an oath to Elijah stating that she was giving him one day and then she was going to kill him, just as he had killed her prophets.  Elijah became afraid and fled quite a distance away, and came to rest under a Juniper tree (some versions say a broom tree) where an angel visited him and gave him food and water, and told him to rest.  From there Elijah journied up Mount Horeb (Mount Sinai) were God visited him and asked him what he was doing there.

Elijah told God that he had been zealous for Him, and after all he (Elijah) had done, his life was in danger - that he was going to be killed.  God then told him to go and stand on the mountain while He passed by.  There was a great and strong wind, strong enough to cause the rocks to break off; there was an earthquake, and then a fire.  The Lord was in none of these.  After the fire, there was a gentle blowing.  It was when Elijah heard the gentle blowing that he covered his face and went to the entrance of the cave he had been in.

God asked Elijah a second time what he was doing there.  Elijah repeated what he had said to God the first time.  It was then that God gave a set of instructions for Elijah, which he then set out to follow.

Pastor J asked us why God had asked Elijah the same question twice.  One of the ladies replied that Elijah got the answer wrong the first time (and ultimately the second as well since it was the same answer).  Pastor J agreed with this and said that far too often, we tend to put the focus on us (I did this or that for the Lord, God bless me, Lord give me that, etc.) and we don't put our focus on what God might have in store for us. 

So, back to the statement of Elijah being just like us...there are times when we take our eyes off the Lord, there are times we put the focus on ourselves, we get afraid, and we run and hide like Elijah did.  When Elijah got the message that Jezebel was going to kill him, Elijah took his eyes off the Lord and focused on himself.  His reply to God's question of "What are you doing here?" was to answer with a selfish reply, making the answer about him (Elijah).  However, Pastor J stated that when we make the answer about us, God reminds us that it's not - it's about Him.  And that's what God was doing with Elijah - reminding him that it's not all about him (Elijah).

In my own walk, I find I am doing this very same thing a great deal lately.  I am putting the focus on me, worrying about my job (not getting much work), my personal life, my dreams and desires.  I'm not making it about God, but about me.  I need to listen for the gentle blowing, for God's voice, and find out what He wants.  Afterall, it is all about Him.

How do you make it about God and not about yourself?  What are some things you do or don't do to put the focus on God and take it off yourself?

Happy New Year!

A brand new year is upon us.  It's hard to believe that it's 2010 already!  Where has the time gone?

Over the past few days, I've been thinking about resolutions.  You know, the promises we make at the beginning of a new year of the things we want to change or accomplish?  Well, I'm not overly keen on making new years resolutions.  The reason is because I never stick with them.  Yup, I'm one of those people.  To be fair, I do work at things for awhile and then for whatever reason (usually lack of motivation or forgetfulness), I stop.

I do have some goals that I want to accomplish this coming year, though.  So, I guess in a way, I will be setting some resolutions - no matter how I look at it.  Here is a list of what I hope to accomplish this year:

1.  Lose weight.  This is something I've been meaning to do for awhile now, but I want to lose a lot of weight by the summer.  I haven't set a goal of how many pounds yet, but that will be soon.  I want to feel and look healthy this year.

2.  Exercise.  That dreaded eight letter word that so many people dislike, including me.  However, since I want to become healthier (and lose weight), exercise is a key factor in accomplishing this.  I don't want to overdo things, so I will start of slowly.  I have an eliptical machine and will use that for the bulk of my winter exercise regime.  I also have a couple of yoga DVDs (one is for weight loss and the other is for people who are unflexible - basically to help get you more capable of doing yoga, lol) which I plan to use as well.  Once the weather gets better, and the days aren't too cold, I will add walking to the plan.

3.  Jogging.  I hear so many stories of how people ruin their knees from jogging, but I want to be able to jog long distances without fear of collapsing after 30 seconds.  I think the longest I can jog for is about a minute, and then I need to stop and walk.  That's not long, I know, but my goal is to increase that.  However, because I'm not fond of running/jogging/walking on ice and falling and breaking a leg (or worse), this will probably only start in the spring after the ice and snow have melted enough.

4.  Eat healthier.  Again, this ties in with the first goal.  I want to eat better foods - less of the fast food/junk food.  Included with this, would be to decrease my portion sizes. 

5.  Drink water.  I don't get nearly enough water consumption.  I drink lots of pop, and I know that's not good.  So, included in this goal is to wean out the pop so that I drink very little of it, and increase the amount of water I drink per day.

6.  Write a novel.  This is something I've been working at on and off for several years.  This year I want to focus on getting it written.  I will be tracking the progress for this over on my writing blog, Ink Scrawls.

7.  Grow in my walk with the Lord.  I want to get closer to God, to have a great relationship with Him and just do more for Him.

So, there you have it.  Some of my goals for the upcoming year.  I have a lot of changes for myself in store, and I need to keep motivated to accomplish things.  I also need accountability so I'll be working at that as well.  I've done these things before, in the past, and I know I can do them again.  But, it's going to take time and I need to remember that it's a long, slow process and none of these things will be accomplished overnight.

What are your goals/new year's resolutions for 2010?  Let me know in the comment section.