Only God Can Help Me

I hadn't realized just how much fear, low self-esteem, and insecure I have become in the last several years - well, some I've had all or most of my life, but some has manifested in the last number of years.

Not until the past few weeks of talking with S.  We've had some good heart-to-heart conversations and he's helped me to make some revelations.  I didn't realize how much I've been holding on to, and I've been listening to the enemy's lies and letting him have control far too long.

I'm not going to go into details, because it doesn't matter on here.  I will say, however, that I know I have a lot to work to do in overcoming my fears, etc., and, I have begun the process of trying to heal.  I won't overcome all of this overnight.  And I certainly can't do it on my own.  Only God can help me.  But, I need to be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  I need to let Him work in my life and stop hindering Him; stop pushing Him away, thinking that I can do this on my own. Because, I can't.

I am adopting a key verse from the Bible that I am currently clinging to:

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."  Psalm 139:14

This verse is my starting point.  This verse is something I need to remind myself daily - or as many times in the day as need be.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Proverbs

I got back from Edmonton on Friday around supper time.  It was an enjoyable trip, even with the long car ride.  I brought knitting, though, and that helped to pass the time. I also worked on it at the hotel in the evenings after we had long, tiring days of shopping and browsing.

We are still on Spring Break here (we have two weeks), and I have no plans - except one day this week K, Little K, J, and I will be hanging out with the two Ks for an afternoon/evening of playing the Wii, watching a movie, and enjoying a meal.  I don't know what day that will be, but I am looking forward to it.  Other than that, I will be relaxing and enjoying my time off.

I'm working on some knitting, which I'll discuss in my knitting blog rather than here, and catching up on my devotions and Bible reading.  Today I read a few chapters in Proverbs, something I haven't done in awhile (aside from reading a few highlighted ones now and then as I flip through to find something else to read).

I thought about how Solomon wrote these to his sons, or maybe even men in general, and wondered why women weren't included.  I stopped to think, and figure it is probably due to the culture.  Men were the ones educated. Men were the ones "in charge".  It was a patriarchal society, and women had a submissive role - they cooked, cleaned, took care of the house, raised the babies, that kind of thing.

Now, however, women play a different role in society, and these proverbs apply to both men AND women (and really, I'm sure they applied to women back then too).  Just because it says for a son to obey his father and listen to his mother, doesn't mean that a daughter shouldn't do those things.

The advice given in Proverbs - and the Bible in general - apply to all of us. Not just men; not just women; not just Jews; not just Gentiles.  Every single one of us.

The Proverbs are filled with good advice - advice we should follow.  Advice I should follow.  I need to delve into this book of the Bible more often.

A New Look, A New Bible Study, and Possibly A New Self-Discovery

I thought it was time for a new look on my blog, and this is the (free) design I decided to go with.  What do you think?  I like the colours, the brightness, and it makes me think of summer back home.

In my last post, I mentioned about being sick with the flu. Well, I also ended up with a cold and it lasted a couple of weeks.  Although I had a little bit of the cough left, it wasn't bad and it was pretty much gone.  Well, last Saturday (about two weeks after I had been sick with the flu) I woke up to a congested cough and have had it for the last week.  I've had a bit of sneezing and runny/stuffy nose with it, but it's mostly been the cough that doesn't seem to want to go away.  And, Wednesday I ended up with my right eye being a little itchy and by the end of the day it was red and watery as well.  No, I didn't (and don't) have pink eye.  The redness has pretty much disappeared (except if I've been on the computer too long), but it's still watery and the itchiness only lasted a little bit at work - though I guess from time to time there is a little bit of an itch, but it's not bad and it doesn't last.  I really can't wait until I'm all better again.  I hate being sick.

I decided to take this weekend to rest and hopefully get myself better.  I've been catching up on some knitting (started a new fair isle hat), a little reading, and I've been working on the Bible study for the one we recently started for this session at my Monday night Bible study.  Tomorrow is a holiday  here (Family Day), and I keep forgetting and thinking I have to go to work, but I don't.  I hope to do some more knitting and maybe some art journalling.

In my Bible study, the first chapter is dealing with the verse that talks about not worrying about tomorrow (well, there is more, but this is the part I want to focus on).  I'm a worrier. I think I get that from my mother.  Part of the study includes journalling our prayers.  I've written down prayers in a journal before, but just specifics like "praying for my cold to go away" and then drawing a line to write the date when it gets answered, as well as the date I record it.  This one, however, is requiring much more than that.  We have to write down the actual prayer we would pray, the situation, etc.  So, while I was doing that, I made a discovery (it probably came from the Holy Spirit) that my worry seems to be rooted in fear and lack of trust.  I won't go into specific details, but that is what I am concluding so far.

I hope through this Bible study I will grow in my faith and walk - and in other areas of my life as well.

Well, I'm off now to watch some more of the Olympics and cheer for the Canadians!

Go Canada!!

Persistence Or Not Trusting?

I've been struggling with, and thinking about, something lately.

You see, I'm praying about something in particular. It doesn't matter what it is for this purpose, I'm using it as my example.

I am trying to leave a situation in God's hands (even though I will still pray about it), I mean, He is the one in control, but that's not always an easy thing to do.  My dilemma in the matter is this:  every time I pray for and about this particular situation, am I not trusting God?  Am I trying to take things into my own hands, so to speak, and continuing to pray because I really want this to be answered in a specific way, or am I just being persistent?

Jesus tells a parable in Luke 18: about a persistent widow. He wanted to show his disciples that they should always pray and not give up.

What is perplexing me, is whether or not I am actually praying about the situation and not giving up (which I am doing, I guess), being persistent, or am I just praying about it so much because I lack trust in God, in His answering my prayer?

How can you tell the difference between the two?  When are you being persistent in prayer and when are you just praying because you might not truly believe or trust that God will bring things about in answer to your prayer?

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or answers, feel free to leave them in the comment section. I'd really like to hear what you think, and hopefully someone can answer my question :).

It's The End of June Already!

Where has the time gone?  It's the end of June already!

I know I've been away from this for several months. I had really, honestly hoped I would get back into the swing of keeping a blog. Obviously that didn't work out. Mostly it was from not feeling motivated, and lack of energy to just do it (stemming from work).

And now that summer is upon us, I am heading back home again. I don't know how much access I'll have to the Internet, so I don't think my postings throughout the summer will be happening - unless I can convince my mom (with whom I'll be staying this summer) to get Internet just for while I'm there, and of course I'd pay for it since she doesn't use it.

I've kept up with my journals quite a bit (the ones I mention in the previous post). I have two - a general quote type and a Bible verse type. In the general one I mostly write quotes that I like and doodle or draw a simple picture. It's really very basic.  In the Bible verse one, I record verses from when I read my Bible or see one posted online, or hear one in church. I also tend to mostly have doodles and simple drawings in this, but I have "expanded" a little bit. Since my journal has ordinary paper, I bought some gesso to apply to it so that I could use watercolours on it. I've tried it twice now, and while my drawings and paintings are very basic and amateurish, I liked the results. 

I've been pinning a lot of journal ideas to my Pinterest board of the same name. I don't necessarily plan on doing all of them, but there are things about the ones I've pinned that I like: it might be a colour scheme, a quote, a doodle, or design.  I've even pinned a few videos that show how to create some specific journal pages. The ones I've watched were pretty cool, and over the summer I'd like to incorporate those ideas into my own journals.  This, I know, will require practice - and lots of it!  I don't mind though; I'm finding it quite relaxing.  I want to also continue practicing drawing (yesterday I practiced drawing a butterfly landing on a flower and it actually looks cute...not perfect by any means, but cute none the less).

This morning, as I was reading my Bible (in Hebrews 13), I used two verses from there for my Bible verse journal.  The first one is: Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it (verse 2).  The second is: The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me? (verse 6).  I've illustrated the first verse, a very simple sky and what are supposed to be clouds, though they don't really look like clouds. I need some definition or something in them.  I have yet to draw something for the second verse. I'll probably look through Pinterest to get some ideas.

Well, if I don't get the chance to post over the next few months, I wish one and all a safe and happy summer!

It Is Written

In Luke 4, what spoke to me this morning was when Jesus was in the wilderness and being tempted by the devil. People will say that this is how we know that Jesus can be, and is, sympathetic (and empathetic) to us, and that He completely understands what it is like when the devil tempts us.  I should note here that God does not tempt us to sin - the devil does that. God provides ways for us out of the temptation.

But, while what I just said is true, the part that speaks to me is that Jesus always had an answer when Satan tempted Him.  He was able to "back things up" by saying something that was written in Scripture, and He would begin His reply with, "It is written...".  That is why I need to immerse myself in the Word, learn it, and memorize it.  Elsewhere in the Bible it says we must be prepared to give a reason for our hope..."always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you..." (1 Peter 3:15).  If we don't know the Bible, we won't be able to back up our answers and give reasons "why".

I know that not everyone I come into contact with will accept an answer that is backed up with "it says in the Bible...". Those are the people who would most likely say that the Bible is full of fairy tales, or that it was only written by a bunch of men years ago.  I think, for those people, it would take more than that to turn them towards God. That would be whee "practice what you preach" and prayer would come into play.

But, regardless, it is important to get into the Word and not just read it, but memorize it, know it, and live it.  If Jesus knew the Word and used it in battle (and obviously lived it), then it must be important for me as well!

I am not quite awake this morning, so I apologize if this sounds incoherent. Have a Christ-filled day!

It's A Brand New Year

It's a brand new year, and I want to get back in the habit of reading my Bible daily, and spending more time with the Lord than I have been. So, yesterday I started reading in Luke 1.

The part that stuck out to me was verse 6, which says, "They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord."  The 'they' who are being referred to are Elizabeth and Zacharias, the parents of John the Baptist.  They were old and Elizabeth was barren. Yet, Gabriel appeared to them and brought the news that Elizabeth would have a baby in her old age.

As I read verse six over and over a few more times, it made me wonder if that might be a reason as to why I am not married and have kids - because I'm not righteous in the sight of God and I don't walk blamelessly in all His commandments and requirements.  Do I need to improve my 'walk' and spend more time in the Word and live a more Christ-like life before any of this will happen for me?

I just wish it would happen soon (the marriage and kids). I'm not getting any younger - especially with my birthday looming around the corner in less than three weeks!

Today, in chapter 2, the part that spoke out to me was part of verse 7, "...because there was no room for them in the inn."  This is, of course, referring to the birth of Jesus and the fact that He was found lying in a manger (which is a feeding trough).  Even as He was being born, people didn't have room for Him. It makes me stop and wonder if I have room for Jesus in my life?!

Lately, (or for awhile), it seems like the honest answer would have to be no.  I would like to say how devout I am, how Jesus always comes first and has room in my heart, in my life, but I need to be honest about it.  Most days I am consumed with thoughts of work, work itself, what I want to do or need to do, things I'd like to have, places I'd like to go, and even just relaxing.  I watch TV, I'm on the computer a lot, get together with friends - but for awhile now, I haven't been making time for the Lord in my life.  Yes, He should get first dibs on my time, my day, but often that doesn't happen.  Oh, I'll try to squeeze in a few little prayers during the day, or before I go to bed, and try to claim that as my "time" spent in God's presence. Or, I will simply read a chapter in the Bible and not meditate or pray on it.  But let's face it...that isn't quite time that is spent with Him.

I need to be spending quality time in the Word and in prayer if I want to be able to hear Him or have Him speak to me.  And how can that happen if I don't take the time to be with Him?

A good part of any relationship or in communication involves listening.  If I want to hear from the Lord, then I need to stop all the talking I do to Him, all the business and laziness in my life, and just sit and listen (or prayerfully listen)...or even throughout the day be more conscious of His presence and the fact that He might be speaking through someone else to me.

It all takes effort (and something like 30 days for it to become a habit), and practice to make it a daily part of my life.  And, that is something I need to work on!

Do Not Look At His Appearance

Last evening I was reading 1 Samuel 16, which is about when Samuel goes to Bethlehem to anoint David.

What stuck out to me was verse 7 when Samuel was looking at Eliab and wondering if he was the one God wanted anointed. It says, "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.""

I've heard that verse a lot, and it does comfort me sometimes when I worry about how I look. It's nice to know that God is more concerned with how our heart looks rather than our outward appearance. But last night it made me think and wonder.

In verse 12, David is brought to Samuel and it says, "So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with beautiful eyes and a handsome appearance..."  If God is not concerned with the outward appearance, why does talk about David's appearance?

I had always assumed that Eliab was a good looking man and that was why God was telling Samuel not to be concerned with his looks (though I believe it mentioned that Saul was a good looking man as well, and quite tall).  But I got to thinking, that even if Eliab was a good looking man, his heart may not have been in the right place and that was what God was concerned about.

I'm still stumped with regards to the whole outward appearance thing though. We're told that Saul and David were good looking, and I assume Eliab as well...but then we are told that the outward appearance doesn't matter. If that doesn't matter, why is it mentioned at all?

Yes, God is concerned with the heart, and obviously, from reading this book of the Bible, we find out that Saul's heart was not in the right place, and David's was. This is ultimately what is more important, but why mention looks at all if they weren't important? What does it matter if any of them were handsome or not?

This is just one of those "things that make you go hmmm?" moments for me last night.


Do you find yourself concerned with outward appearances, either of yourself or others?

It's Summer!

Well, these last few weeks have been busy with getting things wound down in school, doing up report cards, and finally, cleaning and organizing the classroom, etc. I even took some time to work on overviews and previews for the fall, and get a few lesson plans done up so that I'll have that much less to do when I get back in the fall.

In six days, I head back home for about six or seven weeks. I'm really looking forward to it and to seeing my family and friends. I'm actually leaving here on Tuesday (in three days), but I have to go to Kelowna for a mini-conference with R, one of the other teachers. We were supposed to go to a conference that was about 3-4 days long, but it got cancelled. My friend (the other teacher) knows the man who was going to be doing the conference, and she convinced him to give us a "mini" version for half a day. So, we leave on Tuesday, drive pretty much for the whole day (about 16 hours or something) to get there Tuesday night. We were supposed to take two days to drive down, but now she only wants to take a day to do the driving. It'll be a tiring day, for sure!

R is from Kelowna so she said she would show me around and we will do a little shopping as well. I've never been to Kelowna, so that's why we're doing the whole tourist thing. The next day is our conference, and we also might meet up with M, one of the other teachers who is not coming back to the school in the fall. She may possibly have a job in Kelowna for the fall, so we said we would try to meet up with her and go out for supper. Then, the next day, I fly out for home!

I will be travelling the whole day, and I have about a 4 hour wait in Toronto before I board the lat plane to get me home...at 11:30pm.

Even though I'm so excited about getting home for the summer, I'm also anticipating coming back and starting back to church - the new one I've been attending. I plan on getting involved in a small group, and hopefully that will help get me back on track with my walk. I've been enjoying the new church, have felt more welcome than I did at the other one I was attending for most of the year.

I've been doing good with reading my devotional and the Bible every day. I'm now up to having read 36 books of the Bible - my goal to  read the entire Bible in 2012, since starting in April. I'm currently reading Psalms, and just started that so I'm not too far into it. With Psalms, however, you can read several chapters in one sitting since a lot of them are short. I'm sure when I get to Psalm 119, however, it will take longer to read, lol.

I don't know if I'll get to update the blog over the summer. I may take my laptop with me, but I'll be staying at my mom's and she doesn't have internet. So, unless I take my laptop to a friend's house, or use their computers, I may not get any updates done (another reason why I wanted to get some lesson plans done up before the fall). 

So, for now, I will end and wish you all a fantastic summer. If I don't get to update, I will see you in the fall!

Blessings!

Not That Anyone Is Reading

For a short work week, it seemed to drag on. Tuesday and Wednesday flew by, but most of Thursday and all of Friday was slower than cold molasses going up the hill backwards. And I don't know why.

I'm thankful this week that my class was pretty well behaved - no problems or anything. I hope it keeps up!

I've been quite disciplined with my goal of reading the entire Bible in the rest of 2012. I've got 22 books completed now, and I'm just about half way through Proverbs. I may have said before that I'm focusing more on reading the shorter books first, that way it will (hopefully) give me the motivation by looking at my list and seeing so many check marks for what I've read. It might help me to keep on going - especially when I muddle through the longer books in the Old Testament.

I'm also keeping disciplined fairly well in other areas in my life, which is also a positive step forward. I'll talk about those things another time, however.

We've been  getting good weather lately, however Friday night and yesterday we got snow! It wasn't really a lot, but any amount in April is too much in my opinion. Today only reached +3C, but it was enough to melt a good portion of the white stuff.

Well, I'm just going to keep this short for now. Hopefully I can update with a much better post next time. I don't have a lot of news, and I haven't read or been inspired lately to write a good post. But, I did want to update my blog - not that anyone is reading, but that's OK.

Have a Christ-filled day!

Spring Break - Day 7

I have enjoyed these last few days, and I'm looking forward to the coming week as well - we have that off too. I found out today that the public schools also have 2 weeks off at this time, so it's not just our school (which is private).

Cross pattern on a chicken egg

Thursday was pretty much spent doing pysanky (Ukrainian egg dying). I did two eggs, and those took the better part of the day, because it is a long process - depending on how detailed the egg is.

I just learned how to do this amazing craft last fall. It's a process of putting beeswax on the egg, dying it, covering the parts you want in that colour in wax and dipping it in a different colour, and repeating the process until you are done.

Here is the end result of the first egg I did yesterday. I got the pattern off the internet, and it was from a colouring page. I used purple (which looks blue here), green, and black. The white is the egg shell.  It's not the best, but remember, I am still learning this art.

My own design on a chicken egg

The second egg is a design I created myself. I used only yellow and black (again, the white is the shell). I'm not really satisfied with this one as it is still looking like a kid did it, lol. But, in order to improve, I have to keep practicing and learning. I eventually want to get really good and be able to do intricate designs, etc.

Right now, I only have a medium sized kyska - the tool used to put the wax on the egg. It doesn't allow me to make smaller lines, so everything looks "big". I plan to eventually get a smaller kyska, but for now, I'll keep using this one. I will have to get more beeswax soon though as the "block" that came with the kit I ordered was small. I thought it was going to be bigger than it was, or else I would have ordered another one or two when I got the kit.

When Christianity came to the Ukraine, they began to incorporate Christian symbols in their work. This is one way I would like to be able to glorify and worship God through, but again, I need lots of practice.

Friday was spent with some co-workers. We went out to the principal's home and had a BBQ and played games with him and his wife. One of the other teachers, R, was babysitting and brought the boy along to play with the principal's son. There were five adults, and the two kids, and we had a very nice afternoon.

Today, I went and finally got my hair cut - it was desperately needing a cut! I also decided to treat myself and get my nails done (gel) as I haven't had them done since 2002. I am satisfied with how both my hair and nails turned out.

***********

Last night as I was reading my Bible, the passage that stood out to me was 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  I first memorized this verse when I was a part of a Bible study in my first or second year as a Christian.

This was a good reminder that God does forgive our sins, but we must confess them to him first.  I think sometimes I "forget" that my sins our forgiven  - mostly because the enemy likes to keep reminding us of them and of our failures, etc. So, every once in awhile, it's nice to get the reminder from the Word, from God, that our sins our forgiven if we ask.

Thank You Lord for forgiving my sins!

Lately, I have fallen a little behind in my disciplined behaviour of reading my devotions and Bible, and praying. I'm not beating myself up for that though, but I am making a more conscious effort to make sure that every day I do my readings and spend time in the Word. I also find that I tend to say a lot of little prayers throughout the day (like if I'm on facebook and see that someone has requested prayer for a person or situation, I will stop and say a prayer at that moment), rather than keep everything for the end of the day and forget something.

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to pray - we just need to do it. And, even though God knows our prayers long before we put them into words, we still need that communication with Him. He wants us to spend time with Him and talk with Him - and it's also important to not just pray, but to listen for His still small voice. I am working more at making prayer a two-way conversation with God, and not just me speaking/praying a monologue. I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm working at improving!

This has turned into a far longer post than I had intended, so I will sign off for now. Have a Christ-filled day!

And They Thought I Was Cool

Today in Bible class (I teach grade 3/4 in a Christian school), we began a series of lessons on Jesus' miracles. Following the suggestion in the teacher's guide for the curriculum, I conducted an object lesson to talk about this subject.

What I did was take a glass jar with a smallish opening and place some shredded paper (not a lot) inside. Next, I lit a match and placed it inside the jar and placed a hard boiled egg on top of the opening (the jar opening is smaller than the egg). Within moments, the egg was sucked inside the jar! The kids were totally amazed and in awe of what happened. I told them that I had performed a miracle. And they thought I was cool.

Once the actual lesson began, we talked about Jesus and his miracle of turning the water into wine (His first miracle). We talked about how the egg experiment is not actually a miracle because it can be explained with science. You see, fire needs oxygen to burn, and with the egg on top of the bottle opening, it soon prevents oxygen from entering the bottle, and the flame goes out. And, due to the vacuum effect produced in the process, the egg is sucked into the bottle.

The thing with Jesus' miracles, however, is that they can NOT be explained with science. A miracle is a supernatural occurrence, and there is nothing that can explain how they occur. How can you explain water turning into wine? How can you explain spitting in dirt, applying that to a blind man's eyes, which causes him to be able to see?

You can't. That's why it's a miracle.

After my explanation at the end of class, I highly doubt the kids thought I was cool since I hadn't actually performed a miracle for them. I'm sure if I could perform miracles, the kids would probably ask for no school and no homework forever (or something similar). Poor kids, they'll just have to suffer with having to go to school - and having homework.

Have you ever witnessed a miracle? Have you performed a miracle? If so, what was it?

An Ear To Hear

I've been thinking lately.

I've been thinking about how it doesn't seem like God is speaking to me, like He's not listening to me or my prayers, and how it certainly seems like my prayers aren't being answered.

I've been thinking about possible reasons why.

What I've come up with is that I don't seem to be spending quality time with Him. Sure, I'll pray and read my Bible, but am I taking the time to sit and actually listen? Am I taking the time to let God speak to me, or answer my questions? Am I meditating on what the Word says, or am I simply reading it in order to say I've read my Bible for today?

When I pray, my mind can't always seem to focus. Sure, I might start out focused, but pretty soon my mind is off following a bunny trail down to some other thought, thinking of some other want/desire, thinking about what happened at some other point in my life (or what I'd like to happen). Then, I find it very difficult to get back into focus.

I've thought back to when I was new to the faith, new in my walk, and how my prayer life seemed to go so well (regarding focus and praying well), how when I read my Bible I would search more into it with commentaries, how I could apply it more to my life or create little devotionals from passages or verses I'd read.

The only thing that I can think that has changed, is me. It's certainly not God who has changed. For a number of years now, I've had difficulty with my walk - difficulty in focusing, trusting, hoping - and I've realized that I have changed. I don't spend quality time with the Lord as I once did. I rush through my prayers (and Bible reading) and don't give Him a chance to speak - or I'll give a time limit, like requiring God to "speak" to me by the time I finish reading a chapter or by the time I finish praying (without allowing quiet time to listen to Him).

How can I expect to build a quality relationship with the Lord if I'm not investing in it, if I'm being to focused on me and my wants and not allowing Him to speak. How can I expect Him to be my best friend if I don't let Him into this relationship?

I've been thinking that I need to take more time and invest it wisely in the Lord. And, I need to start ASAP.

Who is your BFF, and what do you like to do with him/her?

I Still Haven't Found...

Tinker Belle

This is my cat. Her name is Tinker Belle. I've had her since she was 2 months old; she's now almost 13 1/2.

Tinker Belle's days are pretty easy. She starts her day off by eating some breakfast - if her dish hasn't been emptied over night - followed by a little nap until someone wakes up. Then when someone gets up, she meows a little welcome song (sometimes with lots of words), and comes running. Usually she follows us into the bathroom to get a drink - from a drip from the bathtub faucet. From there, she might get a treat or a bit more food if the dish is empty. This is all usually followed up by another nap.

Morning routing for Tinker Belle is pretty much the same - sleep, eat, drink some water, maybe get a treat, sleep...there's actually lots of sleep.

And then, there are scratches around the ears, on her head, her back. And she likes to play with little fuzzy mice and the laser pointer at night. And lots of purring. All in all, she is a contented little kitty. She doesn't ask for much, and she's satisfied with what she has.

The Bible talks about being content:

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. (Philippians 4:11)


My cat is pretty content. Now, me on the other hand - not so much. I still haven't found contentment, or learned to be content in whatever circumstances in which I happen to be. Mind you, there are times when I am rather quite content - but there are lots where I'm not. I guess there are times I'm almost afraid to be content because that might mean the situation I'm in might not change. So, I'm definitely "not there" yet with regards to being content.

Do you find it easy to be content in your circumstances?

Dream A Little Dream

The last two chapters I've read in my Bible (Genesis 40 and 41) in my daily reading involved Joseph interpreting dreams. In chapter 40, it was the dreams of Pharoah's cupbearer and baker; chapter 41 was Pharoah's own dreams.

I don't know if I have mentioned in this blog before, but I have been keeping a Dream Journal of sorts since the beginning of the year. At that time, in my small group (Bible study), we were discussing the book of Daniel. One of the leaders asked a question at the beginning of one session (a sort of ice breaker), if anyone could remember their dreams.

I had indicated that I used to dream vividly, and could remember all sorts of details - colours, people, descriptions, etc. It was then that Pastor J asked if I wrote down my dreams, and that if I didn't then I should. So, I began recording them. I don't always remember, and sometimes don't have time to record them, but I try to.

Can I interpret dreams? Nope, not at all. However, maybe someone can (or maybe God will gift me with the ability at some point). Pastor J said it's a good way to see any "trends" or "themes" in dreams, something that might help indicate that God is speaking to me through dreams - or something like that. I can't recall his exact words.

I've been seeing themes appear, but I don't know what any of the interpretations could be. Even if I never find out, this journal makes for somewhat interesting reading at times - I've had some pretty crazy dreams!

Do you dream? Do you record them? Can you interpret dreams?

In the Field

Irises in a Field

The grass withers, the flower fades,

But the word of our God stands forever.

         Isaiah 40:8

They Say Spring Is Coming

We have oh so much snow.

They say spring is coming, but I think the snow will be around for a little while. I'm not overly fond of snow - kind of odd for living in a country (or part of the country) that gets snow every winter...and in a case like this year, a little too much - OK, a LOT too much.

The Back Yard



Looking towards the front yard from the driveway

 On a positive note, I am thankful that I do live in a country that has four seasons (including a snowy one). I am also thankful that I can count on God's promise:

While the earth remains,

Seedtime and harvest,

And cold and heat,

And summer and winter,

And day and night

Shall not cease.

       (Genesis 8:22)

So, even though I'm not a big fan of winter, I can count on the fact that as long as this earth remains, the season of cold and fluffy white stuff will come about once a year. You'd think after spending my life in a country that has snow (there was even a little snow in South Korea when I lived there), I'd be used to it. And, I guess I am. But still...

They say spring is coming...and I'm really looking forward it!

What is your favourite season?

Storms May Come, And Storms May Go...

Snowstorm

The snowflakes started their quiet, gentle descent, drifting down from the grey skies overhead. Soon, they turned to fat, fluffy flakes that gathered quickly in a soft, white blanket on the ground. The evergreens and other trees reached out to collect their ‘no two alike’ treasures on their bows.

All around, it was peaceful; but it didn’t last. All too soon the flakes changed again, and within the hour the wind picked up, howling and whipping the snow every which way. At times, it was near impossible to see even a few feet into the distance – whiteout conditions ensued.

That snowy scene has taken place at regular intervals within the last six weeks in my city. We’ve had at least one snow storm each week in that amount of time, and it happened again late last night and only ended around noon today. We were expecting a further 30 cm (almost a foot) on top of the roughly 40 cm we already had. That’s over 2 feet of snow – and that’s not counting the drifts and banks from where snow has been shoveled or blown from roads, walkways, and driveways.

Thinking of all the storms we’ve been having (and not only in my city, but in many around the world) reminds me of the storms we face in our lives and how they often leave behind drifts and damage and debris. Sometimes we encounter unpleasant circumstances – pain, suffering, the death of a loved one, loss of a job, etc., that turn our worlds upside down and inside out.

It doesn’t matter, really, whether or not our storms are frequent or infrequent, or if our everyday trials pile up slowly or quickly, for there is Someone we can (and should) turn to, someone who can help us weather our storms.

That Someone is Jesus.

Jesus can help us through the darkest of nights, shining His light along the way. He can comfort us through the violent storms, and the rough waters. He is there for us and helps to bear our burdens:

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden (Psalm 68:19)

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you…(Psalm 55:22)

And, just like the snow, our troubles and problems will not last. They will melt away. But like the over 2 feet of snow we have here, it may take longer than we’d like for them to disappear. Don’t give up, however, hold on to Jesus, because the storms will pass away, the snow will melt and a season of rebirth, growth, and strength will follow.

Talent or Gift

Hundreds of fingers flew over computer keyboards, the clickety-clacking echoing in the large office. My mind was racing, not particularly focusing on work. I had been thinking about a couple of evenings before, when I had been at Bible study.


“Ok, God.” I thought. “I have been thinking about this since the other day, trying to figure out how to use this gift for you. I can’t come up with anything. I really have no idea how or what to do, so you are going to have to tell me in no uncertain terms what to do.”

The prayer had barely left the confines of my brain when the answer appeared. “Crochet baby blankets.” It was more of a thought in my mind than an actual voice.

During that particular Bible study, we talked about spiritual gifts, and even took the “quiz” offered by my church. It was a typical spiritual gifts inventory in which you answer questions, add up the corresponding amounts beside each answer and then whichever has the highest totals is where you are gifted (you can also find these inventories online).

At the time, my highest total fell in the “craftsmanship” category. As I mentioned, I could not come up with a single idea of how to use that spiritual gift to glorify the Lord. But, I prayed and God answered me. I decided that after work that day I was heading to Wal-Mart to buy yarn and a crochet hook (I hadn’t crocheted in years). I wasn’t too worried about a pattern, because often times the band around the yarn has patterns printed on them.

My idea – with help from the Lord – was to crochet the baby blankets and donate them to the hospital or the local pregnancy resource center. I was so excited! The countdown until the end of the work day had begun, and it was just after lunch. I remember the afternoon dragged on and on as I waited anxiously to start this new endeavour.

That was about ten years ago. Since then I’ve expanded my skills to include knitting, which I mostly do now – mittens, socks, hats, scarves, etc. I typically put them on the mitten tree at church and they are given (free) to those in need. I haven’t actually made any baby blankets (knitted or crocheted) for about seven or eight years now.

Over the years, I’ve struggled with whether or not my knitting/crocheting can be considered a spiritual gift. Is it a talent given to me by God, yes; but an actual spiritual gift, I don’t know. You see, I after I had taken the inventory “quiz”, I had believed craftsmanship was a spiritual gift. Then, I took part in a discussion on a Christian forum about spiritual gifts. I had mentioned that craftsmanship was my biggest gifting, and was promptly told by some that it is not something listed in Corinthians or Romans or any other place in the Bible as being an actual spiritual gift. According to this person, only what was listed in those chapters (prophecy, tongues, interpretation, etc.) were actual spiritual gifts.

Do I lose sleep over this? Of course not. Even if it isn't a "real" spiritual gift, I can use it to glorify the Lord - and really, isn't that what counts?

So, my question to you is this: Are spiritual gifts only those that are listed in the New Testament, or can anything be considered one? What is the difference between a God-given talent and a spiritual gift?

And They Were All Filled With the Holy Spirit

First of all, let me apologize for such a long absence. Just a day or so after my previous post I began experiencing problems with my computer. It turns out that the hard drive on my lap top decided to crash, or whatever it does. It took me nearly a month to get it fixed (had to get paid first). I was also having problems with our main computer, the one the modem and wireless router are hooked up to. For that problem, we discovered (after getting the electrician to come in for another issue and getting him to look at that plug/socket) the socket in which the computer and router were plugged into wasn't working.  So, to make a long story short, everything seems to be in working order now.

Recently, I began reading the book of Acts, which I haven't done for some time. As I read, a thought/question popped into my mind - and it's still there, since I'm not sure if I can answer it, or if anyone can.  Let me explain:

In the book of Acts, we read about how the apostles received the promised Holy Spirit. Acts 2:3-4 states:

And there appeard to them tongues as of fire distributing themselves, and they rested on each one of them, and they were all filled with the Holly Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit was giving them utterance."

In chapter 3 we read about Peter and John healing the lame beggar, and chapter 12 tells the account of Peter's miraculous release from jail. I should note that I'm not finished reading Acts yet, so these are the only miracles I've included in this post.

Anyway, in today's society, it seems that there are no miracles taking place after people receive the Holy Spirit (i.e. the tongues of fire appearing upon receipt of the Holy Spirit, no speaking in tongues, no healings, etc.). It makes me wonder if these particular signs and wonders were only relevant in those days. Why don't we hear of more miracles happening that help lead others to Christ (as mentioned in Acts)? Was this something that needed to be done in the early days of the church? Are they no longer applicable to us today?

Do miracles (those mentioned in Acts) happen a great deal more than we realize or know, and we just have become so skeptical about them (due to those who perform false miracles and claim they are from the Lord, when in fact no miracle has actually taken place)? Or, are we just not as "in tune" with the Lord as we think we are?

Have we become complacent (if that's the right word) in our walk, or are these signs and wonders - these miracles - just not applicable to us? In other words, were these things only gifted to the apostles/disciples who walked with Jesus when He walked the earth?

The Bible tells us that every one of God's children has received spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12), but why does it seem as though they aren't being used? Are they (the gifts) only used to build up the church, only for those who have already accpeted Christ as Savior to see/hear? Why do we not hear of hundreds or thousands coming to Christ when someone speaks about Jesus, and that many signs and wonders/miracles being performed among them at these times?

I know, lots of questions. And, I'm not even sure if they make any sense. All I know was that as I read these chapters, I thought of how exciting it must have been, how awesome to be in a crowd where everyone was speaking in each others tongue (and even being accused of being drunk by others because of it), and having the others understand what was being said.

Yes, I know the gifts are for edifying the church/body of Christ, but it just seems to me that these amazing things just don't seem to happen when people receive the Holy Spirit now...or do they, and it just isn't mentioned?

So, I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you had any experiences as is mentioned in the Book of Acts? Have you had similar questions that you've had answered by your pastor, and if so, how were they answered?