I Have To Be Responsible

There is a big responsibility that comes along with taking care of another person, whether it's an ageing parent or a child.  Since I've not had any children to raise, I wonder if taking care of a parent is on the same scale?  Is there more to raising one than another? Maybe it depends on the age of the child (or adult).

I've just begun to help take care of my mother, and I am realizing every day just what is involved.  I need to make sure she eats (and eats enough), takes her pills, gets ready for the day, and has her bills paid - just to name a few things.  I don't mind though.  My mom took care of me and my two brothers when we were children, so now it's our turn to take care of her.

One thing that was pointed out to me, by my loving fiancé, is that I also need to remember to take care of myself.  To me that is harder than taking care of my mom.  For example, I will get her lunch or supper ready, and unless it's a meal that I make for both of us, sometimes I don't feel like getting something for me.  At supper tonight, I reheated leftovers from yesterday for mom (there wasn't enough for both of us and I wanted to make sure she had a good supper).  I had to decide what to make myself.  Honestly, I wasn't all that hungry and didn't feel like eating anything, but I knew I had to.  What good will I be to her if I am unwell from not taking care of myself?

I also need to remember I have a network of supporters to help me - people I can call on to pray, someone to go out for coffee with (when I have someone coming in to help mom), a friend to call, etc.  This is an important part as well. If I isolate myself, the stress can still build up and be damaging.  But, relying on others for support will definitely help.

There have been moments when I've felt rather stressed lately, but I've been trying to remember at these times to pray and ask God for His strength and help during those times, and to trust him. I can't do this on my own, and I need to remember that. When I do remember to pray (and even ask others to pray for me at those times), I feel more of a sense of peace, more strength, and able to get through the difficult times.

The next however long is not going to be easy, but with God's help I can do this!

Lots Going On Lately

There has been a lot going on in my life lately.  Some of it is related to me, my own journey, and some of it is related to one of my family members.  None of this is easy, but then we were never promised an easy life.

At times, the situation with my family member doesn't seem real.  Maybe because it's just early on in the situation and the progression hasn't begun.  I don't want to say too much about this right now, but things will definitely get more difficult as time goes by, and I hope and pray I have the strength to get through all of it.  On my own, I don't have that strength; but the Lord does and He is the only one who can give me what I will need to get through everything.

I am doing my best to lean on Jesus, to give Him my burdens (like the Bible tells us to do), but I don't always do that. I am doing it more and more each day (and more than I have in the past), but I'm not to the point where I automatically give my burdens to Him - or leave them with Him. I still find myself taking them back and trying to fix things, or take care of things myself.  And that doesn't work, because I'm not the one in control.

God, however, is in control and whatever may happen (and whenever it will be), He's got me covered.  He'll get me through all of this and never leave my side.  For that I am truly thankful.

Only God Can Help Me

I hadn't realized just how much fear, low self-esteem, and insecure I have become in the last several years - well, some I've had all or most of my life, but some has manifested in the last number of years.

Not until the past few weeks of talking with S.  We've had some good heart-to-heart conversations and he's helped me to make some revelations.  I didn't realize how much I've been holding on to, and I've been listening to the enemy's lies and letting him have control far too long.

I'm not going to go into details, because it doesn't matter on here.  I will say, however, that I know I have a lot to work to do in overcoming my fears, etc., and, I have begun the process of trying to heal.  I won't overcome all of this overnight.  And I certainly can't do it on my own.  Only God can help me.  But, I need to be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  I need to let Him work in my life and stop hindering Him; stop pushing Him away, thinking that I can do this on my own. Because, I can't.

I am adopting a key verse from the Bible that I am currently clinging to:

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."  Psalm 139:14

This verse is my starting point.  This verse is something I need to remind myself daily - or as many times in the day as need be.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Give Thanks For Everything

The Bible tells us that we should give thanks, to God, for everything.  

Everything.

That doesn't mean that we only give thanks when something goes "our way" or for blessings we receive,  or things we have, or when times are good.  Yes, we should give thanks at those times, and often do, but those aren't the only things we are to be thankful for.

When we are having a bad day, when we get into a car accident, when we are sick, we should give thanks.  When the bus is not running on time and we are late for work and the boss yells at us, give thanks.  When a relationship breaks up, when we are expecting guests for supper and we burn the food to a crisp, give thanks.  Lose your job? Give thanks. Get a bad mark on a test or report card? Give thanks.

Sure, it's easy to give thanks for the good and positive things happening in our lives.  But it's more difficult when things are going bad - especially when faced with times of serious illness or death. We don't often see these bad situations as something to be thankful for, but it's during those difficult situations when we really need to turn to the Lord. These are times when we learn and grow. Those are times when we can thank God that He cares about us and what we are going through.

Often when things are going good for us, we don't tend to put our trust in the Lord.  It seems that we (not all of us, though, as I know some people are pretty good about trusting God during the good and the bad times) more often turn to Him when times are tough, praying (and sometimes begging) for things to get better.  But this is a great time to learn to trust Him, have faith that He is with you no matter the results of your situation, and  believe that no matter what, He loves you and will not leave you during the dark times (or at any time for that matter).  Be thankful that He is there for you to turn to.

I know it's not easy to be thankful during rough times - at least that's what I find for me.  Those are times when I want to be in control of things, when I want things to run smoothly, when I want everything to be good.  However, I am not in control. God is.  And no matter what happens during the rough times, God will be beside me and I know that I am in a process of growing and stretching in my faith.

I, myself, need to remember and learn to give thanks to God for the bad times as well as the good.  I tell you, I'm a work in progress and still learning, even though I've been a Christian for awhile now.  It's an ongoing process and something I hope I keep doing for the rest of my life.


Ephesians 5:20 

...always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

It's Labour Day

It's Labour Day.  Tomorrow, in most places in Canada, school starts.

This is the first year since getting my full time teaching job, three years ago, that I will not be teaching.  I've not had to go in a few weeks early to prepare and get my classroom ready.  I've not had to go in for orientation or find a new (or keep the same) class theme.

I'm not working.  I quit my job last June to move back to the east coast where there are no teaching jobs available.  I have no car, which makes it even harder to try and supply teach - it's all hard to explain, but this is the position I am in.

I'm looking for work elsewhere, but not having much luck yet - though to be honest I only started looking a week ago.  I've not heard hide nor hair from any of the places I've applied.  In all honesty, I know some of it is due to being over-qualified for these positions (which I could probably have gotten a lot easier had I not gone back to university and got my teaching degree).

There are "lots" of job opportunities for industries for which I am totally not qualified - computer related jobs, even secretarial/receptionist (because of not knowing how to use certain computer programs), nursing, sales (which I don't think I could do very well), or even teaching at a university (which required a doctorate and I don't have that - I don't even have a master's degree).

I can't afford to change my career yet again, especially with trying to pay off a student loan. If I can't find something, I might have to take some kind of course though.

In all of this, I do know that God has a plan.  God will make good from the bad, and He will provide.  I just need to trust Him, let go of my fear (which is NOT from Him and holds me back) and just TRUST.

That's hard to do.  It's something I struggle with, I admit, but as I've stated before, when I made the decision to quit and move away, I felt a total peace about the whole situation. I know there is a plan, there is a way, and things will work out.  The fear of not knowing, and 'what if' (as well as the lack of total trust) stops me dead in my tracks.

So, pray for me. Pray that things will work out well for me, that I'll stop letting fear get in the way, and that I will fully and totally trust that God will provide a way out of this for me.

Persistence Or Not Trusting?

I've been struggling with, and thinking about, something lately.

You see, I'm praying about something in particular. It doesn't matter what it is for this purpose, I'm using it as my example.

I am trying to leave a situation in God's hands (even though I will still pray about it), I mean, He is the one in control, but that's not always an easy thing to do.  My dilemma in the matter is this:  every time I pray for and about this particular situation, am I not trusting God?  Am I trying to take things into my own hands, so to speak, and continuing to pray because I really want this to be answered in a specific way, or am I just being persistent?

Jesus tells a parable in Luke 18: about a persistent widow. He wanted to show his disciples that they should always pray and not give up.

What is perplexing me, is whether or not I am actually praying about the situation and not giving up (which I am doing, I guess), being persistent, or am I just praying about it so much because I lack trust in God, in His answering my prayer?

How can you tell the difference between the two?  When are you being persistent in prayer and when are you just praying because you might not truly believe or trust that God will bring things about in answer to your prayer?

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or answers, feel free to leave them in the comment section. I'd really like to hear what you think, and hopefully someone can answer my question :).

God Is In Control

Today, I feel odd.

My mind is racing, somewhat. My thoughts are jumbled, and I can't quite place that odd feeling I am experiencing.

Yesterday, I fasted. I don't know if I did it "right" or if I even really completed it fully. My fast lasted about 13 hours and I think going into it I knew what my decision would be - somewhat. My decision will be affected by the summer, and hopefully I will know more by then.

But, I feel as though I'm taking the "safe" way out rather than truly relying on God. And, maybe this is the outcome God wants for me. Maybe I need to fast again and be a little more prayerful during that time. And, maybe I am being attacked by the enemy to doubt my decision and question whether I truly am following God's lead.

My racing mind and jumbled thoughts aren't based on yesterday. I'm fairly certain of that.

I have been reading Kisses From Katie on my Kindle these last few days. What an amazing woman! She totally relies on the Lord to get her through the days, weeks, months - to help her do what He has called her to do.  She obeyed the Lord's calling, following His lead to Uganda, where He has blessed her and the people in the village to whom she ministers.

I compare myself, my life, to Katie's. I know we should not do that, but I can't help it. I think this is where the jumbled thoughts and racing mind are coming from.

While I don't feel called to be a missionary, I do know that I need to follow Jesus more - rely on Him to help me, get me through good times and bad, and just trust Him. I must admit that I lack in this area. It's certainly something I need to work on - or rather, let Him work on in me.

I think reading this book coupled with what I've been praying and fasting about has caused me to examine my own life, my own thoughts and desires. What is it that God has planned for my life? What is my calling? Am I doing what He has called me to do (I do believe that I am, I just might not be pulling it off as well as I could be, or should be)?  What about the desires I've had forever - the ones that are closest to my heart? How do I know if those will come to be (or not)? How do I go about fulfilling those desires? Do those desires and my calling conflict, and if so, what is the right choice to make?

I certainly don't want to make one choice and be left wondering for the rest of my life if it was the right one to make. I think I could have both, but with that there would be give and take involved - and not just on my part. And that offers more confusion to my thought process.

I know that God is in control. He already has my life mapped out - what I will do, where I will go, etc. I just need to learn to trust Him more, and rely on Him.

I doubt myself. I doubt that I hear what the Lord is saying to me - or if He is/has answered my prayer and I'm left wondering if this is all from Him, or from my own decisions. How can I continue to serve Him to the best of my abilities and trust that His ways are the best - even if I don't get the answer I want to my desires.

That takes faith. That takes trust. And, that is certainly something He will have to give me, because on my own merits, I will fail at this.

Lord, You are in control. Help me to have faith and to trust that I am following your lead and not my own.

My Head Tells Me One Thing...

Hello, again.

I have had many things on my mind since my last post, and have been busy with work and tired when I get home.  I had also started a writing course, but sadly, that fell behind and I didn't get it completed.  I should have known better than to do it while I was working - but I thought I could handle it.

In February, I fasted for 24 hours while seeking an answer to something I had been praying about. I don't know if I had done it properly, or if I had really got an answer. While reading my Bible, the passage that had jumped out to me was in Matthew where it talks about asking and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. 

My response was a little shocking to me - something I hadn't expected. When I talked it over with my BFF afterward, she said that maybe I hadn't dealt with the past regarding this. The verse was one that I used many years ago when "praying" (though I wouldn't say I was a Christian at the time). I told God then that I had been asking but I wasn't receiving. That was when I turned my back on Him; put Him on the shelf.

Fast forward to last month. I was not going to let the enemy use that verse again in an attempt to get me angry at God, or turn my back on Him again. No way.  Both prayer and response (both times) was regarding pretty much the same thing/situation. I didn't want to have the same results this time.

So, a couple of days later I fasted again. This time for two days. I let people know so they could pray for me during this time (especially when I came off the fast because that was when I felt attacked by the enemy when I came off the fast from a few days prior).  I feel that God answered my prayer regarding one situation that time - gave me confirmation - but I don't know about the rest of the prayer.  I still pray about this, but don't know if it is something He is "working out" that will happen in time, or if it is a "no" response.  At any rate, I don't feel that I have a definite answer one way or the other regarding this situation yet.

So, now I am on Spring Break (we have two weeks off, and return back to school on April 2nd), and I have decided that I am going to fast again, though I don't know for how long yet.  I am faced with a choice to make, and while my head tells me one thing, my heart tells me another. I just really don't know what to do.  I am trying to trust the Lord for His direction and guidance.  When I fast this time (I think it might be tomorrow that I attempt this one), I am hoping to spend more time in prayer, reading the Bible, and focusing on God's will and desire for me in this.

It's so hard to know what to do. I want the best of both worlds - I want both situations, but I don't know if that is possible. I know, with God all things are possible, and He can work them both out...but I feel as though I have to choose between one or the other at this point.

But, like I said, I am trying to seek God's desire, His will, for me in this situation. I do have fear in either choice (fear of what if I chose the wrong thing, or should I have chosen the other), but I know that I need to trust the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6) and be obedient to what He wants me to do.

On that note, I would appreciate any prayers over the next little while (especially for tomorrow, Mar. 19) for clarity, direction, and wisdom in what I should do.

Have a Christ-filled day!

Slip Away And Pray

In Luke 5, verse 16 talks about how Jesus would often slip away to pray.

It's important to get away from all things that distract us from God - the "hustle and bustle" of life.  In the quiet, it's easier to focus on God and pray.  Sure, our minds can wander during prayer (and I know mine often does), but it's important to refocus, ask for forgiveness for our minds wandering, and resume talking to God.

In the quiet, it's easier to hear from God as well.  If the TV, radio, and computer is off, if people aren't around us talking and making noise, we should be able to focus on God better and hear Him if and when He speaks to us.

Sometimes I find it difficult to pray in the quietness.  I think that is because I am afraid of being alone with God. I think I fear because I'm afraid He might ask me to do something I don't want to do, or He might say, "No" to a specific prayer request. I'm also afraid that it will be at that time when I let my anger, etc., towards God (which makes me feel guilty even admitting that I sometimes get angry at Him) show.  I know it's OK to be angry (God gave us emotions), but when that happens, I need to remember to repent of it and ask forgiveness afterward.

Other than what I've mentioned, I don't know any specific reason that would cause me to "fear" being alone with God.  I know He loves me and he knows what's best for me - yet I still "fear" it.  I have to wonder if it's because during that time God may reveal something about myself that I don't like, or want to hear.  In other words, He will examine my heart and see just how much of a sinner I am (and make me face it), and then I would need to repent (sometimes it seems easier to ignore a sin than to admit it and repent). Or maybe He would tell me that my deepest desire/dream will never become a reality. and I don't know if I could handle that.

It might be that during this quiet time, that God humbles me and brings me to my knees. I like to think that I am humble, but in reality, I am more proud than I would like to admit. And it's that pride that needs to be removed...which, even though I know is a good thing, scares me.

Do Not Look At His Appearance

Last evening I was reading 1 Samuel 16, which is about when Samuel goes to Bethlehem to anoint David.

What stuck out to me was verse 7 when Samuel was looking at Eliab and wondering if he was the one God wanted anointed. It says, "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.""

I've heard that verse a lot, and it does comfort me sometimes when I worry about how I look. It's nice to know that God is more concerned with how our heart looks rather than our outward appearance. But last night it made me think and wonder.

In verse 12, David is brought to Samuel and it says, "So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with beautiful eyes and a handsome appearance..."  If God is not concerned with the outward appearance, why does talk about David's appearance?

I had always assumed that Eliab was a good looking man and that was why God was telling Samuel not to be concerned with his looks (though I believe it mentioned that Saul was a good looking man as well, and quite tall).  But I got to thinking, that even if Eliab was a good looking man, his heart may not have been in the right place and that was what God was concerned about.

I'm still stumped with regards to the whole outward appearance thing though. We're told that Saul and David were good looking, and I assume Eliab as well...but then we are told that the outward appearance doesn't matter. If that doesn't matter, why is it mentioned at all?

Yes, God is concerned with the heart, and obviously, from reading this book of the Bible, we find out that Saul's heart was not in the right place, and David's was. This is ultimately what is more important, but why mention looks at all if they weren't important? What does it matter if any of them were handsome or not?

This is just one of those "things that make you go hmmm?" moments for me last night.


Do you find yourself concerned with outward appearances, either of yourself or others?

Spring Break - Day 7

I have enjoyed these last few days, and I'm looking forward to the coming week as well - we have that off too. I found out today that the public schools also have 2 weeks off at this time, so it's not just our school (which is private).

Cross pattern on a chicken egg

Thursday was pretty much spent doing pysanky (Ukrainian egg dying). I did two eggs, and those took the better part of the day, because it is a long process - depending on how detailed the egg is.

I just learned how to do this amazing craft last fall. It's a process of putting beeswax on the egg, dying it, covering the parts you want in that colour in wax and dipping it in a different colour, and repeating the process until you are done.

Here is the end result of the first egg I did yesterday. I got the pattern off the internet, and it was from a colouring page. I used purple (which looks blue here), green, and black. The white is the egg shell.  It's not the best, but remember, I am still learning this art.

My own design on a chicken egg

The second egg is a design I created myself. I used only yellow and black (again, the white is the shell). I'm not really satisfied with this one as it is still looking like a kid did it, lol. But, in order to improve, I have to keep practicing and learning. I eventually want to get really good and be able to do intricate designs, etc.

Right now, I only have a medium sized kyska - the tool used to put the wax on the egg. It doesn't allow me to make smaller lines, so everything looks "big". I plan to eventually get a smaller kyska, but for now, I'll keep using this one. I will have to get more beeswax soon though as the "block" that came with the kit I ordered was small. I thought it was going to be bigger than it was, or else I would have ordered another one or two when I got the kit.

When Christianity came to the Ukraine, they began to incorporate Christian symbols in their work. This is one way I would like to be able to glorify and worship God through, but again, I need lots of practice.

Friday was spent with some co-workers. We went out to the principal's home and had a BBQ and played games with him and his wife. One of the other teachers, R, was babysitting and brought the boy along to play with the principal's son. There were five adults, and the two kids, and we had a very nice afternoon.

Today, I went and finally got my hair cut - it was desperately needing a cut! I also decided to treat myself and get my nails done (gel) as I haven't had them done since 2002. I am satisfied with how both my hair and nails turned out.

***********

Last night as I was reading my Bible, the passage that stood out to me was 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  I first memorized this verse when I was a part of a Bible study in my first or second year as a Christian.

This was a good reminder that God does forgive our sins, but we must confess them to him first.  I think sometimes I "forget" that my sins our forgiven  - mostly because the enemy likes to keep reminding us of them and of our failures, etc. So, every once in awhile, it's nice to get the reminder from the Word, from God, that our sins our forgiven if we ask.

Thank You Lord for forgiving my sins!

Lately, I have fallen a little behind in my disciplined behaviour of reading my devotions and Bible, and praying. I'm not beating myself up for that though, but I am making a more conscious effort to make sure that every day I do my readings and spend time in the Word. I also find that I tend to say a lot of little prayers throughout the day (like if I'm on facebook and see that someone has requested prayer for a person or situation, I will stop and say a prayer at that moment), rather than keep everything for the end of the day and forget something.

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to pray - we just need to do it. And, even though God knows our prayers long before we put them into words, we still need that communication with Him. He wants us to spend time with Him and talk with Him - and it's also important to not just pray, but to listen for His still small voice. I am working more at making prayer a two-way conversation with God, and not just me speaking/praying a monologue. I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm working at improving!

This has turned into a far longer post than I had intended, so I will sign off for now. Have a Christ-filled day!

As Though The Curtain Parted

Last week, as I read my devotions (I have been fairly disciplined in that so far this year), I came across a couple of sentences that really spoke to me. They said:

Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment - accepting things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances.*

When I read those words, it was as though the curtain parted and I could now see what I couldn't before.

For several years now, I've often thought and wished that I still had those same feelings of wonder and excitement that often accompanies a Christian when s/he first accept Jesus as Saviour. It's the time when you feel invincible, that nothing and no one can deflate the swelling of your heart as it fills to overflowing with desire to be like Jesus, to make Him proud of who you are, and the fire burns bright and strong.

I wish I could say that I know the exact moment or time when the fire diminished,but I can't. Along the dimly lit path I walked, I was aware of becoming tired and worn out. I wondered if I was actually following the Lord's leading, or if I was setting off down the road and leading myself.

I grew weary. I held back. And instead of calling out for support from the One who leads, it seems as though I let Him go on ahead while I sat to catch my breath. Now, I know that He does not go off ahead and leave us behind; He stays with us and waits. He's there to help carry us, to guide us, to lead us. But my problem is, I don't think I ever accepted His help in that matter. I never asked. And it felt like He left me on my own.

I think what I did was to try and carry on my way on my own merits. I didn't stop to say, "Hey, I'm a little winded here. Can you help me along?" or "Carry me until I catch my breath again." Think of a little child walking beside her father. She's tired from the journey so he reaches down, picks her up, and carries her until she gets her strength back. That's how I felt...only I tried to keep up the pace without being carried. It didn't work very well. And, there are still times in my life when I feel that way - tired and weary on this path.

In the last couple of years I have often thought, ""If only I felt the way I did in the beginning; If only I had the fire I had back then." And that's really the crux of my situation.

I shouldn't be thinking about what it was like then. That's the past and there is nothing I can do about it. If I'm living in the past, I'm certainly not living in the here and now - and certainly not putting my focus on what I could/can be doing for the Kingdom.

As the devotion says, "things are they way they are now" and I need to seek the Lord in my current situation and take it from there. Start fresh and anew. I can't get the past back, and I certainly won't get the fire ignited again if I don't tend to it.

I need to discipline myself into not thinking/worrying about the past, and put my focus on today. God can do great things in and through me if I'd only let Him. And by focusing on the past, I'm not allowing Him to work in my life.

Do you focus on the past, present or future?

* Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, page 23

True Dependence

 I read something interesting this morning in my new devotional that I wanted to share. It said, "True dependence is not simply asking me to bless what you have decided to do. It is coming to me with an open mind and heart, inviting me to plant my desires within you." (page 6 of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

So often we (and I include myself in this) decide to do something or work at/on something. We begin working away and then pray and ask God to bless it. Quite often we don't pray and seek what God wants us to do, what He desires for us; instead, we take the plunge first and ask for blessing after. That is totally backwards for us Christians.

We need to seek the Lord first, find out what what He wants us to do, where He wants us to go, etc. After all, it's not about us, about what we want. It's about what He wants. God wants us to do His work, obey His will for our lives. When we set out to do our own fill and fulfill our own desires and then seek God in the matter, we are not depending on Him.

I'm not saying that God won't necessarily bless the things we do, even if we don't seek His will at first, but know that when we are in His will, when we are fulfilling the dreams and desires God has planted in us, He will definitely bless that. If you seek God's will, follow the dreams/desires He has given you, it shows that you are depending on Him and not yourself.

I know I am guilty of putting the cart before the horse, running off ahead and then asking Jesus to catch up, or asking for God to bless my desires rather than what He desires for me. I want to be more disciplined in seeking God's will first, following His desires for me over my own. I'm not even always sure if what I desire is what He desires for me, but that is something I need pray about, something I need to work at.

Do you truly depend on God, or are you like me and tend to run off ahead and then ask for His blessings?

A Few Weeks Later...

Wow, I can't believe how much time has passed since my last post. I've been meaning to sit down and write something, but time got away from me, and there were also times when I just didn't feel like writing anything.

A couple of weeksends ago, I went to Halifax area and visited Peggy's Cove. There were some really awsome waves (must more powerful than I've seen on my first two visits last year), though I'm told they get even more powerful, especially during storms. I took some photos, but unfortunately, most of them didn't turn out (I only thought when I got home that I should have set the camera to underexpose)...I think because of the bright sun shining on the white foam of the waves.

I also went horseback riding for the first time (though I did go on a horse when I was 4 or 5...the kind where you sit on it and someone leads the horse around a circle a couple of times). I went with my BFF and her 11 year old daughter to Broadleaf Guest Ranch and took an hour long ride through the marshland. There were about 11 of us riders, and 2 leaders/guides. Along the way, we saw a fox (thankfully it didn't spook the horses!) and rode through a herd of cows who were lazing around.

At one point, we came to a little dip in the ground, not quite a stream but there was water in it from a recent rain. All the horses slowly stepped into it and out the other side (it really was quite small...maybe a foot wide), well, all the horses except for one - my BFF's daughter's horse! This was the second (maybe third) time on a horse, and when the horse jumped over, she did very well! In fact, she was quite excited that her horse did this (she ♥s horses). She'd said one of her friends from school had been on that same horse (she knew that because of the horse's name), but he hadn't jumped for her friend. I told her she'd have to be sure to tell her friend that Fly (the horse) jumped with her on it.

The ride is quite easy, actually. The horses know the route taken very well, and the leaders/guides are there as well. We mostly walked (it was an hour long ride) the horses, but twice they got the horses to trot. The first time, my horse (Shyloh) didn't trot so when they were going to do it again, I asked if there was anything I had to do to get him to trot. I was told to kick him hard with my heels (normally the horses just followed one another and did what the others did). So, I did that and he trotted. At first, I'll admit it, I giggled like a little girl. But then, it hurt and I stopped giggling.

I enjoyed it though, and wouldn't mind going horseback riding again.

Aside from that, I've been busy running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to accomplish stuff I need to get done in a short amount of time. I'll reveal more at a later date, but I would definitely appreciate your prayers. I'm trying to remind myself that God is in the details, and trying to give him this whole situation and not worry about it myself - because my worrying isn't going to do anything. It's out of my hands, and God is in control!

What is something new that you've done or tried lately?

It Might Not Seem Like Much...

Northern Flicker

...but yesterday I felt thankful over something quite simple.

Around noon, when I was getting a little lunch, I noticed a bird sitting on the corner post of our patio. I've never seen a bird that looks like this, so I went and got my camera, hurring before it flew away (that's why the pics aren't the best - wrong setting as I just wanted to get the photos quickly, and also it was through the window).

I posted the few pics on my facebook page as one of the elderly ladies who goes to my church is interested in birding. She goes bird watching and whatnot, so I thought maybe she would know.

She informed me that this bird is a Northern Flicker and is not too common in this area. It's also generally found in wooded areas. We live not overly far from a walking park which is in a wooded area, so it could have flown up from there. I tried looking online, myself, to find out what it was call, but thankfully that lady from church knew!

As I said, this is the first time I've ever seen a Northern Flicker. Last night, while praying, I thanked God for allowing me to see this bird - not just once, but twice. It came back to our patio again at supper time.  Like I said, it might not seem like much to be thankful for or feel blessed about, but that is definitely how I felt yesterday/last night - and even today.


Northern Flicker - possibly a female


God is certainly creative with his creations! How many different types of bird are there? They're all birds, but they are different - some big, some small, the males are always the more colourful ones (females are duller in colour, I believe, to help when nesting and not attracting prey to the nest and babies), some have fancy "designs" in their feathers, some are just plain...but God created them all!

And, God deserves our praise and thanks for what He's created!

An Ear To Hear

I've been thinking lately.

I've been thinking about how it doesn't seem like God is speaking to me, like He's not listening to me or my prayers, and how it certainly seems like my prayers aren't being answered.

I've been thinking about possible reasons why.

What I've come up with is that I don't seem to be spending quality time with Him. Sure, I'll pray and read my Bible, but am I taking the time to sit and actually listen? Am I taking the time to let God speak to me, or answer my questions? Am I meditating on what the Word says, or am I simply reading it in order to say I've read my Bible for today?

When I pray, my mind can't always seem to focus. Sure, I might start out focused, but pretty soon my mind is off following a bunny trail down to some other thought, thinking of some other want/desire, thinking about what happened at some other point in my life (or what I'd like to happen). Then, I find it very difficult to get back into focus.

I've thought back to when I was new to the faith, new in my walk, and how my prayer life seemed to go so well (regarding focus and praying well), how when I read my Bible I would search more into it with commentaries, how I could apply it more to my life or create little devotionals from passages or verses I'd read.

The only thing that I can think that has changed, is me. It's certainly not God who has changed. For a number of years now, I've had difficulty with my walk - difficulty in focusing, trusting, hoping - and I've realized that I have changed. I don't spend quality time with the Lord as I once did. I rush through my prayers (and Bible reading) and don't give Him a chance to speak - or I'll give a time limit, like requiring God to "speak" to me by the time I finish reading a chapter or by the time I finish praying (without allowing quiet time to listen to Him).

How can I expect to build a quality relationship with the Lord if I'm not investing in it, if I'm being to focused on me and my wants and not allowing Him to speak. How can I expect Him to be my best friend if I don't let Him into this relationship?

I've been thinking that I need to take more time and invest it wisely in the Lord. And, I need to start ASAP.

Who is your BFF, and what do you like to do with him/her?

God's Awesome Power

Jason, over at Mustard Seed Year has been keeping this blog since the beginning of 2011. Here's what he had to say about why he started Mustard Seed Year:

When I started to pray about 2011, I felt God tell me it was time to take that idea to a new level. That’s why this blog exists. Instead of just a word for the year, I’ve taken my hopes, dreams and passions and laid them all at God’s feet on January 1, 2011. I told Him then to take those dreams & take me to do whatever He wanted to do for His glory. 
I felt Him tell me to chronicle every day what happens over the course of this year. The highs, the lows, the joys, the pain, the triumph and the struggle. 
Be as transparent as I could be about what happens.

I've been following Jason's journey on his Mustard Seed Year, and while I haven't read every post he's made, I've certainly read many. Through his ups and downs, Jason has chronicled everything - the good, the bad, the ugly. He's been honest and direct in his posts. And he has certainly been an encouragement to not only me, but I feel rather certain he has also been an encouragement to so many others.

In a recent post, Jason talks about how he sensed God telling him to have his friends pray until Friday (not sure if that is this coming Friday or not). He even asked his online friends to pray as well. What is being prayed about? That God show Himself and/or His power in their lives - and then share about it.

I came into that a little late, however, Jason encouraged me to start praying anyway. And so, beginning Monday (I think), I started praying and asking God to reveal His power in my life.

As of now, I don't think I've seen anything. However, the thought occurred to me (and I shared with Jason) that maybe I'm not praying "right". Maybe, I am just asking God to reveal Himself and/or show His power in my life in the way that I want Him to, instead of the way He wants to. Or, maybe He has revealed Himself/His power and I've just failed to notice it.

At any rate, I am still on the lookout, still praying. I know that our God is an Awesome God, and His power is equally powerful. But in all honesty, I don't know if He is showing/revealing His power in my life. I'm not giving up, though. I'm still going to pray!

If you haven't visited Jason over at his Mustard Year Blog, I encourage you to do so. Why not stop there AFTER leaving me a comment ;o).

How has God revealed Himself to you today?

Jesus Juked By the Man Himself

Last night I was having a quiet moment before bed. Usually this is just me listening to music (mostly Christian, but occasionally secular). It was no different last night.

I sat in my rocking chair, my ipod plugged into my ears, and I listened. While the music played, and the singers sang, I listened to the words to some of the songs and thought they were so poetic, so brilliant. I even admit that I wished I had written them; but, I didn't so there's nothing I can do about that except write my own words (i.e. poems, stories...I'm not a song writer).

After a few moments, I thought it would be a good time to pray. The house was quiet, and I was the only one awake. I changed my listening habits from being those of simply enjoying the music, to using it to praise and worship God (silently through the headphones of my ipod, and the praise/worship coming from my heart rather than my mouth).

Then, I prayed.

I started by confessing sins to God and asked for forgiveness of them. I won't go into all the details, but I will say that I told God that I know He has a plan for my life and I know it is probably not the way I think it will be or expect. I told Him how I used to cling to Jeremiah 29:11-13 (written below)when I was in university and how I'm still trying to cling to that promise (even though at one point I had someone tell me that the promise in those verses was for the Israelites, and not us...yeah.).

11 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (NASB)

Now, to be honest, I have verse 11 memorized, and verse 13. I stumble over trying to quote the middle verse. So, while talking to God, I mostly focused on the verse 11, briefly mentioned that I am calling upon Him, but I just don't feel like He is listening to me.

That's when it struck me. And I'm sure it was God's nudge.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I have been searching, seeking, talking, asking, etc. but, I haven't been doing this with all my heart. Ouch.

Is it fair to say that I have been Jesus juked by the Man Himself?

I think, the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me that the reason I haven't been hearing Him for awhile now, or feeling as though He had abandoned me (which I know He didn't do), was because when I have been seeking Him, when I have been calling on Him, when I have been searching for Him, I wasn't doing it with all my heart. I was letting thoughts, feelings, things of the world get in the way!

So, now as I seek the Lord with regard to my walk - which path to take, and seek His will for my life (present and future), I know the enemy is going to bombard me and try to get my focus put back on things that will block me from hearing the Lord, from finding Him and know what it is He wants me to do. Please remember me in your prayers that the Lord will protect me and not let the enemy get to me. Pray that now that I am aware that I need to come to Him with all of my heart, that I will do just that - and not let things or thoughts or feelings get in the way and hinder me. And, pray that the Lord will reveal to me the path I need to take.

To The Cross I Go

Photo and poem copyright 2011, Shelley L. Snyder

In the first part of the Easter story, Good Friday, we recognize the fact that Jesus was wrongly accused, He was mocked, He was brutally tortured (the cross was a Roman means of torture), and He died. Everyone who walked this earth from the beginning of time; everyone who is currently walking the earth, and those yet to be born, has put Jesus on the cross. Typically, Jesus' people are the ones blamed. They say, "The Jews put Jeus on the cross." But really we all did - because of our sins. We nailed Jesus to the cross.

Jesus suffered and died for us. Good Friday is when we remember Jesus voluntarily going to the cross for us. Three days later, the tomb (grave) was found empty. His body wasn't stolen. God raised Jesus from the dead, and He is now alive in Heaven on the right hand of God. This is what Easter is all about.

Jesus did this for you; and He did this for me. If you want to spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus, then all you need to do is ask Jesus into your heart, ask Him to forgive your sins, believe Jesus is God's Son who died on the cross and was raised three days later, and is now alive in heaven - then, when you die, you will go to heaven and spend eternity with Him.

If you don't believe this, if you don't ask Him into your heart and ask for forgiveness of your sins...then you will go to Hell. You will be separated from God. Forever.

The choice is yours to make.

Jesus Glasses

When I was young, I remember thinking it would be cool to wear glasses, after all, smart people wore glasses! If I wore glasses, then people would think I was smart – or maybe, somehow, the glasses would make me smart. But, I don't think I ever occured to me that there were nicknames, like "four eyes," that I might be called.



At some point in my first year of high school, way back when, my eyesight changed and at the end of the year I ended up needing glasses. By this time, I should add, I knew that glasses didn’t make a person smarter, but still, there was something about wearing glasses that intrigued me.


At first, I only needed to wear my glasses to see distances. I was supposed to wear them in class to help see the board. After several days of frequently putting them on and taking them off, I grew annoyed with having to wear my new glasses. Eventually I just kept them on all day, only taking them off and not wearing them at all when I was home. And, now, many years later, I need to wear them all the time (though I also now wear contacts), otherwise I can’t see anything – even up close.


Since I’ve become a Christian, my desire is to use a different pair of “glasses” to help me see. I want to see things the way the Lord sees them.

When we accept Christ as our Savior, and ask for forgiveness for our sins, He wipes them away and God then sees us through Jesus. He doesn’t see the sins we committed, but He sees His Son in our hearts. He sees us through "Jesus glasses".


I want to see others the way God sees them – through Jesus. I want to look past their mistakes, their bad choices, etc., and not hold it against them. I’m just as guilty as the next person for focusing on the negative aspects of people, especially if they’ve hurt me. But that’s not what I want to be like.


My prayer is that I put on my “Jesus glasses” and see others through Him, see past the wrongdoings and see them with the love of Christ.



Have you ever wanted to wear glasses? Do you wear them now, and if so, were you ever called any nicknames because of them?