Singing For Jesus

I was in university when I first heard the song, “Days of Elijah” during worship chapel. I loved it, and it quickly became one of my favourites. Soon, one of the worship teams at church began to play the song as well – though they didn’t seem to play it quite as fast as they did at school.

Not long after I declared “Days of Elijah” to be my song, I had a dream. It was dark in my dream, and I was with several people inside a church basement. We seemed to be a choir, and we were practicing singing “Days of Elijah” because we were expecting a guest of honor – Jesus!

I was so excited that I was going to get to sing this song for Jesus! I could hardly contain myself. I don’t remember how many others were waiting with me, but it wasn’t very many – maybe six or eight of us.

We began our wait. And we waited and waited. I wondered when Jesus was going to come and hear us sing for Him. At one point, I walked over to the window to look outside and see if I could see Him. I looked up into the black sky, pinpointed with stars. I was looking for the clouds that He would arrive on. Nothing.

I craned my neck, still looking at the sky. It was then that I noticed it. Flying past, quickly, was a UFO – one like the Great Gazoo used in the Flintstones cartoon. I don’t remember if I could see anything inside, or just the UFO. However, the thought that ran through my mind, in the dream, was: “Where on earth did that come from? Doesn’t he know he doesn’t exist?” I gave my head a shake, and went to join the others.

By this point, I was starting to feel disappointed and let down because Jesus hadn’t arrived yet. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to sing my song for Him, and I really wanted to – I wanted Him to hear me sing “Days of Elijah” just for Him!

I woke up with that sad, disappointed feeling that Jesus didn’t show up, and I wasn’t going to be able to sing for Him. I really felt these emotions (in real life). I mean, I’m not a good singer, at all, but I wanted so badly to stand in front of Jesus and sing for Him – and I knew He would like it. I knew that even though I can’t sing, He would still be honored that I was singing FOR Him.

What came to mind after that dream was that maybe Jesus didn’t show up (in my dream) because we were expecting Him - we seemed to "know" that He was supposed to return that night. In reality, we don’t know when Jesus is coming again. No one does (and I don't care who you are, you do NOT know when Jesus will return. Only the Father knows). But, we do need to be prepared anyway, because He could come back at any time – today, tomorrow, later this month or year, or 100 years from now. The point is, we need to be like a boy/girl scout and "be prepared" for when Jesus does return.

How do we become prepared? We need to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and invite Him into our heart. We need to ask for forgiveness for our sins. If you haven't done this yet and you would like to know more, or talk about this, please feel free to contact me or leave a comment on this post. I would be more than happy to help you.

Have you had any dreams with Jesus in them? I'd love to hear about them!

Rocking Chairs, Baby Dolls, and Mother's Day

When I was little, I used to have this one particular doll. Her body was sort of a cylinder shape with soft arms and soft legs sticking out. Her neck and the middle of her body had sand or something similar in it so that she would gradually fall over if she was sitting up. The eyes in her soft plastic head closed. When she would "fall" over, her eyes would close and she would "go to sleep". She wasn't a particular favourite, but I liked the fact that she could close her eyes, and she was small - like a little baby.

Also, ever since I was little I have loved rocking chairs. My mom used to rock me (and my brothers) to sleep. Even to this day, I will choose to sit in a rocking chair if there is one available. I find them to be very relaxing. I heart rocking chairs.

One of the"rituals" I had when I was little, was to get ready for bed at least an hour before I would actually go to bed, sit in my rocking chair (to help me relax and get sleepy), put my little blanket over my lap, and cradle my doll as if she were my baby. Since her eyes closed, it seemed more like I was rocking her to sleep. It was like she was my baby, and I was her mother.

Today is Mother's Day. I have always found this to be difficult - well, for at least twenty years anyway. I'm more than happy, on this day, to celebrate all that my mom is, because she is AWESOME...but, it's bittersweet for me.

I have no kids (other than a 4 legged furry baby). I'm 42 years old and I'm not married, and I have no kids. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a wife and mother. It's been a huge desire, probably all my life. And it hasn't happened. Will it? I have no idea. And, it hurts when people try to tell me that it will happen one day - in all honesty, unless they are God, they don't.

Usually this doesn't bother me a lot.  I try to deal with it, and not let it affect me, but there are other times when it hurts to the very core of my being - like Mother's Day. Like I said, it's not something that bothers me all the time; usually there is something that triggers the pain - someone getting engaged or married, especially if these are people I've watched grow up and are years younger than me; or someone having a baby (doesn't matter if it's a first or sixth baby). And that can be difficult to deal with - and accept.

So, as I hold back my pain and hurt (because, really, it's not about me), and try to turn it over to God, I would like to wish all the awesome mother's out there a very blessed and happy Mother's Day!

Dream A Little Dream

The last two chapters I've read in my Bible (Genesis 40 and 41) in my daily reading involved Joseph interpreting dreams. In chapter 40, it was the dreams of Pharoah's cupbearer and baker; chapter 41 was Pharoah's own dreams.

I don't know if I have mentioned in this blog before, but I have been keeping a Dream Journal of sorts since the beginning of the year. At that time, in my small group (Bible study), we were discussing the book of Daniel. One of the leaders asked a question at the beginning of one session (a sort of ice breaker), if anyone could remember their dreams.

I had indicated that I used to dream vividly, and could remember all sorts of details - colours, people, descriptions, etc. It was then that Pastor J asked if I wrote down my dreams, and that if I didn't then I should. So, I began recording them. I don't always remember, and sometimes don't have time to record them, but I try to.

Can I interpret dreams? Nope, not at all. However, maybe someone can (or maybe God will gift me with the ability at some point). Pastor J said it's a good way to see any "trends" or "themes" in dreams, something that might help indicate that God is speaking to me through dreams - or something like that. I can't recall his exact words.

I've been seeing themes appear, but I don't know what any of the interpretations could be. Even if I never find out, this journal makes for somewhat interesting reading at times - I've had some pretty crazy dreams!

Do you dream? Do you record them? Can you interpret dreams?

Feeling A Little Sad Today

I was going to post what I learned about in Sunday school, however, it's just not happening at the moment. The last couple of days I've been affected by my sinuses. I have no idea if it's an infection or just part of a cold...thought it doesn't feel like a cold. I've been taking some sinus pills which are helping, so that's good.

I had a weird dream last night. That happens seemingly often when I take night time sinus or cold medication. Anyway, my dad was in my dream, and I remembered that a friend from work had told me my nephew wouldn't remember my dad when he got older. My nephew was also in the dream, and when dad made his appearance, that is the thought that ran through my mind - in my dream. I thought, "Why did Jean say that?" It turns out that my dad had just been in the hospital (or away somewhere), and he was all better and back at home. I woke up feeling saddened that it wasn't real. I still feel sad.

For most of the day I haven't had my mind on my dream - or my dad. I was able to distract myself with classes. However, on the way home from this last class (I go back again after supper for a nearly three hour class) I had a sudden "I miss my daddy" feeling. It still feels like he's just away or something, and seems like he should be here. Usually I try not to let myself get upset or "ignore" the feelings. I know it's ok to cry and whatnot, but I just try not to. Even now I don't want to feel the emotions or cry because if I cry, my makeup will need to be reapplied before class again, and my eyes will get all red and puffy.

Maybe when I go to bed tonight I'll let myself cry...

Back In The Saddle

Thank you for your condolences on the death of my father. It's been a month now since he passed away, and time has flown by. It doesn't seem like it's been a month. I still miss my dad, and no doubt will for the rest of my life. I'm doing pretty good, but there are times when the grief seems to hit me all of a sudden.

The other night I had a dream about my dad. He walked in the front door and was taking off his jacket (like he'd always do) and was going to either head down to his computer, or up to the living room. Anyway, in the dream I remember feeling such happiness and said something to the effect of, "Oh, Dad, you're alive! You're not dead afterall!" When I woke up, I had this happy feeling but then the realization hit that I had just dreamt all of that.

Aside from that, I've started back to university and am getting into things now. This year is definitely going to be busy! I'm in the Bachelor of Education program (finally) and can be finished by next August if I do part of my practice teaching in Australia (with a new program they started up this past year)! I am really interested in doing that, and I'm hoping and praying that I'll be able to go. I'd have to pay to go, however. It's not part of tuition and the school doesn't pay for you to go either. It would definitely be an awesome experience, for sure!

Well, I'd better be heading off for now. I just wanted to pop on long enough to give a quick update on how things are going. My spiritual life hasn't been good for awhile now - since I spent the last year in Korea and couldn't go to church. I'm attending services (and Sunday school) now that I'm back home, but I have having a hard time reading my Bible and praying...though I do get some praying in when I go to bed (it's not the best though). I find it difficult lately, for reasons I don't know. It feels like (at least when I'm at church) that when we are praying or the pastor is preaching, I just feel so sad and can't focus or concentrate. It seems to be since Dad died that I've felt like this. It's just like no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do it. I suppose it's still part of the grieving process and will get better as time goes on...though I really don't know if that's what it is or not.

It's not that I don't want to pray or focus on God or even read my Bible, it's just like I can't seem to do it. I guess I'm in a "valley" and having difficulty. I know I'll come out, though, and I won't be along - I'm not alone now, I know. I just feel like I'm struggling to get back on track and on the right path again.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a Christ-filled day and enjoy your time at church tomorrow! God bless!!

Dreams

Yesterday evening, just after supper, I was a little tired and decided I needed a nap. I also had a dream...a weird dream; but I can't remember what it was about really, just a few little pieces.

In my dream, I was rebuking "demons" like has happened before in my dreams, and as usual I don't see anything. I just start yelling (or trying to yell), "I rebuke you in Jesus name!" and "At the name of Jesus you must leave!" So, in my dream I start doing this tentatively. My voice is a little weak and shakey, but I continue to rebuke. Then I "wake up".

It feels so real - I sense a "presence" of some sort, something not right, something bad, and I start rebuking. This time it's a little stronger, but my voice is still shakey, This time I also look to see what is "there"...nothing. But still, I feel like there is something there, so I continue rebuking...I then "wake up" again...it wasn't real that time, but also a dream.

Then, as I am waking up, I feel my blankets being pulled off me towards the bottom of the bed - nothing is there though, but I feel this presence and start rebuking. I'm looking right at the area where there should have been something or someone standing to pull off my blankets, but nothing. I tug on the blankets and it feels like wahtever is there is still pulling them in that direction. My voice is stronger this time and I yell out "I rebuke you in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ! You must leave because the Bible tells us that at His name you must leave! I rebuke you in Jesus name!" and said this several times.

Then, I wake up for real this time. What is weird is that in my dream, I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was dreaming. I woke up from one dream but was still dreaming; then woke up but was still in the same dream, etc. until I finally woke up for real. This has never happened to me before. Weird.

I used to have lots of dreams that I was rebuking demons or something, but never saw them. I never wanted to see them (in dreams or in real life), nor do I want to now. I haven't had these rebuking dreams for a long time now - this is the first in at least a year I think (give or take a couple of months).

I have no idea what this means, if anything. As you might know from reading here, I have been faltering a little in my walk - not praying, not reading the bible...but since the new year, I've been reading the bible everyday (though I may have missed one day, but to my knowledge, I have read it everyday), and have been trying to improve in my prayer life again. It's still not up to where I have been in the past, on the same level; it's hard to get back to it when you've left it behind for awhile.

Anyway, maybe this dream is showing me that what I have been fearing (or might have been fearing) is really nothing to fear. In the dream it is like I stood up to the "demons" and faced them, only to find what I thought I was afraid of wasn't there and by calling on Jesus, I got through it. I don't know - I don't know how to interpret dreams, so it's just a thought.

I'm feeling a little better lately in my walk. I'm not where I want to be, not where I used to be, and I still feel so - inadequate I guess. I know I'll never be "good enough", but I know I can be better than I am right now...I'm probably not making sense. I do know that I need to work on my relationship with God and build it up. It's hard, and if it's important to me (it is) then I should be working on it - doing what I can with God's help to improve it. And I will; I'm working on it - slowly but surely.