Only God Can Help Me

I hadn't realized just how much fear, low self-esteem, and insecure I have become in the last several years - well, some I've had all or most of my life, but some has manifested in the last number of years.

Not until the past few weeks of talking with S.  We've had some good heart-to-heart conversations and he's helped me to make some revelations.  I didn't realize how much I've been holding on to, and I've been listening to the enemy's lies and letting him have control far too long.

I'm not going to go into details, because it doesn't matter on here.  I will say, however, that I know I have a lot to work to do in overcoming my fears, etc., and, I have begun the process of trying to heal.  I won't overcome all of this overnight.  And I certainly can't do it on my own.  Only God can help me.  But, I need to be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  I need to let Him work in my life and stop hindering Him; stop pushing Him away, thinking that I can do this on my own. Because, I can't.

I am adopting a key verse from the Bible that I am currently clinging to:

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."  Psalm 139:14

This verse is my starting point.  This verse is something I need to remind myself daily - or as many times in the day as need be.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Give Thanks For Everything

The Bible tells us that we should give thanks, to God, for everything.  

Everything.

That doesn't mean that we only give thanks when something goes "our way" or for blessings we receive,  or things we have, or when times are good.  Yes, we should give thanks at those times, and often do, but those aren't the only things we are to be thankful for.

When we are having a bad day, when we get into a car accident, when we are sick, we should give thanks.  When the bus is not running on time and we are late for work and the boss yells at us, give thanks.  When a relationship breaks up, when we are expecting guests for supper and we burn the food to a crisp, give thanks.  Lose your job? Give thanks. Get a bad mark on a test or report card? Give thanks.

Sure, it's easy to give thanks for the good and positive things happening in our lives.  But it's more difficult when things are going bad - especially when faced with times of serious illness or death. We don't often see these bad situations as something to be thankful for, but it's during those difficult situations when we really need to turn to the Lord. These are times when we learn and grow. Those are times when we can thank God that He cares about us and what we are going through.

Often when things are going good for us, we don't tend to put our trust in the Lord.  It seems that we (not all of us, though, as I know some people are pretty good about trusting God during the good and the bad times) more often turn to Him when times are tough, praying (and sometimes begging) for things to get better.  But this is a great time to learn to trust Him, have faith that He is with you no matter the results of your situation, and  believe that no matter what, He loves you and will not leave you during the dark times (or at any time for that matter).  Be thankful that He is there for you to turn to.

I know it's not easy to be thankful during rough times - at least that's what I find for me.  Those are times when I want to be in control of things, when I want things to run smoothly, when I want everything to be good.  However, I am not in control. God is.  And no matter what happens during the rough times, God will be beside me and I know that I am in a process of growing and stretching in my faith.

I, myself, need to remember and learn to give thanks to God for the bad times as well as the good.  I tell you, I'm a work in progress and still learning, even though I've been a Christian for awhile now.  It's an ongoing process and something I hope I keep doing for the rest of my life.


Ephesians 5:20 

...always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Proverbs

I got back from Edmonton on Friday around supper time.  It was an enjoyable trip, even with the long car ride.  I brought knitting, though, and that helped to pass the time. I also worked on it at the hotel in the evenings after we had long, tiring days of shopping and browsing.

We are still on Spring Break here (we have two weeks), and I have no plans - except one day this week K, Little K, J, and I will be hanging out with the two Ks for an afternoon/evening of playing the Wii, watching a movie, and enjoying a meal.  I don't know what day that will be, but I am looking forward to it.  Other than that, I will be relaxing and enjoying my time off.

I'm working on some knitting, which I'll discuss in my knitting blog rather than here, and catching up on my devotions and Bible reading.  Today I read a few chapters in Proverbs, something I haven't done in awhile (aside from reading a few highlighted ones now and then as I flip through to find something else to read).

I thought about how Solomon wrote these to his sons, or maybe even men in general, and wondered why women weren't included.  I stopped to think, and figure it is probably due to the culture.  Men were the ones educated. Men were the ones "in charge".  It was a patriarchal society, and women had a submissive role - they cooked, cleaned, took care of the house, raised the babies, that kind of thing.

Now, however, women play a different role in society, and these proverbs apply to both men AND women (and really, I'm sure they applied to women back then too).  Just because it says for a son to obey his father and listen to his mother, doesn't mean that a daughter shouldn't do those things.

The advice given in Proverbs - and the Bible in general - apply to all of us. Not just men; not just women; not just Jews; not just Gentiles.  Every single one of us.

The Proverbs are filled with good advice - advice we should follow.  Advice I should follow.  I need to delve into this book of the Bible more often.

Persistence Or Not Trusting?

I've been struggling with, and thinking about, something lately.

You see, I'm praying about something in particular. It doesn't matter what it is for this purpose, I'm using it as my example.

I am trying to leave a situation in God's hands (even though I will still pray about it), I mean, He is the one in control, but that's not always an easy thing to do.  My dilemma in the matter is this:  every time I pray for and about this particular situation, am I not trusting God?  Am I trying to take things into my own hands, so to speak, and continuing to pray because I really want this to be answered in a specific way, or am I just being persistent?

Jesus tells a parable in Luke 18: about a persistent widow. He wanted to show his disciples that they should always pray and not give up.

What is perplexing me, is whether or not I am actually praying about the situation and not giving up (which I am doing, I guess), being persistent, or am I just praying about it so much because I lack trust in God, in His answering my prayer?

How can you tell the difference between the two?  When are you being persistent in prayer and when are you just praying because you might not truly believe or trust that God will bring things about in answer to your prayer?

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or answers, feel free to leave them in the comment section. I'd really like to hear what you think, and hopefully someone can answer my question :).

God Is In Control

Today, I feel odd.

My mind is racing, somewhat. My thoughts are jumbled, and I can't quite place that odd feeling I am experiencing.

Yesterday, I fasted. I don't know if I did it "right" or if I even really completed it fully. My fast lasted about 13 hours and I think going into it I knew what my decision would be - somewhat. My decision will be affected by the summer, and hopefully I will know more by then.

But, I feel as though I'm taking the "safe" way out rather than truly relying on God. And, maybe this is the outcome God wants for me. Maybe I need to fast again and be a little more prayerful during that time. And, maybe I am being attacked by the enemy to doubt my decision and question whether I truly am following God's lead.

My racing mind and jumbled thoughts aren't based on yesterday. I'm fairly certain of that.

I have been reading Kisses From Katie on my Kindle these last few days. What an amazing woman! She totally relies on the Lord to get her through the days, weeks, months - to help her do what He has called her to do.  She obeyed the Lord's calling, following His lead to Uganda, where He has blessed her and the people in the village to whom she ministers.

I compare myself, my life, to Katie's. I know we should not do that, but I can't help it. I think this is where the jumbled thoughts and racing mind are coming from.

While I don't feel called to be a missionary, I do know that I need to follow Jesus more - rely on Him to help me, get me through good times and bad, and just trust Him. I must admit that I lack in this area. It's certainly something I need to work on - or rather, let Him work on in me.

I think reading this book coupled with what I've been praying and fasting about has caused me to examine my own life, my own thoughts and desires. What is it that God has planned for my life? What is my calling? Am I doing what He has called me to do (I do believe that I am, I just might not be pulling it off as well as I could be, or should be)?  What about the desires I've had forever - the ones that are closest to my heart? How do I know if those will come to be (or not)? How do I go about fulfilling those desires? Do those desires and my calling conflict, and if so, what is the right choice to make?

I certainly don't want to make one choice and be left wondering for the rest of my life if it was the right one to make. I think I could have both, but with that there would be give and take involved - and not just on my part. And that offers more confusion to my thought process.

I know that God is in control. He already has my life mapped out - what I will do, where I will go, etc. I just need to learn to trust Him more, and rely on Him.

I doubt myself. I doubt that I hear what the Lord is saying to me - or if He is/has answered my prayer and I'm left wondering if this is all from Him, or from my own decisions. How can I continue to serve Him to the best of my abilities and trust that His ways are the best - even if I don't get the answer I want to my desires.

That takes faith. That takes trust. And, that is certainly something He will have to give me, because on my own merits, I will fail at this.

Lord, You are in control. Help me to have faith and to trust that I am following your lead and not my own.

My Head Tells Me One Thing...

Hello, again.

I have had many things on my mind since my last post, and have been busy with work and tired when I get home.  I had also started a writing course, but sadly, that fell behind and I didn't get it completed.  I should have known better than to do it while I was working - but I thought I could handle it.

In February, I fasted for 24 hours while seeking an answer to something I had been praying about. I don't know if I had done it properly, or if I had really got an answer. While reading my Bible, the passage that had jumped out to me was in Matthew where it talks about asking and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. 

My response was a little shocking to me - something I hadn't expected. When I talked it over with my BFF afterward, she said that maybe I hadn't dealt with the past regarding this. The verse was one that I used many years ago when "praying" (though I wouldn't say I was a Christian at the time). I told God then that I had been asking but I wasn't receiving. That was when I turned my back on Him; put Him on the shelf.

Fast forward to last month. I was not going to let the enemy use that verse again in an attempt to get me angry at God, or turn my back on Him again. No way.  Both prayer and response (both times) was regarding pretty much the same thing/situation. I didn't want to have the same results this time.

So, a couple of days later I fasted again. This time for two days. I let people know so they could pray for me during this time (especially when I came off the fast because that was when I felt attacked by the enemy when I came off the fast from a few days prior).  I feel that God answered my prayer regarding one situation that time - gave me confirmation - but I don't know about the rest of the prayer.  I still pray about this, but don't know if it is something He is "working out" that will happen in time, or if it is a "no" response.  At any rate, I don't feel that I have a definite answer one way or the other regarding this situation yet.

So, now I am on Spring Break (we have two weeks off, and return back to school on April 2nd), and I have decided that I am going to fast again, though I don't know for how long yet.  I am faced with a choice to make, and while my head tells me one thing, my heart tells me another. I just really don't know what to do.  I am trying to trust the Lord for His direction and guidance.  When I fast this time (I think it might be tomorrow that I attempt this one), I am hoping to spend more time in prayer, reading the Bible, and focusing on God's will and desire for me in this.

It's so hard to know what to do. I want the best of both worlds - I want both situations, but I don't know if that is possible. I know, with God all things are possible, and He can work them both out...but I feel as though I have to choose between one or the other at this point.

But, like I said, I am trying to seek God's desire, His will, for me in this situation. I do have fear in either choice (fear of what if I chose the wrong thing, or should I have chosen the other), but I know that I need to trust the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6) and be obedient to what He wants me to do.

On that note, I would appreciate any prayers over the next little while (especially for tomorrow, Mar. 19) for clarity, direction, and wisdom in what I should do.

Have a Christ-filled day!

It Is Written

In Luke 4, what spoke to me this morning was when Jesus was in the wilderness and being tempted by the devil. People will say that this is how we know that Jesus can be, and is, sympathetic (and empathetic) to us, and that He completely understands what it is like when the devil tempts us.  I should note here that God does not tempt us to sin - the devil does that. God provides ways for us out of the temptation.

But, while what I just said is true, the part that speaks to me is that Jesus always had an answer when Satan tempted Him.  He was able to "back things up" by saying something that was written in Scripture, and He would begin His reply with, "It is written...".  That is why I need to immerse myself in the Word, learn it, and memorize it.  Elsewhere in the Bible it says we must be prepared to give a reason for our hope..."always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you..." (1 Peter 3:15).  If we don't know the Bible, we won't be able to back up our answers and give reasons "why".

I know that not everyone I come into contact with will accept an answer that is backed up with "it says in the Bible...". Those are the people who would most likely say that the Bible is full of fairy tales, or that it was only written by a bunch of men years ago.  I think, for those people, it would take more than that to turn them towards God. That would be whee "practice what you preach" and prayer would come into play.

But, regardless, it is important to get into the Word and not just read it, but memorize it, know it, and live it.  If Jesus knew the Word and used it in battle (and obviously lived it), then it must be important for me as well!

I am not quite awake this morning, so I apologize if this sounds incoherent. Have a Christ-filled day!

It's A Brand New Year

It's a brand new year, and I want to get back in the habit of reading my Bible daily, and spending more time with the Lord than I have been. So, yesterday I started reading in Luke 1.

The part that stuck out to me was verse 6, which says, "They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord."  The 'they' who are being referred to are Elizabeth and Zacharias, the parents of John the Baptist.  They were old and Elizabeth was barren. Yet, Gabriel appeared to them and brought the news that Elizabeth would have a baby in her old age.

As I read verse six over and over a few more times, it made me wonder if that might be a reason as to why I am not married and have kids - because I'm not righteous in the sight of God and I don't walk blamelessly in all His commandments and requirements.  Do I need to improve my 'walk' and spend more time in the Word and live a more Christ-like life before any of this will happen for me?

I just wish it would happen soon (the marriage and kids). I'm not getting any younger - especially with my birthday looming around the corner in less than three weeks!

Today, in chapter 2, the part that spoke out to me was part of verse 7, "...because there was no room for them in the inn."  This is, of course, referring to the birth of Jesus and the fact that He was found lying in a manger (which is a feeding trough).  Even as He was being born, people didn't have room for Him. It makes me stop and wonder if I have room for Jesus in my life?!

Lately, (or for awhile), it seems like the honest answer would have to be no.  I would like to say how devout I am, how Jesus always comes first and has room in my heart, in my life, but I need to be honest about it.  Most days I am consumed with thoughts of work, work itself, what I want to do or need to do, things I'd like to have, places I'd like to go, and even just relaxing.  I watch TV, I'm on the computer a lot, get together with friends - but for awhile now, I haven't been making time for the Lord in my life.  Yes, He should get first dibs on my time, my day, but often that doesn't happen.  Oh, I'll try to squeeze in a few little prayers during the day, or before I go to bed, and try to claim that as my "time" spent in God's presence. Or, I will simply read a chapter in the Bible and not meditate or pray on it.  But let's face it...that isn't quite time that is spent with Him.

I need to be spending quality time in the Word and in prayer if I want to be able to hear Him or have Him speak to me.  And how can that happen if I don't take the time to be with Him?

A good part of any relationship or in communication involves listening.  If I want to hear from the Lord, then I need to stop all the talking I do to Him, all the business and laziness in my life, and just sit and listen (or prayerfully listen)...or even throughout the day be more conscious of His presence and the fact that He might be speaking through someone else to me.

It all takes effort (and something like 30 days for it to become a habit), and practice to make it a daily part of my life.  And, that is something I need to work on!

An Ear To Hear

I've been thinking lately.

I've been thinking about how it doesn't seem like God is speaking to me, like He's not listening to me or my prayers, and how it certainly seems like my prayers aren't being answered.

I've been thinking about possible reasons why.

What I've come up with is that I don't seem to be spending quality time with Him. Sure, I'll pray and read my Bible, but am I taking the time to sit and actually listen? Am I taking the time to let God speak to me, or answer my questions? Am I meditating on what the Word says, or am I simply reading it in order to say I've read my Bible for today?

When I pray, my mind can't always seem to focus. Sure, I might start out focused, but pretty soon my mind is off following a bunny trail down to some other thought, thinking of some other want/desire, thinking about what happened at some other point in my life (or what I'd like to happen). Then, I find it very difficult to get back into focus.

I've thought back to when I was new to the faith, new in my walk, and how my prayer life seemed to go so well (regarding focus and praying well), how when I read my Bible I would search more into it with commentaries, how I could apply it more to my life or create little devotionals from passages or verses I'd read.

The only thing that I can think that has changed, is me. It's certainly not God who has changed. For a number of years now, I've had difficulty with my walk - difficulty in focusing, trusting, hoping - and I've realized that I have changed. I don't spend quality time with the Lord as I once did. I rush through my prayers (and Bible reading) and don't give Him a chance to speak - or I'll give a time limit, like requiring God to "speak" to me by the time I finish reading a chapter or by the time I finish praying (without allowing quiet time to listen to Him).

How can I expect to build a quality relationship with the Lord if I'm not investing in it, if I'm being to focused on me and my wants and not allowing Him to speak. How can I expect Him to be my best friend if I don't let Him into this relationship?

I've been thinking that I need to take more time and invest it wisely in the Lord. And, I need to start ASAP.

Who is your BFF, and what do you like to do with him/her?

Jesus Juked By the Man Himself

Last night I was having a quiet moment before bed. Usually this is just me listening to music (mostly Christian, but occasionally secular). It was no different last night.

I sat in my rocking chair, my ipod plugged into my ears, and I listened. While the music played, and the singers sang, I listened to the words to some of the songs and thought they were so poetic, so brilliant. I even admit that I wished I had written them; but, I didn't so there's nothing I can do about that except write my own words (i.e. poems, stories...I'm not a song writer).

After a few moments, I thought it would be a good time to pray. The house was quiet, and I was the only one awake. I changed my listening habits from being those of simply enjoying the music, to using it to praise and worship God (silently through the headphones of my ipod, and the praise/worship coming from my heart rather than my mouth).

Then, I prayed.

I started by confessing sins to God and asked for forgiveness of them. I won't go into all the details, but I will say that I told God that I know He has a plan for my life and I know it is probably not the way I think it will be or expect. I told Him how I used to cling to Jeremiah 29:11-13 (written below)when I was in university and how I'm still trying to cling to that promise (even though at one point I had someone tell me that the promise in those verses was for the Israelites, and not us...yeah.).

11 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (NASB)

Now, to be honest, I have verse 11 memorized, and verse 13. I stumble over trying to quote the middle verse. So, while talking to God, I mostly focused on the verse 11, briefly mentioned that I am calling upon Him, but I just don't feel like He is listening to me.

That's when it struck me. And I'm sure it was God's nudge.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I have been searching, seeking, talking, asking, etc. but, I haven't been doing this with all my heart. Ouch.

Is it fair to say that I have been Jesus juked by the Man Himself?

I think, the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me that the reason I haven't been hearing Him for awhile now, or feeling as though He had abandoned me (which I know He didn't do), was because when I have been seeking Him, when I have been calling on Him, when I have been searching for Him, I wasn't doing it with all my heart. I was letting thoughts, feelings, things of the world get in the way!

So, now as I seek the Lord with regard to my walk - which path to take, and seek His will for my life (present and future), I know the enemy is going to bombard me and try to get my focus put back on things that will block me from hearing the Lord, from finding Him and know what it is He wants me to do. Please remember me in your prayers that the Lord will protect me and not let the enemy get to me. Pray that now that I am aware that I need to come to Him with all of my heart, that I will do just that - and not let things or thoughts or feelings get in the way and hinder me. And, pray that the Lord will reveal to me the path I need to take.

The Sun Is Peeking Through - Somewhat

My last post was written when I'd been having a few "bad" days. Today, and the previous two as well, things have felt much better, more positive.

I don't have everything all worked out. Life did not suddenly get perfect. But, I am slowly starting to see the sun shine again.

I talked with my BFF, and she actually helped me get over this hurdle - or speed bump - somewhat. We are both so much alike, it's scary. She's also encouraging, and that might be because very soon she's going to be in the same boat as I am in some areas, so she can understand what I'm going through.

I had a great day visiting with her on Wednesday, and even though life's problems didn't all get solved, we had a good discussion and came up with some possibilities.

And now, I need to take the next step - which is scary.

On a side note, my BFF's daughter (she's 11) made a good point while I was visiting. At some point I mentioned how I want a real job, and she said, "Well, technically being a supply teacher is a real job. And, it's a hard job, probably harder than a regular teacher, but it's a real job." I had to laugh. She's right, though. I told her what I meant by "real job" was a full time one, teaching every day in my own classroom. She knew what I meant, but just wanted to be technical I guess, lol. She's just like her mom!

Want Some Cheese With That Whine?

The darkness hangs thicker than the night, clinging to whatever it can latch onto. No pinpoints of starry light can be seen; no illumination of any sort is visible to help light the path.

Sometimes, in the rarest of moments, the darkness seems as though it is changing to grey - growing lighter, thinner and creating a twinkle of hope. Just as quickly, the black returns and envelops everything again.

In the chill of despondency, the fog rises and lines the darkness as a slip lines the underside of a dress. Fear rises, adding to the uncertainty. The ground becomes rocky and uneven, and steps become unsteady.

Dare I move forward? Dare I take a step? The edge of the cliff seems so close, but I don't know where it is. I don't want to move and end up falling.

The paths become jumbled, giving no real direction, with no destination in sight.

Where are you? Why did you leave my side? You stopped whispering; stopped guiding. I don't know where to turn, what way to go. I feel lost. I feel damaged. I feel alone.

I followed you from the beginning of this so-called adventure. I trusted. But somewhere, sometime, I sensed your abandonment - or are you simply hiding and watching from a distance?

I'm lost and I'm afraid to move, afraid I will plunge over the edge - afraid you won't catch me if I do.

******

For the longest while now, I've felt like God has abandoned me. I know He hasn't because His word tells me that He will never leave me, nor forsake me. I try to find comfort in His word, but in all honesty, it doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm trying to cling to Jesus, to put my hope in Him and remember that, ultimately, God is the one in control. He does have a plan for me - even if He doesn't reveal it. I know all that, but still...I see everyone around me being blessed, having prayers answered, etc. - even those who don't follow the Lord, those who aren't His children.

And it hurts. Big time. It feels like He cares about everyone except me (and yes, I am quite aware that He does care about me).

What I wrote above, at the beginning of this post, is how I've been feeling for a long time now. I put on a brave front, because I don't think people would really understand the extent or depth of how I'm really feeling. I hate when I do talk about things like this, and I get the ever popular "Christian platitudes" - they do not help in the least. I get sick of people telling me that I'm a good person, that I'm sweet and kind, and that God has a plan for me and I shouldn't give up hope, that God will reveal Himself in His timing, etc. I KNOW all of that. I've heard it many times (and have probably been guilty of saying some of them at times myself). It doesn't help, quite frankly, it feels like they are belittling my feelings, etc. - like I don't really matter and they are just saying those things because that is what a good little Christian should say.

I haven't given up my beliefs, my hopes, etc. I'm not turning away from the Lord, or denying Him or anything like that. I'm in a valley, and I feel like everything I've done, everything I've worked for has been for nothing - that I'm a complete and utter failure at everything I've done or tried to do. I've been praying and asking for wisdom for what to do in my situation, wisdom to know the direction God wants me to take, etc. And I just don't hear Him answering me.

Ok, enough ranting and whining now. I've probably driven off any readers I may have had.

What do you do when you are in the valley and all seems cloaked under clouds and fog and darkness, and you can't see to find your way out?

Jesus Glasses

When I was young, I remember thinking it would be cool to wear glasses, after all, smart people wore glasses! If I wore glasses, then people would think I was smart – or maybe, somehow, the glasses would make me smart. But, I don't think I ever occured to me that there were nicknames, like "four eyes," that I might be called.



At some point in my first year of high school, way back when, my eyesight changed and at the end of the year I ended up needing glasses. By this time, I should add, I knew that glasses didn’t make a person smarter, but still, there was something about wearing glasses that intrigued me.


At first, I only needed to wear my glasses to see distances. I was supposed to wear them in class to help see the board. After several days of frequently putting them on and taking them off, I grew annoyed with having to wear my new glasses. Eventually I just kept them on all day, only taking them off and not wearing them at all when I was home. And, now, many years later, I need to wear them all the time (though I also now wear contacts), otherwise I can’t see anything – even up close.


Since I’ve become a Christian, my desire is to use a different pair of “glasses” to help me see. I want to see things the way the Lord sees them.

When we accept Christ as our Savior, and ask for forgiveness for our sins, He wipes them away and God then sees us through Jesus. He doesn’t see the sins we committed, but He sees His Son in our hearts. He sees us through "Jesus glasses".


I want to see others the way God sees them – through Jesus. I want to look past their mistakes, their bad choices, etc., and not hold it against them. I’m just as guilty as the next person for focusing on the negative aspects of people, especially if they’ve hurt me. But that’s not what I want to be like.


My prayer is that I put on my “Jesus glasses” and see others through Him, see past the wrongdoings and see them with the love of Christ.



Have you ever wanted to wear glasses? Do you wear them now, and if so, were you ever called any nicknames because of them?

It Might Be Something Right Under Your Nose

Today we began a new series at church, which is to help lead us to seeking God for the direction He wants us to take as a church this summer (it kind of falls on the heels of the series we just finished).

The sermon was on the passage of Mary and Martha, where Jesus and his disciples were invited to Martha's house. Martha was busy at work preparing for the guests, while Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to Him. Martha was ticked off (no doubt) and pointed out Mary's actions, or lack of, to Jesus. She wanted Him to tell her sister, Mary, to help her with the preparations. Jesus told Martha that Mary was actually doing the better thing.

Part of the new series is to have some people in the congregation become Marthas in which they (a deacon and pastor will also be there with the host) invite 12 or 13 people into their homes for "fireside chats"...which, I think will include Scripture, discussions, prayer and listening to Jesus guiding us in our lives, and the direction for the church to take. Pastor J didn't go too much into that just yet, as that is coming up in a few weeks and he will explain in better detail then.  Pastor J also encouraged us to be Marys at this time,  in that we sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to what He has to say.

Anyway, Pastor J encouraged people to linger after the service and pray and take a few minutes (how ever long they wanted) to just listen to Jesus, to listen for His voice.

I was waiting for a friend of mine (and not actually praying), who was talking to someone else, and Pastor J came over and sat down beside me - after talking and praying with several others. He asked me how I was doing, and offered to pray for me. He asked what  I wanted to pray about.

I told him how I'd been praying about a couple of things (which I won't mention here), and he is aware of at least one of the things. I said that it seemed like I've been asking for so long, but I wasn't receiving - you know the verse, "ask and you shall receive". Pastor J said something that I had never thought of before. He said that maybe I wasn't "receiving" because God had something for me (or something for me to do) that is right under my nose, but because I've been focused on what I think it is God wants me to do, that I'm just not noticing what it is God actually wants me to do. His suggestion actually opened my mind, my thoughts - maybe he's right.

So, that is one of the things we prayed about, and it's something I'm going to continue to pray about. I would also appreciate if you could pray for this for me too - that I listen for God's voice, for what He wants me to do, what might be right under my nose that I'm failing to see. :o)


What can I pray about for you today?

Ash Wednesday/Lent

I looked at the calendar the other day. I had just finished writing down the location, time, etc. for a half day of work. I noticed something was printed on the 9th, and glanced at it. It said "Ash Wednesday".

To be honest, I never really gave any thought to the meaning behind Ash Wednesday. Today, I decided to look it up (after reading this post from Pete Wilson) to learn more about it.

Ash Wednesday is the first day that marks a 40 day period, aka Lent, (not including Sundays) until Easter.  Not all Christian denominations observe Lent, but for those that do, this period of time is when they will abstain from something (a certain food, habit, etc.) for the 40 days.

Lent is a time for fasting, using moderation, repenting, and observing spiritual discipline. I can remember growing up that it seemed to me only Catholics took part in Lent. That is because all of my friends who were Catholic would talk about what they were giving up for Lent. None of my other friends (who were not Catholic) ever talked about it. I know now, that Lent is not just for Catholics. In the past several years, I have become more aware (probably from reading different Christian blogs) of people in other denominations taking part in Lent.

I've never taken part in Lent (because I had always thought it was for Catholics, and I'm not a Catholic), and in all honesty, don't know if I will this year or not. It will have to be something I pray about today/tonight and figure out what I should abstain from for the next 40 days, beginning tomorrow. I am sure there are a lot of things I could give up (fast from) for Lent - computer time, watching TV, certain foods, bad habits...and when I'm craving those thing, use the time to pray and focus on Jesus instead.

I'm sure it would be a good thing to participate in Lent...but I don't know if I will.

Are you taking part in Lent? What are you giving up for this 40 day period before Easter?

Is This Not The Fast Which I Choose?

Yesterday's sermon was great, and it definitely spoke to me. The pastor even said that he can't ever read this without feeling convicted.


Pastor T (our pastor of family ministries) spoke on Isaiah 58. The chapter talks about how God's people would cry out loud to the Lord, they were being obedient in what they were doing:

Yet they seek Me day by day and delight to know my ways,
As a nation that has done righteousness
And has not forsaken the ordinance of their God
They ask Me for just decisions,
They delight in the nearness of God.
        (Isaiah 58:2)

The people fasted and humbled themselves, but they felt God was not listening to them, or seeing what they were doing.


So often, I think, we also feel that way. I know in my own life, especially these last few years, I have definitely felt like God has turned a blind eye, and ignores the things I do (or try to do) for Him.


There was one problem, however, with what the Israelites were doing. We read in verse 3 that, "...on the day of your fast you find your desire."

Basically, they were being selfish in fasting and in being humble (which, really, is a false humbleness or humility). They weren't helping others, and they put the focus all on themselves. They fasted and had food that they weren't eating, but they did not share it with those who did need it. They were doing these things (fasting, being humble, etc.) but yet were acting in an evil manner to others - "..you fast for contention and strife and to strike with a wicked fist" (verse 4). That is totally not the way to behave!


God goes on, in verses 6 and 7 to tell his people:

Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?


Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

The people needed to be putting their focus on others, and not themselves. They needed to stop being wicked and evil, and to start sharing their food with those who had none (or very little), share their homes and their beds with those who were homeless, and give their clothing to those in need.


During my walk, for the last while, I have felt like God has been ignoring me (even though I know He hasn't). You see, I put the focus on why God has not done something for me, or answered prayers; but, in actuality, it is because of what I haven't been doing.

While Pastor T was speaking, it occurred to me that I have been acting the same way the Israelites were. For so long, it has been all about me - what I need, what I want. I definitely think it's time for a change in my actions! I need to start focusing on the needs of others.


I love what God promises (in verses 8 to 11) if we put our focus on others and not ourselves, and do as He says in the verses above:

Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.


Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am '
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,


And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.


And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Isn't God awesome?!

Are there any Bible verses that are speaking to you today? I'd love to hear what they are in the comment section!

Lately...

These are some thoughts and feelings I've been going through lately. They are nicely summed up in these two videos by Matthew West...








These are currently two of my favourite songs. What are your favourite songs?

If I Was Meant To Have Patience...I'd Have Been A Doctor!

I've always thought of myself has having patience. I somewhat taught myself to knit (couldn't quite remember the knit stitch and how to cast on that I learned when I was seven), though I did get a little help from one of the ladies at work when things didn't seem to be working out. Mind you, I used some tutorials as well, to get a little help. But, it wasn't an easy process - especially using the double pointed needles to make socks and mittens!

When I'm teaching someone how to knit, I have lots of patience. When I'm working with the kids at school, I have a good amount of patience. When I'm waiting for someone (unless I'm in a great hurry), I tend to have patience.

But, when it comes to some things, I'm not patient at all. I want it now; I want it yesterday. And, my mantra of the day becomes "If I was meant to have patience (patients), I'd have been a doctor!" (Ok, so it sounds better than it looks written out...because you don't have to show the spellings of both words...)

This morning I was doing my Bible reading, like I try to do every morning. Once again, like I usuall do, I asked God to show me something, reveal something to me, help me get something out of my reading. I don't always get something, but I think I did today.

I started reading Genesis again the other day, and today's chapter was on the flood waters receeding, and the ark coming to rest on Mount Ararat (chapter 8). We are told that Noah, et. al., endured 40 days and 40 nights of rain;  that "the water prevailed upon the earth one hundred and fifty days" (Gen. 7:24); that the waters came in the second month, and in the seventh month "the ark rested upon th emountains of Ararat" (8:4). The waters then "decreased steadily until the tenth month" (8:5) It was at this point when the tops of the mountain became visible.

So, quite a bit of time has gone by at this point. In verse 6, we read that it was another 40 days that Noah sent out the raven. After that he sent out the dove, which returned to him. He then waited seven days before sending out the dove again. This time it returned with the olive leaf. The inhabitants of the ark did not leave then; instead, they waited a further seven days.

All in all, it took a long time - "In the 600th year of Noah's life, in the second month on the 17th day, the rains began. (Gen. 7:11). When Noah was 601 (the first month on the first day), the water dried up from the earth. In the second month on the 27th day the earth was dry and Noah was told to leave the ark (Gen. 8:13-16). I'm sure it required a LOT of patience from the 8 members of the ark. Can you imagine the smell that came from the ark with all those animals and even the people, with no bathrooms??!!! I would think that situation would either help to create patience or drive you insane.

So, that got me to thinking about Abraham and Sarah having to wait a long time for a child; Hannah and Elizabeth also waited a long time to have children.

And, ultimately, the greatest test of patience - waiting for the arrival of the Messiah (Jesus)! And, now we wait patiently for Jesus to return.

God's timing is not our timing. What seems like a great deal of time to us may only be the blink of an eye for God. And that's where I tend to get frustrated.

In my own life, there are things I'm still waiting for, and though I don't know if I'll ever get them, I try to be patient. I try to tell myself that God's timing is perfect, and I just need to wait patiently. But, saying is a lot easier than doing! In all honesty, there are times when I feel like giving up. And, admittedly, I say at times that I am giving up on something, but then I find myself going back and starting the waiting process over again - just in case.

Patience can be something I struggle with, but I try to keep my focus on the Lord, and not me or whatever I am waiting on. Like I said though, it's not easy to do!


What is something you struggle with?

Do Not Swear...

Several years ago, I accompanied my dad to the motor vehicle office with regard to giving him my car. I'm not exactly sure now what we had to do, but I do remember part of it involving the lady behind the counter pulling out a Bible and making us both place our hands on it and swearing (obviously not the vulgar swearing).

But above all, my brethern, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but your yes is to be yes, and your no, no, so that you may not fall under judgment. (James 5:12)

I remember feeling guilty afterwards (yes, I repented of it as well) and wishing I had the strength to have told her that I would not put my hand on the Bible and swear, and then quote (and even show her) the above scripture. I don't know how that would have gone over though.

I often wonder about people in court, when they are made to place their hands on the Bible and swear or take an oath - what would happen, or what would be done, if the person refused to do so and then quoted  James 5:12...would they get tossed out of court, would they get thrown in jail for causing problems, would they be forced to take the oath, or would the judge accept the denial and quote.

Have you ever refused to swear or take an oath by placing your hand on a Bible (as in situations above, or similar)? What has been the result? Or, are/were you like me and made the oath or swear and then feel guilty after?

Silence Is Golden

This week in Sunday school, we discussed being silent before the Lord in order to hear His voice. This is something we might find difficult to do, depending on our situation - like if you have small children (or any children) or a job that takes up a lot of time.

We tried to do this for a brief amount of time in class, and some of us had a difficult time, while others didn't seem to mind at all. For me, it was difficult.

I find it difficult to turn off my mind or stop it from wandering. Usually one thought leads to another, and that one to another, and so on. Or, I'll hear a noise or talking or whatnot in the distance (in this case it was coming from the class next door to ours, and from the kids music program down the hall), and seem to focus on that - even if I pray and ask the Lord to help me refocus on Him. It's not an easy situation!

Here are some guidelines we discussed prior to doing this exercise in the class:

1. Prayer (5 minutes) - settling into quietness and stillness, trust God with "to-dos" or jot them down in a quick note.

2. Read through your Bible passage once (in our case we tried this exercise using Matthew 5:1-12), then read it again, this time more slowly.

3. Pay attention to verses that stand out to you.

4. In what ways are you feeling plessed?

5. In what ways have you experienced the truth of these verses lately?

6. How do these verses intersect with your life right now?

7. Are there ways in which these verses seem odd to you? (It is totally OK if they do)

8. Are there ways you sense God is telling you to change? How do you react to this?

9. What do the verses tell us about God?


As I said, I didn't find myself successful with the attempt of being silent before the Lord in class. Not only did I find the noise around me (from other classes) distracting, but I wasn't sitting in a comfortable chair either. To me, that is one of the big factors - the need to be comfortable before I can concentrate or focus. I'm the same way if I'm studying something too; I need a comfortable chair.

So, because this didn't work for me on Sunday, does that mean I won't try it again? Of course not! I will try this again and see how it works for me then - and of course, I'll make sure I have myself a nice, comfortable chair!

Have you tried being silent before the Lord? Have you heard him speak to you this way? I'd love to hear your experiences with it!