"Those who read fast reap no more advantage than a bee would by only skimming over the surface of the flower, instead of waiting to penetrate into it, and extract its sweets."~ Madame Jeanne Guyon ~

"Those who read fast reap no more advantage..." Isn't that so true? When we read the Bible qickly without looking for meaning, do we really get anything from it? Probably not.

To understand the Bible and its passages, we need to dig deep to the treasure that is "buried" in and among the pages. The Bible is God's Word - full of wisdom, grace, peace, forgiveness, eternal life, and truth; this book is about our Salvation and the only one who can give it to us - Jesus the Christ! John 1:1 tells us "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (NASB). Isn't it amazing? The Bible is about Jesus from the very first words in Genesis, to the very last in Revelation.

Studying the Bible is a must for every Christian. Simply skimming over the top, letting the words flow by us will not help us to grow in our walk with Christ. It is so easy (and often tempting) to just sit and read just to say that we got our Bible reading done for the day. It takes more than a casual glance for God to reveal something He may want us to learn or remember. In all honesty, reading without searching for life application doesn't do much for us. We need to grow in our walk with the Lord, and part of that growth comes from a deeper reading of Scripture.

Part of deeper reading involves meditation. Now, the meditation I am referring to is not the meditation practiced in some cultures where one relaxes with closed eyes and has some sort of mantra to repeat. The meditation I refer to is in reference to a deeper thinking. When we meditate on Scripture, we think about it, mull it over, think how we can apply it to our daily life. This is what we do to help us grow in our walk.

I know I'm not perfect - I have been known to just skim and glance over the Bible. And to be honest, that does absolutely nothing for me. It almost leaves me feeling - empty. I walk away with nothing from that "reading". When I sit and read, digging deep, praying before I start (asking God to reveal something He wants me to know or be reminded of, etc.), meditating on the Word and how I can apply it to my life; when I live the Word, then I come away feeling more fulfilled. The struggle or temptation so many of us face is thinking that it's ok to just skim over what we are reading and count it as our time spent with God. I need to stop that - I need to take the time to get into the Bible, to really dig deep, and learn and grow with the Lord.

I am not only interested in the life application of the Bible. I'm interested in the who's, the why's, the how's, the when's, the where's...I like learning about the archealogy, the geography, the people and their customs, etc. I know that stuff isn't necessary to grow in my walk, but I enjoy that sort of thing none the less - and sometimes it can make the stories, etc. a little more interesting.

So, my prayer is that I will take the time I need to dig deeper into the Word, to not skim over the top, and use what I learn (what God reveals to me) to help my growth and walk as a Christian.

In Other Words...

I've been meaning to take part in CWO's "In Other Words" but I keep forgetting about it. I read one blogger's on the following quote, and it reminded me that I wanted to take part in IOW as well. I'm not even entirely sure that what I've said makes sense, or fits in with the quote, but here goes:

"We are urgent about the body; He is about the soul. We call for present comforts; He considers our everlasting rest. And therefore when He sends not the very things we ask, He hears us by sending greater than we can ask or think."~ Richard Cecil ~

So often we are concerned, as a society, with having the perfect body. But really, when you stop to think about it, the perfect body doesn't exist. If we had the perfect body, we wouldn't be concerned with losing "just 5 more" pounds; we wouldn't be concerned with having grey hair and needing to dye it; we wouldn't be concerned about our blemishes, the big feet, the small breasts, that bit (or lot) of cellulite that shows up on our thighs or our butts. If the perfect body image existed, there would be no need for airbrushing to be done on magazine photos.

Media has played into our fears of becoming old and/or ugly, and we devour it like that last piece of birthday cake. "Have the hair colour you've always wanted!", "Lose 10 pounds overnight!", "Get the man of your dreams by following our advice!"...the list goes on and on and on and on and...well, you get the picture. We will spend money on the latest issue of a woman's magazine that gives step by step advice on how to "improve" your body and your self-image, how to become "perfect". When we see the models and actresses who are rail thin and wear size zero clothes we think that is the image we need to be, that that is the image men desire.

Granted, it is one thing to desire to lose weight through diet and exercise in order to become healthy, but it is an entirely different ball game when it is done simply to look like the latest fashion model who, if she turns sideways, would probably disappear. I'm not trying to knock these women; but when the women who do not look like those on magazine covers are told they aren't "good enough, thin enough or pretty enough" (or made to feel this way) because they might be a little overweight or too short or too plain, then something is wrong.

God gave us each a temple to take care of - our bodies. By all means, lose the weight, start exercising, eat healthier - but do it for your health; do it for the right reasons. Don't deny yourself food - don't overboard and end up dangerously thin in order to fit society's standards. No, we are not of the world and we are not to live as the world lives.

Find it hard to lose weight? Is it difficult not to compare your looks with others? Feel like you just can't do it, you just can't take care of yourself? Does it seem impossible not to give into society's standards? There is One who can help you through it all, no matter what trouble you face. There is One who loves you so much and desires for you to be healthy, who loves you and your imperfect body - God.

God understands our desire to fit in, our desire to look good. But in the larger scheme of things, this really is not important. He has far better for us than a life of striving for perfection according to the world's standards. I think that He wants us to be healthy, but I also think He wants us to be satisfied with what we look like - I mean, afterall, He is the one who created us. Granted He didn't create us to be overweight (I fit this category myself) or under weight, because neither is healthy. I think if we focus on Jesus, and ask for His help in our struggles to become healthier, He will help us. I also believe that we need to be doing this for the right reasons - for health benefits, to please the Lord and NOT to please the world and those who think that size zero is perfection.

So do what you can (with God's help) to take care of the body He gave you; afterall, it's the only one you've got - at least here on earth.

Dreams

Yesterday evening, just after supper, I was a little tired and decided I needed a nap. I also had a dream...a weird dream; but I can't remember what it was about really, just a few little pieces.

In my dream, I was rebuking "demons" like has happened before in my dreams, and as usual I don't see anything. I just start yelling (or trying to yell), "I rebuke you in Jesus name!" and "At the name of Jesus you must leave!" So, in my dream I start doing this tentatively. My voice is a little weak and shakey, but I continue to rebuke. Then I "wake up".

It feels so real - I sense a "presence" of some sort, something not right, something bad, and I start rebuking. This time it's a little stronger, but my voice is still shakey, This time I also look to see what is "there"...nothing. But still, I feel like there is something there, so I continue rebuking...I then "wake up" again...it wasn't real that time, but also a dream.

Then, as I am waking up, I feel my blankets being pulled off me towards the bottom of the bed - nothing is there though, but I feel this presence and start rebuking. I'm looking right at the area where there should have been something or someone standing to pull off my blankets, but nothing. I tug on the blankets and it feels like wahtever is there is still pulling them in that direction. My voice is stronger this time and I yell out "I rebuke you in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ! You must leave because the Bible tells us that at His name you must leave! I rebuke you in Jesus name!" and said this several times.

Then, I wake up for real this time. What is weird is that in my dream, I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was dreaming. I woke up from one dream but was still dreaming; then woke up but was still in the same dream, etc. until I finally woke up for real. This has never happened to me before. Weird.

I used to have lots of dreams that I was rebuking demons or something, but never saw them. I never wanted to see them (in dreams or in real life), nor do I want to now. I haven't had these rebuking dreams for a long time now - this is the first in at least a year I think (give or take a couple of months).

I have no idea what this means, if anything. As you might know from reading here, I have been faltering a little in my walk - not praying, not reading the bible...but since the new year, I've been reading the bible everyday (though I may have missed one day, but to my knowledge, I have read it everyday), and have been trying to improve in my prayer life again. It's still not up to where I have been in the past, on the same level; it's hard to get back to it when you've left it behind for awhile.

Anyway, maybe this dream is showing me that what I have been fearing (or might have been fearing) is really nothing to fear. In the dream it is like I stood up to the "demons" and faced them, only to find what I thought I was afraid of wasn't there and by calling on Jesus, I got through it. I don't know - I don't know how to interpret dreams, so it's just a thought.

I'm feeling a little better lately in my walk. I'm not where I want to be, not where I used to be, and I still feel so - inadequate I guess. I know I'll never be "good enough", but I know I can be better than I am right now...I'm probably not making sense. I do know that I need to work on my relationship with God and build it up. It's hard, and if it's important to me (it is) then I should be working on it - doing what I can with God's help to improve it. And I will; I'm working on it - slowly but surely.

My Story

C. H. Green over at Beneath the Ivy Wreath has started a meme. The idea is to be able to post your story/testimony in 100 words (it was actually her pastor's idea). The reason is because when you are trying to tell it to others, they don't always want to hear long drawn out and detailed accounts. I might add, that they also don't want to hear the "church speak" we tend to use - mainly because they might not understand it.

Anyway, she wanted the stories in her comment section so since she had tagged me, I posted mine. I'm going to post it here as well. I couldn't get it down past 109 words though, but I guess that isn't too bad.

So, I tag anyone who reads this and wants to take part. Also, if you have any further questions about my story/testimony feel free to ask.

Hmmm...100 words. Not sure if I can make it that short, but I'll try...ok, I'm back now with 109 words.

My Story

I knew Christ as a child and went to church until age 12. I have always believed Jesus is God’s Son who died on the cross for our sins. Eventually, I fell away from my faith, and by my mid-twenties I was on a path that was quickly leading to destruction. Amid the mental/emotional pain and turmoil I was experiencing, I called out to God for help. He heard me. But it took me eight years before I came back to Christ. That was seven years ago. It hasn’t been all peachy-keen along the way, but I know He is there for me and forgives me when I mess-up.

There's A Party On The Way

Check out the link over on my sidebar. Hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom, the party happens between March 2-9. You don't have to be a mom - all are welcome, and there will also be prizes offered.

This is a great way to "meet" new people, and visit their blogs. So, head on over (just click the button over on my sidebar) and sign up for the party!

I Have No Real Title For This Post

Well, I got my essay back this week - the one I was talking about in the previous post. I did ok on it; I got 80 (which is an A-). Our next one is due this coming week, and it is dealing with the Ark of the Covenant in 1 Chronicles, and we have to do the same thing - read the article, what is written in the commentary we have, and then find a point and discuss it. I hope this one will go a little better than the last one.

I'm am a lot busier this semester than I was last. I'm taking a history course, and there is a lot of reading for that because of a book review, the term paper, class readings, and a little research "project" (for lack of a better word) on one of the Father's of Confederation. My weekend will be busy with a lot of this as the Father of Confederation project as well as the outline and bibliography for the term paper are all due this Tuesday.

My walk with God has slowly been improving somewhat. I've been able to keep up with reading my Bible everyday, but to be honest, I haven't really had any "revelations". This is probably due to me not wanting to examine my life/situation and hear from God, or I'm afraid of what I'll find out or what He might have to say or want me to do. Part of it might be that I don't want to have to face my sin and have to repent...I know it's necessary, but you know how it is...you just want to move on.

My prayer life greatly needs to improve as well. I need to pray more often. I've been praying when I think of it, or when I hear that someone might need a prayer I'll say a quick one, but, in all honesty again, it is greatly lacking.

I'm hoping that getting back into one of the Biblical courses at school will help me get back into things. I'm enjoying the Post Exilic Writings class and the discussions that we are generating from reading 1 Chronicles. I've even had a bit of desire to get back into Hebrew again, so hopefully this will help with getting on track. I know I need more than just getting into a course to get back on track, but I'm hoping at the least that it will help head me in the right direction.

Anyway, I do feel like I'm getting back on the path though I am still confused with some areas of my life - like where or what I should be doing...but I guess we're all like that. I wonder if I'm just going through a growing phase...but then maybe I was just full of doubt and anger and wanted to do things my own way....rebelling or something. I don't know. I do know I'm still feeling stagnant, discontented, etc. It's slowly improving, so that's a start.

I know God is bigger than all things, and that I need to put Him in the #1 position and keep Him there. I need to put my focus back on Him, and then my spiritual life will improve :o).

I Should Be...

...working on my essay for Post Exilic Writings that is due tomorrow. Instead, I am taking a little break to check a few blogs and write this post.

I've been mulling over this essay since the day we were assigned it. I have read the first nine chapters of 1 Chronicles, some of the chapters several times; I have read the article that we have to read and base our essay responses on at least four times; I have meditated and thought about this essay and what I would say or want to say for two weeks now.

So, I sat down to write it up tonight. It is two pages, single spaced and is to be our thoughts on the article, which is based on the first nine chapters of 1 Chronicles (hence my reading them). I had three or four ideas to discuss that I thought would be perfect, so I started writing up my thoughts and ideas on them.

That is where my problem started. Everything I am coming up with, while it might sound pretty good, I am shooting down a bit later because I come up with something else. For example, Saul's genealogy is mentioned twice (chapter 8 and 9), Benjamin's genealogy is mentioned twice (chapter 7 and 8)...and I had a couple of good ideas as to possibly why this was or what it could mean. Then I read something in the article and figured I was on the wrong track. So, I come up with another idea that might work...though I don't know how good or true it would be. I'll put it in anyway, but it won't come anywhere near to filling two pages.

I have been working on this essay, the actual writing part, for 4 1/2 to 5 hours--writing, reading, writing, research, writing...and I'm getting nowhere fast. It seems like I am going around in circles and can't get off the merry-go-round. This essay shouldn't be too difficult. I've done them before in the past, and it doesn't require much. It's also only worth 10%, but I want to do well on it.

The weird thing is, I would feel more comfortable discussing this topic and using other sources (commentaries, etc.) which we can't use for this, and writing a ten page essay. I think I could probably do better on that because I would have more room to discuss, rather than try to condense so much into such a short space.

Oh well, back to work...I can feel my hair turning grey over this as I write...

Into The Swing of Things...Again

I've just completed my first week back at school since Christmas break. Ok, so technically I only have three courses, and I'm only there for three days, but nonetheless, my week is completed for school.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I had my Post Exilic Writings class. There were about 11 of us, but the prof said there were a few more who couldn't be there that night because it was conflicting with the end of one of the intensive week courses. I'm not sure how many were involved in that, but I'm thinking about 2 or 3.

Anyway, this class will be mostly discussion - which is what I like. We have 4 written essays to do (two pagers, but we have to interact with articles that we have to read for it), but they way they are set up, it would all work out to equal a term paper. Our first one is due in two weeks and we have to read the first 6 chapters (or 9...I forget, but have it marked down) of 1 Chronicles carefully, then read the article and then write our essay. There is no mid term I don't think, which is nice, but there is a final exam. It's worth 40% of our mark!! I would rather there be a mid term exam so that the value of the final exam wouldn't be so high. Oh well, can't do anything about that - except study ;o).

This afternoon I had Maritime History since 1800. This is on the Maritimes in Canada, focusing on New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, and Nova Scotia. Some of this class sounds interesting, but a lot of it sounds boring. I have a couple of ideas in mind for a paper topic, but need to discuss them with the prof to see which one I should/could do. I think, for the one I'd really like to do, there might not be a whole lot of information available on it, but I could be wrong. I've already looked up some stuff on the internet to see what was out there (did this some time ago because it was something I wanted to write about in a novel), and couldn't find much - though that doesn't mean there is nothing available in book form at the library. The other topic should have lots of info, but for both I think it depends on just what the paper is about - something specific and not general.

My third class, TESL, I just had this evening and have been home about 45 mins. from that. It's basically a continuation of the first semester. Most of the people who were in the class first semester are back, though some aren't. I don't know if it's because they failed, or decided not to take the second semester. For all I know, they didn't like the class and decided to drop it. No big deal, and it's none of my business anyway.

I think that this semester is going to have a lot more work than my first semester did - or at least it seems that way. I'll get through it though; I have in the past. I'm not worried about the amount of work. I just want to do well in my subjects.

Anyway, I'm off to read some blogs and do some knitting! Have a Christ filled day!

In The Fog, Baby

Well, school starts back up tomorrow. I have one class on Wednesdays, but it is nearly three hours long (starts at 3:55 and goes until 5:40 or 5:45). I am hoping that this is a class I will enjoy - it's on Post-exhilic writings, and the prof had told me we'll be studying both books of Chronicles.

I'll have two classes on Thursdays, a history class from 11:50 until 1:05, and then the second half of TESL from 6:30 til 9:15 or something like that. Then on Tuesdays I'll have the history class again (this class is twice a week).

I'm still feeling indiffernt about school this year. Maybe that will change with the new courses; but who knows.

I'm also feeling lost in the spiritual aspect of things. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still believe and everything...I just don't know where God wants me. I don't feel "called" anymore to the ministries I have been doing for nearly seven years now, but I don't know where I am being "called" to. I don't know if I just need a break from all of it or what.

I see people all around me growing in their walks, doing great things for the Lord, being blessed by God...but I feel I'm slipping backwards. I am not being fed, and I think that is the problem. Really, I only get the sermon during church service. That's all. For Sunday school, I teach a handful - ok really only 5 kids tops, in the class and I don't get anything from that. I help during mid week program, and I really don't do anything there (basically I feel like another body in the room) and I'm not being fed with that. I'm not in a small group and I really have no desire to lead any group - especially at this time (maybe some point in the future). I just suck at leading.
I don't think I'm really doing any good to anyone. Worst of all, I feel hypocritical...though I don't know if that is the right word or not. I believe Jesus is God's Son, that He died on the cross for my sins, that He rose three days later, that I have eternal life in Him...

I find it ever so hard to pray, and when I do pray I don't know what to say - I don't feel that I can even approach God. My prayers are short, repetitive (because I don't know what to say). I feel like my prayers are insignificant, not important - though I know that they are important to God...I don't know...it's hard to explain.

I'm sure there are other things in my life that are affecting all of this too. It just feels like a huge weight is on my chest and I'm suffocating from something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried starting over, starting fresh since the new year began. I've read a chapter a day (started with the book of John) so far, and have kept up with it. Prayer is harder to do lately though.

It's really weird...during the week I am pretty well fine with nothing really bothering me. Then when Sunday rolls around, I almost dread having to go to church. It's weird because I have always liked church. The mid-week kids program is starting up next week (there is a leaders meeting tomorrow night as well), and I am not looking forward to that. In the past I have always enjoyed taking part in this.

I don't know. I don't know what is wrong, I don't know what I should be doing (or not doing), I don't know what direction I should take, what form of action...nothing. I feel lost. I've talked to God about it - about what I should/shouldn't do, but I'm not hearing anything. I'm just as lost as ever...

I know He is in control and He has a plan. That's great. I just don't have any clue at the moment of what I should be doing. I'm in the fog, baby; and I can't see the light.

Happy New Year!

A new year has begun! I am not one for making New Year's Resolutions, simply because I never stick to them - or if I do, it doesn't take very long before I stop. I do have some things that I am going to work at changing, new things to try, etc.; but, I am not going to lose sleep over it if I don't stick to it.

I wonder, sometimes, if it is a good idea to make some sort of resolutions or plans for the coming year - simply becuase if you have a plan, you are more apt to accomplish what it is you are setting out to do. With no plan, it's very easy to not get anything done. So, do I make a mental list? Do I write it out? I think if it is written out, it gives you something tangible to follow and might make it easier to stick to whatever it is you are going to do. Mental plans can easily be forgotten.

Anyway, I'm out of the funk I was in with my last post. It'll come back again, but hopefully I can be stronger in dealing with things. The sermon at church, yesterday, was great and it sort of hit home for my situation. It made me stop and think that a great deal of my anquish at times is of a spiritual nature - the enemy is trying to stop me (or get me to stop) doing things for the Lord, the ministries I'm in, etc.

I started my new year off with reading the Bible (try to get back into that)...ok, in all honesty, it was the second thing I did - the first was to block a pretty scarf that I finished knitting last night (you can see a picture of it on my knitting blog, Kitten Knits Yarn), but I did read the Bible. I wasn't sure what I wanted to read, so I started with the book of John again. When ever I don't know what to read, I seem to gravitate toward that Book - either that or James or 1 Peter.

One of my classes next semester is on Post Exhilic Writings, which is going to focus on the books of Chronicles. I read the first couple of chapters of that the other day and was sooooo bored - those two chapters (and I think a couple more after it) are boring geneaologies. They're there for a reason though, so I'll plow through it and read into the rest of it. I want to have an idea of what the books are about and think up some possible questions to ask (if I come across any). I've had this prof before, so I know what his class is like; it's one that I'm looking forward to taking because there will be lots of discussion, and I like discussion.

Anyway, I hope you all have a happy new year filled with the joy and peace that comes from the Lord, Jesus the Christ! God bless!

Bits & Pieces

Well, this post will have bits and pieces about different things - no specific topic. This is mainly because my mind is a little jumbled up lately.

First off, I got my marks back today from first semester. I as a little disappointed with my TESL mark - it as B+, which is fine, but I thought I had done a tad bit better. My effective writing course got the highest mark: A. The big surprise for me came when I looked at the mark for the dreaded Children's Lit course. I honestly didn't put a lot of effort into that class because I didn't care for it (like I've mentioned on here a few times). I asn't at all prepared for the exam, and didn't think I had done well on my journals or my paper. Apparently I must have done well on them all (though I honestly think the prof might be an easy marker), because I received an A-!

I have been feeling rather...discontent and restless lately. I know I need to put my focus back on God and get back on track with praying and reading my Bible, so this is probably at the root of what I've been going through for the last little while.

However, I really feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis. Yeah, I know, a mid-life crisis is usually attributed to men in their mid 40's who go out and buy flashy bright red convertable sports cars and leave their wives for blonde bimbos half their age (no offence to blondes or anyone for that matter). I did a bit of research online because I wanted to know if it is possible for women to go through a mid-life crisis. Apparently this is getting to be more and more common in women due to the fact that they are in the work force (and have been for some time) . I guess it wasn't common when women were staying home to be housewives and moms. Anyway, another article said that with men a mid-life crisis usually involves work and in providing for their families (they feel they haven't done well enough or should have done better, or something like that). For women, the crisis tends to revolve more around family - husbands, children, homelife, that sort of thing. Another article also said that a woman who has a mid-life crisis tends to have it, typically, in her mid to late 40's, but that is can also appear as young as 38-42. On my next birthday, which happens to be in January, I will be 38.

Anyway, I can't even really put into words all that I have been feeling and the thoughts I have been having. I just feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my life - that I have wasted my life. I don't feel like I have anything to show for the nearly 38 years I have been alive. I have no husband, no kids, no home of my own (had to move back in with my parents when I went back to school), and a big ol' student loan debt. Sure, other students have loans to pay back too, but the difference is they usually start paying it back in their 20's. I'm nearly 40. I know it probably seems like I am blowing things out of proportion, and that these things aren't a big deal, but to me it is a huge deal. I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore; I don't know what direction I'm heading in. Basically, I feel lost.

I do have days where I am fine and none of this bothers me, but on the days that it does bother me, I feel really...worthless...that's about the only word I can think that describes how I feel. I felt so bad the other night that I cried myself to sleep. I talked to God, told Him how I feel and why...told Him I didn't even know what to say to Him or that I didn't feel I could even face Him.

Anyway, I am not really looking forward to my next birthday. I don't even think that I want to celebrate it or acknowledge that day as my birthday. I'm trying to get over all of this, trying to tell myself none of this really matters (the things I'm feeling and thinking that is)...that sort of thing. If I keep telling myself this, and I figure if I say it often enough I'm bound to believe it sooner or later...

But, I'll end for now because this has become a rather depressing entry.

Boxing Day

Today, December 26, is known in Canada (and other places like Britain, New Zealand and Australia) as Boxing Day.

When I was young, I used to think this day was called Boxing Day because of all the boxes lying around the house - you know the ones, toys or cloths, household items, etc. were now out of their boxes and sitting under the Christmas tree to show to any visitors who came by. Then, when I was a little old, I used to think it had something to do with the boxes that the Christmas tree and the decorations came in - that maybe this was the day you were supposed to take down the tree and all the decorations around the house, and put them back into their proper boxes.

If you Google Boxing Day traditions, you'll find several articles that talk about this holiday. Here is one that I thought was interesting (it actually has a few of the supposed meanings behind this day).

At any rate, it is a holiday, but it isn't a paid one - at least for me. I'm sure there are companies and businesses who do pay their employees for Boxing Day, though. I'm just glad that it is a day off work. Sometimes the family will go around visiting aunts and uncles and cousins (or other relatives), but we are just spending a quiet day at home. Besides, the weather isn't really nice. We went from +7 celcius yesterday to lower temps in the minus range (though it's in the low minus range, like maybe -2 or -3 celcius). It's been snowing a little and there is a light covering on the ground; but now it is raining a bit (and there might be some snow mixed in with that too), and they are calling for more snow later. At one point I heard there is supposed to be a little freezing rain, but I don't know if that has changed. I do know the salt trucks were out (they go around spreading salt on the roads to prevent freezing), so the city is at least preparing just in case.

It's off to work again tomorrow morning - bright and early. We can go in for 7:00am and will probably be there until 4:30pm, so that should help contribute to a nice pay cheque. Hopefully I will be able to update you on how work is going over the next day or two.

Happy Boxing Day!

Merry Christmas

I received this the other day in an email and thought I would share it as my Christmas Eve post. Merry Christmas to you all, and may your holiday be filled with Christ.

Twas the night before Christmasand all through the town,
not a sign of Baby Jesuswas anywhere to be found.
The people were all busyWith Christmas time chores.
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.

No one sang "Away in a manger,no crib for a bed".
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed-up in bright red.
Mama watched Oprah, Papa tried to take a nap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap.

When what from the T.V.did they suddenly hear?
'Cept an ad..which toldof a big sale at Sears.
So away to the mall they flew like a flash.
Buying things on credit and others with cash!

And, as they made their way homefrom their trip to the mall.
Did they think about Jesus? oh, no... not at all.
Their lives become so busy with Christmas time things.
No time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.

There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior and take the time to stop.
It's really hard to do when you 'shop til you drop'.

On Wal-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales! A quick lunch at Denny's.
From the big stores downtown, to the stores at the mall.
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!

And up on the roof there arose such a clatter.
As grandpa hung icicle lights up on his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
It's easy to forget Jesus - The Light of the world.

Christ's eyes... how they twinkle! Christ's Spirit... how merry!
Christ's love... how enormous! All our burdens... He'll carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight.
Let's put Christ back inChristmas and say a prayer tonight!

Happy Monday!

Well, I had my first day back at work today, and it went pretty fine. There are about three or four new people that were hired after I left in the summer. They replace the three or four who have quit since I left in the summer. It seemed a little weird that a couple of the people were gone - not that they were my favourite people or anything, but they were always just there...

My productivity was way low today, but I blame that on the fact that the desk I'm sitting at isn't set up the way I had it. They have one of those articulate keyboard thingys...not sure exactly what they are called...on the desk, and though I could take the keyboard off of it and shove the contraption under, I won't do that because I always bang my knees on it - and that doesn't exactly tickle. So, it will take me a little bit to get used to that. Oh and the chair isn't good either - none of them are; they are old and just not comfortable. My back was really sore by the end of the day and no amount of adjusting the chair would help. I think that part of the reason with the chair is that I'm just not used to sitting in one like that since the summer. I remember I had the same problem when I first started back last summer (though I was able to find one of the newer ones not in use, but they are all being used now), and after a week or so I got used to it and my back didn't bother me. The only thing is, I will probably get used to the chair and have to leave, but oh well.

I'm not sure how long I'll get to work, for sure this week, and probably next week. The supervisor who normally tells me when things get slow that they don't need me (usually the week after New Year, or sometimes the week between Christmas and New Year - just depends on the work situation) isn't there (I'm told she found out a couple months ago that she has colon cancer and was having an operation or something - haven't heard any prognosis or anything on if she is coming back). So, the supervisor who is usually off at that time is working - or at least I think she will be working, though she was scheduled to have vacation since she was flying out west - and I don't know if she'll let me stay even when things are majorly slow or not. I think I might work for a few weeks, and have at least one to myself before classes start back in January.

Speaking of Christmas, I have not finished mine yet! My brother and sister-in-law's gift will be gotten tomorrow, and possibly for my other brother and his girlfriend/fiance/common law (whatever she's called) will be gotten then as well. I still need to get something for Mom and Dad, and they aren't much help - keep telling me they don't need anything (insert eye roll here). I'll get them something this week though - hopefully no later than Wednesday. I have my nephew's gifts, and I keep seeing other things that I buy for him. He's only 3 1/2 so I want to give him something he'll like or something he'll play with. I've got several things for him already so I might not get him anything else - unless I really think I should get it...lol.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little tired - not used to getting up early. I managed to catch a quick 15 minute cat nap before supper, which seemed to help at the time, but I'm starting to feel tired again. Off to do some knitting I think - gotta finish up the last of my knitted Christmas gifts by Saturday. Have a Christ filled day!

I'm Free!

School is now done for the winter break! Yay! I finished my last exam on Thursday evening and was so glad to be done. It does feel kind of "weird" that anytime I do something not school related, and the thoughts of having to get homework done surface, that I don't have to worry about that for a few weeks. I still feel like I need to do readings or work on my paragraph for the writing class. But, I don't have to do anything. I can knit as long as I want, I can watch TV if I want, I can surf blogs if I want...

Well, remember those wintery pics in my last post? Well, the last few days have been mild and we've had a bit of rain so there isn't much snow left. Most of it is along the curbs where the snow plows had pushed the snow off the roads. There is the odd spot here and there on lawns too. I'm not sure if they are calling for any snow between now and Christmas, but I hope we get a little bit so that it at least looks like Christmas - then it can melt and I won't mind.

I start back to work (my old job - the one I go to during summer breaks) on Monday. I had told the supervisor to call me and let me know if there was an early start (I'm willing to go in early). She said she would try to remember to call, but I never heard from her so she either forgot or there isn't an early start. One thing I'm not looking forward to is having to get up early. I am not used to that. My earliest class started at 2:55pm, and my other classes were in the evenings. I think that is going to be the hardest thing for me to get used to. I'll be bringing my trusty mug and drinking lots of coffee no doubt - you know, trying to keep my energy level up. The tiredness will hit after lunch - or at least that is when it used to in the summer. Oh well, I know I'll be able to cope.

Anyway, not much in the way of news at the moment. I've been busy trying to get Christmas knitting done up in time so the recipients can have their gift by the 25th. And speaking of knitting, I've got a new look over at my knitting blog, as well as a new name. Please feel free to go check it out over at Kitten Knits Yarn.

Still Busy

I'm still busy working on the essay and assignments that are due tomorrow and some that are due by Friday. I would like to get them all done by tomorrow, but I don't know if that will be entirely possible - for sure I can get the bulk of it done by then, though.

Things have gotten colder in this neck of the woods, and the other day we got some snow. I thought I'd share a couple of pictures I took from our front window yesterday morning.

Exams start next week - how exciting....NOT! Two of them I feel that I will do pretty well on, but the third one (Children's Lit), I am totally not prepared for, and I know it's my own fault. However, I just don't really seem to care about this course. I mean, I don't want to fail (heaven forbid), but I just don't seem to really care if I only get a C in it...I mean I wouldn't like that mark, but at the same time...

I am going through some internal struggles lately and there are a few decisions that I am going to be making soon. I am getting a sense of peace with one of these decisions (after talking to God about it). The only thing that I don't have peace about is the feeling that I am going to be a disappointment. I am a huge people pleaser, and it always bothers me immensely when others are upset or angry or whatever with me. I know I can't please everyone and that not everyone is going to like me - but still, it seems like such a huge thing to not have others disliking me...

Anyway, papers and assignments need to get done and then studying can take place so I'm off to make a post on my knitting blog, Kitten Yarns & Crafts, and then get back to work.

Such Agony!

I have an essay due this week for my Children's Lit class. I really have no desire whatsoever to do this, no interest, no nothing. It has to be seven to ten paragraphs in length, and each paragraph must be six to ten sentences. In some ways that doesn't seem too bad, but in other ways it seems like the prof is asking for the world on a silver platter.

The topic I chose (because it was what I was most familiar with) is Discussing the importance of PEI (Prince Edward Island) as a setting for Anne of Green Gables. I have been to PEI a few times, and have visited the Anne of Green Gables site (and other places associated with its author). I have read the book for the class (I read it probably fifteen years ago as well), and I am aware of the setting quite well. So, I figure this shouldn't be too difficult of a task.

Well, we are to use the primary source (which is the book itself), and at least two secondary sources. One of the sources I planned on using is hidden away in a box which I can't seem to locate. I want to use the first volume of LM Montgomery's journals, as that will have her mentioning the book and her love for her home province. I am going to have to make a trip to the public library on Monday (if it's open) and see if they have a copy of it...if not, then I'm up the creek I guess.

I have been surfing the net to find reputable articles that I could use as secondary sources - we aren't supposed or allowed to use something that is basically an opinion someone has typed on their blog or website. I've gone to the University of PEI to find something (the prof said I could use that as a source), but can't find what I think I am supposed to use...

So, I guess what I will do, is at least start with using the primary source and use my own words and whatnot, then when I can find some sources worthwhile I will add them.

Aside from that I have other assignments to do for this week - the last week of classes, most of which are due no later than Thursday, Dec. 7. The following week is when I will be writing exams. I'm not looking forward to those either, and I need to get studying - but in all honesty, that won't be able to happen until I get these assignments done.

Anyway, I'd appreciate prayers that I will get all of this done without too much worry or stress, as well as prayers for the exams - that I will know what to study and how to study (I don't know what to expect for exams in English classes - my major was in Biblical Studies and I knew exactly how and what to study for those).

God bless you all, and have a Christ filled day!

I'm Still Here

I want to apologize to everyone for the simple fact that I haven't been posting here as much lately. To be honest, I just don't know what to write about. Nothing much has been happening, school is going fine. I have been trying to think of posts to write, but nothing is coming to mind - and to think I call myself a writer, LOL!

The weather has cooled off considerably. For a week or so, recently, we have had beautiful temperatures reaching upwards to 20 celcius! The last few days have been seasonal however, with temperatures in the lower digits - anywhere from 4 to 8 celcius I believe. We still don't have snow, but I'm not complaining. I'm sure we'll get our fair share of it sooner or later.

I got a wonderful compliment from my writing teacher the other day. We had to hand in the thesis and outline of our next essay (which is to be an expansion of one of our shorter paragraphs that we have handed in previously - we do not use any sources for this, just our own thoughts, etc.), and on the bottom of mine she wrote that I have real talent and a strong voice. Wow. I never expected that.

I wondered, at first, if she wrote something like that on everyone's outline/thesis, but then I realized she's not like that. If your writing is no good, she wouldn't lie about it. She might try to write something encouraging like "with improvement, you could become a great writer" or something like that - you know, put a little positive in with the negative/constructive criticism. I mean if something doesn't make sense, she'll let you know. If your grammer is rotten, she'll tell you to pay attention to it...things like that. She's not mean about her editing and critiquing, but she won't falsely lead you on; that is something that doesn't help any writer. Writer's need to be told the truth or else they'll never improve.

I tell you though, after reading that comment I am inspired to keep writing for sure (not that I was planning on giving it up or anything). I've got an idea for a little "article" I'd like to write and maybe submit to Christian Women Online. I wouldn't get paid, but if they accepted it and put it in their online publication, that would be some exposure and something else I can include in my resume. We'll see how it goes though; I need to write the thing first.

So, that's all for now. Hopefully I'll have something better to write soon, something more God-centered, God-focused. Have a Christ filled day!

Check Out This Post

Please go over to one of my online knitting friends' blogs. She is a wonderful Christian lady and has posted her testimony. Warning: bring Kleenex!

Knitting and Praying

In Memory...

In Memory of Our Veterans (click the title of the poem to learn more about Lt. Col. John McCrae, MD)

In Flanders Fields

By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Happy Tuesday!

I know I haven't been keeping up with this as much as I should (same as with reading other blogs). I am just waiting for something exciting to talk about - but things remain boring. But at least they remain, right?

School is going fine, though I still am not enjoying the children's lit class I'm taking. I am loving the Effective Writing and TESL classes though, so all is not lost.

I am still loving the flute lessons (sorry, but no sound bite yet - I need to get better before I let anyone hear me play, LOL). The teacher told me last week that when we learn something, particularly an instrument, we tend not to really notice improvement ourselves. We think we are still struggling along or that we haven't made any improvement. He said, though, that he can hear a lot of improvement in me and that he can tell I am practicing. To be honest though, there are some days when I don't get any practice in. Most days I do practice, and it is generally for at least half an hour. I am still trudging along with trying to get those high notes - they can be hard to reach. I do great when I'm practicing at home, but when I get in front of the teacher and try to do them for him, I mess up a lot. I told him this and he said that is really normal and happens to everyone.

We had our first real snowfall of the season yesterday. Thankfully it didn't amount to much over a dusting. By this morning though, it was melted away. Tomorrow it is supposed to go to +10C so there is no chance of snow. It'll feel like summer after the last little while of chilly weather we've had. I'm not complaining though. It just saddens me that I can't go barefoot anymore. On the plus side, I get to wear my hand knitted socks I've made this year. I only have 2 pair to wear so far (all other pairs were made for others and have typically been children's size). I have one more sock to make of my third pair for me though - just have to get working on it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Don't want to bore people to death, especially since my readers have dropped off (or at least commenters) since I haven't been writing as often lately. Feel free to check out my knitting blog, Kitten Yarns & Crafts or my writing blog, Ink Scrawls as there are usually updates there - at least on the knitting one.

Have a Christ filled day!

Just A Little Update

I've been doing a lot and doing nothing all at the same time, or so it seems. I've been doing homework, though I still really can't get in the mood to do it. Last week was a busy one for school. I had to do some reading for children's lit, my regular homework for TESL (though we only had one assignment to hand in instead of two), homework for the writing class for both Tuesday and Thursday, plus a 6 page essay that was also due on Thursday for the writing class. I don't know if I did that right or not...I just did it up the way I would normally do a term paper (don't know if she was looking for it to be done similar to the little one paragraph "essays" we do each week or not). I guess I'll find out tomorrow or Thursday...

I went to a babyshower for my cousin on Friday. That was a lot of fun. She's not due until December 18th. If you'd like to see the cute little ducky hat & socks (plus another pair of baby socks) I made for the baby, you can click over to my knitting blog, Kitten Yarns & Crafts to see them. They went over very well, and everyone thought they were adorable!

On Saturday, our church held a "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?" event. People sign up to either host or be a guest, and then the guests are assigned a host to go to that night. The guests find out early on the day of the event where they are to go to for supper, and the hosts don't find out until the guests show up. The house I went to was a young couple with three small children (ages 4, 2, and 8 months), and they had three guests - me and an "older" couple. The meal was great - well one part I didn't particularly like, but I ate it anyway. It was a cauliflaur (sp) and cheese soup. I don't like cheese and I didn't know what to do. I ate it, and prayed the entire time that I wouldn't gag. Thankfully I didn't. Other than that though, it was great.

Anyway, other than doing homework and knitting, I haven't been doing a whole heck of a lot. I've been feeling really lazy since school started, and I don't want to do anything except knit. Weird, I know. I think I need to start exercising to give me some energy and maybe I'll feel like doing something - like homework. Don't know if I am going through a phase or what, but I'm sure that things will pick up next semester when I am taking at two course I am looking forward to - the second half of TESL, and Post Exhilic Writings (which will be on the books of Chronicles) - yeah, I am a Biblical Studies geek, so sue me! LOL!

Anyway, off to do a bit of nothing before doing a little more homework. Have a Christ filled day!

Dramatic Reading

For the Children's Lit class that I am taking, one of the "assignments" we have to do is a dramatic reading in front of children. One option was to sign up and do one some Saturday morning at the local public library. However, that one went fast and it didn't even make it to my side of the room before it was all filled up. The other option was to do them in front of a class of school kids. The prof's wife works at some kind of private type of Christian school some, and we could do our readings there. So, I signed up to do Beatrix Potter (author of Peter Rabbit).

The guy that signed up with me (turns out he's my friend Lauren's brother, which I didn't know until today) has a room mate who is doing some student teaching at one of the public elementary schools in the city. She got permission from the teacher of the class she is helping with for us to come in and do our readings there. The thing is, we didn't do Beatrix Potter. The prof said it would be better for us to do Dennis Lee, author of such poems as Alligator Pie, for this age group (a grade 4 class).

This morning we went to the class and 'performed'. I was thinking that these poems were a little below this age group - to me they would be suited for someone in grade 1 or 2. However, we seemed to be a hit. We had the kids doing actions for Alligator Pie and one other one, and they did two different crafts for two of them, in which they had to use their imagination and creativity. One of the crafts they had to draw what they thought a 'willoughby wallaby woo' was, and the other they took a brown paper lunch bag, googly eyes and yarn cut in strips and had to decorate the bag to represent what they thought an 'ookpik' was. These were things mentioned in a couple of different poems.

Anyway, the kids seemed to enjoy themselves, and the teacher of the class said that they loved it (I guess she knows her class well), so I guess we did well. She also said herself that we did great and we should get an A+. The only thing left now is for her to email our prof and let him know how things went and then we'll get our marks - probably in class on Tuesday evening.

Things all turned out well, thankfully. I was nearing panic mode last night - not because I was afraid of getting in front of the kids and doing these poems (I wasn't), but because I was worried that the kids would be bored out of their gourds and think this was a bunch of nonsense. I prayed, and let me tell you the Lord helped.

I haven't been very 'faithful' to Him lately (not spending time with Him), which is NOT good. However, He still helped. Isn't He awesome?! Even when we aren't faithful to God, He is still faithful to us. Thank You Lord for helping me get through all of this!

Anyway, I'm off for a little nap. I was up rather early this morning (6:30) and I am not used to getting up at that time. I get up later now because I don't have any morning classes, and I tend to stay up late because I'm a natural born night owl. Oh well, c'est la vie! It all works for me - for now.

God bless and have a Christ filled day!

Thanksgiving

Well, it's thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. Monday is the holiday, but we had our big turkey dinner today because my brother, his girlfriend/fiance (not sure just what they are) and their son could only do it today. Tomorrow they are going to her grandparents for supper, and my brother has to work on Monday.

It was a nice meal, and mom outdid herself with the pies again. She is an awesome pie maker - me, I've never made one yet. I offered to help make them one holiday, but she said she'd rather me not help just in case they didn't turn out...thanks Mom! LOL! We pretty much only have pie at holiday times, and occassionally throughout the year, but then it is usually something like lemon merengue. Oh well, I'm not fretting.

I'm thankful that my family was able to gather around today, and I'm thankful for our health. I am thankful for my little nephew who now lives in Nova Scotia (with my brother and his girlfriend/fiance) and I won't get to see as often - the next time probably being Christmas. I am thankful for having enough food, a house to live in, and warm clothing. I am just thankful for so much!

So, what are you thankful for?

It's Been A Long Time

Yup, it sure has. I've been doing school work a lot and some knitting (though not as much as I'd like to be doing). So far I am enjoying my courses, though the children's lit doesn't do much for me. The class is somewhat interesting, but it's just not my thing I guess. At least right now it isn't. I just don't feel the "excitement" I have in the past for going to school...

My writing class and the TESL class are great. I am really enjoying both of those, and I think they both help with each other - grammar wise at least.

While I don't feel weird about telling people I didn't get into education anymore, I still feel kinda weird being there...don't know why, but I'm getting used to it some - probably because I'm getting used to the classes, and there are other people in those classes who are closer to my age and even older. I think that helps some.

Well, not much to say at the moment. I'm just getting home from class not too long ago so I'm a little tired from that (I don't particularly care for these nearly 3 hour long evening courses). I hope to have more to write soon. Just wanted to let you know I'm still around and haven't given up on the blogging.

Have a Christ filled day!

TESL & more

No, don't worry, I'm not writing in tongues with the title of the post. TESL stands for Teaching English as a Second Language.

I had my first class last night (it's one of those one day a week for nearly three hour courses), and sounds like it is going to be a good class. There are supposed to be about twenty-three people in the class, but I think there were only about twenty there last night. Not sure if the others ended up dropping the class or if they just didn't show up.

Anyway, there are three books we are using, one is a grammar workbook which the prof wants us to use to help build our own grammar skills. It will also help us with the teaching of English. The other two are the texts we will read and use as the course goes on, though I haven't started reading them yet.

Each week we will have a two page (double spaced) essay of sorts to write and hand in the following week, as well as some sort of worksheet that we have to make up. The worksheet needs to be made up in such a way as though you were presenting it to a certain level (such as beginning learners of English, advanced, in between, etc.). The prof is going to have a sample on line for us to follow along with a couple of examples (which he's supposed to put on some time today). I'm not really following what we are to do for that just yet, but I think once I see the examples it will help. Also, I think reading the book will help with it as well so once I get the chapters read it should become more clear to me.

The other class I had yesterday afternoon was Effective Writing. If you want to read a bit about that, you will find my write up on my writing blog, Ink Scrawls (click the title of the blog to take you there).

I felt really odd yesterday at school. I felt like I shouldn't be there because I have already graduated. I saw some people that I know, but no one has asked me if I never graduated or if I'm in (or not in) the education program. Still, I just really felt like I didn't belong in the school. I know there is nothing wrong with taking a few extra courses, but that was just the general feeling I was experiencing. It will go away after a few weeks I'm sure (I say weeks because I only go on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I'm not back there til next Tuesday).

On the church front, Kristina and I are slowly getting things going for the mid week program. We have a name for the group picked out, a motto, a logo, a key verse; as well we have some leaders set up in certain areas. We're still looking for people to help with the dramas, music, van drivers, and the nursery.I was talking to the associate pastor on the phone for about half an hour last night discussing some things with regard to the mid week program, and he's given us a few names of people he highly recommends for some areas. He also gave a couple of names to contact to see if they could help us in the areas of van driving and nursery. (Kristina if you're reading this, I sent you an email - had one bounce back saying your spam filter wouldn't let it through so you'll have to fix that).

We still need to come up with an opening as well...for the first week. We have a bit of an idea but we need to work on it or see if we can get someone to help us come up with another idea or something...it's still a work in progress. We should probably do this soon (maybe after church on Sunday Kristina?) because we have less than a month til the first night of the program.

School Time Again

Today was registration day at school. I was already registered for my courses, but needed to go and get my mailbox key, books, and a couple of other things.

It felt totally weird being there when most of the people I've known from university have graduated and aren't there anymore. I felt - well almost alone. Yes, I know I wasn't alone because Jesus is with me, but I'm meaning alone in human terms. Sure there were a few people I saw that I knew, but none that I hung around with or was really "chummy" (did I just say that?) with. I was also a little afraid of people asking me if I was going into the education program and having to say no. That's pride I guess. One guy I knew did ask me, but it wasn't bad saying no because he wasn't all fake sympathetic and stuff. He thinks it sucks that I didn't get in and doesn't agree with some of the ways the school runs or does things. Thankfully he was the only one that said anything. I got there pretty early so that I was close to the front of the line (I didn't go to the information session like most of the students did), so maybe that's why I was lucky enough to avoid the question. I was also in and out pretty fast because I didn't do some of the stuff most people would have - like getting a year book photo taken or buying a year book or signing up for various committees and what not.

So after that (which didn't really take that long), I went and bought my books. One class, Children's Literature only had one text book, but it cost around $90 (or more). My Effective Writing has two books I believe, and my TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) class has three books. In total the cost was between $250 and $300, though I think it was closer to the $250 price range.

Although classes start tomorrow, I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I don't need to go in until Thursday afternoon. Then I'll come home for a couple of hours and go back at 6:30 for a nearly three hour course. Next Tuesday I'll have the same times for classes (the one in the afternoon is a two day a week class), but the only difference is that the evening class, which is another nearly three hour one, is a different subject. Those evening classes are each one day a week classes.

I'm looking forward to my classes I guess. For awhile I wasn't - probably because these courses aren't part of my degree. The Children's Lit class isn't exciting me too much, but the other two I am really looking forward to.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. I'll let you all know how things go at Thursday's classes! God bless, and have a Christ filled day!

Age - It's Just A Number

I started doing a Bible study on my own last week. I need to be fed. Basically all I am getting right now are the weekly sermons. They are great, but I need more.

I have been feeling stagnant in my walk lately, and that is not a good thing, so I went to one of the local Christian book stores last week and picked up a few Bible studies that sounded interesting to me. The one I am working at now is called "Living With Passion & Purpose" by Elizabeth George, and it's on the book of Luke. I have only done six chapters so far (I'm trying to do one every day, though haven't for the last two days), and while I am finding it helpful, I still feel like I need something a little more indepth - you know, something that makes you feel challenged, something that makes you look at yourself in a deeper way. I really don't know what kind of studies there are out there that would do this, but I'm keeping my eyes opened.

This study has helped me be more conscious in one area that I struggle with. You see, age is a real issue for me. I don't know why that is so - although I have a little inkling as to why it could be. You see, I am thirty-seven years old and I am not married and have no children. Some would not see this as being a problem, and would tell me "Well, there is nothing wrong with being single, just think of all the work you can do for the Lord!" Fair enough. Yet, there are others who wonder why, at my age, I am not married nor have any children. While I hate both of these responses, the latter one bugs me the most.

I have to wonder if the stem of my problem with age, is the fact that I am still single with no kids. I wonder if I were married and had kids (or even just married), would my age still be a problem? It's not that I feel I am too old to do things for the Lord, though to be honest there are times when I think I am too old to do something. You see, I look back over my life at what I have or have not accomplished. Not too much. I feel as though I have wasted a big part of my life - though to be honest, the majority of the past was lived in a non-Christian manner.

Now, I know that I can't dwell on the past and that Jesus has forgiven me of the sins I've done then. I know I need to focus on the present and do what I can for the Lord, with His help and provision.

I guess I feel like time is running out - to get married to the right one, to have children. My clock is ticking BIG TIME, and this is a real issue for me. I've taken it to the Lord, cried out to Him - you name it. I will admit that there have been times when I have cried myself to sleep over this, have been almost obsessed with this matter. Not good, I know.

I was talking with a friend the other day, and she said something that made a lot of sense and it kind of hit home. What she said was that she is learning (or has learned) to wait for God's timing in bringing her a husband if He chooses. I can't explain it as well as she did (hopefully she'll be kind enough to leave her explanation in the comment section, even if only as a reminder to me), but I don't want just any husband. I want the husband the Lord has for me, the one He wants to bless me with. I want His best, not second best.

To get back to the Bible study, one of the "questions" was to list a truth that I took away from that chapter (it was chapter 1), and what I said was that I need to remember that age does not matter, and God can use anyone to further His kingdom regardless of his or her age. See, it's not just in doing God's work that I need to remember this, but in everyday life.

Age is just a number and it doesn't matter if everyone around me is younger; it doesn't matter that at age thirty-seven I am doing or learning things most people would have started as a child or teenager (such as taking up a musical instrument, going to university). It doesn't matter if most everyone I know is either married, has a child, or both. It doesn't matter - but some times it does matter to me.

I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm working on it and it might take a long while to change my thinking and feelings around; but I'm trying. I'm trying to put my focus on Jesus and be obedient in my walk, seek Him in all situations, etc. Again, it's not easy - but no one ever said the Christian walk is a piece of cake!

The Sound of Music

I went to my third flute lesson last night. The time simply flies by so quickly! Of course the lesson is only for half an hour. I could sign up for an hour, but that would cost double and since I'm no longer working, that is a little more than I care to spend on it right now. The teacher did say that in the future, as I start getting more into it, I could sign up for an hour. We'll see.

He told me last night that he can tell I'm practicing because he's seen improvement already - said that a lot of his students (regardless of what instrument they are learning) come in and haven't improved so he knows they aren't practicing. He said it doesn't matter if you only practice for fifteen minutes a day, the important thing is to practice every day. There are a couple things I need to keep working on though, but they are normal things that people starting out playing the flute need to work at.

One of the things is my breathing. I'm not taking deep enough breaths so that will affect the playing. If you take deep breaths you can play more notes and the result would be a smoother sound. The other things is to hold my flute a certain way. I tend to want to hold it so the hole you blow into is facing me. It needs to be facing more upward. He told me that can be corrected by standing in front of a mirror some - that way I can see how it looks.

I am really enjoying playing the flute so far! I'll write more on another topic later - hopefully tomorrow. Since this is a Christian blog, I want to have more content geard toward the Lord. Anyway, have a Christ filled day!

Prayer Needed for Rebekah

Not sure if everyone is aware of this or not. I just came from Rebekah's blog and they need some major prayer between now and Tuesday. Please stop by and read what is going on and say a prayer as well.

Rebekah's Blog

Edited: The link to Rebekah's Blog is now fixed.

Whew!

I think I'll have a couple of days to unwind. I've been on the go pretty much since last Thursday and I'm feeling like I need a little break to refill my tank.

Last Thursday, Friday and Saturday I attended a leadership summit conference with about seve others from my church. This is an event held every year, but it's the first time I have attended. It is telecast live from the Chicago area (forget the exact name of the place) and is put on by the Willow Creek people (Bill Hybels is the 'famous' pastor).

There were three speakers that I really enjoyed the most - Bill Hybels (I think that's how his last name is spelled), James Meeks, and Wayne Cordeiro. They all spoke with regard to church type leadership, and this really got me motivated and inspired. The other speakers were mostly the 'business' type leaders who apply leadership in business principles to church. Those didn't speak to me so much.

They also had an interview with Bono from U2, though it was prerecorded and not live like I had assumed it was. No biggie though. It was interesting, though it wasn't really leadership geard; it was of a more mission type focus. It was good though.

Saturday afternoon, Sunday and all day today I got together with Kristina to work on stuff for the kids mid week program that we both coordinate together. There is still quite a bit of work to be done, but we now have a name, key verse, motto, and logo. We also got together with a couple of the leaders - well really one leader and one who has experience in picking curricula(only 2 people showed up which was disappointing, though God brought the ones that we needed to help us make some decisions and choices - we see them as key people). We were able to finally choose the curriculum for the program, and now we need to get some people in place and what not. Like I said, there is still a lot of work left to be done.

So, if you don't mind, I would appreciate if you'd pray for Kristina and I as we continue getting things put into place, making phone calls, meeting with the pastor, and all that is involved with directing the program. This is the first time for both of us doing anything like this, and we could both certainly use your prayers.

Last Day

Today was my last day at work for the summer. It really doesn't seem like all that long ago I started work, though it was at the beginning of May. In some ways it has flown by, yet in others it has dragged on and on.

Remember earlier in the summer when I was trying to figure out what to do with my life since I didn't get accepted into the education program? Well, I have decided to go back to school for another year and take some teachable courses (English and History) which will help should I go into the education field next year.

The courses I have chosen for my first semester are Children's Literature, TESL (teaching English as a second language) and a writing course. Second semester will be the second half of the TESL, Maritime History after 1800 (which is the history in my neck of the woods), and Post Exilic writings. This last course is a religious studies course, and I took that should I decided to pursue a third avenue - which I won't be able to do until fall 2007 anyway.

To review, my three avenues of possibilities for my future are:

1. To get my Education degree and become a teacher
2. To teach English as a second language overseas
3. To get my M. Div. (Masters of Divinity)

With regard to the education degree, the door was closed for that this time around. I don't know if God is closing it because it isn't the right time, or if that is an avenue He does not want me to go down. In all honesty, I don't know if I want to teach school anymore. I'm not sure if that is because of my rejection in the program, or if God removed that 'desire'. I'm still praying on it.

The TESL course I am teaching will give me a certificate and qualify me to teach English as a second language here in Canada, or around the world. This is something I am thinking I might do (for a year at least) to help me pay off my student loans quicker. I have been talking to some people who have done this, and they say it is a great way to get the loans paid off. Again, it is something I am praying about.

My third avenue was suggested to me by my pastor's wife. She told me this past July that she and her husband (the senior pastor) had been discussing my future and what I should do. They think I should go and get my M. Div. in Christian Education - I guess it's something they think I would be good at.

When I was worried about what I could do with a BA in Biblical Studies, someone commented (I believe it was Joe from Joe's Jottings) that I could/should do Christian Education. At the time I didn't know anything about that. We have a Board of Christian Education at church, which I am on, but there is more to doing CE than this. So, I wondered and thought that maybe God was confirming this suggestion for me when the pastor's wife mentioned this out of the blue when she heard me tell someone I didn't get into the education program.

I've contacted the university where I would have to go to get my masters, and have found out that it is a three year program and I would be living off campus - ain't no way I am going to live in a dorm at my age! Besides, even if I was to live on campus in the dorm that would be calculated into any student loan I would get.

The program, after three years, would put me roughly 21,000 dollars further into debt. That doesn't include rent, groceries, bills, etc. So, if I were to add that on to what I currently owe, I would be looking at nearly 50,000 bucks worth of debt when all is said and done. OUCH!

So, if I can get my TESL certificate and go teach somewhere like Korea or Japan I can get my current loans paid and save and do my masters. From what I've been told, if I do this my airfare to wherever I go would be paid as well as accomodations. The people I've talked to said that if you live off the money they give you to live off, you can bank your wages and pay off the loan. So, in theory if I am there a year (which is generally the length of contracts - they do it on a year by year basis) and can live off what they give me for accomodations and food, I would/could get about 2000 a week for teaching. I could save that up and in a few months have enough to pay off my current loan. Then, if I could save the rest, I could get partial student loans to get my masters and have some money for rent and stuff. That is if it all works out that way. It would be hard to do though.

But, like I said, I don't really know what avenue God is leading me down. I am continuing to pray about it and unless I end up getting into the education program for the fall (I've been told I'm on the waiting list) I think what I will do is the latter - teach English overseas for a year and then go get my M.Div in Christian Education. I think I will have to do more research into it because I have no idea the pay would be like in something like that.

Anyway, this post is way longer than I had thought or intended for it to be. I'll end here so I won't bore you all to death. I'm still praying about my situation, and if you think if it please pray for me as well.

God bless and have a Christ filled day!